It's been a long time since I visited Orgrimmar. I have before just a few times after the war was over. But nothing feels the same. I adapt well to change but something is off, something that raises my fur and stirs my instincts that visiting the city is just a bad idea. No matter how many times I visit as brief as it is, I don't trust anyone.
I simply wait for my Jin's rule to finally be taken seriously. That regardless of those who despise a troll to be ruling over the Horde, it doesn't change the fact that now and for how ever long Vol'jin rules, they will have to answer to him and seek his wisdom. After all he rallied up the Horde, found fellow brothers and sisters to fight for a cause to over throw Garrosh. A reminder of who we truly are amongst one another, family.
As much as I cling to that hope to find just that within the Horde, I just cannot settle, I don't feel at peace yet. I rather visit Silvermoon then to step into Orgrimmar. It's just that bad that I hold not too much trust toward others that I use to look to as friend. Me and my mate have been living a peaceful life, away from the city there is no stares, no pointing fingers, we don't have to listen to arrogant opinions, there is no judgement, there is no one to disturb our peace as we are a mated pair and have not divided ever. Loyal we are to one another, there is no other I would want. Alacyon is who I chose to be by her side, just as she chose me. Through all the struggles, the turmoil, the torment I went through, besides my family being there to see me through, she was the only one there for me every step of the way.
And I being there for her when ever she needed me. In the past ever since we officially gotten together we have endured the behavior of others that did not approve of our relationship. No matter the words, threats and treatment it will never pull us apart. It just make us stronger to prove others wrong and still maintain a healthy relationship with one another just to piss those judgmental bastards off all the more. Since the war there is a new threat and I rather not bring Alacyon into that threat when we as the Horde, are so willing to kill each other over the simplest of things.
Where we go is in areas that accept us for who we are as a mated pair. Orgrimmar isn't the only Horde city after all. And we have a home, have settled where only my family knows of it and not many others. The friends we use to know, all gone. Either during the war our friends had passed on or they too are being smart with keeping away from Orgrimmar. We only keep connection with one friend, someone we both look forward to catching up with when he is available. Not to long ago we had a picnic and it was very enjoyable to see a welcoming face and catch up on what has been going on. After our noble friend had departed to return to his duties...I and Alacyon took a nap in the sun before we packed up to head back home.
I been prowling the city here and there. I just don't know yet, my instincts tell me to keep away. Perhaps it's a hope I cling to that I'll find new friends to gain trust with, maybe old friends too. To regain trust where it has been lost. I don't trust as easily, I rather keep my mate protected. Sure if she wants to roam the city, by all means. Sometimes I'm with her, other times I'm not. The less people know of us, the better off it seems that we can roam the city without even being noticed.
The hill where the tree still resides, I still see trolls that sit under it's shade. Different faces I do not know, others I do. But I do not approach, I let them to their own business as the tree area is no longer the same. It's lost what it was once known to be by everyone. Hearing gossip that the tree area is just a cesspool for the perverted and dirty. Now, I take such gossip with a grain of salt, cause to be frank, Orgrimmar is just one giant cesspool. There really is no area that hasn't had some sort of perversion going on. It all depends on who is there and who is not.
So it's just a group of people speaking gossip against others they don't like and vice versa, just this vicious cycle that I don't want to be in the middle of or be swept up in. I don't know these people and I rather keep it that way. I get enough shit as is just when people realize, yes I'm mated to an elf. Just one glance our way and I can hear the gossip growing already, regardless if we are known or not. I don't give a shit what is said and at times I do, as these unsavory gossip can put my mate in danger. Where she nor I have done anything wrong but she is the one that is threatened more then I.
No one has the balls to come up to my face but they go after my mate to try to intimidate, to threaten. These people are cowards to be hiding behind the scenes and the moment I'm not around, then suddenly wanting to boost their own ego they target her. So many times I have wanted to charge after the the individual that insulted or threatened her, even toward a friend if they so much betrayed. So many times I wanted to feel their blood run against my fangs while I tear them apart just to put the person in there place. To show, mess with my female....and consequence in your actions will be dealt with. So many damn times I feel my instincts in wanting to strike, to lash out. The only person who saves their undeserving, cowardice and lack of honor dumb asses is...by her. As angered as I can be, as riled and wanting to let the beast out to make them pay. Just by her voice alone, she keeps me from following my want for blood. By just a few simple words, we are better then that.
It's so damn hard to do the right thing. It tests me every time, this is why I do not go to the city so often. I tire of struggling in want to rend someone should they dare even glance at us the wrong way. Logic keeps me from following my want. Because we are better then them. To not stoop to their level, to be above that. Because we are above that, we are above them. They are the lessers for they are the ones that have to lower themselves to such a degree. I have also learned this from Ren'nari, a brother in law. They are beneath us and do not deserve our attention.
Lately I have visited the city way late in the evening, less chance of a crowd, less people. I was taking a nap at the tree area as it was empty, no one in sight, until someone had started poking me. I engaged the individual who was just curious that was all. His voice sounded a little familiar but hell if I remember every person I use to come across. It's been so long since I lingered about longer then five minutes. Suddenly this other male showed up, speaking out defensively to not bother me. That I was his friend, that I don't like being poked. So swiftly this male ready to defend me over what? I laid there confused as all hell, because I know for a fact that I never met this one. I would of remembered the scent, the face, the voice, something for me to realize this one I know. Even if my memory was vague, I would of had a indication hey maybe I do know him. But my senses were not indicating at all of any recognition.
How this person knew my name, all I can ponder is I been spoken of for whatever reason. Maybe others have noticed me lingering around and spoken a few things about me. I have no idea. I'm not all that popular and I rather not be, I don't want that sort of attention. So there I am watching these two banter back and forth, I realize these two most likely a mated pair with how they interacted. Unable to keep there fangs off of each other...geez. Mix signals I was getting from the behavior, from defensive to affection and possibility in need to rut. I can smell it in the air of the musk one of them was putting out. Regardless I spoke my words that I do not know him. That his need to defend me wasn't really needed. It's not like his mate was harming me or insulting, he was just curious...no harm in that.
Not sure if he heard me or not as the two hunkered down for attention to one another. So quietly...I slipped away to leave them to there want for one another. It was making me feel territorial, to much smell of musk and my instincts riled to display a warning so they can give me space and respect that I am there. They were RIGHT there next to me and instead of following my instincts I followed a more logical answer. To just walk away, leave them at peace to what they want. Whispering to one another, smirking, nibbling and gripping. All the signs of, one of them was wanting and getting the other interested. So yep...time to go. I left the city to go back home. The Tree area is not my territory and they can have it. It was better off I didn't fall asleep in the city, so in a way they did me a favor. To get out of there.
I don't mean to have trust issues but I just do, everything's changed and I do not recognize Orgrimmar as I once did. So here I stay in Thunderbluff, the only city that doesn't give me or Alacyon problems. The only city that has a peace to it as the tauren are known to have. Taking the time to write...I'm not sure what to do with this writing. To save it? To throw it away? I just got in the mood to get what I been feeling and thinking out. That things got really weird the other night. And just....how I hope to have things back as they use to be. But I know such will not return....there is no use to trying. But stupidly I try anyway. I just wait for what changes need to be done and maybe then....we can start a new there but only time will tell.