I Need a Hero (Literally) Chapter 2: Deal
The viceroy was a small man.
By that, Nezha meant no taller than four feet. Yes. He was that tiny.
It made Nezha want to excuse himself and forget he ever accepted the case.
“Ahem,” Viceroy Chen cleared his throat. The proud haughtiness that shrouded him minutes before had drained from his body, leaving a puddle of apprehension in his wake.
Nezha could practically hear the gears in Viceroy Chen’s head turn as he debated if he should even trust him.
It was no secret the Viceroy held the same, if not, worse opinion regarding Nezha. The way his beady eyes bulged like he saw the grim reaper himself was comical if under different circumstances.
Though to be fair, Nezha found glee with the fact his mere presence could silence the imp-like man of all arrogant pretense.
It warmed his heart to think that the Viceroy would shut up as soon as he realized he was under the looming shadow of the much taller young man.
“I would like to express my appreciation, once again,” Viceroy Chen emphasized. “For offering to save my bride from the hideous dragon. I will be forever in your debt!”
Staring down at the groveling man, Nezha snorted at the saccharine monologue. If there’s one thing he learned about Chentang Pass over the years, it was the discouraging amount of genuine gratitude and appreciation the people really held inside.
Viceroy Chen was the hallmark of all that. And Nezha would rather choke on a tang-hulu than hear another fake thank you from the old man.
“So you’ll speak to the town on my behalf to allow me full freedom to roam Chentang without the headache from villagers.” It wasn’t a question, more like an affirmation.
Never in his life would Nezha ever find it in himself to beg for favors. He always assumed the silent agreement between him and anyone else would be respected, lest someone wished to become the next barbeque for the community picnic.
“Y-yes!” The Viceroy stretched his grin a bit too wide, compensating for his chattering teeth. “Bring my bride in one piece and your wish is at my command.”
The pompous confidence of the man was the last straw. Nezha didn’t bother to hide his contempt as he leered down at the four-footed Viceroy.
“Don’t get too excited,” Nezha snapped. “She ain’t your wife yet. Who knows maybe the dragon gobbled her up after all these years.”
His outburst earned him a hard slap upside the head from Lady Yin. The mother sent him a dirty look, stunning the young man into momentary silence.
“My apologies, Viceroy!” Lady Yin exclaimed. “He woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. He’s usually a sweetheart, I guarantee it!”
‘Sweetheart’ and ‘Nezha’ never existed in the same sentence. The fact that his mother, someone who his very existence tormented since day one, was the first to suggest so made him burst out cackling.
He never asked for compliments.
Slinging his waistcoat over his shoulders, Nezha blew out a whistle. “Whatever. I’ll get it done. Ya better pay up afterward or you’re dead meat.”
Viceroy Chen whimpered a meek ‘of course’ before hitting the ground on his knees once more. Nezha wasn’t sure if he was begging for his life or repeating his broken record of thanks.
Stupid. Tsking, he stepped out of the manor, ignoring the angry chatter from Lady Yin. Nezha hadn’t the heart to tell her to shut up, so he resorted to blocking the babble from her. One of the many perks of the reincarnation of a spirit orb.
His thoughts trailed back to the quivering Viceroy Chen, tangling into a throbbing mess that pulsed against his skull.
Whoever was in that pagoda was not going to have a happy wedding. Nezha still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact Chen had somehow become the Viceroy amongst all people.
He shuddered at the thought of anyone willing to throw themselves at Chen.
But Nezha was quick to jump over the negatives. At least the woman won’t be cursed anymore, so that’s a plus...He guessed.
Unlike him, no one was going to send a few kisses over and rid him of his problems.
There was no reason to feel sorry for some random stranger who had it better. Pushing the thoughts aside, Nezha found himself strolling near towards the beach, away from Li Manor.
The sun was more than halfway done with its descent behind the mountains, reminding Nezha of the long journey from the Viceroy's manor.
He craved a good stretch after sitting on a horse for hours on end.
Lady Yin noticed his change in route and was on edge in an instant. “Wait Nezha! Where are you going?”
Said man didn’t bother to turn around, rather waving a hand. “I need some time alone. I’ll be back in a bit.”
“But-”
“Relax, mom!” Nezha snapped. “I’m not gonna eat the kids.”
