ZEFR-U @zefrublog - Tumblr Blog

Hidden Gem

Brendon Goldwasser

Every week I dig deep into the binary crates of the world wide web to find one track that not even the hippest of the hip know about. From the depths of the internet, I give you this h i d d e n g e m. This week:

P.S. If you click the link and go to the actual Soundcloud webpage where the song is hosted, they sometimes have the track available for free download. It’s not always the case, but when it is, it’s quite a treat.

Birth to Death as told by Cinema - A Life in Film Mashup

Only God Forgives - REVIEW

JS Lewis

May 22, 2013 (Festival de Cannes)

July 19, 2013 (United States) 90 min Thailand (English / Thai) Written and Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn

With Only God Forgives Refn and Gosling team up again to tackle religious themes and revenge threads in heavily influenced but unparalleled visual storytelling. The end result is Taxi Driver of the Far East.

My first dive into the films of Nicolas Winding Refn came with Drive in 2011. After winning Refn the Best Director award at Festival de Cannes the film went on to garner the accolades of critics and otherwise cinephiles. Naturally I sought out Drive myself to see what all the excited praises were about. While several scenes left me quietly astonished I was somewhat resistant to the overall hype immediately after that first (and to this day only) viewing of Drive, but over the last two years it has grown on me like a cool scar. It's a film I'm constantly thinking back on and find even more rewarding when I plug in my own interpretations. It's risen to become a favorite of this young new decade. Earlier this week I analyzed the opening credit sequence of Drive. In the opening credits for Refn's follow-up film, Only God Forgives, we move along the edge of an impressive blade. It's red (from light, not from blood) against a darkened backdrop of fiery waves. Cliff Martinez's score warms up: A slow brooding drum (heart)beats, an instrumental-equivalent of chanting monks fades in, then the smaller and rapid Oriental-staple drum is heard... It all builds to a long church organ note that sounds right out of a haunted house amusement park right. "This is a horror movie," I told myself. That opening track is called "Only God Forgives" and leads us right to the film's opening title.

Julian (Ryan Gosling) resides in Bangkok, Thailand with his older brother Billy (Tom Burke). They oversee a boxing club which works both as an apparent hobby and a front for a drug smuggling business. These details become almost entirely arbitrary after Billy sets in motion an unyielding chain of sins and punishments beginning with the rape and murder of a 16-year-old prostitute (only after he couldn't find a 14-year-old). Almost immediately these crimes are brought to the attention of Lieutenant Chang (Vithaya Pansringarm) of the Thai police who we first see marching up the neighborhood street and into the scene of the crime. Chang allows the girl's father to do what he will with Billy. Afterwards Chang punishes the father for not taking better care of his daughter to begin with. This is a pattern found throughout Only God Forgives: All acts are brought forth to be accounted for, any room in which Chang catches up with characters serve as a court room - he's the judge, jury and executioner.

Top 5

Amanda Kirkham

I went to the movies this past weekend and while I was waiting for my companions afterwards in the hallway, I could see the entrances to four theaters. Above each of those doors was a sign saying what film was playing. In each of those four theaters was playing a film that was a sequel (or, in the case of Monsters University, a prequel). This gave me an idea. Every so often there is a sequel that ends up surpasses its original. It is a rare occurrence but it does happen. So this week I’m covering the Top Five Sequels Better Than the Original.

5. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011)

The first Ghost Rider missed the point entirely. It tried to make a legitimate superhero movie when it should have just made a craptastic action film. The second film did just that. It covered the backstory with cool comic book type images in the opening credits, instead of the hour of exposition that happened in the first one. Do you really need that much explanation for a guy that bursts into flame and fights evil? No you don’t. I just explained it in one sentence. Now onto the action. The sole reason I was convinced to see this film (obviously I didn’t enjoy the first so why would I see the second?) was the pissing fire joke in the trailer. I apparently have the sense of humor of a five-year-old. Hey, it got me into the theater, didn’t it? Believe me, the payoff was worth it. Everything about this film was so much better than the first. The special effects were better, as was the storyline (as unnecessary as it was) but the best part was that they let Nicolas Cage be Nic Cage! Whereas in the original he was restricted by a more serious tone (why on Earth would you ever want to do that?), in this film he got to be the over the top, crazy, screamy, wide-eyed guy we all know and love. The end result was a ridiculously entertaining action popcorn film worth the $7 admission.

4. Army of Darkness (1992)

Even though I just saw the original this year, I am a huge fan of all the Evil Dead films (I did see Evil Dead the Musical the last time I was in Vegas). I had seen Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness countless times but had never actually seen the original. After seeing the recent remake (which is pretty awesome) I went home and watched the original. Mind you, this was at one o’clock in the morning on aFriday and I had work later in the day but still, I needed to see it. It’s really low budget and less fun than the others but it’s still entertaining, and it’s the original idea. Evil Dead 2 is a lot more campy and gorey but Army of Darkness is perfection. It has the perfect amount of camp, gore, and Bruce Campbell to satisfy just about anyone (the one thing that was missing from the remake). The special effects aren’t computer generated and while they may look a bit dated, that’s part of the appeal of the film. It feels rough and cheap but in a good way. It’s supposed to be fun. You aren’t supposed to treat it like a serious horror film. It also helps that practically every line in this film is quotable. Bruce Campbell rose to cult legend status because of this film and it was all because of the delivery of those lines. While the first two were entertaining, Army of Darkness surpassed them with style and attitude.

3. Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)

Now this one is difficult because the first film was excellent. It’s not that The Terminator was terrible and T2 was sooo much better. T2 is just a more enjoyable action film, whereas Terminator was great but a little slower paced and more science-fictiony. Again, that’s not bad, it just makes for a film that requires a little more work from the audience. T2 is great because you already know the basic setup but there is a twist thrown in. The bad guy from the last film is the good guy in this one (surprise!). Having a terminator on the good side makes things more exciting and it levels the playing field a little. Of course, in order to make the situation seem a tad more desperate, the bad guy has to be ten times more intense. He can shape shift and is practically invincible (makes the fight scarier). The special effects technology is a little better this time so it looks cleaner and cooler. It also means there are a few things that you couldn’t do in the first one (like that scene where he walks through the fire in his metallic form, pretty awesome). There is also a little more of an emotional storyline this time (Sarah and Kyle’s relationship in the first film happens so quickly, there is hardly room to react). Having a kid as the protagonist is risky but this one is foul-mouthed and tenacious. He isn’t as tough as he seems though and that makes it so much more interesting.

2. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

This film is in a similar situation as the last one. Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope was revolutionary and perfect. How do you top it? By having Han Solo more prominently featured, of course. Really, it’s Han’s suave, bad-boy personality that makes this film. Yes, this is the first time we meet Yoda, and he is awesome! And Luke’s Jedi training is exciting and tense but come on, Han is perfect. Plus it’s because of him that they end up in Cloud City (bad move in retrospect, sure but how was he supposed to know Lando would betray them?) where we get Luke and Vader face to face. It’s here that Vader reveals what may be the biggest plot twist ever (after that whole Psycho thing) when he tells Luke that in fact, he is his father (spoiler alert - if you’re surprised by this and are alive and old enough to be reading this, why the hell haven’t you seen these films?). Also we get Boba Fett because of Han (again, he makes a bit of a mistake but it creates some of the most memorable moments of the franchise). So Han is awesome, Yoda kicks ass, Boba Fett is a badass and we get the most upsetting and shocking reveal in movie history. All in one film. That’s why Empire is better. Sorry New Hope.

1. The Godfather Part II (1974)

The Godfather is a perfect film. It is near impossible to believe that Coppola topped himself with The Godfather Part II but he did. The deception and betrayal in this film is much more surprising and crushing because it comes from within the family. Loyalty is a big thing for Michael and one of the major themes of the first (and second) film. His response to this demonstrates the price you pay for disloyalty. You pay heavily, even if you are blood. Michael’s psychotic tendencies have gone so far that his own family is turning against him. He has changed dramatically from the first to the second film and it is mirrored by the dual-timeline with his father’s rise to criminal power. Michael has unknowingly made great sacrifices as the “Don” and he discovers just how much he has lost when Kay reveals that her miscarriage was in fact an abortion. He and his father shared similar values but Michael’s thirst for power cost him most of those things he had been fighting to protect. The contrasting final flashback of the family arguing over dinner but breaking to greet their father, and the ending shot of Michael alone is the perfect demonstration of misunderstanding and isolation. Vito did what he did for the better of his family, and truly understood the meaning of that word. Michael, on the other hand, has gotten lost in his lust for power. Coppola really is brilliant.

TOP 5

Amanda Kirkham

Comic-Con is this week so I thought I would do a blog with a Comic-Con theme. I’m almost regretting this as I write it, knowing that this is a very sensitive subject for many people. I’m not a big comic book person, unless you count “Betty and Veronica” (wow, I can hear the screams of anger already). I’ve read a few random ones over the years and I’ve read a couple “graphic novels” but I’m definitely more of a superhero movie fan. With this in mind, know that this list is comprised of stories based on comic book characters that made excellent films. Here are this week’s Top Five Movies Based on Superhero Comic Books.

5. X-Men: First Class (2011)

I’m going to shoot myself in the foot again and say that of all the superhero films I’ve seen, the X-Men films are some of my least favorite. To clarify, that doesn’t mean that I don’t think they’re good. I just am not as invested in them as others. Now that I’ve chased away half my readership, let me say that X-Men: First Class was one of the most entertaining films of 2011. I’m always fascinated by the origin stories in superhero films, which is usually everyone’s least favorite part. Everyone else is looking forward to the action while I’m soaking up the backstory. First Class does an excellent job of setting up the backstory for the other films, as well as providing some epic action sequences. Not to mention it has Michael Fassbender (aka sexy beast #1) AND James McAvoy (aka sexy beast #2). Oh look, there goes the other half of my readership. Now that it’s just me and the void that is the internet, let me say that, to me, the best part of a superhero film is the emotional storyline that ties the characters together, and gives us a reason to root for the them. That’s why this is the X-Men film that made it onto the list. It explains who these people are and what their motives are. Magneto becomes much more sympathetic when we get a detailed look at his history and his early relationship with Charles Xavier makes their later fights more tragic.

