never be

zackariah jameson yorke hi everyone! zack here, your resident hyperactive squirrel. in a band with the coolest dudes in the world ( @5sos on twitter ) and i have a great sister ( lissa! ) and the best brother in the universe ( rip j.t. ). i attend ryerson university where i major in social work and i pretty much love my life. aspergers awareness intermittent explosive disorder awareness ✝ May 9, 1989 - November 15, 2006 ✝ r.i.p. james tiberius yorke

[zackdrumslikehella]

texts: zason

Zack: https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/275/715/010.png

Zack: my face when carter stomps on my foot when he's half asleep going down the hall to the bathroom

[zackdrumslikehella]

↳ INSTAGRAM: zack5sos uploaded a new photo

everything is red. 

❤ 29k  LIKES ✐ 18.4k COMMENTS

— view all.

[zackdrumslikehella]

↳ INSTAGRAM: zack5sos uploaded a new photo

got nothin’ but love for you, fall more in love everyday.

valentine. 

❤ 12k LIKES ✐ 11.4k COMMENTS

— view all.

[zackdrumslikehella]

texts: zason

Mason: he's more liable to tell you to go fuck yourself than cry.

Mason: actually he'd probably tell you to go fuck yourself and then cry when you leave.

Mason: also if he starts crying, go get that plush chucky doll he sleeps with all the time and give that to him. shocked he went to sleep without it.

Mason: https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/shopping?q=tbn:ANd9GcQts_u7ge_RkhnblYl3eiUDk_HMVr3wXmOkR_qE4t59pY5qE1vaFP_kTIhdJbZHhQPLWa9dbphUj8bzm1mauN3ZzTM1MpBboGF0iAj-e8cGJF_IXlCWonL4Sg&usqp=CAE

Mason: this motherfucker.

Mason: that reminds me. he's drooled or something into the fucking hair on this thing and i need to cut the matted part out but he's probably gonna shit himself that i did that to it.

Zack: that's... super true.

Zack: that stupid plush gives me nightmares. it's so creepy. i want to burn it.

Zack: ew... yeah, he's gonna flip. we need to order like twenty more and stash them for safekeeping.

[zackdrumslikehella]

texts: zason

Mason: oh my god.

Mason: push him off alsdkhfalskhf.

Zack: but what if he cries. i'm weak.

[zackdrumslikehella]

texts: zason

Zack: -picture text: carter literally sprawled across him on the couch-

Zack: he's 100000 degrees and i can't breathe or move. when i agreed to also be dad i didn't agree to death in this fashion.

[zackdrumslikehella]

ghost of you ( us ) || zack + mason

[zackdrumslikehella]

masonofabitch·:

Mason had just taken Carter upstairs and put him in the bed. He hadn’t even realized that he was still up, much less laying in the living room watching that organizational show on Netflix until he passed out. The blonde shook his head as he went downstairs. He’d been trying to write new music, but it was hard. Their band wasn’t their band without Seth and Zack. Zack. The name sent a pang in his chest. He instantly started reciting the note…the note he read at least one a day…in his head. Guilt took him over. He should’ve noticed. He should have said something. It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought that Zack had been flirting before, but he wasn’t entirely too sure. He didn’t want to wreck their friendship. However, it seemed like he’d done a pretty shitty job trying to prevent that from happening. He went into the kitchen, planning on stealing one of Carter’s ice cream bars and watching something mindless to get his head out of where it was now when he heard a knock at the door. It was so late. Who was knocking on the door? Most of the people that he would have knocking on his door this late would just walk in. He sighed and walked to the door, opening it. As soon as he opened the door, his jaw fell slack a little. Zack was standing outside of his door. “How?” he questioned and then looked around, as if this was some kind of joke or plot to harm him or Carter before throwing all caution to the wind, stepping forward and crashing his lips to Zack’s, pulling him in closer to him.

The time between Zack knocking and Mason opening the door seemed like an eternity. But the moment the door opened to reveal the taller man’s face, he let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. What did he say to him? What could he say? I love you. The words were on the tip of his tongue as Mason looked around incredulously, but before he could the other man was stepping forward and pulling him into an intense kiss. 

Never one to object to his dreams coming true, Zack relaxed into the kiss and draped his arms around the blonde’s broad shoulders, fingers clasping behind his neck. This had to be some sort of hallucination. Heaven, maybe? There was absolutely no way this could be really happening. 

