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⥠pairing | á´!ĘÉŞá´Ę X áś á´ąá´š á´źáś
â word count | 15.3k
â genre | angst, smut
â warnings | arranged marriage, infidelity
That damnable smell has returned. The cloying scent that lingers in the halls of the palace, clinging like a perfumed fog in clouds of sour spice. Itâs distinct, easily identified as it wafts through each room that accursed witch graces with her coquettish presence. Bergamot and lemon as if sheâs doused herself in citrus, enough to leave traces of that horridly saccharine scent sewn into the fibers of every velvet curtain and silk rug that she passes. The whole palace smells like the ripest orchard at the height of spring covering any other aroma that mightâve lingered in the halls before her arrival made the halls nearly inhospitable with the strength of her presence.Â
All the windows of my chamber were tossed open to relieve a bit of the maddening smell thatâs begun to seep past the doors of my apartment, the light breeze bringing in a bounty of fresh air and the peals of bells as the kingdom praises the return of their Emperor. He and his wretched whore.Â
Thereâs meant to be a feast beginning at nightfall to celebrate his victory at the northern border, organized in all the splendor befitting a crowned warrior and yet my heart has not been moved to elation upon hearing of my husbandâs safe return. Instead itâs shriveled and gone bitter as a rotten fruit. Heâs yet to grace my rooms with his presence, not even a squire sent to the drawing room to be fawned over by my ladies in waiting. Since his return theyâve been lacking in entertainment, simply loitering about my quarters as visitors have dwindled in favor of visiting that new mistress of his. Itâs an insult unto itself.Â
Missing for the first year and a half of our marriage and returning without so much as a personal announcement. His neglect is bold indeed. The eyes of the court follow their rulers and one has been shut up in her quarters, ignored while the other flaunts his new bedmate throughout the palace. A simple visit would be a reminder of where his loyalties lie and yet Nathaniel canât even do me that small honor to remind my personal court that I havenât been abandoned as the rumors say. He scorns me at every step, not even sparing the basic courtesy of discretion.Â
Heâs brought back many war prizes. Horses, servants, foreign riches to fill the treasury, and a bountiful addition to his personal household. Because among the thralls and cooks, masters of horses and seamstresses is a sorceress. A court priestess is hardly something to bat an eye at. An addition to the church to help them read the heavens and interpret the will of the gods in each comet and eclipse. But sheâs been paraded into the palace with a child on her hip and another quickening in her womb. Nathaniel had been gone for only so long and this is what he returned with to reward my loyalty. In these long months Iâve been an exemplary wife and beloved empress, sitting on his throne each day to rule his empire in his stead. And all I have to show for my toiling is a lemon-scented mistress and her bastard children.Â
âTwo!â My voice echoes over the courtyard beneath the window as I sit on the tufted seat, nose pointed to the wind as I breathe in the reprieveful scent of a lavender sachet. Despite my best efforts the orchard smell carries, nearly overwhelming any incense that burn in braziers throughout my chambers. Even without seeing her, her presence mocks me.Â
âHe expects me to accept this insult as if it is I who is the hidden woman. I am the mother of his empire and yet he canât afford me the basic respect a farmer could give his wife. A mistress is insulting enough but to fill her with child? Twice! He mustâve laid with her the first night he reached the borderlands and thought her precious enough to keep by his side through the war.â I imagine her being groomed and waited on by the women serving at the war camp, sparing moments between battles to be sure the emperorâs chosen paramour is presentable for his return from the frontlines. In my nightmares heâs wild with bloodlust, the wanton spirit of a warrior possessing him to take her roughly. The idea plagues me even in waking moments. The thought of my husbandâs public betrayal of our vows.Â
âBlue cunt.â I swear.
Her title worsens the blow. A daughter of the moon as theyâre called in the south. Sorceress, priestess. The accounts differ from source to source but all agree she is a daughter of the pale-faced moon god. Llamor as heâs called in my mother tongue. His children are known to favor blue and silver in their dress. But I was raised in a castle touched by the sun, in Creztesina by the Sea. The sun goddess Ymilia is exalted in the home of my girlhood, halls dripping in gold and yellow. Itâs spun into the threads of every gown I own and hangs in delicate chains over my body. There is no animosity between the moon and the sun, united in the heavens as husband and wife. Their disciplines must be balanced to ensure harmony between the lady sun and her moon husband.Â
The north knows no such parity. They keep different gods. I know the moon as Llamor but the Snow Lords call him their All Father. The moon is his great shield as the sun is the golden shield of his enemy. They fight in the heavens with every passing day. When the sun rises the moon is defeated and when the sun disappears the moon claims his victory. There are more lesser gods in the stars whose names I never learned. All of them are as cold as the people who offer them worship. There is no balance in them. They are severe and dark. There is no balance between the light and shadows. Perhaps if Nathaniel were known to be more pious his taking of a northwoman could be seen as cultivating harmony over his newly united lands but the emperor has never been interested in devotion to the gods.Â
âIf he names her consort it is within your right to return home and be done with this farce of a marriage.â Letizia says, cooling herself with an enamel fan dipped in rose water. The Lady Frosa speaks with a lack of decorum, sharing in my impolite tone as we trade gossip across the window seat. Letizia is the only woman at court I can speak with so freely, a friend since childhood that followed me north when I was married into the Midlands. Weâre both children of the south where palace rules are lax and the hills roll with dunes of jewel-colored sand. It was only my marriage to Emperor Nathaniel that brought Creztesina into the Midland fold of five petty kings and this is how my fatherâs strides towards peace have been rewarded. An abandoned daughter living in the shadow of a publicly acknowledged mistress.Â
âShe's a consort in all but name. Rob tells me they pay tribute to her now that her rooms have been settled. Lady Rosamund brought her a pair of fertility dolls to âfurther her blessingsâ. Theyâve forgotten who sits the throne. It certainly isnât that northron bitch. I expect sheâll be seated beside the emperor tonight. I should take ill and avoid the humiliation.âÂ
Letizia clicks her tongue. âRosamund is a beggar lady at best.âÂ
âLettuce!â Itâs hard to keep the mirth from my voice. Gossiping is below an Empressâs station but trading jabs seems to be the only thing lightening the burden of betrayal.Â
âItâs the truth! Sheâs a fortune hunter through and through. She jumps from one wizzen prick to the next, draining their coffers as she goes. If you ask me sheâs a succubus killing off the lords that run half of the damn empire. First it was Sir Kennedy Yarrow, do you remember? Then the Duke of Shallowport. Wasnât it just a few years ago she was married into the Hydes of Red River? She has no loyalty! She is the realmâs most successful tart.â The breath runs from my lungs as Lettuce raves on about Rosamundâs reputation as a cursed bride, laughter pinching my chest as I try to catch my breath.Â
Her impropriety makes me laugh in a way I havenât in the months since my husbandâs return journey was announced. It took him three months to bring his armies home from the subjugated borderlands and if the stories are to be believed he sent the ravens and then retired to bed his whore to celebrate his victory. The child inside her is three months grown from what the whispers say, though Iâve been spared a close look at the swell of her belly. The scant few glimpses of her have been in passing, usually the train of her dress disappearing around a corner in a burst of citrusy wind as the mistress runs from the lawful wifeâs approach. At least she knows to keep hidden though Iâve heard accounts of her appearance. Rob is an adept spymaster, bringing forward any morsel of information he and his underlings hear throughout the palace and the empire at large.Â
âRob says sheâs lacking in power.â Itâs a small comfort to know that her title as a priestess or perhaps a sorceress is contested among the court. Itâs a small thread of hope that Nathaniel might put his paramour aside and remember his true empress. If only heâd spare the time to look upon my face and remember the power I hold before he makes a rash decision that shames us both. Iâve been learning the disciplines of a priestess long before my father sought to marry me off to the most promising of the squabbling kings threatening his border. My marriage was decided in truth when Nathaniel reigned victorious over the war to unite the Midlands under one rule, and by then Iâd grown quite skilled in my craft. Nathaniel could have a god-queen in his lap if he hadnât gone off and fell between the legs of some subpar witch.Â
âYou could curse her,â Lettuce whispers behind her fan, green eyes squinting conspiratorially. I could. Itâs well within the reaches of my power, but it would bring harm to an innocent life. The blue witch forwent the moon tea that wouldâve cleaned up my husbandâs indiscretions. That isnât the fault of the child growing inside her. The babe will be her shield until it is birthed regardless of my disdain for its mother. Iâll simply have to bear the humiliation for at least a few months longer, because I wonât let that woman take one step beyond the palace walls with my husbandâs children. The bastards are still of his blood and I need no fodder for future rebellions with half blood princes bringing their swords to my door. Bastards or not theyâll be raised within the palace, as far from their motherâs influence as they can bear. Shrewd as I may be in planning for the bleakest future I am not cruel enough to deny them contact with their birth mother. Still she canât be allowed to sway them towards any cause she may have because no one enters the palace with no ambitions.Â
