My name is Yves and I would like to formally introduce myself as I plan to start writing on this platform. I am very new to it so please give me some patience as I am figuring the grooves and such.
She/Her, Asian, 21 year-old student with interests in:
Marvel
Nerd/Fratjo
Michael Jackson
Off-Campus
Occasional Stranger Things/Harry Potter
I am so excited to get to know the community more! I plan on writing to get any frustration or inspiration out there. I do have a lot of inspiration for angst so be prepared.
I will not write anything:
Male or Trans perspective (wouldn’t feel right as I don’t know understand the cultural difference)
Any violence like (gunpl@y, 🩸/🔪play, 🧍🏻♀️napping, g0re, DV, SA)
Anything that is race based (i understand that with the MJ community that there an issue with people pretending to be a certain race or giving the race of the reader in which that writer is not)
Anything that is underage, incest, or incredible inappropriate age gaps.
(More Rules Incoming..)
I do NOT consent to my work being plagiarized, published, or fed into any AI, any hate (that is not constructed criticism in my DMs or requests will be blocked and/or reported) My work will be exclusively published here, any work that is found on A03, Wattpad, or any other content is not my doing.
ADDED DISCLAIMER: I have no claim over my background, profile picture, or any borders/aesthetics. If there is anything that may be stolen art please DM me for removal or assistance. Any art (if given approval) will be @/ for credit purposes.
Ladies and Gents we all know Logan is a certified munch
I do not give consent to have my work uploaded anywhere else or fed into AI for training purposes. Any work uploaded or plagiarized WILL be reported.
MINORS DNI (18+)
Munch!Logan would just give you the puppy eyes for appraisal before doing anything you weren’t comfortable with or in the mood for. He would set himself between those legs and just rest his head waiting for the “Okay”
Munch!Logan would dive in, slicking you with his drool, making sure every and all surface area has been covered.
Munch!Logan would use both hands to both finger you and stimulate your clit, however if he’s lucky he’d have both hands splitting you apart as you sit yourself on top of his face (a dream of his truly)
Munch!Logan would let you use him in any way, wether you grind on his face, riding his nose, using him or pushing yourself further onto his fingers while he continues to devour you as if it’s his first AND last meal.
Munch!Logan knows he could never get another, he even gets off at the thought of you cumming under his tongue.
Munch!Logan senses your close, not matter how much you try to close your legs or push his head away, it only makes him wanna open you up more, pushing his head deeper because he can’t get enough.
Munch!Logan thrives off your praise, your voice, your..desire. He’ll continue to compliment how well of a job you’re doing. “Don’t push me away, you know you wanna cum so bad.”
Munch!Logan could drink you up and when he knows you are even closer, quickens the pace as he grinds himself in whatever position he’s in, whether he’s on his stomach grinding on the mattress or on his back, pushing his legs together to get some sort of friction
Munch!Logan would eat it for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. He would go to your place just to eat it and leave, He’d eat it as soon as you wake up, he’d eat it anywhere even if that meant he got nothing. He is a pleaser at the end of the day.
Munch!Logan is forever insatiable especially for you. While you, can’t seem to get enough either.
DISCLAIMER: this is absolutely not a representation of any celebrity, artist, and/or personnel, this is purely fiction. This is purely fictional any pieces of literature that bear any resemblance is coincidental. All work is made and written by me.
I understand there is a lot of discourse in the MJ fandom as there writers in the community that have been outed as black fishing and/or overuse of AAVE. I just want to put it out there before and if I do choose to write any story’s that revolve around Michael Jackson.
I do not claim to be of any descent other than Asian. While I do want all of my works to be of inclusivity to all races, sexuality, and overall diverse, I do understand that the black community, especially when it comes to writers deal with the hate and racism the hardest. So in any way, do I refuse to overstep any boundaries.
May I always have my work read by to ensure no negativity or offending happens. If any writers happen to be uncomfortable or unhappy with my work, I will always listen and try to see eye to eye. We as writers are here to uplift and understand each other. Do not be afraid to DM based on my work (so last as it is not hateful for no reason).
I hope everyone has a good night. While I do not need to explain myself or am guilty of anything. This is blog will always be meant to be a safe space to those cultural diverse to many and varying backgrounds.
To reiterate: racism, homophobia, or any hate for that matter will not be tolerated nor taken into consideration. You will be blocked.
a/n: all i be seeing is toxic!jermajesty so I figured what would michael jackson be like if was toxic
I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION TO REPOST THIS ON ANY OTHER WEBSITE(except reblogs) DO NOT FEED MY WORK INTO ANY AI OR USE IT FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES
Toxic!Michael will ALWAYS make sure you knew he was needed. Whether that meant sexually or physically, together or separate. He always knew you’d come crawling back one way or another.
Toxic!Michael would specifically get you, your “own” black card because “princesses’ get whatever they want” but it’s secretly to track what you buy and your whereabouts. Especially during the fighting stages, if he sees the charge, he will call whatever hotel/place you’re staying to let them know there’s been a “mistake”. So you have no choice but to come back.
Toxic!Michael would then use that card against you, shutting it down when you were ignoring him, promising, “Baby, just come back and I promise I will give you whatever you want.”
Toxic!Michael has eyes on you 24/7, he says it’s for your own good. But in reality, it’s to make sure you’re not even looking at boys, no matter the circumstances.
MINORS DNI THIS (18+)
Toxic!Michael will not hesitate to bend you over backwards and proceed to take what’s his. Breeding you in the process in hopes you get pregnant.
Toxic!Michael leaves all kinds of marks no matter how badly they look. To ensure people see and know who you are.
Toxic!Michael threatens to sue you over any parental rights your recently discovered pregnancy, if he has some sort of suspicion of you leaving.
Toxic!Michael thinks he knows your interests best but in reality he trapped you in hope you finally realize your place, on the throne right next to him.
DISCLAIMER: this is absolutely not a representation of any celebrity, artist, and/or personnel, this is purely fiction.
A/N: what do you guys think? I feel like the community get that much dark fiction about Michael Jackson so I figured give this a try.
୨୧ hex codes used: #595363,#596674,#8E636A, #373D20, #3E0F0F, #512E3B, #C5C6B1, #5E1A1A
୨୧ if there's any specific color(s) you want for this set, send me the hex code(s) :3
୨୧ i updated the actual "bow" because i wanted it to give more ✧˖°bow°˖✧ and less "shoe lace" than my original design!
୨୧ pastel version here!
˚⊹°‧₊ everything i post will be my own content that i've made. i draw/animate everything myself. ₊˚°⊹˚
Introduction: Since moving in, Peter has lucked out with the nicest neighbor one could ask for. Knowing his coffee order, making extra food for his late night “activities”, and always being sure to check in on him. Peter Parker can’t help but to always check in with his neighbors to make sure she’s safe, because that’s the right thing to do…right?
Warnings: NSFW, Voyeurism, Stalker Behavior, Dirty Talk, Reader is a freak fr, mutual master bation, mention of female anatomy, female reader, third person POV?! Spidey Hormones (READ AT OWN RISK OF BEING POSSIBLY SPOILED)
I do not give consent to have my work uploaded anywhere else or fed into AI for training purposes. Any work uploaded or plagiarized WILL be reported.
MINOR DNI (18+)
Oh has the friendly neighborhood spider dug himself a grave. He never meant to, but one swing and he finds himself staring yet again. At what you may ask? At his neighbor’s window. It started with moving into his very dingy apartment…
There’s a knock at the door, Peter isn’t expecting someone, but his cameras have caught the eye of a girl, one that is holding a container and what looks to be some sort of sweet treat.
“Hi my name is ____ and I noticed you just moved to this complex. I hope i’m not overstepping but I brought over some cookies to help fuel your day!” She brightly expressed through her smiles and jingles at her container hoping to brighten his day.”
Peter, being very food starved, eagerly took them from her hands. “Thank you, the names’ p-p-peter i’ll be sure to return the container.” Peter awkwardly shifted his eyes to avoid eye contact.
“Great! Well don’t be afraid to stop by anytime!” She turns away before Peter could make this interaction anymore complicated. He could not get the vision of how she stared and smiled at him regardless of exchanged that was just conceived.
Before either of you knew it, you found yourself reaching out to him more than he was to you. Bringing extra Thai food for his late night… runs which was unknowingly his favorite spot, that him and Aunt May used to eat at. Check in on him during the many late nights in which neither of you slept, with the occasional cookies that you were trying to perfect. However, Peter ate them regardless due to the endless need for home cooked meals outside of his bodega runs. Over these past nights, something changed, he was no longer a “just a neighbor”, but someone who you both befriended.
Since then, Peter found himself unintentionally stalking you. Nothing crazy or out of hand, yet he couldn’t stop checking up on you. After the late nights, fighting crime, he would sit on the rooftop adjacent to your bedroom. He never meant for things to get out of hand, just make sure you were in bed all safe and sound.
It was a long night, in which his senses got out of control and messed up his personal mission. He found his usual spot thinking to just see you once, once in hopes his mind would untangle from the mess he has left. He saw you, clad in a red lacy nightgown, his head starts to spin out of control seeing how it clung to your body. As you put on music to set the mood.
Oh what Peter would give you just hear you, smell you, and most importantly taste you for looking this good. You’re dancing around your room, smiling… Whose got you smiling like that? It better be me as Peter grit his teeth at the mere sight of happiness that didn’t come from him.
