Welcome To Stila

The bad subtitles version of Final Fantasy X

[zenakent-alpuss]

Well, that’s almost how it went in canon...

[Tidus skids into the suspiciously Overlarge Guardian Waiting Room]: SIMON! Simon: Silence! Yonna is meeting the priest! Tidus: Bullshit!

[zenakent-alpuss]

Lulu joins the League of Demotivational Speakers

 (to be fair, this is right after Wakka announces “Ha ha my brain is empty”)

Lulu: If you make mistake, we can do nothign.

[zenakent-alpuss]

And that was when Auron realized he was teaching at the wrong dojo

Auron: You should act after you understand your enemy. You must have the awareness. Wakka: Ha ha my brain is empty. 

[zenakent-alpuss]

And we thought Tidus and Jecht had family issues

[Jyscal’s Sphere] Jyscal: I will be controlled by my son and then die. Jyscal: I can accept this because I am useless.

[zenakent-alpuss]

The subtitles are so delightfully hit or miss in this stretch.

[Excerpts from Jyscal’s, ahem, Master Jessica’s Sphere] Jyscal: With the honor of Chubby, I swear...

[...]

Jyscal: I can only see the black flame burning inside his heart. Jyscal: That kid makes use of Yevon Chobby and Conjurer.

[zenakent-alpuss]

You tell ‘im, Rikku!

McLarney Temple doorkeeper: The Albert Race and a body guard? Rikku: I want to protect Yonna. Nobody is qualified enough to criticise me.

[zenakent-alpuss]

You folks really need to give up on Midichlorians 101 lectures. 

[Snowmobile scene continued] Lulu: When Torture changes into punishment, At the same time our guilty will be formed. Tidus: Oh, at last we know nothing. 

[zenakent-alpuss]

Wow! What an awesome dad! Er, wait... 

[More snowmobile ride screencaps - Tidus talking to himself]

Tidus: And then they were all killed. It’s Torture’s fault. Tidus: What a dad!

[zenakent-alpuss]

wait so was Wakka a fan of the Alberts before that?

[Snowmobile ride continued] Tidus (about Wakka): He’s a little bit obstinate. Lulu: After Charles died, he began get bored with the Albert Race.

[zenakent-alpuss]

AHAHAHAHAHA

LULU NO

[Snowmobile ride scene] Tidus: Lulu, how do you like Likke? Lulu: Well, I mean you won’t get bored when looking at her. 

[zenakent-alpuss]

Race against Christopher!

Rikku (I think?): Can you drive this thing? Tidus: I Won’t be defeated by Christopher.

[zenakent-alpuss]

This argument actually makes sense during the first half, except that early in the subtitles get out of sync so it looks like Wakka’s speaking Rikku’s lines and vice versa. During the second half, things get weird.

Rikku (?): Is it up to Torture to revive? Wakka (?): Maybe there are some methods prevent Torture reviving. Rikku (?): Torture won’t revive as long as we finish reading the guilty. Wakka (?): How can we read the guilty? Rikku (?): If you keep following the lessons you will finish one day Wakka (?): It seems we don’t understand each other.

[zenakent-alpuss]

Succinct and to the point. 

Wakka: Why did you hide the fact? Lulu: I thought you would be angry. Wakka: Shit.

[zenakent-alpuss]

Moving right along. (Surprisingly, Brother makes perfect sense in this version.)

Image 1: Party running down to Lake Macalania while Captain Obvious points out, “Albert Race!” 

Image2: After battle with Al Bhed, Rikku realizes, “I did say I change into a guard. I must do that.”

[zenakent-alpuss]

Hey now, Tidus, you’re the one who says a lot of excrescent things.

Tidus to Auron: Oh no. Please don’t say this kind of disgusting thing.

[zenakent-alpuss]

Tidus attempts to explain the riddle of Jecht’s Home Movies, accidentally making Jecht a participant in Yuna’s pilgrimage.

Tidus: Ma dad Has become aware because he couldn’t find the Zenakent In fact he really wants to go back there But he has become as he couldn’t go back If we don’t do this we can’t go forward Even though we can find other ways back I think he won’t leave us when the trip is only half left.

[zenakent-alpuss]

Well, this is embarrassing. Tidus understands more than I do.

[Discussing Jecht on Braska’s pilgrimage] Auron: Later he realized the awareness of Stila and Blackscar. Tidus: Then he gave in and came back? Auron: The socalled awareness is this kind of thing. Tidus: I seem to understand it a little.