A sudden knock quiets the thought as a maid announces a visitor.Â
âWhat news?â Lettuce asks when Rob arrives through the door. He looks disheveled, hair coming loose from the ribbon meant to keep his dark curls at bay. His face is pale, stricken as if something dire has happened.Â
âLettuce, the door.â I say quickly, already moving to close the window lest our voices carry beyond these walls. Letizia sends the maid away to find cheese and wine, bolting the bedchamber door when the sound of retreating footsteps fades to silence.Â
âCome sit.â Robâs skin is damp with sweat as I lead him to a chair, the white linen of his shirt darkening where it clings to his skin. âRobert, what is it?â
âDead,â he murmurs, lips hardly parting around the word. âThe emperor is dead.âÂ
Thereâs a tradition in the Midlands, a superstition as it were, that certain words cannot be said in close relation to titled nobility for fear of cursing their name. âDeathâ in all its forms is one such word and itâs said in many ways in the Central Tongue. Rob mumbles the word over and over, eyes staring without focus, but it isnât the grand death of nobility heâs speaking of. His tongue stumbles over the informal form meant for the lord of less precious lives. A death meant for commoners. This isnât a true announcement of death and that only further sinks my heart into roiling anxiety. If not a true death then what? Rob takes the water when I offer it, drinking so deeply that it dribbles into his beard before heâs finished. When itâs gone he holds the cup in his lap, gripping it so tightly that his knuckles go white.Â
âWhat do you mean he died?âÂ
âNo one has seen the Emperor without his armor since he returned. Heâs worn his helm even at court, else heâs shut away in his quarters refusing visitors. But I saw it. It was an urgent message from the northern border. The settlements are still unstable and rebellion looms closely over the horizon with the defeated Snow Lords wanting to retake their small pieces of land.â
âSo youâve mentioned,â Lettuce goads him to continue beyond the finer details of the matter.Â
âHeâd recently bathed when I was given leave to enter and I saw him. He was dressed in usual attire, not armor, and his shirt was slightly undone when he bid me enter. His chestâgods be good, his skin. I had no words. I handed him the message and nearly ran from the room when he dismissed me.âÂ
âHis chest? What was wrong with his skin?â Things happen when men are at war and Nathaniel has been a warlord since childhood, raised on the battlefield as his father fought to expand his meager territory, attacking the small earldoms at his borders until only four foes remained when he was finally defeated. He died a warriorâs death and went to the Pale Palace of the moon riddled with the scars of his storied life. Nathaniel is much the same. For Rob to be so shaken I can only imagine what has happened.Â
âHis chest was cleaved open. Thereâs a scar,â Rob runs his shaking fingers down the center of his chest. âIt spelled death and yet he lives. He was healed. It looked like the work of an ax. It mustâve struck his chest like a tree and yet I saw his chest moving with his breath. He lives.â
âHeâs changed.â It isnât a question. âHis eyes, what color are they?âÂ
âBrown.â Rob says in an instant and then looks pensively into his empty cup. âTheyâve always been brown.â
âAnd now?â Lettuce presses. She is always with me, if only a half step behind. She knows the worry that plagues me now as Rob tries to piece together what he saw in the emperorâs bedchamber.Â
âThey were white. Everything was white. He had the curtains drawn and candles lit, and he seemed to glow. His hair, his eyes. Theyâve gone white as snow.â The sentiment is lost on me. Snow is only a vague idea in my mind as a woman of the south. Even the Midlands hardly see more than a few flurries in the cold seasons but they never blanket the ground in the way northerners speak of it. White to me is pearlescent sand dunes after midnight when the moon is highest in the sky.Â
âForsaken.â The word is like poison on my tongue. Rob raises his head, eyes searching my face for an answer. Heat begins to well in my chest, anger rising at the thought of the truth being kept from me as if I am someone to be overlooked.Â
âYou heard nothing of this? Truly?âÂ
Rob swallows thickly. âThere was one message. A raven came from one of the physicians about a wound His Majesty had sustained. It caved in his armor so deeply his wound was held open by the warped metal, blood pooling in the gash torn through his chest. Heâd been alive when he was brought into the healing tent if only barely, but died as they were working over him. He was meant to be left overnight while plans were made to decide how best to proceed with the news but when night fell the emperor emerged from the tent, alive despite the damage still plain to see in his armor. The physician had tried to bend the metal away from his wound so it wasnât cutting into his skin when he rose but there was a scar where the gash had been. The message was written in two different inks. Half written when the Emperor died and the rest when he walked out of the tent unharmed but changed. He wasnât seen publicly without his armor beyond that day.âÂ
âAnd you didnât think to tell me?â Upset doesnât begin to encompass the roar of emotions crashing like towering waves in my chest. Rob has never neglected to tell me anything of note and this is hardly something that can be pushed aside and deemed unimportant.Â
âI thought it was a lie,â he rushes. âThe rest of my correspondences after that day were written in a different hand and that physician that wrote the original message never returned to the palace. I looked into it. He died, gorged himself on his elixirs and tonics in the dead of night. They found him in the morning, eyes bleeding and mouth foaming. They said there was blood beneath his nails from where he tried to claw at his throat.â Lettuce turns away, hands tight over her ears. Sheâs never had the stomach for gruesome things and she was nearly in tears already hearing what had happened to Nathaniel.Â
âQuiet!â She hisses, sniffling as she begins to pace. Her feet wear tracks into the rug until she nearly jumps from her skin when the maid knocks to announce her return with the requested refreshments. Lettuces dabs her eyes dry on her sleeve before going to the door, sending the girl away to find something else of little consequence. The girl lingers for a moment, looking past Lettuce to see what is so important that she canât linger and hear a few words through the door. Her expectations seem to be disappointed when she finds me standing with my hands clasped, a respectable distance away from Rob who has straightened his posture to look presentable before the door shuts once more.Â
âNosy thing.â Lettuce tuts, setting aside the platter of cheese and goblets of wine with little intention to indulge. âNow enough with the carnage. We need no more of it poisoning our ears. Iâll have nightmares.â
âSomeone killed the physician.â Lettuce makes a disbelieving noise as I ignore her appeal for a lighter topic, going back to her pacing as she picks anxiously at her nails.Â
âThat was my thinking as well once I saw His Majesty. When the message came and I heard of his death so soon after I assumed it was the ravings of a madman, but it seems it was written in truth. And that truth was meant to stay hidden. I know of one other dubious death. Sir Oddingsel. He was an esteemed knight, very skilled. You may have known his face if you saw his colors at a tourney, Your Majesty. He was killed by retreating forces. An unlikely death. He was skilled and brutalâforgive my vulgarity Lady Frosa. The last to leave the battlefield. He couldnât have been killed by crippled forces.â
âWhat importance does his death have in this?â
âHe was one of the few people the physician consulted about the Emperorâs supposed death. His second in command at the frontlines.â
âThen someone wants all the witnesses dead.âÂ
âI fear so, Your Majesty. I will look into it. But if I may speak freely for a moment?â I nod my acquiescence. âThe emperor frightened me, Your Majesty. Truly. Heâs been touched by something beyond my comprehension.â
âHe is Forsaken,â Lettuce says. When Rob doesnât seem to understand she grumbles in our mother tongue about the Midlands being godless.Â
âTo be Forsaken is to be shut out of the halls of Llamor. The sun is the goddess of life and the moon the master of death. He takes everyone into his cold arms when their time comes. Those are the stories told in our temples to the south.â I begin.Â
âThere is a saying in Creztesina: the soul for he and the rot for she. Your body is left to nourish the earth and your soul is taken to the moonâs midnight halls. Cold and dark, but peaceful. To be denied a seat at the night lordâs table is to be Forsaken, your soul sent back into a dead body to walk the earth forever. Itâs a cruel fate. One that can only be done and undone by a child of the moon, someone who favors the night god.â
Lettuceâs anger flares. âBy your reports his sorceress companion isnât capable of such feats!â
âAnd she isnât, I swear it! She does small tricks to entertain those that pay her visits, turning cups of water to half-melted snow and chilling fruits the servants bring. SomeoneâI believe it was that Lady Rosamundâasked her to fill her drawing room with snow and she was only able to make a few flurries and then took sick for the rest of the day. Her power is very little as if it was learned with recent haste. It couldnât have been her that raised him from the dead. In any case, I doubt heâd let himself be tied to the whims of a strumpet like her.â
âThat strumpet,â I sigh, âhas given him a son. And perhaps another is growing inside her at this very moment. Heâs already tied to her. But if it wasnât her, then who?â