4. Batman Returns (1992)

So we have a Batman film with Danny DeVito, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Christopher Walken as villains. I’m telling you, Tim Burton reached perfection with this one. The Tim Burton Batman films did such a good job of being dark but comic-booky at the same time. The costumes and sets were a little cartoonish but they worked. Batman was afterall a cartoon comic first. Again, it is the emotional storyline that gets this film on the list. Catwoman’s story is one of the best parts of the Batman franchise. Michelle Pfeiffer does an excellent job of playing her as both mysterious and vulnerable at the same time. Her relationship with Bruce Wayne/Batman is such a wonderfully tragic love story and I have to say I was a little disappointed with the way that storyline played out in the newest Christopher Nolan film. Catwoman’s curse is that her whole point of living is for revenge, and Batman ties into that. When Selina Kyle falls in love with Bruce Wayne, things get complicated. Not to mention that this makes Batman/Bruce Wayne question his own views on life. The woman he has fallen for is the very criminal he has been fighting this whole time. Throw in Danny DeVito’s creepy portrayal as the Penguin and Christopher Walken as the conniving Max Shreck and you have yourself a dark and twisted Batman film (Jack Nicholson is still the best villain as the Joker though). I could have put both the Tim Burton films on the list but I cheated that way last week and thought I’d contain myself this time.

3. Spider-Man 2 (2004)

In case you haven’t noticed a theme here, it’s the emotional connection to other characters that makes a superhero movie worthwhile in my mind. The action is always a bonus but it’s more exciting to see a hero we care about fight evil for those he loves. While I love the new version of Spider-Man (Andrew Garfield is one of my favorite actors), and while I dream that with the cast they have they could reach some real emotional peaks, I doubt they will ever be able to replicate the perfect tone and sentiment of this film. Tobey Maguire was the perfect Peter Parker for 2002. He was just sweet and humble enough and he does such an excellent job of expressing emotions with just his eyes. To me, Parker’s struggle with feeling a sense of duty to fight evil and wanting a normal life of his own, and possibly not even being able to have that simple life, is the essence of superhero conflict. Yes, fighting evil bad guys is also important but what difference does it make if there is no human connection? Spider-Man/Peter Parker was humanized in this film and we felt his pain and envy of normality. In the end, the thing that saves him is having someone who understands that inherent instinct to go into the fire rather than run from it. The very thing that he fights for is also the thing that grounds him and makes him worthy of cheering on.

2. Superman (1978)

I don’t understand why Superman gets so much hate from “fans” of superheroes. Maybe it’s because they don’t like his “good boy” persona and the fact that he is nearly perfect physically (except for that darn Kryptonite). To those arguments I say, “Psh!” For everyone that holds up their favorite hero as being the underdog, the outsider of society, Superman is literally an outsider. He came from a different world entirely. His complexity comes from his desire to fit in and defend those who don’t quite understand him. Normality tends to be a common theme within superhero mythology. They are all either born different or through some freak accident of science become different, and after a while, realize that what they truly want is to have a simple life. It can get pretty lonely fighting evil when you don’t have someone to confide in. What makes the Superman story different is that he doesn’t have that instinctual connection with the human race. His connection manifests itself from his love of his adopted species. He sees the good in them that so many others refuse to acknowledge. Christopher Reeves was clumsy, awkward, and wonderfully charming as Kent (something the recent Man of Steel missed entirely) and as Superman he was handsome, idealistic and completely heroic (another thing the recent film missed the beat on). Superman is a fun superhero and an enjoyable movie. It’s nice to have a philosophical film that questions humanity once in awhile but it is so much more entertaining and uplifting to watch a fun film like Superman.

