(since @saltnhalo gave permission to write a sequel and this has been haunting my dreams since I’ve read this >.<)
“I told you not to fall in love with me.”
Sometimes Castiel still hears Dean’s voice. It’s clear as day and most of the time it happens out of nowhere in the oddest moments. Right now he’s watching a video with two cats grooming each other and the last time it hit him in the grocery store right next to the frozen pizzas.
There’s no sense behind it, no pattern.
It’s just a thing he got used to live with.
“I told you not to fall in love with me.”
It’s been years since he last saw Dean and Castiel could never forget. His friends and family told him he would get over it, that first love strikes hard, but fades eventually. Castiel couldn’t really fathom it at the time – leaving Dean behind and getting on with his life –, however, everyone was insistent that it’d happen rather sooner than later.
And perhaps it seriously would’ve been preferable if that would’ve come true at some point. Dean never called, never texted, vanished completely from Castiel’s life like he never existed, and sometimes Castiel feels like a fool for still clinging to those few weeks. He achieved so much since Dean went away – graduated high school, got a scholarship to a prestigious college, published a novel that became more successful than he ever imagined – and it seems ridiculous to be so hung up on the past.
But still, Castiel can’t help it.
He never met anyone quite like Dean ever again. The liveliness, the wit, the joy for the little things, the fierce love for everyone he cared about …
Castiel could never forget.
He still hears Dean’s voice, over and over, he still sees his stunningly green eyes and his bright smile. Mostly at night, in his dreams, but also sometimes next to frozen pizzas in the supermarket.
No chance to wake up from this dream.
So when on a sunny Thursday afternoon someone knocks on the door of his apartment and Castiel suddenly finds himself face to face with just the man who has been haunting him for years, he can’t help assuming that he obviously fell asleep in his study again at some point and entered dream land without him really noticing.
Because there is no way that Dean Winchester is seriously standing in his doorway.
Castiel frowns instantly. That’s not the voice he remembers. It sounds deeper, hoarser. Rougher.
It suits him, but Castiel is still weirded out by it. His dreams usually don’t change their known path and Castiel finds himself hesitating.
“Um … long time no see, huh?” Dean starts to fidget, looking like a nervous child having to tell his parents that he broke their favorite vase.
And Castiel just stares. Silently.
Dean licks his lips, obviously getting anxious by the lack of reaction. “You look, uh, good. Real good.”
Castiel still doesn’t answer. He waits for this dream to take its familiar course, for Dean to pull him into his arms and whisper all these sweet things into Castiel’s ear. Just like he does most nights.
“I know it’s not very polite to just show up unannounced,” Dean continues after apparently accepting that Castiel wouldn’t reply anytime soon. “It’s just … I was afraid you’d tell me to piss off or something. I mean, I never called, you have every right to punch me in the face or whatever …”
He trails off, squirming some more, and Castiel starts to have his first doubts. In his dreams Dean is always confident, cocky. Like the boy he remembered.
But this Dean … he seems to be none of that.
And Castiel simply knows that his brain would have no reason whatsoever to create an anxious version of Dean for his dream world.
“I just …” Dean runs his fingers through his hair. “Do you want me to go? Just say the words and I’m gone from your life forever. I won’t blame you.”
Castiel blinks, once, twice, before stating, “No.”
Whatever is happening right now, he doesn’t want Dean to disappear. Ever.
Dean’s eyes widen a bit at the sound of Castiel’s voice, looking a lot like he figured himself in some kind of dream himself until that very point. He studies Castiel for a moment, his gaze so intense a shiver runs down Castiel’s spine, and takes a deep breath as if he’s preparing himself for something really big.
“I’m just … I’m here ‘coz I could never forget you,” he says in a rush, like he wants to get this off his chest as soon as possible. “And I know it’s been years and I never contacted you and I’m actually not sure if you even remember me at all, but I just had to come and apologize and explain and …” He shuts his eyes for a minute, obviously collecting his thoughts. “I wanted to call you. So badly. I wanted to see you again, hold you in my arms again. But there was Sammy and so much stuff happening you wouldn’t even believe half of it, and my Dad … and I was telling myself it’d be better for you in the long run, y'know? That you’d be better off without me. So I never called, to spare your feelings. And to spare mine as well, if I’m being honest. Because there were a lot of them. Feelings, I mean.”
He sounds like an anxious baby deer, his words stumbling over each other, and Castiel finds himself endeared by it. This is something new about Dean, something Castiel’s only seen in brief glimpses before, and his heartbeat picks up its pace as he suddenly realizes that his brain isn’t making up some weird dream right now after all.
Looking straight at the boy – at the man – who has somehow been with him this whole time.
“Just a week ago I was looking through some old pictures and I found one of you and suddenly I was missing you so badly,” Dean explains, rubbing the back of his neck. “I dunno, it just hit me. Like a ton of bricks or whatever. After shoving everything down for years that one picture of you smiling into the camera broke all of that open, just like that. I was helpless and all of a sudden I just needed to see you again.”
Dean steps closer, a little tentatively, and Castiel feels his breath catch in his throat. Is this really happening? Are his dreams finally coming true, after all this time?
“Because it wasn’t only you that messed up back then, y'know?” Dean offers him a shaky smile, suddenly looking exactly like the boy who said goodbye to Castiel years ago. “I told you not to fall in love with me, remember? … But I was a hypocrite, Cas. ‘Cause I fell in love, too.” He pauses for a moment, apparently gathering all his strength. “I’m still in love.”
Castiel chokes on air as his eyes grow big as saucers.
“And I can totally understand if you don’t wanna have anything to do with me now,” Dean hurries to add, his cheeks tinging pink. “I mean, you probably have a good life, without me, a great job, probably an awesome boyfriend or even husband who doesn’t bail on you, because you deserve all of that and more, and I’m sorry for messing up your afternoon by stopping by like that and spewing love confessions right into your face, years too late, and I’ll get out of your hair if you –”
Dean doesn’t get any further since Castiel cuts him off by grabbing his collar and pulling him into a kiss, hard and sensual and desperate, like a man just breaking the surface and greedily gasping for air.
Dean looks bewildered and debauched and hopeful at the same time when they eventually pull apart again, blinking rapidly, apparently no idea what to say or how to react.
Castiel, however, just smiles warmly at him as he gently threads his fingers through Dean’s hair. “Hello, Dean.”
And Dean beams in response, like hearing Castiel say his name is the most amazing thing that ever happened to him, and Castiel can’t help kissing him once more, reveling in the feeling of his soft lips forming into a smile.
“I told you not to fall in love with me.”
Thank God neither of them had been very good at doing what they are told.