âThis has become a true conspiracy,â Rob says mournfully. âA knot has been tied around the empire. I will do my best to unravel it.â
âGood. Dismissed. Thank you, Robin.â Rob sets the cup down at last before leaving past the prying handmaiden.Â
âWhat does this mean? For the court? For us?â Lettuce frets when the door is shut once more.Â
âNothing good will come of this to be sure. Itâs likely that blue bitch isnât the only woman Iâll have to worry about in this lifetime.â
Nathaniel has been made immortal. Any death beyond his first will roll off like water on a duckâs back. Iâm mortal, my life is finite. And he is a man. Heâs already proven heâs no stronger than any other when it comes to indulging in desire. Heâll be bedding my replacement before Iâm dead and buried.Â
âThe moment a gray hair is found on my head Iâll be tossed aside, or perhaps even before that. That fool must think it was that sorceress that brought him back to life. Sheâs no better than Rosamund, preying on men who know no better. He wasnât raised to understand the gods across any practice. No matter their face he wouldnât recognize a god if they took out his soul and showed it to him. No one of Midland descent understands what has happened. Iâm sure heâll believe the first person that flashes a crumb of magic at him.âÂ
My fingers press against the painful pressure building in my temples as I try to soothe away the ache of being the most qualified ruler between Nathaniel and I. He leans heavily on the word of his advisors when he is not off battling some lower lords and earls. In my time as sole ruler Iâve done the work to prune the incompetent weeds from his court. It had taken nearly as long as his war. Each sir and duke and lord was more egocentric than the last, using their voice to sway me towards a choice benefiting their own family and treasuries before the whole of the empire. Blundering fools that they were, thinking me inferior. Women do not rule in the Midlands but I was raised from birth as my fatherâs one true heir. Iâm sure Nathaniel has hardly noticed court sessions now run more smoothly without the underhanded power grabs that he seemed so ignorant to.Â
âAnd yet heâs the father of the empire.â Lettuce says bitterly.Â
âHe was born into this. If the world since birth has told you that day is night youâll sleep when the sun rises. His ignorance is an inconvenience but heâs hardly to blame for it.âÂ
Lettuce flusters, âDamn the stars, thereâs truly nothing we can do. Not without knowing the sorcerer that did this.â
âFor now, there is no rush. Nathaniel might be changed but how many in his court will recognize the mark of a Forsaken? Itâs best to leave their minds to imagining while we work quietly to untangle this mess. Let them make up their own stories, they seem to do it so well.â
âTheyâll hail that whore of his as a powerful sorceress.â
âLet them. Theyâve yet to see what I am truly capable of. Let them say that he is so enamored by her and her magic that it clings to him wherever he goes. Anything is better than the empire knowing their ruler will never die and pass on his crown. Heâll be emperor for a thousand years and no one will be able to unseat his power. That is my true worry. Let him whore and drink and battle as much as his heart desires, as long as the smallfolk arenât forced to show fealty to a man gone mad with his own power.â Â
âTheir ignorance is of help to us yet,â Lettuce says, temper cooling. âYes, let them dote on that harlot and think she holds the world in the palm of her hand. To them a drop of water is the same as a flood. They know not of true power.â We were both raised in the sunswept temple of the Golden Mother. Weâve seen true power. Even my own capabilities pale in comparison to that of a high priestess. Whatâs been said of the blue cunt is hardly more than a childâs practice.Â
âGods be good!â Lettuce curses, but quickly corrects herself when another knock comes. A timid voice announces the emperorâs personal servant Dorian. He enters balancing a box in his arms. There are rules in the Midland courts about the status of servants, dizzying checks and balances to remind them of their lower class. I hardly paid attention to the lessons upon arrival at the palace and still reach to accept the box myself only for Dorian to shrink back, leaning purposefully towards Lettuce. She accepts the box but he still lingers in wait.Â
âThank you, Your Majesty, for your favor.â Itâs a practiced line learned from the governess that attended me in the first months of my enthronement. Anything sent by the emperor is to be treated as if it is his own presence. I curtsy and Lettuce follows suit, dipping lower than I had as is expected of our separation in court ranking. Itâs swift and flippant, but Dorian accepts the courtesy and quickly scampers out of my bedchamber. I wonder if he knows whatâs happened to his master.Â
âI still donât understand why I canât accept things for myself.â I grouse as Lettuce sets the box on a table. Itâs wide and flat and made of handsomely polished wood. Inside a dress made of sunlight spills over the velvet lined edges. The sumptuous fabric is smooth as water between my fingers and as lustrous as candlelight.Â
âOh!â Lettuce coos, caressing the fabric with gentle hands. âThereâs a note.â She hands over the small roll of parchment hidden between the swathes of gold fabric. I recognize my husbandâs own hand if only from the few letters I received during our short courtship. He hadnât thought it necessary to send letters from the warfront and it only took a few weeks for Rob to find out why. That witch had kept him thoroughly occupied during his campaign but itâs harder to conceal his neglect now that weâre in the same vicinity once more.Â
Empressâ
It has been very long since I last saw you. Allow this gift to be an atonement for time lost between us. Wear it to the feast tonight and let the banquet hall be filled with your light.Â
Itâs unsigned and void of the attempt at affection he used to lace into his letters. My sundew, darling sunrise. He couldnât even spare a dearest or sweet before my title. Now it is only Empress. Itâs what I am but it feels as though his previous kindness was only meant to lull me into a false sense of companionship. If you want to catch flies you set out a plate of honey and I fell for the trick of his sweet words as he played at being kind and chivalrous to goad me into marriage so he could continue his quest of uniting the realm. Because Creztesina would not have fallen to siege. He needed to endear himself to the heir and Father and I had foolishly allowed it. Though I hardly swooned at his old letters, it was a welcomed attempt at niceties if we were meant to spend the rest of our lives together. Now itâs plain to see it had all been artifice. The note crumples in my hand before I toss it aside.Â
âIâm expected to wear this tonight.â
âItâs a beautiful gown.â Lettuce says, trying to rouse my spirits.Â
âOf course it is. Anything less and it would be an insult. But I have no doubt his mistress has received a similar gift.âÂ
âTonight will show where the courtsâ allegiances lie. We will see who is truly allied with their empress as the true mother of the nation. Allow me to be the first to restate my support.â In most things Lettuce disregards proper etiquette, but when she cares, when things truly matter to her, she expends the effort. She kneels before me in the way of our homeland, bowing low enough for her forehead to nearly touch my feet.Â
âLettuce!â She is like a sister, raised alongside me, the daughter of my fatherâs closest advisor. To see Lettuce prostrate herself to reaffirm her lifelong loyalty is almost jarring. She accepts my help to her feet and dips in a proper curtsy befitting the Midland customs.Â
âIâm borrowing one of your dresses.â She says as she stands, already walking towards my wardrobe and the short moment of formality passes. Lettuce leafs through the hanging gowns until she settles on a few to pull out. Theyâre laid across the bed for my appraisal. Each is made of gold fabric that catches in the light of the setting sun streaming through the window. Soon someone will arrive to light candles and primp me for tonightâs festivities.Â
âWonât it be seen as impolite to wear the same color as the Empress?â In Creztesina it hardly matters. Fabric is fabric and every body is worthy of wearing it, from the lowliest peasant to the highest of nobility. A fishmaid is fit to sit beside the queen, both in emerald green dresses if theyâd like. No one bats an eye. But here it is seen as an offense if a servant wears too many ornaments in their hair or a bright pattern on their clothes. They must be plain and uniformed. Theyâre meant to look dull, humble, in their appearance. Lettuce wearing gold will show her allegiance but some might question why sheâd dare try to upstage the empress at a feast held in her husbandâs honor. It hardly matters. He wonât be looking at me anyway. Itâs doubtless heâll only have eyes for his lusty little mistress. Lettuce leaves with the dress folded over her arm, saying something about recruiting a few other ladies in waiting to spread some gossip when the celebration begins. About what you canât be sure but itâs your hope she wonât overindulge and damage her reputation as an upstanding lady.Â
The feast has already begun when the maids deem me suitable to attend. My olive skin is brushed with gold dust and gilded paint; my dark curls tied away in a multitude of sinuous braids, and laced with gold ribbon; my earrings are sparkling with yellow topaz. The dress the emperor gifted is pure gold, the neckline dotted with yellow pearls and embroidered with golden flowers. The clincher about my waist is delicate, made of gold and affixed with bronze blossoms. The same metal flowers that bloom across the crown atop my head.Â
No one can deny what court I hail from as the arrival of the empress is announced over the din of music. The room seems to quiet as the doors swing open, bated breaths awaiting my reveal.Â