1. The Dark Knight (2008)

Speaking of dark and philosophical, this film was one of the best adaptations of the superhero genre (and according to my list it is #1). I love Batman Begins but I’m not as big a fan of The Dark Knight Rises, though it was very entertaining. The Dark Knight was the best of the trilogy, in my opinion. It had the best villain (R.I.P. Heath Ledger) and it had that emotional tie that draws you in. Bruce Wayne in love with Rachel and willing to give up everything for her, while at the same time knowing that he can never truly leave Gotham unprotected is such a good juxtaposition of ideas. Then there is the question of how does a logical hero deal with and defeat a lunatic who has no real agenda or end goal? How much of himself is Bruce Wayne/Batman willing to sacrifice to give the people of Gotham continued hope and faith in humanity when even his own is faltering? The cast was so perfectly matched with their characters. Aaron Eckhart played the noble, good-hearted Harvey Dent just as well as he played the pushed-over-the-edge insane Two-Face bent on revenge. Maggie Gyllenhaal did a fine job taking over as Rachel Dawes and Christian Bale was just as excellent as he was in the first film. We all know though that the star of the film was Heath Ledger as a darker, more demented Joker. Without his performance I doubt the film would have been nearly half as good. I think people like to think that The Dark Knight gives us a grittier representation of reality, as well as a rougher, less perfect hero with whom it is easier to relate. However, I think that the previous heroes on this list are just as flawed, and in much the same ways. He still longs for that normality they all want and still fights it with a deeply ingrained sense of duty. No matter how much we change as an audience, we still want to see our heroes as real people. We still want to root for them and we still want to see good conquer evil, in all its forms.

AKIRA - SHORT REVIEW

J.S. LEWIS

Detailed visuals and a layered narrative set Akira far and apart from typical animated films. TMS Entertainment shows a haunting future, no doubt based on Japan's haunted past, that proves required viewing for time and all history.

This semester at film school I have immensely enjoyed a science fiction class, which expanded my mind to the genre itself and why these films were made when they were made. The latest blessing from this course came in the form of Akira, a widely and wildly acclaimed anime that I had always been meaning to see and may never have had it not been for the class. My professor related to us that if a nuclear bomb had never been dropped on Japan, we would not have this story. Akira begins in 1988 when an iconic mushroom cloud taints the Oriental landscape yet again. Years later in 2019, Neo Tokyo proves to have risen from the ashes (again, again), only to be on the verge of an apocalypse. In this darkened future we follow a bike gang where the relationship between two members, Tetsuo and Kaneda, proves vital to the rest of the story. Tetsuo has always lived in Kaneda's shadow since the two were orphans, but after an introduction and encounter with a child esper, Tetsuo begins to unleash his inner energy. The caution of the narrative is how people use such power, which brings my thoughts back to the history of Japan, a country that rose from the ashes before.

Bat-Weasel: The Audacious Animated Web-Series

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Hidden Gem

Brendon Goldwasser

PACIFIC RIM - MOVIE REVIEW

JS LEWIS

Guillermo del Toro's Pacific Rim is the heavily rendered result of so much that has come before it. It's a unifying effort (onscreen and off) capable of locking jaws and expanding ocular cavities. In a nutshell, motion pictures may have just reached a new level of astoundment.

I'm still pretty jazzed by what I experienced last night. I'm struggling to shake off all the hyperbole and leave it at the door before I enter because I sense I am going to say some bold things. Inhale. Exhale. Okay, can I come in? Pacific Rim‬ blew the speakers, screen and roof off the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, where I was lucky enough to catch the latest monster movie from Guillermo del Toro last evening. This is del Toro's eighth feature film, most of which have featured fantastical and frightening creatures, both those who go bump in the night and in many cases those who go bump back. The two giants invited to the ball are the Kaiju and the Jaeger. The film begins with a definition of each (noting their respective Japanese and German origins) as they are literally translated: Kaiju = strange beast, Jaeger = hunter.

Five minutes in we're knee-deep in an ocean of exposition. Science-fiction films all over this year are completely unapologetic with this. Oblivion, After Earth, and Europa Report all blasted us from the get-go. It works well here with the combination of cinematic highlights and news footage (both real and fabricated) set to the committed tough-guy-act narration courtesy of Charlie Hunnam who plays Raleigh Becket. Raleigh and his brother co-pilot one of the Jaeger, a skyscraper-sized mechanical robot (mecha) that the nations of the world have joined forces to build. These are our single greatest defense against a race of beasts that have emerged from a portal deep in the Pacific Ocean, the Kaiju. Their ferocity and agileness make the original Godzilla look like an grandma with a walker in comparison. This is just a small sample of the explanations that will be hurled your way. For the un-indoctrinated I imagine it will feel akin to drinking from a fire hose. Don't get too caught up in the brush, all you need to know is the robots are trying to keep the dragon at bay. All this foundation is laid so that ten minutes in we're watching the Becket brothers take on a Kaiju in the middle of the Pacific. Both monsters are massive enough that they're knee-deep in the ocean. It is as spectacular as that sounds.

Pacific Rim is very much two movies in one. There's the corridor striding and control room standing that we've seen over the years in similar subject matter. The going-ons between Becket and his commander, Stacker Pentecost (Idris Elba) at bases in Alaska, and later in Hong Kong, are where the preparations are made and laid. Rinko Kikuchi (from Babel and The Brothers Bloom) is introduced as Stacker's assistant, and not a moment too soon as her character is the only adorable thing to be found in this otherwise manly world melded together from technology and fantasy. Kikuchi plays Mako Mori (are you loving these names yet?), a top of her class cadet in the Kaiju Wars and she is placed opposite Becket to nobody's surprise.