As you collapse from exhaustion onto your bed. Your sudden arousal hit Peter, before it gets to you. You start to fondle yourself, playing with your chest. Peter thinks to him, I can’t be looking it feels so wrong, but feels so right. As he is unconsciously touching himself through his suit. He’s fighting ever right to just crawl through your window and give you what you desperately want.
As your hands travel towards your warmth, it’s moisture shock you as you circle your clit, turning over as your ass is up..grinding yourself with your hands in the process. Trying to be quiet by suffocating yourself through the pillows. But, Peter still hears you, it’s almost as if he is in the room due to the fact your moans still echo in his ears.
“Don’t stop… please give it to me.” You moan out in desperation as you slid a finger in. It isn’t until the next word that comes out that he finds himself in a pickle—
“Peter, I want it please, I’ll be good I promise.” Peter stops. He becomes a dear in headlights, considering stoping before he can’t stop himself.
On the other hand, ____ knows someone is watching, and unbeknownst to herself she puts on a show as she straddles her fingers as if she’s imaging Peter under her. She is unsure who is watching…but why stop now when hopefully that person will save her from her despair.
Peter knows it’s wrong but he also can’t stop no matter how hard it is to not look. Pretty girl, just say the word and I’ll come give you what you want, as he closes his eyes, imagining it’s you clenching around his member. As if you’re on top, taking control like the good girl he knows you’ll be.
Peter knows she’s getting close, He knows she’ll come undone with the vision of it being him. He smiles and he fastens his pace, not wanting to stop as he spurts all over his hand, feeling so ashamed yet relaxed at this moment. However, Peter can’t help but feel jealous that it isn’t him regardless of whether or not she came at the thought of him. He quickly hides as she closes the shades of her window.
As she came at the thought of her “friend”, she cleans herself up, she closes the window in hopes she gets to catch a glimpse of the watcher. As freaky as it may sound, she secretly hoped that the watcher would be her favorite neighbor. Knowing she came in the eyes of her crush is so tempting, yet wrong.
Suddenly, she hears a knock at the door, very soft but frantic. Hoping it isn’t her landlord for being too loud or the nosey old lady next door. As she goes to check the peep hole, it is none other than her favorite neighbor. But this time his eyes seem totally unrecognizable—
fin.
a/n I wrote this under an hour so there may or may not be a plot hole here or misspelling. Please let me know what you think. First time writing so I am kinda nervous. I wanna make a part 2 but guys idk or just leave it to the imagination of the reader.
Disclaimer: This is purely fictional any pieces of literature that bear any resemblance is coincidental. All work is made and written by me.
i just started getting into some peter parker/spider man fics and I JUST KNOW that a dark!/arachnid! spider-man x reader would hit.
The premise being spider-man has been slightly attached to his neighbor!reader after the slightest bit of nice she’s given him. So everytime he gets sensory overloaded he tends to stalk her via window or listen to her with the things walls.
One night, he accidentally sees her doing the dirty…he feels as if he shouldn’t be looking/listening, but can’t stop himself. But the reader is self aware in a sense. She knows she’s being watched and she’s like it, so putting on a show is not NOT an option especially since this masked vigilante is eying her. Maybe a two parter? idk..
LMK what you think and maybe I can try to bring it life. First fic though kinda scared, like if you would like me to make a taglist too.
UPDATE: yall can find it right here 🤓
💬 0 🔁 0 ❤️ 44 · In a Pickle: Arachnid!SpiderMan x F!Reader · Introduction: Since moving in, Peter has lucked out with the nicest neighbor
steve harrington x reader fanfiction | fratboy!steve | platonic!stobin (i promise) | mentions of cheating (but it's not real cheating) | mean!steve, playboy!steve | sort of friends to enemies to fwb to lovers | slowish burn | angst | hurt ... eventual comfort
summary: When you find out your college roommate/friend robin buckley's boyfriend, steve harrington— who you thought beat all stereotypical frat boy odds— is cheating on her, you find it hard to understand why she still wants to be with him. But there is more than meets the eye. You aren't sure if you want to be roped into it.
Teaser
Rules/Playlist
Chapter one
Chapter two
Chapter three
Chapter four
Chapter five
Chapter six
Chapter seven
Chapter eight
Chapter nine
Chapter ten
Chapter eleven
Chapter twelve
Chapter thirteen
Chapter fourteen
Chapter fifteen
Chapter sixteen
Chapter seventeen
chapter eighteen
epilogue (coming soon)
Need a HEAVY angst with michael about something with diana ross and then the reader does payback with prince or something🥹🥹 rlly need him to learn his lesson and come back begging or something 🙏
Want you back.
Yay, first ever request and it’s angst LMFAO it’s what I write best, I really do hope you like it it’s very lengthy but I try to make Michael beg as much as I could think of! Ok enjoy! Also, please request more I’m really enjoying these!!
Warnings/tags: cursing, heavy angst, Diana Ross (so sorry), happy ending yayay!!
You couldn’t sleep.
The clock on the studio wall read 8:45 PM. You had walked down the corridor with a warm container of fresh chocolate chip cookies, your heart buzzing with excitement. Michael had been under so much stress lately, burning himself out over track after track, and you wanted nothing more than to bring a smile to his face. The face he usually held in his hands when he murmured, "You have been the best to me, Minnie."
But the studio door was cracked open. And then you heard it. A laugh. Vicious, loud, and entirely too familiar.
You pushed the door open, the sweet smile dying on your face. There, sitting right on Michael’s lap at the mixing console, was Diana Ross. Your stomach dropped, hot anger instantly flushing through your veins.
"What the fuck, Michael?"
Diana jumped off his lap instantly, the light, warm energy in the room turning heavy and toxic. Michael’s eyes went wide, his hands gripping the arms of his chair.
"Minnie, what are you doing up—"
"That’s not fucking important," you snapped, your voice dangerously level as you stared him down. "What is going on here?"
From the corner of the room, Diana scoffed, rolling her eyes as she looked you up and down like you were an uninvited parasite. "Well, Michael and me were just mixing some harmonies together. Calm down, Jesus."
"You make it seem so casual, Diana," you said, stepping further into the room, your knuckles white against the container in your hands. "I’ve seen plenty of people in this damn studio, and I’ve never seen a single one of them sit in his lap to mix a track. There are couches and chairs for a reason."
Diana smirked, sensing the power play. She actually walked back over, casually leaning against the edge of the console near him. "I didn't think me being close to him would be a problem. It helps him think better. Relaxes his mind."
Your vision went blurry with rage. "Michael, tell me you are seeing this. Tell me you’re going to say something."
Michael looked trapped, practically shitting bricks as he looked between the two of you. Finally, his soft voice cut through. "Diana, please... get off the console. Sweetheart, please, just calm down."
"Michael, don't you dare tell me to calm down!" your voice finally cracked, the hurt breaking through the anger. "You told me you were going to stop speaking to her like this. You promised me you would establish boundaries, and I walk in to find you two cozied up on a Friday night?"
"It’s not what it looks like, Minnie," Michael pleaded, his hands reaching out toward you but dropping when you took a step back. "She just wanted to see how to work the faders on the mixer—"
"For the thousandth time, why does she need to be on your lap to see a fader?!" your voice shook violently, and you had to pinch the bridge of your nose to keep from crying. "Diana, get the hell out of here. Right now. I need a moment with Mike."
Diana’s face twisted in offense. "Why do I have to—"
"Bill will take you home, Diana," Michael interrupted, his voice dropping, full of exhaustion and panic. "I'm sorry to end the night like this. Me and her need a moment. Goodnight."
Diana let out a sharp breath, aggressively grabbing her purse. She intentionally leaned down, pressing a lingering kiss to Michael's cheek and whispering something in his ear. Michael just gave a tight, stressed nod. "I’ll talk to you about it later. Goodnight."
With one last poisonous glare directed at you, she slammed the studio door shut behind her.
The silence she left in her wake was suffocating. You set the warm container of cookies down on a side table; the sweet smell now made you sick to your stomach. You sank onto the studio couch, suddenly feeling incredibly weak.
"I stand by you a lot, Michael. Do you know that?" you whispered, staring dead into his soul. "I try to support you in everything. I put so much trust in us. You’ve been so stressed, and I was sitting in bed tonight feeling guilty, thinking I wasn't doing enough for you. I didn't realize she was your solution."
Michael couldn't maintain eye contact. He looked down at his loafers. "She’s not a solution, Minnie. You can trust me. But you can't expect me to just easily break off a friendship that I’ve had since I was a kid. It’s not that easy, and you know it."
"It’s more than just a friendship, Michael! You loved her. You wanted her. You admitted that to me yourself!" Your hands were shaking so badly you had to grab a throw pillow and squeeze it against your chest. "It’s the fact that you promised me, you swore to me when you put that ring on my finger, that you would stop seeing her altogether. That is the only reason I said yes!"
Michael’s head snapped up, a defensive, ugly edge creeping into his voice. "Oh, so you weren't gonna marry me if she was still in the picture?"
"Hell no, Michael, I wasn't! If I knew you’d still be letting her sit in your lap at midnight, we would have been broken up by now!"