The lords tasked with planning have outdone themselves. The banquet hall has been made over to look like the northern border. Pillars are hung in spirals of white silk, strings of pearls and diamonds hang like snow flurries from the vaulted ceilings, the tables are dressed in shades of ivory and periwinkle, and the floors are dusted in little white feathers meant to stir like snow underfoot. Everything seems to glow in the candlelight, myself included. The flickering light is kind, sparkling off the finery draped over me, making my gold-dusted skin seem to shimmer. The hushed crowd parts to allow a path towards the high table sitting on the dais at the head of the room. Among the usual arrangements is an unmatched chair beside the seat of the emperor, smaller by comparison and hardly as ornate as the rest. Itâs empty as is Nathanielâs seat and I try to keep the sour look from my face as I sit in my respective place.Â
A serving girl wearing thick furs despite the heat of the room comes rushing to fill my cup, her cheeks and nose brushed with a thick tint of rouge. Itâs likely meant to imitate the nipping of the cold as is her thick clothing but it looks as though sheâs been standing in the sun as sweat glistens off her skin from the heat of her themed costume. Sheâs purposeful with her actions, pulling back the fur cuff of her sleeve to reveal a thin copper bangle. She curtsies deep as she straightens to leave; a sign of her fealty.Â
The ballroom is filled with a wash of colors that stand out against the white decor. Some have kept to the colors of their coat of arms. Lady Tresmont is in her familyâs typical purple, and Duchess Gadsborough wears her husbandâs quartered green and gray. A few ladies with blue in their banners have taken on my style of dress, bared shoulders and lighter skirts to mimic my continued fondness of Creztesina fashions. But there are many ladies in gowns of blue that donât look similar to my own. Pale as a freshwater pond and deep as the night. Others are gilded in shades of blossoming yellow and warm orange. Their stones have been cast.Â
Among the swaying bodies, I find my husband, given ample space to dance with the woman on his arm. Heâs wearing all white with an antlered headdress in place of his crown, the diamond studded mantle tosses beams of light over his partnerâs face as they twirl to the music. Even from a distance his changes are evident.Â
Robin hadnât been so forthcoming with the details aside from his scar and I work to keep my face void of emotion as I see him without his armor for the first time since his return. His hair has gone from midnight black to silvery white, and his brown skin has lost its warmth. Heâs taken on a sickly pallor that has tinged him a strange shade of blue where there used to be a golden glow beneath his skin. The two of them are dancing close, far more intimately than what Iâd been taught is customary of Midland celebrations. Nathanielâs hands, now clawed and tipped in stark white as if heâs wearing gloves, are placed properly but his partner lacks such decorum. She leans up close to his face as she laughs at something heâs said, red painted lips stretching into a pleased grin.Â
His face looks starkly different next to her round cheeks, having lost the fullness of life. Nathaniel has always had prominent cheeks and a defined jaw, but now he looks gaunt as his blanched skin sits almost too tight against the bones beneath. His eyes are filled with an icy glow. Somewhere beneath I hope thereâs still a hint of the man Iâd been obliged to marry, that perhaps beneath the magic his eyes will be brown as they were when we met. His appearance will only continue to change the longer her remains Forsaken. Taloned hands and tinted skin will be the least of his concerns when his mortal body begins to truly conform to its new immortal status. And yet he doesnât seem to have a worry in his mind as he twirls his paramour, dipping her so low I worry he might kiss her before the whole court.
Instead he presses his whispers against her ear and her smile falters, a peachy glow rushing to her cheeks. Pain shoots up my arms as my nails curl into the wood of my armrests, nearly tearing up from my fingertips with how tight I grip to keep myself seated. What could he have possibly said to her?
It doesnât matter. Iâm still the empress. I have to be conducted with proper etiquette befitting my status and storming off the dais to wrench the two of them apart will do nothing but prove I have a fear that Iâll be usurped by a common whore.Â
The song changes and Nathaniel pulls her upright but not so close as to hide the swell of her belly pushing tight against the fabric of her deep blue gown. Her hand moves to fix the jostled crown on her head and I nearly toss court rules to the wind. Heâs crowned her. Before the whole of the court heâs allowed her to adorn her head with a crown. One so similar to the ones I wear when full court regalia isnât necessary. Itâs fashioned in the style of Creztesina, a place sheâs surely never been. Sheâs from some small northern kingdom and yet the silver crown dipping over her forehead is a twine of silver leaves with a blooming desert flower at the center. This isnât the homage paid by loyal ladies and dutiful lords dancing around the pair. She has stolen what is rightfully mine in every regard. If Nathaniel allows it sheâll have my throne before everything is said and done.Â
âIâll admit, sheâs more audacious than even I expected.â Lettuce says, sliding into the seat beside me.Â
âHeâs crowned her.â I mutter, trying to keep a smile on my face. Lettuce looks again and sits up straighter in her seat.Â
âWhat use does that trollop have with your crown? It hardly fits her features besides that.â She chides. Itâs true. The pointed shape of it matches the sharp angles of my face, my long nose and upswept eyes. It gives me some pleasure to know her attempt at imitating one of my most recognizable adornments has fallen so flat. It is a crown, yes, but it looks more out of place upon her head the longer I look at her. Silver or not, it was made for me to wear. I sit back in my seat, placated for the moment. More wine is served along with some meat and Iâm in much higher spirits when Lady Rosamund comes trotting up the steps of the dais.Â
Currently unwed but in mourning, her gown has been trimmed in black lace for whatever husband sheâs recently lost but the dress itself is a shade of blue so pale itâs almost white. She curtsies with a vulpine grin and gives the usual greeting of flattery before offering me a box. Lettuce accepts and opens it, scoffing out a laugh before passing it over for me to see. Itâs a simple pair of dangling earrings. Blue gems set in silver.Â
âIs this meant for me?â Rosamund should know better than to give me something like this. The color wouldnât have scorned me a few years ago but even so the gems are cheap. Blue spinel. It looks to be sapphire to a less affluent eye, but the three of us were raised in wealth and know such gems apart from each other in an instant. To offer this as a gift after hearing what she gave that other woman is an insult worthy of expulsion from court. To be a lady in waiting is a privilege and Rosamund hardly performs her role with proper dedication.Â
âOf course not!â Rosamund laughs. âWhy would I ever give you such cheap jewelry? Itâs merely a jest. Iâve started giving that harlot gifts just to see what her standing was in the north. Theyâve all been imitations of more expensive pieces. Earlier I gave her fertility dolls. Theyâre perfectly fine to an untrained eye. The carvings are unflawed and symmetrical. But,â she pauses, leaning closer with a collusive smile, âI said they were red agate.â
âThatâs all?â Lettuce huffs, sitting back in her seat. âYou gave her red agate dolls?âÂ
âI wouldnât dare!â Her wide smile always looks more devious when sheâs flashing it at someone elseâs expense. âWhy waste such valuables on someone like her? Of course not!â She shakes her head at the notion.Â
âThe dolls I gave her are made of carnelian. Any other woman at court would have mentioned it, but she just thanked me even after handling them. She looked closely to see the faces carved in the stones but didnât see anything wrong. But Iâve overextended myself with my favors, may Your Majesty pass along this gift in my stead.â Rosamund leaves with another curtsy, the ruffles along the back of her dress wagging like a tail as she melts into the throng of dancers.Â
âClever minx.â Lettuce snorts.Â
âIndeed,â I agree. âAsking me to extend my hand to insult this woman in front of the emperor. Clever indeed. If I turned away her offer it would be a show of support, even keeping the gift to myself to spare her the embarrassment would be a kindness to be misinterpreted. She tied my hands, damn tramp. I hope her next husband lives a hundred years and sheâs never free of him.âÂ
At the mention of husbands, the emperor mounts the steps to the high table, the blue witch hanging happily from his arm. The smell is like a veil being draped over me, heavy and clinging. My nostrils flare and I mourn my lack of foresight as Iâm without even a handkerchief to keep the tart smell from assaulting me. Itâs dizzying but my smile never falters, denying her the pleasure of seeing me discomforted by her presence.Â
Itâs the expectation that sheâll bow and show deference and fealty to her empress but she forgoes formality and sits without introduction. I work to keep the annoyance from my face, brows twitching upwards at her blatant lack of respect. Even the lowest of citizens in the Midlands knows that you do not enter the presence of nobility without offering a proper greeting. It would be like entering someoneâs home and refusing to speak to the host. And Nathaniel allows her this, simply sitting between us.Â
âWife.â He hardly turns to address me fully, only pointing his eyes in my direction. Even beneath the magic the color has been leached away to a frosty blue. Heâs still handsome despite the deathly look of his face. Full lips, wide nose, round eyes. Heâs beautiful even in death. He raises a questioning brow when I withhold my response for a beat too long. Â
âWife, is it? Iâm glad youâve remembered. Or are you only calling me that because youâve forgotten my name.â He frowns for a brief moment before smoothing back into a neutral expression.