An Open Letter to...Candy Crush

Fraisia Logan

*For those of you who do not know what Candy Crush is...welcome to the dark side.

Dear Candy Crush,

You little rat bastard. That's all I have to say to you right now. I love you and yet, I HATE YOU. With your really delicious looking cartoon candy and your nearly IMPOSSIBLE levels, I just cannot quit you. I've tried, oh I've tried. But then boredom strikes yet again and I go crawling right back. What is it about you that makes you so undeniably addicting? My entire office is hooked on you Candy Crush! I get level requests from MY BOSS. And you better believe I help her out because let's be real, she's my boss, and also I feel her pain and can relate to her Candy Crush struggle; who can't?!

You have the haters Candy Crush, oh you've got them. Peeps are all, "Stop sending me Candy Crush requests! I don't play and I never will!". Hahahaha that's a funny statement because you and I both know that that is most definitely not true. Oh yeah, you think it's soooo stupid and a HUGE waste of time (which, yeah, it is) but then you play level 1 and next thing you know, you're asking that one random guy you had gym class with in high school 7 years ago for that last ticket to unlock the next episode.

I think I've figured out what it is about you Candy Crush. First of all, IT'S CANDY. Who doesn't love candy? NO ONE. Not even the devil hates candy because he's the one who makes it taste so good while simultaneously being HORRIBLE for you. So, not only have you roped us in with your colorful and tasty looking design, then you go and throw in nearly un-winnable levels where we're forced to become completely irate and play over and over until we finally pass with a mediocre score at best. We're humans, we are not quitters. We have to finish what we've started NO MATTER WHAT and you, Candy Crush, have clearly figured that out.

Candy Crush, I love you, I really do but like maybe throw us a bone every now and then. Making the stupid boosts not cost actual money is a possible place to start.

My candy crushed desire,

Fraisia W. Logan

@fRaisin

Top Five

Amanda Kirkham

Every once in awhile there comes a film that is just over the top fun. It doesn’t require much thinking (if any) and serves mostly as an excuse to stuff your face with popcorn and Coke. It’s as if the filmmakers said, “We know this isn’t great stuff but we’re going to create one hell of a ride for you.” This week I list my Top Five Craptastic Movies.

5. Death Race (2008)

Before I get into why Death Race is a perfect example of a craptastic film, let me first define the term. It’s fairly self-explanatory but just in case you’re confused, it refers to a film that is so ridiculous in terms of story, acting, special effects, etc. that it’s entertaining. Now, it is specific to films where the filmmakers knew that it was crap but had fun with it anyway (think of the premise of Death Race: Convicts race to the death in prison for a chance at freedom). It does not refer to things that are so terribly made that you could almost laugh at them, which by the way, I don’t do. If a movie is bad, it irritates me. It does not amuse me. The creators of Death Race knew what they were working with (pretty much any Jason Statham film falls into this category). There is a back story that is a little convoluted but sufficient enough to get us into the prime part of the movie, there are absurd car chases and massive explosions. Rather than attempt to make a serious dramatic film, which would have flatlined so quickly you would barely be aware of its existence, they made the most badass version of a bad idea that they could. I have not seen the sequels (prequels?) but I really think Death Race 2 could be epic. It has appearances by both Ving Rhames AND Sean Bean (spoiler alert, probably: he dies, most likely)!

4. Escape From L.A. (1996)

Funny enough this film is supposed to take place in 2013. I don’t think it was a very accurate prediction of what the future would look like. In the year 2000 a massive earthquake caused the Los Angeles section of Southern California to break off and form an island that ends up being the dumping ground for the world’s criminals. Years later Snake Plissken (played by the fantastic Kurt Russell) must go in and retrieve a weapon that could send the world back to the dark ages. Of course he gets tricked into going on this suicide mission (something about a deadly virus they inject him with) because Snake would never do something like that on his own. If that setup doesn’t convince you just know that the film is filled with such asinine things as surfing on tsunami waves caused by major aftershocks and hang gliding to Disneyland. It is all pretty epically awesome. There are some fun cameos throughout the film, including Bruce Campbell as an insane plastic surgeon and it’s a lot of fun for L.A. natives to watch and catch little references here and there to the city we live in. Also, it is a dream of mine that I could easily hang glide from home to work and back to avoid all that traffic.

3. Drive Angry (2011)

So far on this list we have a Jason Statham movie and a Kurt Russell film. The list would not be complete without a Nicolas Cage one as well. There were plenty of Nic Cage films I wanted to add but I think this was the best one for this particular list. It’s a revenge film where an angry father hunts down the cult that murdered his daughter, all the while being chased by a sort of security guard (known only as The Accountant) for Hell because, you know, that’s where he escaped from. Not sure it gets any more craptastic than this. Add a hot chick who can kick some serious ass and a few outrageous car chases and you have yourself a film. I’m not sure there is much else to say about this film except perhaps that the 3D was pretty awesome and Billy Burke is surprisingly creepy as the head of the cult ready to sacrifice an innocent child. Don’t worry though, Cage catches up to him and he gets what he deserves in the end.