A harsh, bitter silence stretched between you. Michael’s jaw clenched, his pride flaring up as his defense mechanism kicked in. He let out a dry, hollow chuckle. "Wow. So not only does my fiancé not trust me, but our entire future was conditional? We weren't even gonna last because of Diana? Oh, wow."
"Don't you dare switch this on me!" you shouted, getting to your feet. "If you walked into a room and saw me sitting on Prince’s lap like that, you wouldn't just be mad. You’d flip this entire studio upside down!"
Michael’s face darkened instantly, his eyes flashing with sudden, venomous anger. "Don't bring him up."
"No, answer my question! How would you feel?!"
"Well, if you want to be such a whore, go ahead and be with him!" Michael snapped.
The slap echoed like a gunshot in the confined space of the studio.
Michael’s face pulled to the side, his breath hitching as his hand slowly rose to touch his reddening cheek. You stood there, your palm stinging, tears finally spilling over your eyelashes.
"You don't ever get to call me a whore," you whispered, your voice trembling with pure disgust. "Not when your easy ass just had some cobweb pussy dry-humping you on your clock."
"Baby, I’m s—"
You didn't let him finish. You snatched the studio landline, dialing security fiercely. "Yeah, Bill? After you drop Diana off, do you mind coming back to take me to my apartment? Yeah. I’m sure. Thanks, Bill. See you in a few."
You slammed the receiver down and pushed past a shock-ridden Michael. He froze for a second before his feet moved frantically, trailing after you as you dashed up the stairs toward the main house.
"What are you doing? Minnie, please don't do this!" he pleaded, his footsteps clicking harshly against the hardwood.
You burst into his bedroom, pulling out a bag and frantically grabbing the clothes and things you had brought over. Michael shut the bedroom door to keep from waking the staff or his family, throwing his body in front of you to stop your frantic movements.
"Can we talk about this, please?"
You ignored him, throwing another shirt into the bag. He reached out, his fingers wrapping tightly around your wrist, forcing you to stop.
"Please. Just sit down so we can talk this out," he begged. Those massive, doe-like Bambi eyes were swimming with sudden terror as he looked at you.
You looked up, your eyes entirely empty, drained of all the warmth he was used to. "I think we’ve both said enough tonight, Michael. You’ve made your bed, now lie in it alone. I am so done fighting a battle that you refuse to give up for me. You can't have both of us. And you definitely made your choice tonight."
His grip went slack, his hand slipping from your wrist. He watched, entirely paralyzed, as you zipped up your bag. Before you walked out, you reached down, slid the heavy, glittering diamond ring off your left finger, and placed it neatly on his dresser.
"Give it to someone you actually love," you said flatly.
You closed the door behind you. Michael sank onto the edge of the mattress, staring at the ring, desperately waiting for the sound of your footsteps to turn around.
But you never came back.
The next day, the silence in your apartment was deafening. You woke up reaching for a side of the bed that was cold and empty. Your chest ached with a physical, hollow pain. Had you really just walked away from him? You knew it was the right thing, he had completely disrespected you, but your heart didn't care about logic. It just craved him.
To distract yourself from the urge to call him, you went down to grab your mail. Sorting through the bills, a tiny piece of paper caught your eye, tucked beneath a magazine.
“xxx-xxx-xxxx. Call me if you get bored. - Prince.”
You stared at it, memories of the charity gala flashing in your mind. Michael had left your side that night to network, leaving you alone at the table. Prince had noticed, seized the opportunity, and come over to stir up conversation just to poke at his rival. You had always avoided Prince out of respect for Michael, but that night, feeling abandoned, you had actually laughed at his jokes. Before Michael had come back over to clear his throat and ruin the atmosphere, Prince had slipped you his number.
You held the paper now. You didn't have a single romantic feeling toward the man, but you were drowning in your own head. You needed someone to talk to who understood the madness of Michael's world.
You dialed the number. It rang three times before a raspy, unmistakable voice answered.
"Hello? Who is this I’m speaking with?"
"Hey, Prince," you said softly, clearing your throat. "Remember the girl you met at the charity event? It’s me. I... I just wanted to see if you weren't too busy. If maybe you wanted to grab some lunch?"
There was a brief pause on the line, a low hum of curiosity in his tone. "Yeah, I don’t mind. But what makes you wanna ask me now? Last time I checked, the shadow was glued to your hip."
Hearing Michael referred to like that made the dam break. You didn't mean to, but you spilled everything. You told him about the studio, about Diana on his lap, about the fight, and about the ring left on the dresser.
On the other end of the line, you could hear Prince’s sharp, agitated breath. He was always amused by getting under Michael’s skin, but hearing how much pain you were in actually pissed him off.
"He did what?" Prince’s voice dropped, laced with genuine disbelief and anger on your behalf. "He had that woman on his lap while you were bringing him food? Look... you need to get out of that apartment. We’re going to lunch. I know a place with a patio. Let’s give the cameras something to look at, and let’s remind that idiot exactly what he’s throwing away."
An hour later, you were walking into the restaurant. You had dressed up extra nice. A black pencil skirt, a fitted vest over a crisp white blouse, and towering YSL heels. Your makeup was flawless, finished with a deep burgundy lip and brown liner, your hair falling in luscious, perfect curls.
Prince was already waiting at the table, looking incredibly sharp. He stood up immediately, offering you a warm, genuine hug.
The lunch was beautiful. At first, you talked about music and your modeling career, but eventually, the conversation drifted. Prince gently asked how you and Michael had first met. Just uttering the story brought tears to your eyes, threatening to ruin your makeup as you remembered the sweet, private moments you and Michael had shared before Diana started clawing her way back into the picture.
Prince reached across the white tablecloth, his hand gently folding over yours. He gave you a deeply sympathetic, serious look.
"Listen to me," Prince said softly, his usual arrogant demeanor totally gone. "Even though that man is a terrible idiot who can’t see when greatness is standing right in front of him... he really does love you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you across a room. He’s completely blind to everything else when you're there. But he’s stupid, and he's spoiled. He needs to know what it actually feels like to lose you. Don't let him off easy."
You squeezed his hand, swallowing the lump in your throat. "Thank you, Prince."
When the bill came, you reached for your purse, but Prince pulled it away with a smirk. "A lady should never have to pay around me."
As you walked out of the restaurant together, the flashbulbs exploded. Paparazzi had completely swarmed the sidewalk, capturing every angle of Prince walking you to your car, his hand hovering protectively at your lower back.
The moment you got into the driver's seat, you pulled out your pager. Your jaw dropped.
20 missed calls. 15 pages. All from Michael.
You tossed the pager back into your bag, a sudden surge of adrenaline rushing through you. Let him wonder.
By the time you got back to your apartment at 9:00 PM after a long afternoon of modeling meetings, your feet were absolutely killing you. All you wanted was a hot bath.
But when you pushed your front door open, you gasped.
Your entire living room had been completely overtaken by flowers. Hundreds of them. Roses, lilies, orchids- every single one of your favorite flowers filled the space, turning your apartment into a literal greenhouse. You walked over to the nearest massive arrangement and pulled the card from the plastic fork.
Please talk to me, Minnie. I miss you. - Mikey.
You stared at it, your heart tugging, but you hardened your resolve. A bunch of flowers didn't erase the sight of another woman on his lap. You tossed the card aside, ordered Chinese food, and went to bed alone.
The next morning, you turned on the television while pouring a cup of coffee. Sure enough, the morning entertainment news was flashing photos of you and Prince on the restaurant patio. The headlines were wild: “Y/N Moving On with Prince? Trouble in Paradise for the King of Pop!”
Right on cue, your house phone started ringing off the hook. You let it ring three times before picking it up with a smirk.
"Hello, this is—"
"We don't talk for one day, and you're outside with Prince?!" Michael's voice boomed through the receiver. He sounded absolutely furious, completely losing his mind.
"I don't see what the problem is," you said casually, taking a sip of your coffee. "It was just a quick lunch to discuss some potential projects. You're being ridiculous."
"A quick lunch?!" Michael yelled, his voice cracking with pure jealousy. "A quick lunch isn't someone holding your hand across the table and kissing your knuckles in a five-star restaurant while you're wearing your best clothes! You know exactly how I feel about him, Y/N! What the hell were you thinking?!"
"Well," you said, your voice dropping into a cold, sweet tone. "Now you know exactly how it feels. Goodbye, Michael. I’m going to be terribly busy today."
"Minnie, wait, don't you dare hang up—"
You slammed the receiver down on the cradle, a breathless laugh escaping your lips. You had won. You had completely flipped the tables on him.
The phone continued to ring continuously for the next hour, but you completely ignored it as you got ready for the day.
An hour later, a massive summer thunderstorm rolled over the city. Heavy rain started drumming violently against your apartment windows, flooding the streets below.
Then came the knocking.
It wasn't a normal knock. It was a frantic, heavy, pounding rhythm that rattled the wood of your front door. It went on for two solid minutes, accompanied by the muffled, desperate sound of your name being cried out from the hallway.
Your heart hammered against your ribs. The petty satisfaction from earlier vanished, replaced by a sudden, heavy dread. You walked over to the door and unlocked the deadbolt.
The moment the door swung open, the sheer force of Michael’s presence practically knocked the breath out of you.
He was an absolute wreck. Pathetic didn't even begin to describe it.
