“I’m glad you’re getting something out of it,” said Anise, with a small nod. “Really. It makes all of this so worth it for me.”
Praise had always settled strangely over Anise. It was not that she didn’t believe the truth of it nor did she hate being told she’d done a good job (did anybody, really?). Rather, it never seemed to fully encompass what she aimed to do here. Her divine undertaking.
Being a professional dancer had always warranted some level of performance, but Anise would give up performing altogether if it meant she could continue sharing the gift of dance for the next century - not that she intended to live that long. Dance had always been a utilitarian art to Anise. It was as serviceable as kitchen utensils, as necessary as breathing. She enjoyed being the vehicle for such practical magic but didn’t necessarily believe that her individual person was wholly necessary in its execution. This was not a case of negativity - in fact, it was quite the opposite. To Anise, there was nothing more wonderful than knowing that she was but one hunk of stardust in a larger cosmic fabric. There was peace in knowing that her work, her mission, would continue long after she was gone.
How to communicate all of that? She had yet to find the right words. Though she had spent evening after evening discussing it with Ludwig, who had expressed that certain things were beyond language. They simply exist. Indescribable, unutterable. Magic was a lot like that.
“Where are you originally from?” Hyojin asked her. “I hope you don’t take offense to this, but you don’t strike me as a native Korean woman.”
Anise couldn’t help but laugh. “No offense taken. I’m from Kiel, Germany, originally. My father is German and my mother is Korean.”
“So what brought you to Korea?” Taejin wanted to know.
“Dance,” said Anise. It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t the whole truth either. Thoughts of her mother’s snow-covered village infused her mind with incense and winter-time divination. “I was invited to dance with the Delphi company. I could hardly refuse.”
“Do you think you’ll stay in Korea permanently?” Taejin went on, folding her hands beneath her pointed chin. “Like, settle down and start a family here?”
“I’m not sure,” Anise said. “Perhaps. I’m not married or anything so that’s not exactly something I’ve given much thought to. I think I’d like to start a family, but only when the timing is right. And with the right person, of course.”
“What does the right person look like for you?” Jinhee asked while he refreshed his tea.
“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it.”
“What?” Taejin balked. “Really? I think about my dream man all the time. He’d have a body like Cho Guesung and hair like Rocky from Astro.”
Hyojin laughed deeply. “No thought given to personality?”
“Well, I’d want him to be nice, of course,” said Taejin. “But strong and stoic. A real man, you know?” She nudged Jinhee with her elbow, causing his eyes to widen in mild shock. “You got any cute friends you could introduce me to?”
“Well, none that look like how you’ve described…”
“Come on,” Taejin went on, throwing a disbelieving glance at all around the table. “I can’t be the only one who thinks about this kind of stuff. Right? Xie? Please back me up here.”
The minute Hyojin asked where Anise was from, Nuying’s mouth clamped on her lip, teeth edging the soft pudgy thing with regret and a bit of embarrassment. Conversation was supposed to be that the give and take, the talk and listen. Listening Nuying could do, that she could do well, she archived the things she heard like save files and starred them by difficulty. But she was failing at the other part.
For years she talked too much, said the wrong things, her opinions had made her odd and not worthy of friends. She didn’t want that existence; it hurt. No matter how she felt, maybe they had all been right, that maybe she did belong in orbit or on some other planet. A tiny, microscopic part of her said that there had to be someone, or some someones that could understand her, that didn't find her some lost space being.
Until she found them, she continued to fail at conversations, mostly. Instead of being strange, she was just rude, non-engaging, a c and not a f, barely passing.
Her hands made it to her lap, nails pinching the skin between index and thumb. But she still listened. Listened and wondered about the questions too. Would she stay in Korea for the rest of her life, start a family? Her kind of person? Their body?
Somehow peach sweats and a beefy friend floated in her mind. The feel of the lower abdomen and the warmth of two aside her. The solemn definite sulk that existed on her face, eased. Cheeks puffed, lips pushed out, a teeny smirk crept onto the corner of her mouth. A dumpy, she remembered, he said he had a dumpy.
Teddy was probably a lot of people’s type, with that dumpy and all that beef. He made for good cuddles, he and Songwoo. It was warm and soft, but firm. The smirk had grown, evolved to an actual smile.
She nodded at Taejin, smile growing. “Yea big and beefy”, she said before realizing her hands hand relaxed and were in view, making a squishing motion.
“I can see why that would be good. Does feel nice...”, her voice trailed off, eyes widened, and she looked around their group before letting out a squeak of a chuckle, hands lowering to her lap. She had stared at the cute belly long enough. She totally got it. Cute bellies and bodies, cute smiles and lots of beef. “It’s probably good to know what you like huh?” she asked with real thought going in it. “Do you have to try all the flavours to know?” She asked then immediately answered herself. “No, I knew I liked strawberry before I had pistachios”, she added. “But I guess you should know”, she pondered more. “Can’t be bad to know. It’s like making a list to go shopping, it’s productive. Anise, do you like the ballerina build or more beef?” she wondered with a tilt of her head if the beef made them bad dancers. Somehow, she didn’t see Teddy at the barre, going through the positions, but she might like to.
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