2. Piranha 3D (2010)/Piranha 3DD (2012)

Okay, so I know this is cheating a little bit (having two films in one slot) but they’re basically the same movie. They have the same basic premise and setup with just a minor change of location and (some) change of characters. College students and some locals get trapped fighting off carnivorous piranhas that have invaded their lake/water park. There is gratuitous sex, nudity and violence to spare in each. The second one could have had a little more gore but what it lacks there, it makes up for in creativity. I saw the first one at a midnight showing and laughed the entire time. It helps that there are some references to Jaws in the first ten minutes, which got the mood going, but it also just kept going over the top with each attack. It’s hard not to have fun with it when there is an attack on a topless parasailor that gets eaten in half below the waist and then gets pulled back into the air. Like I said, over the top and gratuitous. For the second one we took a 30 mile trip to see it at the Chinese Theater in Hollywood. We paid extra to see it in 3D and it was totally worth it. It is not as absurd with the attacks (there is plenty of nudity though, hence the double D in the title) but there is a pretty nice pay off to a minor attack early on in the film. Still, probably better to not take your grandmother to either.

1. Snakes on a Plane (2006)

The first joke of this film is in the title and if you don’t get it from that then you won’t enjoy it, which is really sad, for you. This movie has everything you could want in it. It has a creative murder plot (seriously, who thinks to put hundreds of deadly snakes on a plane and release them when they’re in the air, just to kill one murder witness?), excellent gags and, most importantly, Samuel L. Jackson! He is so over the top in this and so perfect at it. The special effects are cheesy, there is sex, drugs and an insane villain. What more could you want from a cheap action flick? So, if you don’t know, the plot revolves around this eye witness to a murder who ends up on a plane where the murderer has strategically placed deadly snakes to attack and kill all the crew and passengers. It is a feeble attempt to make it look like an accidental plane crash. Whatever, it gets us to the plane where we then get to watch an hour and a half of snakes attacking and killing people in fun and creative ways. It’s a popcorn flick. It is pure entertainment. It isn’t meant to be taken seriously and anyone who tries to doesn’t understand the purpose of the film, or this blog for that matter.

TOP TEN: BEST FILMS OF 2013 (THUS FAR)

JS LEWIS

10. Room 237

Some of my favorite documentaries are about film, but never before has one been so obsessed about a particular one. Stanley Kubrick's "The Shining" is a classic horror film that nearly everyone I know who has seen it cites it as one of their favorites of the genre. Though we all probably pale in comparison in our fandom to the talking voices (no heads are seen and I love that about this doc) heard throughout "Room 237." They range from film study to floor plan analysis to downright conspiracy theories. Before seeing the film I scoffed when I heard about the guy who believed that hidden in "The Shining" was Kubrick's confession for helping to stage the moon landing. But by Kubrick's beard when that segment came around I was as transfixed as a gullible child. This is a hypnotic barrage of visuals (from a whole catalog of movies) that not only ensure you'll never look at "The Shining" the same again, but permisses any cinephile to derive what they dare from their favorite movies. Fittingly, this one has become one of mine. Should I try to make a documentary about "Room 237"?

9. Monsters University

Pixar is back (in all their "instant classic" churning glory) with a prequel to one of their most beloved and ingenius exercises, "Monsters, Inc." We meet Mike and Sulley before they were ever the top scarers in the business and before they ever met each other. It's the rare prequel that should be seen after already knowing the original and manages to successfully expand this otherwise unseen world. Those who have been to college will be in on half the jokes, which really makes me feel this is not a film for kids - though they may certainly have a lot to be entertained by. I seriously think this could be Pixar's funniest film to date, but of course they've brought two monster-sized hearts along for the shenanigans.

8. The Silence

In 1987 a little girl disappears outside of an unassuming German township. 23 years later to the day a mysteriously similar crime occurs. "The Silence" takes no sides. It merely displays the outward actions of its players: the victims, their parents, police detecives, and the culprites. I observed that all were victims. Only once does it take us into someone's head, a snippet I'm still mulling over. Here's my review.

7. Before Midnight

The third installment in writer/director Richard Linklater's unique series is set/made 9 years after "Before Sunrise" which was set/made 9 years after "Before Sunset." It's neither as creative as the first, or as important as the second, but for me may be the most meaningful. It's an exponentially rewarding yarn that I'm yearning to revisit each year, especially every 9 years. It's philosophy on-the-go courtesy of a couple who feel so familiar with each other and for those who've seen the prequels. Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy have certainly aged, consequently their performances behave like a fine wine.