His signature black curls were completely drenched from the storm, plastered to his forehead and streaming water down his face. He wasn't wearing his hat, his sunglasses, or any of his usual disguise armor. His face was entirely bare, exposed, and utterly ruined by tears. His eyes were bloodshot, swollen, and wide with a frantic, wild kind of panic. There were no flowers this time, no gifts, no security guards behind him. Just him, soaking wet and completely broken.
"Please," he choked out, his voice cracking violently on your name.
Before you could even utter a single syllable, he practically threw himself forward across the threshold. His arms wrapped around your waist with a terrifying, vice-like grip, and he buried his face straight into the crook of your neck. His entire body was trembling so violently you could feel his heartbeat rattling against your own ribs.
"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," he sobbed, the sound raw, loud, and agonizingly uninhibited in your quiet apartment. "Please don't do this to me. Please don't ignore me anymore. It’s been three days, Minnie, and I'm losing my mind. I can't breathe without you. I can't sleep. I've been sitting alone in that big house and it’s so quiet... it’s so empty. Please come back home. It's not home without you."
You stood completely rigid for a moment, the feel of his wet curls pressing against your skin, but hearing him like this, completely stripped of the "King of Pop" persona, just a man entirely undone over the thought of losing you. It was tearing your chest right open.
"Michael..." you tried to say, your hands coming up to press against his wet shoulders to pull back, but a low, desperate, almost animalistic growl tore from the back of his throat. His fingers dug deeper into the fabric of your sweater, anchoring you to him, terrified you were going to push him back out into the rain.
"Don't push me away! Please, don't look at me like that," he begged, his words tumbling out in a frantic, breathless rush against your neck. "I was wrong! About Diana. I was so wrong for how I treated you. She’s just my history, she's my past, but you are my absolute everything. You are my present, my future!"
He finally pulled his face back just enough to look at you, his damp hands flying up to cup your cheeks. Tears were streaming down his face, mixing with the rainwater, his lower lip trembling uncontrollably.
"I shouldn't have gotten defensive," he cried, his voice breaking completely. "I should’ve pushed her off of me that night. I should’ve kicked her out the second she sat down. I should’ve defended you! I should’ve never let you put that ring on that dresser... I should’ve fought harder for you right then. I saw the papers today, Minnie. I saw you with Prince, and it killed me. It literally killed me. I know why you did it, and I deserve it, I deserve all of it. But please, God, tell me you aren't leaving me for good. Tell me you still love me."
Before you could even answer, his knees completely gave out. He dropped straight to the floor right there in your entryway. His hands slid down to wrap around your hips, his face pressing flat against your stomach as he wept openly, clutching at your clothes like a drowning man holding onto a lifeline.
"Please," he whispered, a ragged, broken sound against your skin. "Come back to the house. Come back to me. Forgive me. I’ll beg for the rest of my life if I have to. Just don't leave me, Minnie. Please... please."
You looked down at him, shock widening your eyes as your own tears finally welled up and spilled over. Seeing him completely reduced, pouring his heart out on his knees just for a shred of your forgiveness, changed everything.
Slowly, you reached down, closed the apartment door behind him to shut out the storm, and dropped down to his level on the floor.
"Michael," you whispered softly.
Your hands trembled as you reached out, your thumbs gently wiping the hot tears and rainwater from his cheeks. He leaned into your touch instantly, closing his eyes, his breath hitching. For the first time in three long days, you leaned in and pressed your lips to his.
The kiss was deep, desperate, and filled with all the unspoken pain of the last few days. When you finally pulled away, you wrapped your arms tightly around his neck, whispering sweet, calming sayings into his ear as his arms locked around you again.
He had finally shown you. He had finally proven that you weren't second to anyone. That you were his priority.
And as you held him close in the quiet entryway, you knew that was all you had ever wanted.
synopsis you and Jack have always been two peas in a pod, working the ER together, on the field together, no wonder you started to search for those dark eyes and damning smirk. and you thought for a second, just for a second, he might be searching for you too, until you hear the man you're crushing on airing out everything he hates about you
warningstypical medical drama stuff, in-accurate medical terms. miscommunication. angst. insecure reader. language, jack says things he doesn't mean about reader. angry love confession in the rain. this is not proof-read
authornotei really really really loved this idea and tried so hard to do it justice, I hope you like anon. I tried to stay close to the SWAT idea but I'll be honest I know nothing about American army stuff (i'm british) so I sort of set it as much in the Pitt as I could. I also couldn't find ANYTHING for Jack's military background so I made up some SWAT guys
pitt masterlist. another Jack fic!
Just when you thought the rest of your day was going to be boring, Jack Abbot and his crew of SWAT pushed through the ambulance bay doors, yelling off stats, applying pressure where needed and clearing the way around them.
Which was a welcome change from trying to sell Robby your hypothetical first born child in exchange for a lunch break.
“Intubated neck wound, stats are going down. Got a room?” said Jack.
You were at the gurney in an instance, Robby joining the herd in the pushing of the bed. It took you less than a second to see through the bag in the neck and the blood and the uniform to recognise the one on the gurney. “Hiro? What happened?”
“Warehouse robbery gone wrong,” said Jack with almost absent of mind. He said the words and promptly seemed to realise who he was talking to and looked up- at you- again. “You're working today?”
“Oh no, I just hang around in hopes of seeing you in unfiorm.”
Next to you, Robby chuckled and beyond Jack you gave quick greeting to your laughing buddies, clad in SWAT uniform.
You were what could be called, a floater.
By all educational means you were a doctor and a damn good one too. You had every certificate you needed and all the flying colours you could get. You just didn't have a permanent job. You were a sub. You worked mainly at PTMC and on the field but had been known to go to the dark side, a.k.a, Presby.
“Okay, on my count,” you begin. “One, two, three-”
You helped lift him over to the bed.
“Did you intubate him?” you asked,
“Yeah, under active fire,” said Jack.
You looked at Jack. Sweat on his forehead, flecks of grey hair sticking to him and the shirt under his army vest hung lose. He was dishevelled in away romance characters presented on books covers. To lure you in. “You were shot?”
“Shot at.”
“You need to be looked at?”
“No. I'm fine.” His lips were pursed, focus on Hiro.
“Did you see the chords when you intubated?” asked Robby, floating around the two of you as Jack refused to leave Hiro's side and you stayed by Abbot. He'd seen it a dozen times before. A disaster where there was one, there was the other.
There was the occasions he'd hand over to Jack, go home, sleep and come back to find Jack had called in you. You who was always ready to go at the first buzz of your pager. Wherever it was, whatever you had to do. And Robby would look through the patients that night, check the board and understand they hadn't really needed your help all that much.
Jack had.
Now, Robby saw the way you looked at Jack and had seen the gap that existed between the two of you.
“Yeah, I did but it was hard to miss when I cleared them.”
Jack reached and you watched as he stretched, wincing at the pull in his shoulder.
“You should get that looked at,” you told him.
“I'm fine.”
“No, you're not.”
There was a small roll of the eyes as Jack's gaze rose to meet yours through his goggles. There was almost a tiny hint of a smirk- your favourite kind but it disappeared as soon as it appeared.
“Yeah, c'mon Abbot!” said Charlie, calling from the back of his room where he stood with Diaz, two of the SWAT officers you were most frequent with. “Let doc work you up.”
You chuckled low to yourself, trying to catch Jack's eyes to share the joke but he looked away, his jaw clenching.
So, he wasn't in the joking mood.
“Alright, fellas, out!” leaving the wounded's side you ushered them out in spite of their protests and their giddy, hopeful optimism that Officer Hiro would pull through. “We'll let you know any changes, out!”
You pulled on a gown and cleared a way over.
“Demanding,” said Robby.
“You should hear me in the bedroom,” you teased with a wink.
Over on the other side you caught a small click from Jack's tongue. A disapproval voiced loud enough for others to hear.
You grasped the ultrasound wand from the nurse, circling it around the wound at Hiro's neck while Jack pulled away the gauze he'd packed, carefully minding you. “Good lung sliding, no pneumo-”
The last gauze peeled away in a bloody mess and a rope of blood shot out directly at you for vengeance.
“Geez- woah!”
“Pumper!” you announced, clamping your hand over the wound.
The streak of red cut through the skin on your neck, your gown and the doctors coat you liked to wear just like they did in tv shows. You had a draw full of them at home for instances like that.
“Hey, hey,” Jack was at your side quick as you loomed over the body. “Move back, get yourself cleaned up.”
“I can handle a little blood, Abbot.”
“I know that but-”
“- this is a transected trachea now-”
There was little else time to worry about blood on your gown and coat when the intubation was pulled out, the hole in his throat open.
There was a lot people said about you, with words and looks alike but none of which passed you or bothered you. You knew some thought you abrash and loud, you were, you knew it true. On the field the teams you worked with always thought you as one of them, 'one of the guys' but damn it- you were a good doctor.
You ordered everything correctly, you took them and worked them without so much as a blink and Robby stood behind you approving of everything you did.
It was one of the reasons he always called you in.
“Well done, good breaths sounds, stats are up: in the nineties,” approved Robby.
Jack hummed, pulling off his gloves as you all backed away. “Not bad.”
Your carried your smirk with you and over to him. “Is that the great Jack Abbot stamp of approval?”
“You know I think you're good at you're job,” he said, plainly.
You did know that. You knew that Jack admired your skills. He was one of the only ones who'd seen your skills on the field when sometimes all you had left in your kit was the dregs from other procedures or in the hospital when everything was pristine. He'd worked closest to you, probably out of everyone in either one of your jobs.