âCosima.â His voice shapes out the sound of my name without hesitation. I want to correct him, to say Iâm Empress Cosima, but I wonât stoop to begging for acknowledgement as the Empress that he personally conferred the title to. His mistress stiffens on his other side, fingers tightening around the bunch of grapes in her hand. She sets it down to shake the juice from her fingers and I laugh. It is good that she doesnât like the sound of my name. She knows her place even if she pretends to be aloof to such matters.Â
âSo you do remember. Youâll have to introduce me to the other woman youâve acquired. Iâve yet to hear anyone call her by name.â The desire to call her one of the many insulting aliases she accrued is strong, the words welling up to spill off of my tongue, but I bite back the urge.Â
âHer name is Meredith.â She startles at the sound of her name, standing awkwardly from her seat. She at least has the sense to look embarrassed, color flushing the tips of her ears as her eyes point towards the floor. I stand as well, refusing to be looked down upon by this meritless woman without even a surname to speak of. She keeps hers clasped beneath her belly, as if to draw my eyes to her pregnant state. Sheâs bold even in her fear, but foolish. Presenting her belly as if it will keep her from his rightful wifeâs wrath. If I were a less charitable woman she wouldâve met an unfortunate accident the moment she dared to step foot in my home.Â
âJust Meredith? And what of your family name. Westergard, Halpain, Lind?â I list off the names of northern nobility. Powerful houses that had valiantly resisted southern invasion before bowing to Nathanielâs sword. Of course both of us know she doesnât carry a noble name. What high lord would allow his daughter to run off with a married man without the promise of the first wife being removed in his daughterâs favor. She is undoubtedly someone of little regard where she came from and has only this affair to her name. The bedmate of a man powerful enough to make her disappear with a single word. History isnât fond of failed mistresses and their bastards. Nor am I.Â
She hesitates a moment. âMy surname is Alf. Meredith Alf.âÂ
âAlf?â Already her eyes are beginning to narrow as I pretend to think over her family name. Surely theyâre farmers or smiths or hunters of great value in whatever town she came from, but that matters little here in the palace.Â
âI donât think Iâve heard the name before. Who is your mother? Perhaps Iâll recognize her maiden name.â My tone is amiable though Iâm sure my smile never reaches my eyes. Meredithâs brows pinch into a tight line across her forehead beneath the downward point of her imitation crown as her lips shrink into a pout. She shifts uncomfortably as if waiting for me to laugh and wave away the question as a joke but I donât. I want her to admit that she knows sheâs out of place as I tilt my head in anticipation for her answer. After another moment she huffs through her nose before mumbling,
âMy motherâs father was a tanner. He wasnât anyone you would know.â She says almost too quickly. As if she has anything worth hiding about her lineage.Â
âAh, well that is good too.â And it is. Seamstresses make my dresses, hunters kill the meat on my plate, smiths make the blades that defend my crown. An unknown name isnât something to be shamed for unless you climb into my husbandâs bed for a moment of glory. Because thereâs no other reason to find yourself in an emperorâs bed if not for the lavish pleasures of being doted on by a powerful man and adding blessings to your family name. Being a princess kept me from knowing the desire to be more than I was but I can appreciate the sentiment.Â
âCosima.â Nathanielâs tone is a warning but Iâm hardly stirred by it. If he wants to flash his teeth heâd better bite me or be silent.Â
âThat would explain your lack of court etiquette, so Iâll give you a few words of a lesson. Itâs expected that you bow before your superior. I am your empress. Itâs only polite to show your respect as a woman of lower status. Itâs like paying honor to your liege lord.â Meredith looks towards Nathaniel as if he will give her permission to dispense with the rules that govern his empire, but he holds his silence. She dares to look surprised.Â
âMeredith, Her Highness has told you to bow.â Lettuce says. âDo it quickly before you spoil the happy mood.â The witch dares to look at Nathaniel again before stomping her foot like a petulant child.Â
âJust curtsy and be done with it,â he says at last. âItâs palace rules. You must obey them before the empress. If you incite her anger I wonât save you.â Is that so? Her mere existence is a thorn in my side. What anger hasnât he protected her from by keeping her away from me. I can hardly slap someone I canât reach. Meredith suddenly looks like a child, shoulders shifting awkwardly before she finally bows. Lettuce clears her throat when she moves to rise.Â
âYouâre meant to hold your curtsy until youâre told to rise.â I can imagine her discomfort. One foot behind the other as she balances the weight of her heavy gown and growing belly on bended knees. It canât be comfortable but I enjoy the view of the top of her head, glancing over it at Nathaniel. He says nothing though his higher rank means he can tell her to stand at his own leisure. He doesnât and I smile, nodding. Itâs good that he remembers my place above this woman.Â
âYou may rise,â I say at last and she nearly stumbles over, bumping into the table. âDo be careful. Wouldnât want to harm the royal heir inside you.âÂ
At that Nathaniel looks up, ghostly pale eyes watching my face for any show of displeasure. Itâs a wasted effort. What woman wouldnât be displeased at the thought of her husband impregnating the first whore that spread her legs for him. Some might say he took comfort where he could find it away from home. Of course war is difficult, but his soldiers suffered without their lovers and Iâd expected him to lead by example. My eyes narrow. I thought too highly of him. He doesnât look ashamed of himself but his full lips fold inward as he pinches his mouth against whatever he wants to say. I havenât gone beyond my means as the empress. All has been within the sanctity of palace rules. I donât need to stoop to underhanded tactics to bully her.
âClumsy little thing.â Lettuce laughs. âSurely you were taught the proper way to bow. You arenât so round that you can be thrown off balance so easily.â
âI was never a frequent visitor at my lordâs court. I canât say Iâve ever had a reason to learn proper conduct.â
Lettuce clicks her tongue. âMy lady.âÂ
Meredith frowns. âWhat?â
âThat will be your second lesson now that youâre a guest at His Majestyâs court. If youâre speaking to titled nobility it is expected that you exercise said title. I am Lady Letizia Frosa. Itâs expected that you refer to me as such.â
âSo many rules?â Meredith laughs, clearly feigning confusion as if that will spare her the need to abide by said rules.Â
âIndeed. Many rules in fact. It seems the emperor has spared you the lessons but now that youâve been presented publicly itâs expected that youâll learn your place.â A shadow falls over her pale face as she recognizes the venom in my tone.Â
âOf course,â she smiles through gritted teeth, âYour Majesty.âÂ
âItâs all new so I understand the misunderstandings, but you neednât worry. Sometimes favor is fleeting. You only need to be prudent. The need for such pleasantries might pass soon enough.âÂ
âSit down before you knock into something else.â Nathaniel cuts in at last. She brushes a hand over the slight swell of her stomach as if to remind me she has already won that battle twice over.Â
âIâm sure youâll understand someday, Your Majesty.â Meredith laughs as she slides back into her chair. âIt seems all I do while pregnant is eat. The new weight has made me quite clumsy at times. I hope my figure wonât be too terribly altered after I give birth again.âÂ
âChildren are a blessing. To be a mother is to be changed by motherhood. Youâre carrying the future of the crown, you should be less concerned with the past.â I say curtly. She seems to mull over my words as she pulls apart a piece of bread between her fingers, covering her lap in crumbs.Â
âWhat is that saying about the past being passed, that you canât change it? I think the future is full of possibilities. I agree that everything changes with time. May the gods be kind to us both.â Their kindness will look like a curse to one of us. Iâm sure sheâs aware of that as she picks at her food. My blessing would mean her downfall and I pray for it every night. She isnât deserving of such grace. I try not to sneer as I watch her eat.Â
The red tinge of her lips begins to spread around her mouth as she indulges in the greasy meats set out on the table. Theyâre delicious but to see someone at the high table so lacking in manners is strange. But it doesnât seem to upset Nathaniel as she takes his hand, smearing the grease over his pale fingers. Theyâre white as pearls, as are the sharpened lengths of his nails. Thereâs a chilled air lingering around him that raises goose flesh along the arm resting closest to him. Meredith doesnât seem bothered as she leans into him, nearly climbing into his lap as she clears one plate and then another. It makes me wonder if this is the type of woman heâs been wanting. If my meager month of marriage before he ran off to start another war was spent following rules and adhering to decorum when he wanted a woman that was able to act as she pleased.Â
The Midlands have always been known to have a more rigid code of conduct than the south, and Iâd been weaned from my way of life each day I spent in Nathanielâs palace. In Creztesina, indulgence is expected and more liberal behavior is accepted. Iâd given up my practices as a priestess and archer, Iâd learned to govern my stomach to daintier servings, I wore less exposing clothing. All to be tossed aside for a woman that seems to be everything I was yet somehow to a lesser degree. Not even a court lady, or nobility at all. A commoner that could give him no more power than what he had taken in his victory over the Snow Lords. They called themselves kings yet each governed lands no larger than the capitol city. Hardly a kingdom and certainly not the empire Nathaniel and his father have built. And from all the pillaged castles and keeps Nathaniel had brought back the most unremarkable woman he could find.Â
âI nearly forgot, weâve prepared a gift for you.â Lettuce speaks up, nudging the gift Rosamund saddled me with. Meredith reaches around Nathaniel with greedy hands, scoffing quietly when I gently pull it away.Â
âCourt rules.â I smile as a servant takes the box to pass over to her. âItâs impolite for someone of lower ranking to accept something directly from my hands. Better left to the servants is what I was told.â Of course, such rules are as ridiculous to me as they seem to be to her but I refuse to give up even the slightest chance to offend her inflated sense of self. She is beneath me whether sheâs warming my husbandâs bed or not. A mistress can become Empress but she must first topple the woman sitting on the throne. I refuse to show weakness. She will never mistake you as an easily defeated foe. Her son has yet to be acknowledged before court, and has yet to be named as heir. Whatever power she thinks she has brewing bastards in her womb is fleeting. Just as easily as Nathaniel stepped out of our marriage bed, he can move on from hers. This doting will be brief, Iâll make sure of it. Until then sheâll have to endure these moments of barely concealed animosity.Â
I shun the worry as the song changes and I find myself drawn into a dance. Without a partner Iâm left on the outskirts of the circle though I find a simple enjoyment in the practiced steps that had taken me so long to learn. The governess charged with teaching me court rules always said I was too liberal when it came to lifting my skirt and I indulge in the impropriety now, tossing my gilded gown in time to the music as every lady does, purposefully whipping it higher than necessary until I feel the kiss of a breeze about my calves. I flaunt myself like a proud stallion, wild and untamed. And as expected all eyes have found me. Even Nathanielâs. Meredith is talking beside him, hand still in his but his glowing eyes are on me. So terrible that Iâm not in the mood to receive his attention. Any man but him would do and Nathanielâs own advisor seems to take my open invitation.Â
Lord Rhys Whitecrest abandons his place at the emperorâs table, Nathanielâs brother looking thoroughly perturbed as the lord leaves him in the middle of their conversation to join me in a dance. The song flows into the next and Rhysâs hand finds my back instead of my waist. He pulls me closer than Iâd been expecting until a piece of parchment can be held between our chests. Itâs far more intimate than what is appropriate. Itâs everything Iâd hoped to find as I flaunted myself before the sea of nobility. Heâs always been a clever man.