It wasn’t like Lady Yin was in the condition to stop him anyway. No one could. Nezha was off his steed within seconds, darting into the woods before anyone could open their mouths to protest.
The night had just made its entrance not long enough when Nezha found his way back to the beach. He prayed it would help smooth the firing nerves he held down for the entirety of the morning, it usually did the trick.
But the unrelenting growth of an uncomfortable churn in his gut stayed, not budging an inch. It drove him to a mental frenzy knowing he couldn’t control it.
“Ha! Knew you'd be here!” Taiyi’s face popped into Nezha’s view upside down without warning, nearly sending the young man flying backward.
“The hell old man?!”
Nezha almost felt a yelp escape him, but was thankful that it failed to do so. There was no telling what would happen to Taiyi if he caught Nezha ‘acting out of character’ again.
Recalling the last time he wanted to beat Taiyi’s ass in, Nezha’s mind somersaulted before landing back to reality. Right, he promised himself he still had to set Taiyi’s pants on fire.
Unfortunately for Nezha, the slight gleam in his eyes revealed too much.
His master picked up on the red alarms in a second’s notice. Giggling, the deity bounced back a few feet, wagging his finger in Nezha’s face again.
“Yeah, that’s not happening,” Taiyi said. “I just got these last week on sale, too! You’ll have to wait a bit before you rip ‘em.”
Nezha snorted. “Sure. Be prepared for the double debt. I’ve wanted to go at you for a while now.”
Taiyi widened his eyes with comical intent, putting a hand over his chest in a horrid attempt to look heartbroken.
His student wasn’t impressed.
“You know gods don’t have heart problems right?” Nezha added. Raising a brow, he gave Taiyi a thumbs down.
Grumbling a string of unintelligible words, Taiyi glared. “You know you’re really petty right?”
“Nice to meet you too, kettle,” Nezha retorted, revealing his canines in a sharp smile. A smug look was rewarded to Taiyi, who’s face went through three shades of red.
“Garrrrgh!” Taiyi plopped down next to the youth, out of breath and comebacks. “You win.”
Nezha knew him well enough to know that the deity wasn’t just there to bicker over who had the best debating skills. But he wasn’t interested in beating around the bush this time.
“Seriously, what do you want now.”
Grabbing a pebble from the sand, Nezha made a neat toss to the waters, letting it skid across before sinking to the dark depths.
He waited, all the while digging his hands deeper into his pockets.
“Saw you didn’t come back,” Taiyi said. “Thought you died or something. Viceroy Chen has a very spiky reputation.”
“Piss off!” Nezha growled. He rolled his eyes and trudged further into the water. “He nearly shat himself today.”
Taiyi didn’t relent. “Hey, I was just worried! You never come here for nothing.”
It was going to take a broken tooth to get Nezha to cooperate, and it was obvious it wasn’t going to be today. The deity sighed, flicking his feather duster in exasperation.
Oh, how he wanted to whoop that kid’s ass.
“Just thinking about things,” Nezha replied. Letting out a loud exhale, he continued, “Wondering how that friend would do if he were in my shoes.”
His sudden response had Taiyi’s brows arching in inhumanly shaped degrees. Nezha never revealed his deepest notions without putting up a fight...Maybe ‘never’ was a stretch, but still.
Taiyi looked like he wasn’t sure what to believe. His perturbed pout of the lips reminded Nezha of a stunned fish out of water.
“Dude, you look like you’re gonna kiss somebody,” Nezha joked. But his antics flew over his master’s head.
Clearing his throat, the deity threw him a look, not bothering with an argument of his own. The shift in Taiyi’s gaze turned to one of apprehension as if he was afraid of the conversation’s direction.
“You thinking of that old friend again? The one who played shuttlecock with you?”
“Yeah,” Nezha admitted. “It’s been a year since I’ve seen him.”
He kicked another rock into the sea, whistling as he did so. Despite being a proficient master at masking his discomfort, Nezha had times when even the great bastard child himself couldn’t hide the unease on his face.
His fingers traced the wet sand, mindlessly painting creases onto the smooth canvas, then letting the tides wash it off.
A curse gets lifted, someone gets married, and I get to fight a dragon. What’s not to like?