But there was always something about Jack that kept him far away. He was always a man that was so calm, which in the the face of conflict wasn't a bad call. Yet, it was the quiet moments in between- the way his footfall would slow to match yours, or the glances he'd steal at you half way across the ward, or the extra snacks he'd pack that had you searching rooms for him, checking shifts to see if you'd be around him.
Then when you were, Jack pursed his lips, clenched his jaw, acted like he wanted to be anywhere else sometimes than at your side.
He was a complicated man. Annoyingly that's what added to your attraction- and everyone knew it.
Once the two of you told Officer Charlie and Diaz that Hiro was stable enough to be taken to surgery you followed after Jack.
“You sure you don't want me to look at that shoulder for you?”
“Hmm? Oh, no, it's fine,” he excused.
“Don't want the paperwork?”
“Something like that,” said Jack, still shifting around in pain as he tried to roll his shoulder out.
“Okay, okay, but get it looked at!” you called off, ready to shed your coat or at least try and rub off some of Hiro's blood.
There was a mutter from Jack before he went another way.
You looked back to him once, watching as he walked off with a small limp that probably wasn't detectable to anyone that didn't analyse him like you did. It was a brutal sort of thing, SWAT, and with Abbot's sleep schedule you knew it was only worse. Eight- maybe ten hour shifts for so little sleep to get thrown back into the fire- literally. You wondered how he did it.
And, why.
Jack flexed out his shoulder at the press of the q-tip to his back.
He meant it, the wound really wasn't that bad. It had grazed through his clothes and vest but still hit just enough to leave an angry welt and bruising. He was content to hide away and sort it himself if it weren't for the fact he couldn't reach.
Then Samira Mohan walked by and offered her help. He was already tired, annoyed that those punks had thought it a good idea to rob a warehouse in the middle of the day, already worried about Hiro and his recovery. Then- there was you, with your snarky comments while saving his life, not batting a lash at the blood that got splattered on you in the mean time and still having time to flirt with Robby.
And prancing around in this scrub pants that were surely just a bit too tight.
Jack was wound up, which was why he admitted surrender and allowed Mohan to clean out his wound.
“Why do you do this?” she'd asked.
Jack had folded his arms over his chest, suddenly very aware he was shirtless in front of her. “My therapist says I need a hobby. I suck at golf.”
She hummed. “Funny.”
“Thank you.”
He made conversation to be polite, asking about the fellowships he knew others were already applying for. Crus had been telling him about them and he knew Mohan was searching to.
They were chatting was all when Robby walked by, looking in to check.
He frowned when he saw Mohan and Abbot, pausing in his fly by with a hand in the door way.
Jack watched as Robby looked around again at the ward, undoubtedly searching for you.
“We're almost finished up here,” said Mohan.
Robby held up his hands. “I didn't say anything,” he said, leaning in the doorway. He passed Jack a nod. “You good?”
“Getting there, thanks to Doctor Mohan's capable hands.” Jack kept his eyes averted from Robby as if he'd done something wrong. He hadn't. He'd told you the wound didn't need looking at because he was going to handle it.
Robby looked at him the sort of way he looked at patients when he knew they were lying about their scale of pain. “Can you give us a second?”
Just as Jack was about to push himself up Samira moved behind him.
“Er, yeah, sure. No problem,” she said, pulling off her gloves and listing off post-care instructions from instinct. “Keep it clean and the dressing fresh.”
“Can do, Doctor Mohan. Thank you.”
Robby stepped out of the way for Mohan before walking in, staring at Jack with his hands in his pockets.
Jack found his shirt discarded on the floor and pulled it over him. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? Clearly,” said Jack.
“Are you avoiding her, now?”
Jack didn't need to ask who he was talking about and Robby didn't need to specify. “Course not.”
“Did she do something?”
“No.”
“So what was all that? Back in trauma?” asked Robby. His eyes were beady, waiting to pick up on any shift in Jack or anything that might betray him. But Robby wore his heart on his sleeve. He might think he doesn't or thinks he's good at hiding such emotions away but Jack and everyone else sees them anyhow.
Jack had his heart buried deep down. “I dunno, man,” he huffed, ignoring the burning sensation as he pulled his shirt back over him. “Maybe I just didn't feel like joking around when my buddy was bleeding out on the table.”
Robby shook his head, eyes creasing. “People bleed out all the time.”
Jacks lips pursed as he worked on tucking his shirt back into his pants. Anything to keep him occupied and averted from Robby’s knowing gaze.
“I haven’t seen you this worked up since you first met her,” he teased.
“Now I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” Abbot grumbled.
Robby chuckled low in his throat, leaning back on the wall comfortable like he was watching his favourite show. “When two consenting adults like each other very much-”
“I don’t,” said Jack, abrupt. “I don’t… like her.”
“Jack, c’mon-”
Jack turned to Robby. He considered his confusion. Sure, you were a great doctor and even better on the field. Something about the chaos seemed to focus you, bringing out your best self. You were funny, even at the worse times.
“She’s not it for me,” he said, trying to mean those words.
Your smile first thing in the morning didn’t warm him. The fact you knew his coffee order after only two days of working together didn’t make him feel special. You were incredibly intelligent. Beautiful.
Jack twisted and turned around his wedding band.
Robby watched, heaving a sigh. “Brother…”
Jack couldn’t keep you in his heart when his dead wife still held a place there. It wasn’t fair to you.
“She’s not it, Robby.”
“And why not?” He asked, pushing and prodding against his bag of lies like he knew he was carrying it.
“She’s different- we’re two different. You know with my- with my wife we worked. She wasn’t a doctor, she didn’t throw her life away on field missions. She wasn’t… she wasn’t ruthless, she was soft. Perfect for me.”
He pressed down against the metal band branding him.
“You’re not gonna give yourself a chance to be happy because she’s not like your wife?” Asked Robby.
Jack glanced back at him. “I know what works for me. I can’t be with someone as loud or… bash. She’s-she’s brutal, you know.”
Robby nodded but there was a furrow between his brows. “We all have our own ways of dealing with things.”
“Her way is drinking every weekend, out with the guys, there’s no healthy habits there,” argued Jack. Why he was arguing about you with Robby he didn’t know. Why he was defending himself with words that fell like led on his tongue he had no idea.
“Okay,” said Robby in a way that marked defeat.
But Jack didn’t believe what he was saying. He heard himself and frowned. “And I don’t even think she’s a person who could settle down. Hmm, I mean look at her job? She’s constantly in between them.”
“She’s a sub, that’s what she does-”
“- scared of commitment,” corrected Jack.
Robby scoffed out a laugh of disbelief. “Okay, you’re in a mood or something.” He pushed himself from the wall.
“No, I’m not,” he argued a little too quick and a little too harsh to be okay with what he was saying. “She’s a good person she’s just not my person. You know she-she doesn’t even like flowers, who doesn’t like flowers?”
“She’s more than a good person, Jack,” said Robby with an air of defeat about him. With one last look back to Jack he left, closing the door gently behind him.
In the seconds the door was open Jack sort a peek out. You were at the nurses desk, leaning over a tablet, the blue glow illuminating you. There was a troubled look to your face, scrunching your brows and marring your usual unflappable gaze. Jack almost wanted to see the chart himself and ask what was bothering you, but he knew you never told him, only ever let it be yourself that saw your problems.
Another thing he couldn’t stand. You’d never ask for help.
Even if, Jack couldn’t admit it out loud, he’d help without an invitation too.
You suppose you shouldn’t have been surprised, yet doctors ran on hope. Without hope trauma rooms became morgues and body’s became empty vessels. You’d built hope into your system, kept somewhere between your heart and stomach.
That’s why you felt it plummet.
She’s not it for me.
There was no intention to listen in on a conversation that clearly you weren’t supposed to know about. You'd just been passing by when you heard your name from Jacks mouth. That was enough to stop you in place. If your feet weren't frozen you would have moved, made yourself busy or call up to surgery to check on Hiro.
But as Jack went on your heart plummeted.
She's brutal.
It wasn't until you heard Robby defend you that you moved away, hiding with your back to the exam room and hunching over a tablet that held no chart.
You'd always assumed Jack was just harder to crack then some of the other SWAT guys. You could read most of them within days, know their moods from a glance. You'd never been able to read Jack and maybe it was because he didn't want to be known by you.
You thought seeing Hiro with a hole in his neck would be the worst thing of the day but you caught your reflection in the black screen of the tablet and resented the way things blurred around you.
She's not it for me.
“Hey-” Robby was behind you and you tucked your head into your chest. His hand squeezed your shoulder. “Central twelve when you have a chance.”
“You got it, boss.” Luckily your voice remained steady despite the waver in your throat.
Robby gave a nod and left you to it.
Had Jack had hatred for you since you knew him and just never said a word? Did you do something for him to harbour these feelings?
Besides from not being his wife.
The door closed again and on instinct you looked over your shoulder, catching Jack adjusting his belt. He looked up and found your gaze, offering you a pulled smile.
It was like every other smile he'd ever given you.
You'd been so blind with affection to not see it. What a fool.
You couldn't even pull your lips back up, you just walked away.
Weeks went by in flashes of sleepless nights and lonely days.
The sick and injured didn't wait for you to get over yourself, instead they helped.