6. Leviathan

This avante-garde documentary sets itself solely upon the North Atlantic as we observe a day-in-the-life of the fishing industry. Shot with GoPro cameras and more tricks up their filmmaking sleeve (from the team behind "Sweet Grass") than the French New Wave, this film makes waves all of its own. In the theater the experience was inescapable. Nearly insufferable. You will feel like you're at the mercy of the sea like the fish and the birds that occupy the immediate sides of its surface. My wife hated it and I can understand every point she makes, but because I've never experienced anything remotely like "Leviathan" and admired the toiling on both sides of the tiny fish-eyed lens, I salute everything about it.

The Hidden Gem

Brendon Goldwasser

A HIJACKING - REVIEW

JS LEWIS

A Hijacking (Kapringen) September 20, 2012 (Denmark) June 14, 2013 (United States) 103 min Denmark (Danish / Swedish / English) Written and Directed by Tobias Lindholm

"A Hijacking" offers two sides of a hostage situation enabling us to make conclusions and consider meanings. This thriller puts realism at its forefront, carried by an exemplary male lead on each end.

2006 was a fantastic year in cinema. One of its prized vessels was Paul Greengrass's "United 93," a gripping and indubitably fair depiction of the events of 9/11, particularly the flight, hijacking and crash of United Airlines Flight 93, that unfolds in near real-time. Tobias Lindholm's first solo directorial effort is "A Hijacking," a Danish film about a cargo ship that is overrun by Somali pirates who take the crew hostage and get in touch with its mother company in Copenhagen for ransom negotiations. Besides a hijacking as their common crisis the two films are kin in their naturalistic filmmaking techniques: Handheld cameras, true lighting and on-location filming all give the impression that we're remarkably close to actuality. The close-quarters of the vessel, the consistently medium (or closer) shot lengths and that subtle swaying of the sea in addition to the hand-handled photography only increase the floating claustrophobia. Films like these may prove to be more "true to life" than documentaries can ever hope to achieve. Just as we divide our time between the passengers on United 93 and the grounded officials desperate to do what they can, in "A Hijacking" we spend half of the running time amidst the glass-walled offices of Copenhagen where the CEO of the targeted shipping company is personally attending to the matters. One of the ways in which these two films differ is regarding the hijackers themselves. Al-Qaeda wasn't looking to make a "deal," they were there to cause chaos and carry out their part in the day's masterplan of terrorism. For the Somalians it's much more a business venture, they've even brought in a middle-man to be in charge of negotiations with officials in Copenhagen. Another stark divide between these two is the time transpired during their respective events. "United 93" took place in a single morning - planes can't sustain any situation that goes on too long anyways. It will likely surprise you how much time passes in "A Hijacking." A boat offers a different experience... they're (we're) stuck in the middle of the ocean and things could take a long while to get sorted out.

An Open Letter to...Disney Movies

Fraisia Logan

Dear Disney Movies,

What is it about you that makes you so special? Excuse me, let me rephrase that: what is it about you that makes you so ADDICTIVE? The first week I bought Wreck-It Ralph, I watched it three times. I definitely watched Cinderella at least five times in a row when it came out on video. It took me months to finally get Tangled on DVD but when I did, you know what I was doing for days on end. What I'm trying to say here is that you know what you're doing. With your adorable talking animals and your catchy freaking songs and your bright colors and your completely arbitrary but somehow still endearing story lines, you've got the formula down pat. The Fox and the Hound was the first movie that ever made me cry. I was four. I didn't even know movies could do that to you at that age. I felt all these feels and was somehow extremely offended and SWORE THE FOX AND THE HOUND OFF EVER SINCE SO LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT IT OKAY??

Disney, you got some sweet ass tricks. You went and called up Steve Jobs and bought Pixar which resulted in some of my favorite movies of all time. OF ALL TIME. That's some serious shit right there. Who knew that an adorable little trash compacting, "Hello Dolly!" singing robot could make me cry some of the hardest tears since you-know-when (The Fox and the Hound incident, REMEMBER?). That adorable little shit is what keeps me coming back for more.

But what happened with Cars 2, guys? I mean, you really dropped the ball on that one. And Brave? UGH. Yeah I get that like everyone loved it and I get that it won an Oscar (Wreck-It Ralph was clearly robbed) and I get that she's Scottish (who can resist those saucy Scots?) but honestly, that shit was weak. Maybe if you had spent less time on her giant fire mane and more time on the storyline, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. Look, let's just think back to when you made the Pixar masterpiece Finding Nemo (my personal fave) and regroup. Then maybe we won't have to have this talk again.

But mark my words, if Finding Nemo 2 is not some brilliant shit, I might just have to swear you off forever.*

*Let's be real, probs not but I like to be dramatic.

Disney, you are engraved on my heart and I probably will never quit you but, let's step it up a bit yeah?

My ever animated love,

Fraisia W. Logan

@fRaisin

Top Five

Amanda Kirkham

The Fourth of July, our Independence Day, is next week. Since I won’t be able to write a blog for then, I’m writing about films for the Fourth this week. Here are my Top Five Films for the Fourth of July (Happy Birthday, America!).