The nagging pit in his stomach returned, tugging at Nezha’s mind like an unrelenting leach. Embarrassment had his cheeks flaming red, reminding him of his inability to even think straight.
He prayed it wasn’t guilt he felt, given that his motto since day one was to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. The uncomfortable pressure in his chest was a pain in the arse, especially when there’s nothing to feel sorry about. Or at least he hoped.
Nezha was so into his head that he failed to detect the nearing footsteps above him. A pinch of his ears sent him howling, clutching at the pointed tips like they’d been cut off.
An overreaction, for sure, but Nezha wasn’t going to admit that.
“You know you still have me, right?” Taiyi asked. His lack of remorse over Nezha’s ears did him no favors as the latter scooted away in an instant.
“Of course,” Nezha grounded. “A wonderful friend who is so obsessed with me that he stalks me wherever I go.”
He hissed at him to make a point.
Taiyi whimpered. Nezha was positive he was seconds away from a breakdown, with the old man’s eyes enlarging into spheres the size of apples.
The deity stomped his feet. “That’s because I care about you, ya little ingrate! I wiped your mess so many times I lost count. And here I am, thinking that we’re pals.”
Nezha wished his eyes would stay stuck to the back of his head. Thank god Taiyi was sober. He wasn’t down to haul a god with his magnified sensitivity back home at this time of day.
“Quit the guilt-trippin, old geezer.” He handed a spare handkerchief towards his master but made sure he stayed as far away as possible. God snot was not sparkling rainbows as people should know.
Taiyi was back to his old self in a flash, completely disregarding his previous stance. Snatching the cloth away, the deity’s face lit up like a midnight lamp in the dark.
“See! We are friends! I bet I’m the only sappy old man to ever make you offer tissues,” Taiyi insisted.
Nezha glowered. “Shut up!”
His master beamed his vast mouth of teeth at him, inching closer while he was at it. “Ok la!”
He plopped himself right next to Nezha, wiggling his butt into the sand as he tried to find the perfect position. After what felt like hours of him grunting and shuffling for the right comfort, Taiyi found the equilibrium.
Then he fell silent….Very silent.
For once, Nezha thought even the crickets were the loudest things on Earth.
He could feel Taiyi’s eyes boring holes into the side of his face, but he held his ground, refusing to look back. The serene peace was much appreciated; he’d rather not break it.
If only he wasn’t that naive. If only he didn’t speak that fast. Because Taiyi couldn’t make it past five minutes.
“So...When are we gonna leave?” The deity prodded him with his feather duster, oblivious to the twitching muscles on the youth’s face.
Nezha allowed himself to fall backward onto the sand face up, defeated.
He sighed. "Tomorrow."
Then it hit him straight in the chest.
Wait. What?! We-?
“Who’s ‘we’?” Nezha whipped around to Taiyi so hard he heard his neck snap. “Who’s ‘we’?!”
The deity twirled his feather duster, avoiding eye contact.
“Well, y’know. With all the fancy dragons and whatnot, I gotta come with you,” Taiyi said. When he saw the darkening shadows spread across Nezha’s face like wildfire, he backpedaled.
“Plus, it’s more bonding time!” the deity added.
Nezha wanted to hit himself with a brick and pass out. He’d be lucky if he could even find a rock that could accomplish such a thing.
“That’s what I meant,” he retorted. “You’re a literal stalker.”
Kicking a wave of sand at Taiyi, he stood up afterwards to dust himself off. His master paid no attention to the weak assault and continued his barrage of explanations.
“Why do you make it sound like I’m so desperate,” Taiyi wailed. “I’m simply doing my job of protecting my student and making sure he’s improving.”
Nezha snorted. “Yeah, right. More like making sure I’m on a leash.”
Taiyi rolled to a standing position, albeit teetering back and forth. “I’m serious! I gotta keep an eye on you. Besides, I’ve got a bunch of magical treasures that could come in handy!”
The attempt to convince Nezha tumbled into a pool of dung. But the last remark struck a reminder in Nezha. A lightbulb lit in his head as he came to a conclusion. The young man smirked as he stepped closer to the deity, an arm stretched out with an expecting hand.
“Give me the spear and sash and we’re good, old man,” he said.