âIt seems our Robin was right,â he says softly as the crowd makes space for us to dance. In the time since Nathanielâs departure Rhys has been the only advisor Iâve been able to trust. Heâs open with his honesty and holds no desires other than to keep the empire flourishing in its fledgling years of conquest. Nathaniel has only just begun this strained union of petty kingdoms and he didnât stay long enough to keep a tight rein upon it. Instead he ran swift as the wind off to another battle and left his empress in charge of staunching rebellion and managing his patchwork of a court. Lords and dukes, and earls and baronets of the kingdomâs Nathaniel trampled under his boot have all been given a place at his court. It was like pulling weeds trying to consolidate a voice that had even the faintest hint of reason anytime I sat the throne to hear their words. Rhys has alleviated many a headache with his quick wit and handsome smile. He flashes it now as he twirls me under the candlelight. Â
âYour little messenger bird hasnât failed you yet. She certainly has him entranced.â Rhys laughs. I laugh as well, tossing my head back as if I donât care deeply about the issue that woman represents. My power in court will be challenged soon enough if she is not dealt with.Â
âI wouldâve never done this to you.â He whispers against the shell of my ear. Heâs far too close, and yet I donât push him away. I let him fall into the fantasy playing behind his eyes. Heâs enamored, plainly so, as his hand lingers when the song swells to a close.Â
âAnother dance, Your Majesty?â There are rules about dances, allowing a man only three at any given event if theyâre not your husband, but I indulge him. Another and another until my feet begin to ache and my eyes grow heavy. Rhys takes notice and sweeps me away from the dwindling crowd of party goers.Â
The apartment quarters designated for the ruling empress arenât some hidden corner of the palace and he leads me there with a surprising haste. Thereâs an attendant at the door as we enter my drawing room, seemingly startled awake by my late arrival. I recognize her as one of the southern women serving in the palace, a small piece of home to keep me company when the foreign ladies that usually mill about my chambers have grated on the last of my patience. She takes note of my predicament in an instant, rising to relieve Lord Rhys of his duties as escort. Thanking him and sending him off quickly as if heâs dirt being swept off a stoop. The high lord looks offended by the maidâs audacity but I feign dizziness, leaning heavily against her as she mutters about me being drunk and needing attendance before shutting the door in Rhysâs face. Heâs served his purpose. Thereâs no audience to see him fawning over me now, no reason for me to continue the charade. Nathaniel will come in due time and it would be in poor taste to truly sink to his level of infidelity to prove a point.Â
The maid helps me undress, keeping up a quiet conversation as she carefully unwinds each braid and washes the paint from my skin. The gold dust is harder to banish but itâs hardly a bother to me as I listen to her familiar accent rolling in my ears.Â
âI really donât understand,â the handmaid says as she scrubs the last of the shimmer from my skin. âThat woman seems so inferior. She mustâve crawled out from some minor lordâs manor to make something of herself by lifting her skirts for the first high ranked man she could find.â
âItâs by the Motherâs grace that she found her way into an emperorâs bed.â
âThe Golden Mother wouldnât waste her divinity on a woman like that, especially not when a daughter of hers sits on that emperorâs throne.â Her words are a comfort of home. It does well to soothe the annoyance still simmering deep in my chest. I hadnât dared to hope Nathaniel would shun a public presentation of his mistress after she was boasted all over the frontlines to his greatest allies. The palace has been staffed with wet nurses and governesses to fret over his firstborn and he hasnât made her banish the second from her body. Audacity is something the warlord keeps in abundance. Of course it would be unflinching even before the eyes of his rightful wife and empress. Though arrogance cannot force tolerance as half of his own court has sided with me even as he touts his whore around the palace as a proper wife.Â
He shouldâve stayed dead. It wouldâve complicated my life as the throne passed to his brother with no trueborn heir to speak of. Perhaps I wouldâve been remarried to the new emperor or even been allowed to keep my station as empress. But either option would have spared me the humiliation that this Forsaken lich has brought home from the battlefield. I thank the maid as she deems me clean and takes her leave. The night has grown deep. Dawn is not far off and yet I do not feel like sleeping. I am tired, physically and mentally, and yet my mind is far too restless to have a hope of sleeping sometime soon. Instead I find myself at my desk. Itâs cluttered with the mess of ruling an empire. Edicts from lords waiting to be reviewed and amended or denied completely. My red ink has gone dry as I abandoned the task of editing when Lettuce arrived to distract me.Â
I find a fresh pot of black ink and a clean piece of parchment to stave off my boredom. Painting has never been my strong suit but itâs an agreeable pastime that will keep me from thinking too heavily on anything. Iâm halfway through with a tree dropping blossoms over rippling water when I hear the telltale click of a lock. My door isnât bolted and the hinges that open squeal with disuse, shattering the serene silence of the night. There is no need to look towards the candelabra flickering in the corner of my eye to know it is my husband that has intruded upon my peace. The palace is full of hidden doors and passageways that run between the stone walls like veins. Naturally, there is one linking the Emperorâs rooms to his Empress, and I loathe the thought that someone has given Nathaniel the key. He brings a chill along with the candlelight as he comes up beside me.Â
He sets the candle holder on my desk before drawing his clawed fingers over my shoulder. I shiver as the sharp points prickle across my skin, shying away from his sudden touch. We were only just acquainted when he left and yet here he is touching me as a lover would. I am his wife before the court, but hidden from prying eyes there is no need for us to feign affection for the sake of stability in the palace. Especially not now when heâs sewn such discord by bringing Meredith to the forefront. I hear him sigh as I shrink away from his hand.Â
âDo you find me so undesirable now, wife?â Without the cacophony of voices and music echoing around us I can hear his voice in truth and even thatâs changed. It has a certain graveled roll to it that hadnât been there last you heard it. Or perhaps it had. Nathaniel is little more than a stranger. Our courtship lasted longer than his presence at my side. It seems almost wrong to begrudge him the ability to find love elsewhere. If I were a commoner perhaps Iâd be more charitable to being set aside, but Iâm not. I am an empress and a crown princess before that. Heâs given me the world and expects that Iâll step aside to allow him to give away what is rightfully mine. She cannot have it. Not before Iâm cold in the ground. And even then, perhaps Iâll return as he has as a Forsaken to reclaim my place on the throne. Itâs a terrifying thought. Being denied a place in Llamorâs halls, being changed as Nathaniel has. I wonder if he knows a god has abandoned him. Though, if he does, he surely lacks the faith to find offense in it.Â
âDoes it matter if I find you desirable?â I ask. He snatches the brush from my hand, staining a thick streak of black over my painting. My hand still sits where Iâd been adding another ripple to the water before falling limply to my lap.Â
âYou are my wife, I expect that I should be the only man you desire.âÂ
I laugh bitterly. âDo you hear yourself? Your wife must only desire you? And yet you, my husband, can find your way between any pair of legs that so pleases you.â His eyes seem brighter in the darkness, narrowing as if Iâve insulted him. I take the time to look him over again. He has foregone a shirt, arriving at my bedchamber with his pants laced so loosely that theyâve fallen low on his hips. His bare chest is scarred as Rob said, though it hadnât prepared me for the truth of it. Iâve seen scars before but none like this, perhaps because everyone else to bear such a mark has been burned or buried as Nathaniel shouldâve been. The scar is thick and raised, flesh pulled tight around it. And his dark skin is marked with stark white shapes that run in perfect symmetry across his body. He sets one pale hand on the back of my chair and the other on my desk as he leans closer, braids sweeping over his shoulder as he smiles at me. It lacks any kindness, looks almost sinister as his full lips pull back far enough to reveal the fangs that have sprouted from his gums. Â
âRemember your place, my love.â He implores as if a few stern words will extinguish more than a yearâs worth of fettered anger. From the moment I heard of Meredithâs existence at his side Iâve had wrath brewing inside me like a storm thundering in the distance, coming closer and closer with every moment she is not dealt with. Instead of stifling myself I laugh. Loud and unrestrained. Wrinkles gather on the bridge of his nose as he sneers at my reaction. When my laughter dies down I do my best to fix my face into a more subdued look, like his blatant anger has frightened me into behaving. In truth I have more to say that will incite him.Â
