When is it enough
You know I used to think that weed lsd mushrooms mdma DMT and ecstasy were all one needed to have a good time no matter where one was. No this is not the case, one usually does these things for pleasure myself included. Now I sit here in a chair in my living room doing absolutely nothing, thinking.. Thinking about all the different things I've tried, done, and enjoyed, also the things that scare me like being alone how my usage affects in my life. I am thriving good grades working on getting a job gonna keep on waiting for my two year term to be up so I can finally be happy again. I used to think that I got high because it was an outlet for ignoring everything else around me; I was wrong I did it because I wanted to because it became habitual I liked it. I also sit here thinking I don't need drugs I feel dumbed down when I get high on the regular tho I'm still smarter then most people, all A and B letter grades sure do justify using it. A lot of my time nowadays is now spent thinking and looking at the past thinking like, wow I could have done that instead and gotten a completely different outcome, even tho I would loved to have changed the past I don't regret anything, as usual for this Cancer a lot of things happen for a reason so no reason to get all uppity about them. I think after this huge party I'm throwing im a go low again for till the summer because my brother is gonna ship out to the military and become a paralegal so I gotta party with him till he leaves for I won't get another chance; other then that I have nothing to tie me to want to get high besides being lonely and being constantly at war with the past in my mental frame of mind. So far life treats me well I feel people distancing themselves from myself and it concerns me a bit because I don't want to revert back to being a professional thumb twiddler(loner). Once these two years pass life will be better and back in order and on track or this could be a waste of time and a quick K.O. punch to the heart. If someone read this thanks I really just felt like typing out my life I was to lazy to find my notebook for this shiz so I just pulled up tumblr. I mean this is tumblr trash in my opinion because who the fuq cares about feelings Idk you, you don't know me who cares about this life of mine I was just stupid enough to not think before I acted and now I pay the price for it. LoL. Life