You offered yourself like a lamb to the slaughter in Presby and even Westbridge. You pulled doubles, catching small naps in any empty exam room or on-call room you could find. You started to learn staff names when you'd never cared before.
A group of nurses at Westbridge even invited you out for drinks.
“Drinking every weekend, out with the guys, there's no healthy habits there” you remembered Jack's voice and declined their invitation.
When SWAT called you had an excuse. A plumber was coming around... you were re-modelling; suddenly your apartment was going through half a dozen makeovers and all your childhood friends were visiting.
“You know you're not a very good liar,” Diaz had said when he called you for a drink and you declined. That day you were taking your mom's dog to the vet (your mom was a cat person and in another state)
Your apartment became a cave and you became a shell of yourself, un-ironically listening to the high school musical soundtrack and crying.
And still you couldn't find it in yourself to be angry at Jack. Of course he wouldn't want you- he had a wife. And a memory of that wife to keep him walm. What could he do with you? If you weren't his type, you weren't his type. If it was just that maybe you could have moved on.
But he didn't like you as a person and that stung more.
You didn't know how long it had been since you were last at PTMC, only long enough that you started to scramble corridors in your mind and forget what some of the nurses sounded like.
“We have a mass casualty event,” said Robby on the phone one Sunday morning. His voice sounded different, but you supposed time played tricks on your memory. “School bus incident. You in?”
You were in pyjamas at home, some crappy tv on low. “I'll have to check, Presby might need me.”
Robby scoffed down the line. “Have they called yet?”
“Well, no-”
“Then get your ass over here.”
“Robby-”
“Please, please get your ass over here,” he said down the line, sighing heavily. “I.... I could really use another set of hands.”
Robby didn't say please. Ever. So how could you say no.
Within the hour you were dressed an,d thrown into the anarchy.
You got through the ambulance doors, was thrown a gown and got to work. You didn't even see Robby to let him know you were there, you just found Langdon and worked beside him.
“I need some help over here!” yelled out a paramedic.
At once you and Langdon were at her side, pushing along the gurney.
“Kid, fracted tib-fib, pupils mid range and sluggish- couldn't get a line we had to intubate.”
“Dana what's open?” called out Langdon.
“Room in trauma one!”
Mass casualty meant trauma rooms doubled up, pushed up against either wall. Mass casualty meant extra hands called in- like you. Still, when you pushed through the door and found Jack's eyes look up you spared half a second in apprehension.
“You're here,” was all he said.
You didn't know what to say. There was some snarky comment on the tip of your tongue as you settled the boy in the corner but you remembered you weren't supposed to be that person.
Jack didn't like that person.
“Yeah, in the flesh,” replied Frank instead.
“Chest trauma on the right!” you assessed. “We need an X-ray in here.”
“X-ray's backed up,” Jack called from where he hovered over another patient.
“Then get me an ultrasound!” you called out. “Push five migs of epi down the tube and hang a unit of O-neg on the rapid infuser.”
“BP'S eighty over fifty, pulse is at one-twelve!” called out Princess.
You felt someone bump in your shoulder and knew by inhale it was Jack. He was close at your side, pulling off and on another pair of gloves.
“What have you got?” he asked.
It wasn't instinct to move away from him. It was practised control that had you swapping sides with Frank, practically pushing him into Jack.
“Chest trauma to the right, he's tacky,” he explained quickly.
You pulled out your stethoscope, listening closely. “His breathing's stridor, I need a thoracotomy tray!”
“A thoracotomy?” asked Jack, voice oddly quiet in the trauma as if it was whispered just next to you. “You sure you can handle that?”
“I'm a good doctor, if I'm nothing else,” you bit out, swinging your stethoscope back around your neck. You weren't going to allow yourself to fall back into old habits, of questioning what Jack didn't like so much about you. You focused on the un-conscious boy under the mercy of your hands. You ordered the right tools, made the cut neat and precise, pushing more pain relief.
“Any tamponade?” asked Jack.
You checked the boys blood pressure. “No, pericardium's dry.”
“Okay, start an-”
“- start an internal massage-”
You and Jack said at the same time.
Frank seemed stuck in headlights before he reached through the incision in the boys chest and slowly started to work the heart.
“Pulse?”
“Barely.”
Jack frowned, looking over at your work. “Cross clamp the aorta, and push another mig of antropine.”
“I need suction!”
“Got anything for surgery?” asked a new voice, Doctor Walsh checking between the patients in the room.
“Oh no, we've brought the OR down to us,” said Jack.
Doctor Walsh rounded, catching the suction and the message of the heart. “Are you doing a thoracotomy right now?”
“Don't look at me,” said Jack, surrendering.
Before anyone could argue with you, question your capability you snapped out. “I know what I'm doing!”
Jack was silent, Frank smirked and Walsh rose a brow.
“Clamped,” said Princess.
“Someone push in another of antropine and get another unit of blood in,” you ordered.
There was a sudden buzzing as all eyes averted to the monitor.
“He's going into V-fib!”
You wiped your bloody and gloved hands down your gown. “Okay, I need internal panels!”
They were handed to you and Jack rushed to your side.
“You want me to-” he started but you already had the panels in hand and were ordering their charge.
“Charge to thirty! Clear!”
Like you were cupping the heart with your own hands you nudged the panels on either side and shocked. There were little miracles sometimes in the ED and with a bus full of school children you needed miracles.
“There! He's stable!” said Princess.
“We've got a girl coming in, needs stabalising and an ortho consult!” said Lena, throwing the door open. It seemed everyone had been called in.
“I'll take this guy, don't want you getting all the credit,” smirked Walsh as she and the team wheeled out the boy. She looked back at you, almost waiting for you to say more- some funny joke or flirtatious tease.
You only waved past her to get the young girl into the room.
Everyone in the room looked at you as you honed in on the next casualty, ignoring the pang in your heart at Jack's gaze.
When the girl for ortho came in you could only work on stabilising her before Park the Shark descended and took her up, assuring the bag was on ice. He gave you a less ten friendly look. Seemingly Jack wasn't the only one who couldn't stand you.
The hours ticked by in bodies of different kids, in shades of blood and traumas. By the time you got outside for some fresh air it was night and one lonely ambulance sat with you.
You were catching your breath when you heard the doors slide open and shut again. You imagined it was someone else wanting some peace and air, or a paramedic heading back out on the road.
“You were impressive in there,” said Jack, coming to stand next to you. There was a large enough gap that another body could have fit there.
“Thank you.”
He gave one short nod. “Robby call you in?”
“Yeah.”
“Same here,” he said, not that you'd asked. “You know, Hiro's doing well.”
You paled in the night. Lost in your own self-loathing you hadn't even asked about Hiro, or gone to see him. You'd heard he was okay when he dropped a message from the ICU but that was as far as it got. “Oh yeah, I know, I heard.”
“What, from the guys?”
You nodded, lips pursing as you crossed your arms over your chest in the light chill.
“You know they told me you haven't been around much,” said Abbot. “I've noticed it too. We all went to Larry's the other night, your invitation get lost?”
Was it a test? Was it a joke to him?
“No, I just didn't want to drink. Trying to cut down, it's not so healthy,” you said, kicking one foot in front of the other.
“One or two's not bad,” he said. “Couple of us are gonna grab a beer once this is all over. You joining us? Usual spot.”
She's brutal, you know.
You looked to him first. He was already looking at you, eyes creased like he was trying to see through you. It was real and earnest and making his words from weeks ago hurt even more.
“No thanks, Jack.” You almost reached to his shoulder but thought better of it.
Heading back in seemed the safer option.
Jack turned when you did. “Noody's seen you for weeks-”
“- I've been busy-”
“- except those nurses in Presby, they see you all the time apparently-”
“- they've been busy, they've called me in-”
“- I called you three times last week, you didn't answer-”
“- I didn't think you'd want me.” It was about the only honest thing you'd said in weeks. Your trainers squeaked on the ground just before the hospital, the automatic doors ready to welcome you back.
Jack was at your side, close enough you could see the lines of confusion in his face. “Why would you think that?”
You tried to think of a quick excuse but every word died prematurely in your throat. You chocked on them.
“Hey-hey-” Jacks hand fell to your back, soothing it in calming rubs.
You allowed yourself to bask in one circular motion of his hand and your back before you stepped away, backing up from the doors that slid shut again on instant.
“What’s going on?” Asked Jack, following in your steps.
“Nothing, nothing.”
Jack made a disgruntled noise. “C’mon, talk to me.”
He let you think about what to say, stewing in silence where your mind became alive with everything he’d said, with every terrible thing you’d already thought about yourself. You imagined every time you’d cracked a joke that was maybe too perverse. You tried to picture Jacks face but came out blank. Was it loathing? Contempt?
Your voice betrayed you with a shake as you spoke again. “I do like flowers.”
“Huh?”
You wiped at your eyes and turned to him. “I like flowers,” you said, stronger. “Nobody’s ever brought me flowers but I- I like them.”
For anyone else it would’ve took time to click. They’d have stood there, looking at you like you’d gone mad, spewing out words that out of context meant nothing.
But Jack was not just any other clueless guy. He was the guy who always packed left overs and left them in the fridge, he always cooked enough to make sure he’d have left overs. He was the sort that always checked in on pedes patients and made sure they had enough colourful bandages for them.