âMy love?â I whisper. âIs that what you say when youâre inside her?â He slams his fist on my desk hard enough to rattle the pots of ink. I jump but donât let him deter my own anger. When he sees I wonât be so easily wrangled, a clawed hand finds my face, wide enough to grip my jaw from ear to ear as his pointed nails dig into my skin. He wonât hurt me. He canât. The whole palace would know who put the marks on me and heâd be shamed for it. When heâs sure my eyes wonât leave the eerie glow of his own he speaks with great difficulty, as if heâs staving off a harsher reaction.Â
âEvery moment I laid with her I was thinking of you.â He speaks the words in gritted fragments, hand tightening on my face when I try to pull away.Â
âAm I meant to be comforted by the thought that you remembered your wife while breaking our marriage vows?â Nathaniel unhands me at that, stalking to the far side of the room to be away from me. There are markings on his back, from the base of his spine disappearing beneath the curtain of his hair. It looks like warpaint from a distance but I know it wonât be banished by a bath. This is his body now. Forsaken are marked for their state of being. Some have deep black veins and colorless eyes as if theyâve been plucked out and replaced with pools of darkness. Those that have been dead for longer, had time to rot before they were raised from death, never mend. Their bones and missing flesh laced with silvery magic. Of all the stories Iâve heard and the few Iâve seen, Nathaniel is surely the least offensive to the eyes. Whoever changed him worked quickly. He mustâve been dead for no more than a few hours. Reviving probably felt like waking from the deepest slumber.Â
âA thought means nothing when your actions say otherwise, Your Majesty.â I say as I watch him pace. His eyes cut towards me like two stars in the dark.Â
âDonât call me that!â He snaps, sounding as petulant as a child.Â
âWould you prefer I call you âYour Grace?ââ The sudden distance is short lived. He abandons his pacing to drag me from my seat. Thereâs a strength in him that seems beyond his capabilities as he tosses me on to my bed. I sit up as quickly as I can manage but heâs already there, crawling over my prone body.Â
âI would prefer if the only word rolling off that vexing tongue of yours was my name.â Thereâs no mistaking his intentions as his hands find my wrists and draw them over my head. He holds me down with a single hand while the other explores the body heâs been estranged from for most of our marriage. Weâd laid together only thrice before he ran off to play soldier at the border. Had he given me the attention a newly wed husband should give his bride I mightâve given him an heir of my own to come home to. This has been far too delayed, made worse by his doting on another woman.Â
I donât catch her sickly sweet scent on him as he brushes chilled kisses down my neck. He bathed before he came to me.
âDid you know I would have thrown you out if you came to me stinking of her? Why do you let her fill my home with that overbearing scent?â
âShe wants to be like you.â He mumbles against the shape of my collarbone. âIn every regard she wishes to be as you are.â I feel him take in a long breath as he finds the space between my breasts.Â
âYou smell like summer. Thatâs what people say about you. You smell sweet and spiced like the finest summer wine and she started perfuming herself with a cheap imitation of your scent.â His grip has loosened enough that I find my hand buried in his thick braids despite myself. He hasnât undressed me but the thin silk of my nightgown does little to mask the feeling of his lips pressing against my sternum.Â
âYou sound as though you loathe her and yet she is pregnant. Twice over, in fact.âÂ
âThere will never be a woman as alluring as you, sundew.â I pray he doesnât feel the way my heartbeat stutters. A simple platitude wonât be enough to erase the harm heâs done. Still I let him push the lace-trimmed skirt of my dress further up my hips as his face nuzzles into the softness of my belly. His hands find my waist beneath my nightgown, squeezing as if he can will a child inside me without truly touching me.Â
âIf youâre so allured you have a very strange way of showing it. Iâd say youâre just as enamored with that blue bitch.â He laughs and looks up at me, eyes shining like pearls.Â
A fanged grin finds his lips. âEveryone calls her that.â
âAre you drunk?â I sneer. âOf course they do! The only one with any fondness for her is you and the opportunistic idiots of your court.âÂ
âShe gave me a child,â he says, suddenly sobered. âWhat would you have me do?âÂ
âYou are asking me what should be done with your mistress? Sheâs your indiscretion and youâve hardly thought of what I might have to say in any of this. I donât care if you were thinking of me while you gave her your first child. She isnât me and her child certainly isnât mine.âÂ
âI missed you.â Nathaniel says, nipping at my thigh as he bares it to his fanged mouth.Â
âThatâs impossible. You didnât send a single letter and came home with a whore on your arm and a child for your nursery. You didnât care enough to miss me.â I donât mention that he hardly knows me enough to miss me either.Â
âI admit my mistake, Cosima, I do. It was wrong of me to put aside our marriage because I was away from you. But she had to suffer my wrongdoing, too.â
âHow could she possibly have suffered? UnlessâŚâ I use my hand in his hair to force his eyes to mine. His lips are wet with a string of spit connecting his greedy lips to the bruise forming on my thigh. âDid you force her?âÂ
She seems rather happy with her predicament but it isnât uncommon for women to make a nest of nettles if thatâs all that is available. Perhaps her contentment settled in after she was forced into such a position. Nathaniel blinks owlishly, sinking back between the plush of my thighs with a shake of his head. Â
âShe came to me willingly and I indulged like the fool I am. It was a moment of weakness. She was a siren and I was bewitched by her song. Itâs no excuse but it is the truth. And even so she suffered.â
I wonât be so easily placated. âWere you cruel to her?âÂ
âCruel in a different sense. I never raised a hand to her, didnât push her beyond what she offered. But Iâm sure beneath the smugness of having caught a conqueror between her legs she loathes me. Truly and deeply.â
âWhy?â If he hasnât forced her, hadnât made the bedding painful and doted on her then as he did tonight, then what does she have to loathe. Unless she truly wishes to be in my place. Foolish to think I could be taken off my throne so easily. The children help her cause but if Nathaniel keeps indulging as he is between my legs Iâll surely have one of my own to challenge hers as heir apparent. First born doesnât naturally mean a proper heir. Thereâs grace in her son being regarded as illegitimate in the eyes of the court. A child of my own would be recognized from birth as true born without any need for legitimizing formalities.Â
âI called her by your name.â I remember Meredithâs hand at dinner, how her little fist had clenched so quickly when Nathaniel called me by my given name. Sheâs had to hear it from the moment she fell into his bed. It must sound like a curse to her, poisoning her ears so that she couldnât forget who was truly on his mind. But even that isnât enough.
âDo you want to know every detail? You seem so consumed by it. Would you like me to tell you how I turned her on her stomach and kept her quiet so I could imagine it was your voice whining my name? I didnât want to see her face and know it wasnât you beneath me.â
I scoff. âShe looks nothing like me. If you were going to imagine you couldâve at least found someone that favored me more closely.â He hums and the sound sings up my spine as he noses past the final barrier of my underclothes. My knees try to knock together as his mouth finds the wet heat between my legs but his shoulders are already there to stop them.Â
âI wasnât looking.â He groans. âShe came to me and I accepted her service. Blonde or brunette, it wouldnât have mattered. It was never about them. It was about you. It was about this.â He presses a chilled kiss to my thigh hanging over his shoulder as his thumbs spread my folds to his lecherous gaze. His tongue is like ice as it drags through the wetness gathered between my legs. I gasp at the feeling, body trembling with stirred lust and a touch of chills as he teases a finger inside me. Iâve been loyal. For all his shameful behavior Iâve held fast to my vows. The only fingers that have been between my legs are my own as I waited for him to come home. He groans as I tighten around the single digit and the sound pools hot and heavy inside me.Â
âSo fucking tight.â Nathaniel curses as my cunt squeezes around his finger. Heâs careful of his pointed nails, moving slowly as he presses in and out. âItâs all mine isnât it? Always has been.â He simpers. I yank at his hair, trying to pull him away from the mess making of my sheets with his damnable tongue and fingers. He sounds so proud knowing only he has defiled the temple of my body in such a way. It reminds me that he hasnât given me the same honor.Â
âBastard!â I huff. He lifts his head, eyes looking somehow brighter as his cheeks glow with a sheen of my arousal. He looks roguishly pleased with himself.