5. Red Dawn (1984)

A bleak look at what our world might have been like if the Soviets had been stronger and better trained than they were. There is so much about this film that can’t be replicated, which is why the 2012 remake fell flat. I was born in the 80s (1988 to be exact) and as much as I like to think I was an 80’s kid, I really wasn’t. I was born a little too late in the decade to have seen those films in theaters, and remember them. However, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t raised on 80’s films or that I don’t appreciate the talent that appeared in this film and the uniquely 80s feel it has. There is something so deeply emotional, and depressing, about the idea of a bunch of kids having to rush in and save the day. They are forced to grow up overnight and fight an enemy that is much more ruthless and skilled. It is surprisingly empowering. I think it embraces the spirit of revolution and independence from an overbearing invader pretty nicely. It is a good (and by good I mean well made and a bit soul-crushing) film to watch on Independence Day to stand as a stark reminder to never take for granted what we have and how lucky we are to have survived the things we have as a country.

4. The Patriot (2000)

This is an excellent film to watch on the Fourth if you want to see American revolutionaries kick some British ass. I could argue about the historical accuracy of the film but I think it’s more fun to just sit back and enjoy the awesome that happens on screen. It is really satisfying to see the Americans fight back in spectacular fashion. I always feel a rush of pride when I watch this film. It’s great to root for a team you like but I think there’s another level when it comes to the country you live in. That’s why we suddenly see an increased emergence of patriotism around the Olympics. Everyone is excited to see people they identify with succeed. They even somehow feel a claim to that success (like, “Yeah, we won!” rather than “they won”). Watching this film is like experiencing that feeling because while you are watching a fictionalized version of an historical event, you’re still seeing your countrymen kick ass (just ignore the fact that Mel Gibson was actually raised in Australia - he was born in New York, it counts).

3. Live Free or Die Hard (2007)

All of the films on this list have a common thread in them of people banding together to defeat an enemy who has threatened their freedom and way of living. Live Free or Die Hard is a perfect example of this. The Die Hard films all have a running theme of resistance but this one tackles it on a greater scale. John McClane isn’t just saving a building full of hostages, he’s trying to save his country. Each of the Die Hards ups the ante of the previous film and while this one does require you to greatly suspend your disbelief at some points, overall it is an awesome action film and a solid addition to the franchise. In Live Free or Die Hard, McClane is once again roped into foiling a terrorist plot. This time they are attacking the country on the Fourth of July. This is another film where you get to see the good guy kick the bad guy’s ass and eventually thwart his plan, which is why it is perfect for this holiday. Watch an American hero fight evil and save the day (it doesn’t hurt that the evil guy is Timothy Olyphant). Bruce Willis and Justin Long play off each other pretty well and there is a heartwarming(ish) subplot between McClane and his daughter. Just make sure you get a hold of an unrated copy. John McClane should never be censored.

2. Independence Day (1996)

I may not have been a true 80’s kid but I was definitely a 90’s kid. I grew up watching things like Clarissa Explains It All and begging my parents to take me to movies like Jurassic Park (even though I was only five-years-old at the time) which is why it was such a big deal that we went and saw Independence Day opening weekend. This is such a 90’s film with it’s over-the-top action, special effects, and superstars Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum. Seriously, was there a movie made in that decade that didn’t have an appearance from Goldblum? Again, there is major ass-kicking and evil things to fight. The world has been attacked by aliens and it is Smith and Goldblum’s job to see that they don’t succeed in taking over our planet. The interesting part about this film is that in the end, it becomes an Independence Day for the whole world. It still has that instinctual bonding of a people that must stick together to defeat a common enemy. It just happens to include other nations besides simply our own. How could you not get inspired watching different nations team up to beat down some extraterrestrial slime?

1. Jaws (1975)

Could anything else really have been number one? Aside from it being the best movie ever made (and my personal favorite), Jaws is the perfect Fourth of July film. It has that essential fight to survive motif and the pivotal moment of the film actually happens on the Fourth. That last beach attack happens after everyone has come to the island to celebrate the holiday. Brody then convinces the mayor to sign off on the contract Quint has demanded. In this case the evil that they must rally together to fight is a giant killer shark. It has staked a claim off the shores of this quaint little beach town and is threatening their way of life. People don’t tend to visit places where you die when you go swimming. An American hero (Quint) steps in to handle the situation, he did after all fight off the same evil after the U.S.S. Indianapolis sank. The twist is that the true hero of the story doesn’t emerge until the film is practically over. Brody is the one who ends up saving the day and it isn’t because he is fighting some imaginary vendetta against the beast (Quint) or trying to prove something to the world about his worth among oceanography aficionados (Hooper). He fights literally to survive and save his family. He is an everyman. He is all of us represented in a terrible situation. Now, if that isn’t indicative of the American spirit, I don’t know what is.

The Lone Ranger Ultimate Outlaw Trailer (2013)

#The Lone Ranger #LoneRanger #Trailer #Johnny Depp #Western #Zefr-u

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