Jack knew what you were saying immediately. His jaw tensed. “I- I shouldn't have said that.”
“You said a lot of things,” you said, holding yourself tighter. “Sounded like you meant them.”
He gulped. “I didn't mean-”
“-what, for me to hear it?”
“No, I didn't mean for what I said to come out as- as bad,” he said.
“Well it didn't come out as shining praise either.” You turned from him, looking out to the building and lights. Somewhere n the distance a siren wailed.
“Robby- Robby was saying things, teasing, I just waned to shut him up.”
You chuckled with loathing. “No you didn't. It's okay, Jack, you don't have to like me, I just wish you didn't make it seem like you did.”
“Hey!” he said, coming to stand in front of you. He was without a scrub top and his t-shirt clad to his biceps, his muscles flexing as his jaw worked. “I do like you.”
You rolled your eyes. “No you don't.”
“I do-I do-” Jack grabbed the top of your arms, stopping you from walking away. His grip was tight, not enough to bruise but enough to beg you not to leave. “I do like you.”
“It doesn't matter.”
“It does, it does.” Jack crouched enough in his knees to get a look at your face that you kept trying to turn away from him.
“You know the worst thing is? It's that I know,” you uttered, voice quiet. You didn't trust yourself to shout- even if you really wanted to- in fear your voice cracked, humiliatingly.
Jack's eyes softened, his thumb drawing up and down in comfort. “Know what?”
“I know that I can be a lot. I go out with the guys, I drink, I make jokes when things get bad because what else am I supposed to do? Cry? Let the grief of the job swallow me up?”
“No. No, of course not,” he said, lips pulled down.
You hated that you still wanted to make him smile. “I could keep a job if I wanted to but I like meeting the people-”
“- I know, I know you do-”
“- and now I'm here defending myself to a guy who probably doesn't even want to hear it!” Trying to turn in Jack's hold was feeble, his grip was strong and he moved with you.
“You don't have to defend yourself, you have nothing to defend!”
“You know what the worst part is?”
Jack shook his head, waiting.
“It's the guy you liked and admired the most seeing everything you hate about yourself and hating you for it too.”
Jack flinched as of you'd slapped him. The chill in the air grew colder around you and all the light from the dim glow of the lamps shrunk away, leaving you and Jack in a self-made darkness. You felt his grip weaken and savoured the feel of him a moment longer.
It was only when you couldn't stomach it anymore that you retreated back into work.
Jack had fucked up.
There was no easy way of putting it. There was no clinical way of looking at it, no diagnosis to give other than he had fucked up.
He'd never heard himself speak and hated the sound of his own voice. Never caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror with tired eyes and a pale expression and loath to see the sight. When he looked at himself, all he saw was your own face heart-broken. When he heard himself talking he remembered everything he'd said.
He could have blamed it on the pain in his shoulder, the worry over Hiro, the lack of sleep he'd been struggling with for days but he had a therapist for all that. You didn't deserve that burden.
He was un-focused the following week in work. Patient satisfaction was at an all time low with him. He'd opened up to his SWAT buddies over a self-pitying pint and had been shunned.
“What's your problem?” Charlie had said, two beers deep and a haze over his eyes. “She's a fucking saint. She'd lay down her life for any one of us- what the fuck man?”
“She won't return my calls,” Jack told them. “Can you just... just call her?”
They'd refused, with good reason.
He'd tried texting his apology. He'd tried calling you in but he found from a contact at Westbridge you'd been covering nights while their attending was on holiday.
It was a brash decision to call in to PTMC and tell them he'd be late, he was running an errand. Nobody questioned him.
Westbridge was darker than the hospital he was used t, built up on top of each other but they were no less busy than himself. Patients were lined up in corridors and there was hardly a seat left in chairs when he walked through.
“Can I help you?” asked the nurse at reception, eyeing Jack and the bouquet of flowers he held.
He said he was looking for you.
“She's in a trauma right now, can I take a message?”
“Can you tell her Ja-Jack's here.” For a moment he debated lying, saying it was Robby wanting to see you, or maybe you didn't want to see Robby either. Deceit wasn't going to be his friend.
Jack waited and tried not to look around, tried not to let himself get caught in the heavy bustle of another hospital as he waited for you. He ignored the coughing from the waiting room that definitely sounded like it would require a chest CT.
There was a crash of doors and he caught sight of you rushing out, protective goggles over your eyes and bloodied gown clad to you.
“Jack, what is it? Are you okay?” your eyes were frantic, searching him.
Ah. Of course you'd think something had happened. When you hear someone's in the hospital it's very rarely to just say hi. “I realise I should've specified,” said Jack, rubbing the back of his knuckle against his brow. “I just- I wanted to see you. And give you these.”
Sensing this was a conversation she definitely wanted to be around for yet probably wouldn't be allowed to, the nurse at reception left the two of you to it and Jack sat the flowers down on the counter in-between you.
You eyed the shades of red roses, of yellow tulips, the violet of the iris and the pink of the peony.
“I didn't know what you liked so, I kind of got one of everything,” he said, sighing to himself. He should have got two of every flower the florist had on hand. “I didn't get Lilies, the lady at the shop said it's a show of death and sunflowers aren't in season, apparently.”
“They're very nice, thank you,” you said.
“They come with an I'm sorry:” said Jack. “I'm sorry.”
You wet your lips and pursed them, nodding slowly. “Okay.”
Jack looked down to his boots. “It's not, I know it's not, nothing I said is okay and I didn't mean it.”
You didn't say anything at that, only taking in a quivering breath.
He ignored the irritation in his prosthetic as he crouched to catch your gaze. Jack wasn't used to having to search for your gaze, usually he always found it already on him. He only realised how much he valued finding you in the middle of the storm when you wouldn't look at him.
“I didn't mean it,” he enunciated every word, begging you to hear them.
Your gaze studied around Westbridge, hoping for a distraction.
“I messed up, it's on me. It's not you.”
“The classic it's not you, it's me?” you dismissed.
Jack winced. It was cliché, damn him. “Yeah, I guess so.”
He watched as your fingers brushed over a flower petal, picking it off like plucking a string on a guitar. He felt his heart pound in his chest.
“Can I get back to work now?” you asked, gently.
What was he thinking? Turning up to where you were tying to do some good. Where you were doing good- it was what you did. Did he expect the flowers to fix everything? No. Only he could. But he'd grovel, he'd beg, he'd crawl after you for the rest of his miserable life and do it all while building you a rose garden.
He'd do all of that for one minute of your eyes on his.
“Just promise you'll come back. To the Pitt. Whole place is going to crap without you.” He tried to joke but it was a pathetic thing.
“Okay. Yeah.” Your shoulders lifted in in-difference.
“And don't ignore the guys. They're going out for drinks tomorrow night. I won't be there. They all pretty much think I'm a dick anyway.”
There was a glimpse of a smile.
Jack played on. “I'm a total, total dick, a jerk!”
An elderly lady being escorted by with a nurse and an IV trailing her paused and glanced his way.
“Sorry,” he uttered.
You hid your chuckled behind your mouth but he caught a second of it.
It was enough for now.
Your name was called down the corridor.
“He's in V-tach!” a nurse announced before disappearing again.
“Go,” said Jack, taking himself out of the equation. “Just, please. Don't be a stranger.”
Jack wasn't lying when he said the place was going to crap without you. How they managed on shifts without your charm to work fretting family and friends down, or your terrible singing in between exams he didn't know.
Walking through the ambulance doors for his shift there was already paramedics pushing an empty and slightly blood stained gurney back into their rig. There was a crowd of elderly patients in beds and gowns left at the side and phones were ringing, drilling into his eardrums.
“Where the hell is she?” barked Robby, spotting Jack and no you.
Jack dumped his bag at the counter. “What happened here?”
“Nursing home caught fire, now where is she? We're swamped her, I thought you were going to get her and bring her back?”
Jack grumbled, frowning at the counter. “She's busy at West.”
“West? God-” Robby groaned, looking around the place and cursing. “Listen, I don't care what you have to do to make it up to her, buy her a florist, give her a ring, get down on your knees, I don't fucking care- I need her here.”
“You think I don't?” Jack snapped.
Robby eyed him, hand clenched on the counter. “Tell her the truth-”
“-Robby-”
“-no, you tell her you didn't mean a damn thing you said. That you were scared loving someone that isn't your wife.”
Glass. Jack was made of glass. If Robby could see through him so clearly why couldn't you? Why couldn't you see the truth? That Jack liked you, liked you more than he'd liked anyone. That loving you meant leaving the life he lived with his wife behind, yet carrying a part of her with him always. He didn't want to do that to you. He didn't want to make you live with a ghost or carry his grief. There were days where it was too hard for him to handle.
Robby sighed. “You think she'd want you to be happy?”
A muscle in Jack's neck tensed as he went to nod but was held back by himself.
“Talk to her,” said Robby clamping him on the shoulder quickly before disappearing.
Hiding away wasn't going to solve anything. That's what Robby said to you in a desperate plea to get you back to helping him out with shifts.
Truth was you weren't hiding away... as much.
Drinks with the guys had been hours of them telling you Jack was wrong, after Jack had exposed himself to them, laying the situation on the table. As promised, he wasn't there but every conversation revolved around him so much so it felt like he was at your side. You defended Jack when they argued against him. You told them you knew you were loud at times, maybe you shouldn't joke around as much as you did.