Taiyi shook his head at the offer. Clutching his belt like his life depended on it, he did his best to scowl at Nezha. “Nuh-uh. That’s not happening.”
The deity’s stubbornness made his student laugh.
“Don’t make me light your ass on fire again,” Nezha warned. He held up a finger, a small flame already dancing around his hand, waiting for its command.
The color drained from Taiyi’s cheeks as he gulped down a big lump.
“Can’t do that. I Locked ‘em in a secret stash for emergency use.”
Nezha huffed. “Then unlock it.”
Crossing his arms, he stared down at the shorter god, not in any mood to drop the case. Under the circumstances, one would think Nezha could tower over a grown man.
But that didn’t move Taiyi one bit. “I said I can’t. It’s got a password.”
By that point, Nezha lost all hope for any sense of normalcy. He needed to smash a rock. Badly.
Slapping a hand to his forehead, the youth threw a burning glare at his master.
“You forgot it didn’t you?”
Taiyi rubbed the back of his head, mumbling something under his breath. “I don’t think so. I swear it’s on a paper somewhere back home.”
Realizing that there wasn’t going to be a way around him, Nezha slumped back. Taiyi was smart if he wanted to be. Whatever it was, he wasn’t getting his precious spear back.
“Fine. You can come,” Nezha said. “Just don’t fuck things up.”
“When did I ever?!” Taiyi complained. He extended the feather duster, trying to whack Nezha. There wasn’t a need to dodge it. The latter snorted, not impressed with the lack of effort.
Nezha sighed. “Nevermind.”
He reclined back onto the sand, hands propping him up. The twisting feeling in his gut waned, but the residual spasms were still there.
Getting married to a viceroy wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to a woman. And from the looks of Chen’s estate, he wasn’t lacking in the financial realm.
Nezha smirked. It was probably the only height of his character, if he had any of that in the first place, of course. That princess was a lucky one.
Fuck it. No one ever thought of it. So why should I?
Shoving the last thoughts around Chen to the back of his mind, Nezha exhaled and rolled to his side.
The cool gust of wind caressed his cheeks, whispering their soothing lullaby. Sleep was inviting him to its cave, and after a day like this, Nezha didn’t have the mind to refuse.
He was that close to closing his eyes when a tap on the head brought him to the surface of reality.
“Hey don’t fall asleep here!” Taiyi scolded. “Your mother’s not gonna let me live it down.”
Nezha felt the rush of burning flames course to the tips of his finger. A devilish grin broke into his lips. There wasn’t anyone there to rat him out.
“You asked for it, old man.”
“W-wait stop! Help!” Taiyi shot up into the sky, a blast of light trailing after his rear-end like fireworks.
In Nezha’s defense, the deity created exquisite colors. His only regret was not doing it sooner.
“You filthy lil’ brat!” His master’s voice rained from the top. “I told you this was new!”
But all Taiyi got in return was howling laughter from the young man below. Remorse wasn’t that popular in Nezha’s vocabulary, so an apology wasn’t going to happen any time soon.
A hint of a smile tugged at Nezha’s lips. At least he felt much better now.
Now that he thought about it, gods made really good fireworks.
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --
Ao Bing watched as a general scrambled for the tower’s exit.
In just one year of guarding the East Sea Pagoda, he was able to draw a rough idea of all generals within the lands. They were crude, arrogant, boastful, and mannerless.
The one taking his leave had created a new label all for himself; stupid. It wasn’t a word Ao Bing was proud of using. In fact, a tiny part of his pride cracked the moment he realized the man had tried to use a demon-repelling spell against him.
It did the general zero favors when he came bursting in while proclaiming his undying love for the maiden like he had known her for all his life.
He waxed poetic about her smile, which he hadn't seen. He sang praises about her laugh, which he hadn’t heard. He went on for miles describing her hair, which he never touched.
Furthermore, he made Ao Bing’s head throb with pity for whoever may have caught the monstrosity of a speech.
The rescue party ended much worse compared to the others. If he was being honest, Ao Bing wouldn’t even want to consider it an attempt at all.
He didn’t get the chance to practice his Thousand-Year Frozen Palm technique. There was no point. A single punch would’ve sent the general packing.