âSo disrespectful.â He teases, swatting at my thigh with little intent to harm. âTell me to stop and I will, but I wonât fit unless you open for me.â He slides another finger inside, pressing them up against the spot that sends a lightning strike up my spine as his thumb draws tight circles over my clit. I pant his name, somehow wholly uninterested yet desperate for his touch.Â
âYouâre insufferable.âÂ
âThen itâs good that my touch brings you no suffering. I can hear you, sunlight. I can hear you trying to keep those little sounds to yourself. Be good and give your Emperor what he wants. Let me hear you.â Stubbornly, I bite my lip to keep my whining at bay. Nathaniel allows my silence for only a moment before his fangs dig deep into my thigh.Â
âIâll bleed, you monster!â My insult only makes him sink in deeper until I feel heat welling around the frigid press of his mouth.Â
âMonster, am I?â He grunts, bloody teeth bared at me. âYou think Iâm a monster?â I realize, belatedly, the error of my words. I hadnât meant it as an insult. It was an indelicate slip of the tongue. He canât expect that Iâll be careful about my words when heâs digging his teeth into my skin.Â
âI only meant that it hurt.â
âIt hurts?â He teases, mocking my discomposure. âNo, you liked it.â He pulls his fingers from inside me, licking the wetness from each one as he presses my knees into my chest. His pants, already slung low on his hips, are darkened with a spot of wetness as he presses the shape of his cock against me.Â
âFuck, Cosima.â He groans gratefully. âStay there.â He holds me still with one hand on the back of my thigh as the other struggles with the ties of his pants. The moment theyâre shoved just low enough heâs pressing into me, body shaking with restraint as he waits for me to relax around him. My hips shift traitorously, pulling him deeper and he loses himself in an instant. The breath rushes from my lungs as Nathaniel falls over me, cold breath puffing against my throat as he holds himself up on shaky forearms. He bullies his shoulders under the crook of my knees, folding me in earnest as he lays his weight over me. The pleasure pinches the air from my lungs just as much as the pressure of him sagging against my chest.Â
My arousal hangs in the balance, simmering like embers as I wait for Nathaniel to move. My body has already accepted him inside, my arousal surely wetting his hips where theyâre flush against my skin. Heâd been so eager just a moment ago, nearly bullying me in preparation and yet the moment heâs gotten what he wanted he falls still. His body is trembling, almost shivering, and his breath is shaky as his lips ghost across my throat. I feel the sharp drag of his fangs as he tries to say something but canât. I move my hips again, more purposeful now. Heâs already gotten me here so I might as well take my pleasure from him. He hardly makes it easy. Heâs like a slab of stone atop me, whimpering breathlessly with each short buck of my hips. Itâs pitiful. Not nearly enough to please me.Â
âMove,â I seethe, âor Iâll throw you out.â Nathaniel laughs but itâs mirthless, like a grating sigh as he pulls away from me.Â
âI canât move.â His voice sounds stronger the moment he pulls away but I want to smack him for it.Â
âAll of that and you canât even satisfy the wife youâve been craving for so long? How am I meant to believe a word you say when this is how you act when I give myself to you. Get out!â I snap, already sitting up and pulling my soiled nightdress back down my thighs. The fabric has gone sheer where dampness has gathered and he knocks my hand away before I can wrangle the clinging fabric over the fullness of my hips. I nearly flinch when his fingers find their way to my neglected clit.Â
âDo I look like a man that is unhappy with the woman in his bed?â He doesnât of course. His cock is drooling a puddle of precum onto his stomach. It doesnât matter.Â
âYou are in my bed,â I correct him. âAnd I am very unhappy.âÂ
âThen come claim your happiness, sundew. Iâm yours to take.âÂ
âShut up.â I sneer as I ruck my dress back up to my waist, feeling like a whore as I cage my knees over his hips and guide his twitching length back inside me. His head falls back against the pillows the moment our hips meet again and a guttural moan falls from his lips. I tighten myself around him, and his hands snap to my hips as if to keep me anchored while he gathers the dregs of his sanity. His indiscretions stain the moment as I wonder if he made these sounds for that paramour of his. He was like this on our first night, too, writhing and clawing at me like an animal in heat. Now his hands are cold as his talons bite into the meat of my hips. My name falls from his lips in breathy pants, each higher than the last as his hips buck to meet me on each downward stroke.Â
âCome with me.â He says desperately. One hand leaves my hips to rub feverishly at my clit. It sends sparks up my spine but it wonât be enough to meet him in the middle.Â
âNot inside.â I implore, already slowing my pace as his muscles begin to tighten. If he hears me he doesnât answer. Instead he wraps himself around me, pulling me tight to his chest once more. We share our breaths as his lips brush against mine. It isnât a kiss but heâs trying as his tongue finds mine between the swift canting of his hips.Â
âPlease.â I taste the word more than I hear it. His eyes are open as he kisses me, glowing like twin flames as they sparkle with tears. âPlease.âÂ
âYou have your sons.â I remind him. Itâs cruel given his current state but no less deserved. He was wrong to lay with that woman, and misguided still to bring her and her bastards into my home.Â
âMy sons,â he agrees quickly. âNot yours. Theyâre not yours. I want an heir, Cosima. Let me fill you with a prince. Take my love.â I shake my head, already trying to wrestle away from his embrace.Â
âI donât want the type of love you have to offer me, Your Majesty.â He lets me go then and I let him slip out of me, masking my own displeasure as my cunt clenches emptily in his absence. His cock twitches pitifully before he spills his seed onto his stomach. Itâs wasted without a womb to fill but heâs made his choice, so this is mine. Heâs whimpering again and for a moment I think heâll truly cry over being made to cum without a place to put it. Now it is simply a mess to be cleaned up.Â
âYouâll have no heirs from me.â I tell him as my fingers press inside my cunt. I can be rougher than he was with my blunt nails and I make a show of riding my fingers to the edge, thumb circling my clit as I shiver through an orgasm. One that he did not give me. I wipe my hand on his pants before getting out of bed. The sun will rise soon and I want a few hours of sleep before I must face the court again. Before I have to smile and feign kindness. My ruined nightgown is tossed to the floor after I use it to mop up the mess dripping down my legs. When I finish wiping away my sweat and finding a new sleeping gown, Nathaniel still hasnât moved from my bed.Â
He looks almost pathetic laid out in the middle of my lush bed with his pants shoved halfway down his thighs and his cock going soft against his stomach. I watch him as I dab the sweat from my skin with a handkerchief.Â
âYou can leave now. Youâve gotten what you wanted.â I watch his eyes go dark for a moment as he blinks up at the ceiling.Â
âI have nothing that I want.â I daintily drop the used handkerchief on his chest like a lady shyly hoping a knight will take her favor.Â
âAnd what is it that you want, Your Majesty?â He sits up at last and cleans the sweat and spunk from his chest before tossing the rag aside.Â
âMy wife.â
My temper flares again. âIâve done nothing but my duty as your wife.â
âIs that what that was?â He sounds saddened and I feel my mask of indifference begin to slip once more.Â
âI am the wife youâve made me.â I say hotly. âI do not want to be your wife if it means this is what Iâll become. You shouldâve left her and her whelps in the same snowy keep she crawled out of. If I see her againââ I turn my back to him before I say something treasonous. Heâs said she was only a warm body beside his, the first he found that could comfort his longing, but how am I meant to believe him when he brought her and her child here? A man will say anything sweet when he is in bed with a beautiful woman and Nate surely knew to deny his feelings for her while between my legs.Â
âYou want her gone. I know it, my love, I swear I do. What would you have me do to fix this?â Kill her. The words burn at the tip of my tongue but I canât part my lips to say them.Â
âTruly?â Nate wraps his arms around me, pressing kisses against my shoulder.Â
âTruly. Whatever your wish, sunlight, Iâll do it. I was wrong. I know it. Let me try to make amends.âÂ
âSend her away. The whore and her bastards.âÂ
âThat is all?â He sounds relieved.Â
âDo you want me to say I want her drawn and quartered? Do you want me to wish violence on your son? I am not an evil woman. Youâve rotted me with jealousy but I wonât wish harm on innocent children. But that woman? I want her out or I will make her life miserable. I can promise that.âÂ
âMay I ask for payment for my efforts?â His arms ensure that I donât go far when I try to rush to my feet in a fit of anger.Â
âPayment?â
âFor my penance.â Nate agrees. âOnly a small price, sundew. I only want to sleep beside you tonight.â My eyes flicker to the uncovered window. It will soon flood with the blushing light of sunrise. I only need to lay beside him for a few moments before sleep takes me and then only some short hours after that. Heâll likely be gone when I wake. If this is the price to get that damnable woman out of my palace I will pay it every night for the rest of my life and if Nate has his way that is nearly a certainty.Â