They'd laughed, thinking it was a joke itself.
They told you not to change.
It was hard not to. Every time you heard yourself get loud or get a look from people at the other table your instinct was to shrink. When Diaz tripped on the curb out the bar you laughed instead of helping him and was left with your own guilt when you got home.
Un-learning habits was hard. Learning to live with them was harder.
You started with baby steps. A day shift here, a day shift there, by hand-offs you were always gone. Yet, in the staff lounge there sat a fresh bouquet of flowers every morning. As soon as they started to wilt another fresh bunch was placed over night.
Nothing was said. Nothing ever had to be.
“Shen's out, food poisoning,” said Robby over the phone another day. “You know I wouldn't ask if there was no otherway.”
Which was how you ended up working a night shift. The first in months.
Jack's eyes lit up as you walked in, it was impossible not to notice. The only eyes to rival his sparkle was Lena's when she saw you.
It was the sort of night that held your attention. That roped you in and demanded you listened. Not overly busy but not quiet enough to cause you and Jack to be held captive in the same room. Only seconds passed in hallways when he looked like he was going to say something before being called away, taunt in the neck and gripping his stethoscope for the life of him.
“Am I going to need surgery?” asked the young boy in five who you were examining. A nasty accident in his dad's garage ended up with a laceration to the foot.
“Not surgery but a couple stitches to bring the skin back together, and you're gonna have to stay off your feet for a while,” you said.
The boys eyes grew wide in joy. “So, no school?”
You chuckled as his mom pinched his shoulder playfully. “Well, I can't be the deciding factor on that, I'm afraid.”
You put in the orders for stitches.
“Is it gonna hurt?” asked the boy, shrinking back in his bed.
“We're gonna numb you up so you don't feel anything,” you assured. “Tell you what, I have a secret stash of candy that I only share with my favourite patients, how's that sound, you want something?”
The boy tried not to be too eager in his nodding but it took less than two second for him to grin.
You didn't expect anyone in the lounge when you went in search for candy usually lying around.
Jack was hunched over the table, pulling out the dying flowers and arranging fresh ones. He stopped when you walked in, the door closing gently behind you. “Hi.”
“Hey.”
“I was just... maintenance,” he mumbled.
You nodded along, a thick awkwardness engulfing the two of you. “Maintenance... yeah... sure...”
You moved around him, keeping a good distance around the space of him like he was a poisonous snake. The cabinet was high up, the tin an old sewing one where you hid your most precious protein bars and sugar packed candy.
“Here, I can-”
His body was sturdy against the back of you as he reached up for the tin. Few select people were allowed to know about its contents and Jack was on of the first ones you trusted. He raised his arm and you watched the freckles along his arm move and ripple. Upon inhale you took a deep breath of lingering cologne, mixed with the hearty sterile hand wash of the ED.
Jack's own head tilted down and your heard him inhale, deeply.
The tin fell into your hand.
Jack stared down. “Oh- er, there.”
“Thanks.”
It was about all the conversation you got with Jack your shift was over. The morning was just breaking through the clouds at six, bringing with it a down pour. You'd already punched out, handed off your patients to McKay and was left standing under the small awning of the ambulance bay, trying to out wait the rain.
It took ten minutes for Jack to follow you out.
“You heading out?” he asked, hands shoved in his pockets.
“Yeah. I'm just waiting for my uber.”
Jack frowned. “What happened to your car?”
“It's in the garage.”
“Well... I can give you a lift,” he suggested.
The rain hammered down harder above you, steady streams falling from the awning to at your feet. As discreet as possible you checked the location on you uber. Just around the corner. In the rain it had taken longer.
“No, it's okay, you don't have to.”
“I'd like to,” said Jack, stepping closer. “I'd like a chance to talk to you. To tell you everything that I meant by my words.”
You'd almost hoped you could carry on as you were: extremely avoidant.
“You don't have to, Jack.”
“I do- I do!” he insisted, hands out in front of him as if desperate to grasp you. He held himself back. “Please let me.”
Stomaching more of his words, whether it be excuses as to what he meant to say or just doubling down and insisting what he said was true. You didn't think you were strong enough for either.
Your phone buzzed in hand as a slick back black car pulled up, window rolling down and calling your name.
“No, wait-wait!” said Jack, holding a hand up to you with all the authority of an attending still on duty.
“Jack, what are you-” You were struck in place, watching him lean through the window, rain dampening his shirt as he un-folded a few bills and handed them to the driver.
“We don't need you know, sorry man,” Jack mumbled.
Your jaw hung open as you stepped out into the rain, bottom of your scrub pants dampening at once. “What?”
The driver tutted. “I still want me five star review!” He drove off quickly, splashing the two of you as he went.
“Oh- serious?” Jack gritted. “Now I wish I hadn't given him such a tip.”
The puddles of rain were seeping into your trainers as you walked off, out of the way of ambulances and cars, pulling your jacket tighter around you.
“Wait! Wait!” Jack called after you, boots slapping in the water. He all but jumped in front of you, stumbling lightly at the shift in his bad leg. “Wait.”
“I don't know what else you want to say to me, Jack?”
“Nothing I say can excuse what I said-”
“-so why try?”
“Because it's killing me being like this!” he snapped. The rain was pouring down, falling down his cheeks and nose. “It's killing me to look for your smile and not see it. It's killing me to hear a joke and you not laugh. Everything I said, it-it re-plays in my head and I'm sorry.”
“I know you are, Jack, I just need time!”
“I'll give you time,” he said. “I'll give you anything you need. But just let me say one thing. You owe me nothing, I'm begging you.”
To prove a point Jack crouched, starting to get down on his knees, hands already clenched together. To spare you the embarrassment and him the ache in his leg you tugged him back up.
He stared at you, breathless. He was as drenched as you, the both of your scrubs stuck to you.
“I haven't loved anyone since my wife,” said Jack. “I haven't tried, I didn't want to try. I was... not happy, but content to just carry on with her here-” he curled a fist at his chest. “And then you... and I couldn't not feel anything for you. I tried- I really tried.”
“Okay. You tried. I get it,” you mumbled.
“But I started to love you and I hated myself for it. It felt like I was betraying her by wanting someone else. By wanting you. And I did- I do want you. Every terrible joke you made, Jesus, I couldn't laugh in front of patients and their families. When you go out drinking with us and the guys in our team and you sing karaoke badly-”
“Excuse me?”
Jack winced. “I mean great, great karaoke.”
You chuckled.
“I can't take back the fact you're different from my wife, you are, but I don't think that's a bad thing- it's not. Because I still love you. I love that you're loud, I love that you draw attention to yourself as soon as you walk into a room, my attention is always on you anyway,” he smiled, sadly. It was the kind of smile a lover would give as they watched the love of their life leave them. “I shouldn't have made my grief your problem. I shouldn't have hated myself for feeling love again and I shouldn't have tried to convince myself hating you. I mean, that was just- just impossible.”
You looked down to your trainers, seeing the darkening colour where the water soaked in. “I've loved you for so long now, Jack.”
He waited, catching his breath, for more.
You looked up at him. “I'm sorry. About your wife. I can't imagine how hard it is for you. But I don't want to fall in love with a man who constantly advertises me next to his wife.”
Jack nodded, looking down.
The rain was probably helpful, hiding any tears you'd give away.
“I love you, separate to how I love my wife. And I loved her, I did. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life dead inside. Be on my death bed when I'm eighty looking back at all the times I should've kissed you.”
His words pulled at your heart, your feelings that you'd been burying deep inside clashing together inside of you.
“By the time you're eighty, I'll be like, in my sixties?” you said.
“Yeah, something like that.”
“And looking to settle down.”
Jack laughed, and you laughed and for a second that was almost enough. The rain had made the grey in his hair darker, almost making him look younger. “I'm not saying I won't fuck up, I probably will, I have a therapist for a reason.”
“Therapy is good,” you said.
Jack's eyes were lighting up slowly with every teasing comment you made. Something akin to hope flickered between the two of you. “But I will never draw comparison to you and my wife. I'll never make you feel like second choice. I'll never dump my grief onto you. If you just give me one chance, just one chance at making this right.”
As sorry's went... as love confessions went.
“I'm scared what it means to love you, Jack,” you said, slowly, feeling the words around your mouth.
“I know, I know,” Jack reached over, clumsily brushing back your damp hair from your cheeks. In spite of the rain, his skin was still soft and hot on you. “I am too.”
You searched his eyes before whispering. “Can I kiss you?”
He smirked a little. “No.”
Your heart dropped.
Jack's hands tilted your head back before you could tuck yourself away. “Can I kiss you?”
His lips were slick and wet from rain but no less sort after from you. He didn't push or prod for more, he just laid his lips against yours with enough pressure for you to know he was there. For you to always remember he was there.
You could have stayed like that for hours, practically standing on each others toes as your own hands came up to clutch his biceps, fingertips digging into his freckles.
You pulled away only when you needed to catch your breath.
Jack's lips chased yours, body tumbling into you slightly as his eyes took seconds to open like coming out from a dream.
You ran your hands up his shoulders. “I love you.”
He closed his eyes and soaked in the words.
“Will you let me?” you asked.
“Always,” he promised.
thank you to anon for requesting, and thank you to @oldbaddies and @mafercita101 who wanted to be tagged :)