He kissed him until he was out of breath, finally forcing himself to pull from the kiss, leaving only a little distance between them so he could lock eyes. “I... Hi.” He murmured, voice small. How did he explain all this? How did he try and make sense of what their lives had become?  

[zackdrumslikehella]

↳ INSTAGRAM: zack5sos uploaded a new photo - @masonofabitch (mason5sos)

love of my life.

❤ 89k  LIKES ✐ 66.4k COMMENTS

— view all.

[zackdrumslikehella]

ghost of you ( us ) || zack + mason

Zack had planned out his death so well, but of course it hadn’t gone the way he’d planned. He’d died in Mason’s apartment, just like he HADN’T wanted to do. His plans rarely ever worked, so waking up alive in the woods was definitely off the track for what he’d assumed would happen. 

Seth hadn’t been far from him when he woke up, the other man also looking at him in a haze. They’d stumbled through the woods together both complaining that things were so much more intense now, it clicking that it’s how Arrow had always described it as they’d gotten to the edge of the trees. They were.. Something, something like him. That was the only explanation. 

After getting to where the road diverged to their apartments and then to Delia’s, Seth had headed towards her. Zack instructed him to go to her in a moment of hesitance, and with a knowing tone Seth had told him to go to Mason.

Mason.

Fuck.

The letter.. Had he found it?! The thought of facing him with it all known.. It had Zack damn near hyperventilating as he continued towards the apartment complex. Would Mason want to see him?! Did he hate him now? Oh god, would Carter want to see him? Or Arrow? Curling back up in the freezing woods was a tempting idea, but his feet kept him firmly on pace towards where his heart resided. 

Before he even realized it, he was standing at the door listening to Mason inside. From what he could tell, he’d just put Carter to bed. He could.. Hear their heartbeats? Carter’s seemed to slow a tiny bit...Zack figured he’d nodded off. Hesitant but hopeful, he knocked lightly at the door. Loud enough for Mason to ( hopefully ) hear, but with luck not loud enough to wake up Carter. 

[zackdrumslikehella]

zack’s letter to mason:

Mason, 

I don’t know where to start. I woke up this morning feeling achy like Seth did. All the same symptoms and aches, and I just... Knew. If you’re reading this, I was right. I died. I left this in your apartment so you could find it later, I went back to my apartment so you wouldn’t have to find me. That’s the last fucking thing I want, for you or Arrow, Carter, Emily or Liss to stumble across me like that. It fucked Delia up so bad to find Seth, I can’t imagine you guys having to deal with that.. 

Anyway, I’m avoiding the real thing I wanted to tell you. Admitting this to you was something I never planned on doing, not when I’ve never gotten any sort of hint that you felt the same. I was going to take it to my grave, but fuck I figured that’d be fifty years from now. In a way I’m glad this is happening, so I can finally cowboy the fuck up and be honest with you and myself. So, here it goes.

I’m in love with you. Not I love you, but as in I’m hopelessly and devastatingly in love with you. I have been since the day we met, I think. You ignored everyone calling me weird and saying I looked like an alien. Instead, you just took my hand and we’ve been friends ever since. You saved me from so much over the years, even in my darkest times. You didn’t give up on me when the Mason’s had to have me committed. You never let go of me even when it would’ve been easier. 

You have been my constant, my rock, my everything for so long. I didn’t think I could love anyone as much as I loved you, then Carter came along and sometimes I feel like he’s mine, too. I would kill for him, I would die for him. He is the chaos and joy I didn’t know I needed and I am so grateful that the both of you brought such madness and ecstatic happiness to my life. Even on the worst days I’ve never felt less than loved by either of you and I cannot thank you enough for being my friend.

But god, how I wished we were more. I’ve kept silent on my feelings, tried dating Sabrina in the past, tried dating a few people. It never worked out, though. They weren’t you. Loving someone so completely is a blessing and a curse, especially when there’s no guarantee the person feels the same. I never dared find out, though I pretty much knew it was platonic on your end. Which was 100000000% fine. I have never, ever held any resentment because you never have nor ever will be obligated to return these feelings. I wanted to say them though, even if it wasn’t out loud. I’ve spent about two hours trying to figure out how to say all this, clock ticking. I have no regrets now, and the thing is.. Part of me wants to leave you this even if I’m not dying. I want you to know, I want to take this weight off my shoulders.

I don’t know what will happen after I finish this, but just know I’m smiling as I cry. You, Carter and everyone else will be okay. Seth and I have got your backs. We’re up here with Cameron and everyone else, cracking jokes and watching over all of you. 

I love you more than anything, 

Zack 

[zackdrumslikehella]

all the things that we never said.