Humans were a double-edged sword. One moment they were the kindest souls, and the other they were hideous beings with no self-control whatsoever.
Ao Bing was beginning to understand the unified distaste towards them from his clan. Take a man like that general and multiply it by the thousands and humanity would be littered with scum that could still call themselves a ‘man’.
Claws retracting, the dragon prince turned his head towards the room at top of the pagoda.
The princess was staring at him. Her full lips pressed into a grim line, disappointment painted all over her features. A small voice inside Ao Bing’s head hoped she didn’t hear the other colorful things the general said.
If he himself couldn’t hold back the urge to vomit at the words of the man, he didn’t want to know how she would react if she did.
Thank god he never appeared in his human form in front of her, the guilt on his face would’ve eaten him alive.
She let out a visible exhale, before closing the windows with a hard thud. Ao Bing felt the rattle through the core of his bones.
It was surprisingly hard to tell whether or not she despised him. Even with the reality of him being her jailor, she had tried to get him talking multiple times since he started his mission; mostly pointless questions around mundane things.
As per Shen Gong-Bao’s request, Ao Bing never turned up in human form, never spoke back, and never initiated a single interaction. It was a good idea, though. He couldn’t have his emotions blocking him in the long run.
The curse wasn’t for him to break. There was nothing he could do.
But the cold sweat of shame ran down his spine, seeping into the skin of his back. It made him queasy, though he didn’t dare voice it.
Ao Bing sighed, padding across the palace. It was easier to think of his people whenever his mind wandered too far.
Yes, He was doing this for them.
Ao Bing’s thoughts rang a bell, as the familiar footsteps of Shen echoed in the hallways as soon as he finished his musings.
Forming from the shadows like a phantom of the night, the leopard demon morphed into the shape of a human. His yellow eyes glowed beyond the dark like burning amber. The brewing colors hid the storms of thunderous unrest despite his master’s poised exterior.
“I-I-I assume you h-have mastered the T-Thousand-Year F-froz-z-en Palm technique?” Shen inquired. His spindly fingers thumped against one another in frantic dance, betraying his calm veneer.
Ao Bing made no attempt to hide his progress, saluting Shen with a confident bow.
“I have, Master. I’ve perfected bloodstream paralysis of pressure points. It can now be done in one strike.”
Shen Gong-Bao was elated. His eyes narrowed into crescent-shaped moons as he clapped his hands. Even Ao Bing had to admit it was very rare to see his master genuinely smile.
It raised the young dragon’s spirits somewhat.
“E-excellent!” Shen rested a clawed hand on Ao Bing’s shoulder, patting him with good nature. “You’re o-on the right t-track-k! You’ll be able t-t-to overpower the d-demon orb s-soon enough!”
The mention of the demon pill sent Ao Bing’s horns vibrating with nervous anticipation. There was no room for him to mess up.
All he had to do was track down the reincarnation of the demon orb, hold him off long enough in front of thousands of humans to be struck by lightning, and then win the Jade Emperor’s favor.
His father would be freed, and it would be worth all the blood he shed along the past three years.
Shen broke into his thoughts once more, rattling his trail of plans out loud.
“Who knew th-that this girl’s c-curse would serve as the best t-tr-training g-ground for you. I-I’d have to thank w-w-whatever s-stupid god that did it.”
Ao Bing forced a smile to the surface. He wasn’t too keen on getting into the details of the curse. The less he knew the better.
But his body failed to find a muscle to refuse the beaming leopard demon in front of him. He hated to disappoint, and over nothing at that.
Glancing up at his master with stifled unease, Ao Bing waited for the next command.
“Y-your father would be p-pr-proud of you,” Shen continued. “You’ve a-accomplished more th-things than any members of y-your clan could dream of. You j-ju-just have to defeat the demon orb now. I-I have faith in your s-success.”
A calculating gleam flashed across Shen’s eyes, silencing the doubts in Ao Bing’s mind. The young dragon felt a cold wave of resolution wash over his back.
His master was right; winning was the only choice. Ao Bing couldn’t have anything in his way.
Life was never known for its fairness in all the years he’d been alive. What did he expect?
The dragon prince felt the corners of his lips tug downward. He should be grateful for how the events turned out, worse things could’ve happened.
It was as good as it was going to get for everyone.