He was feeling under the weather, just like Seth had. The sinking suspicion that what happened to Seth was about to happen to him had turned into certainty at some point, so Zack had gone to Mason and Carter’s to grab his phone that he’d left there. If it got worse, he needed to call 911. They’d find him instead of the people he loved most. He’d seen the lasting effect that finding Seth had had on Delia. He didn’t want that for any of his family.

He’d written Mason a letter, slid it under the the pile of mail in the kitchen. If he were really to go out like this- he couldn’t not tell him. He couldn’t die without at least some way letting his oldest friend know the feelings he had for him. Loving Mason was like breathing at this point, something that was comfortable and deep. Loving his son like his own was just as easy, his heart warming every time Carter joked about him being one of his Dads. 

This was his family. Mason, Carter, Seth, Arrow, Emily, Lissa, Delia, and the Mason/Simpson’s, they were everything to him.  He had so many people that he loved and who loved him that the thought of leaving them was too much to bear. He’d be with Seth, soon. Seth hadn’t gotten to say goodbye, everything too sudden. He hadn’t recognized the symptoms like Zack had. 

There was a sadness about it all, but also a strange peace. Hopefully, he’d go out on his own terms. 

Letting out another deep cough, he searched each room in Mason’s apartment for his damn cellphone. He’d dropped it at some last night and apparently never picked it up, just his luck. Stopping outside Carter’s room, he let out a ragged “Hey Siri”, the voice function finally working as he heard the noise. He walked over and kneeled by the bed, pulling it out from just beyond the bedskirt. They’d been wrestling the night before, it must’ve fallen under it then. Standing up, he was suddenly very lightheaded and he stumbled to the doorway of Carter’s room right as liquid started coming out of his nose. Fuck, no. He had to get out of here. He couldn’t die here. 

He touched his face, trying to wipe away the liquid and to no surprise, when he pulled back his hand it was a silvery liquid. Trying to move, he took about five steps before he crumbled to the ground, the liquid coming now from his mouth and out of his ears. It even trickled from his eyes like tears. Lights flickered and suddenly, three impossibly tall figures towered over him. 

“His conditional is terminal.”  Was all he heard before a sharp object was crammed into his chest, the life draining from him in the hallway between Mason and Carter’s bedrooms. The exact place he DIDN’T want to be.

[zackdrumslikehella]

@5sos: this can’t be happening. we refuse to accept one of our best friends is gone. seth, we love you so fucking much and no song will ever sound the same again. music won’t bring us joy if you’re not around to make it. we miss you, love. - zack

[zackdrumslikehella]

TEXT: GLEE GC

Sam: Apparently I'm in too much shock to drive and I don't think anyone else knows where Malia lives and...

Sam: She shouldn't go back there. None of us can right now.

Zack: Do you want me to bring her to the hospital with you, or to my house? I would say to just let her stay with Malia, but if she finds out, Mal isn't the best person for her to be around. Malia's emotional availability and capacity to comfort is about the same as your average pet rock and if Sabrina's gonna lash out because she can't understand/control herself.. I'd rather it be on me. Whatever you choose, put yourself first right now. You need to do what's best for you in this situation and as far as Sab goes, you have my 100% support and I'm at your disposal.

[zackdrumslikehella]

texts: zason

Zack: i'm freaking the hell out. i'm in my car trying to catch my breath and see if sam needs me to pick up sabrina and go from there.

Zack: what even is breathing because apparently i don't know how to do it anymore

[zackdrumslikehella]

TEXT: GLEE GC

Sam: Hey y'all.

Sam: something happened to Kurt.

Sam: I came home from work and the bathroom door was locked and he was just...

Sam: Covered in silver.

Zack: Oh my. Fuck. No.

Zack: Sam, I'm gonna get Sabrina and bring her to the hospital. She and Malia were just snapchatting me. Or should I bring her to my place or something? I know this is a lot and you're probably already overwhelmed but whatever I can do, I'll do. I'm so, so sorry.

[zackdrumslikehella]

@elisiaxdixon: i think i'm getting sick...my body is achy, my head hurts, and i have the chills...and it's the first time i've been sick since cam passed and now i just want him here and i'm really sad. :c

@zack5sos: @elisiadixon i volunteer any member of 5sos as a stand in for cuddles until you feel better. i know it's not the same, but the offer is there.

[zackdrumslikehella]

TEXT: LISSA ⇄ ZACK

Lissa: Zack

Lissa: ):

Zack: it's so scary