under the mask.

here lie fragments of my soul, hidden under layers of glitters and vibrant colors. life is, most of the times, not what it seems.

[zinhkale]

Yamashita Tomohisa & Ryo Nishikido

.

even if we are destined to walk the path we have chosen all on our own,

I just hope that when I turn around,

you will be there, walking your path, by my side.

[zinhkale]

I calmly watch my castle crumbleand my heart tumble

along the road side goodbye, goodbye tonight I bid my salad days and the dreams no one sells and the tales no one tells the last farewell.

[zinhkale]

Kim Woo Bin & Shin Min Ah

.

“I am your shadow, you are my shade...”

[zinhkale]

Jung Jin Woon & Go Jun Hee

.

I don’t need someone to rely on. I just need a partner in crime.

[zinhkale]

Super Junior’s Kibum

.

amid the clouds of chaos and messy thoughts

is where you will find me.

will you

find me?

[zinhkale]

Big Bang’s T.O.P

.

‘Never ask for what ought to be offered’. (Winter’s Bone)

remember that, Zinh. always. remember. that.

[zinhkale]

KAT-TUN's Kamenashi Kazuya

.

there are moments when I seriously question my position in someone's life. especially someone who does mean something to me. 

if it were a few years ago, whenever doubts arise, I would just come forward and voice my thoughts, bluntly.

yet now I cannot just find the power to do so. I do not want to confront people around about their feelings for me anymore. or to be more exact, maybe those things no longer matter to me much. why should they, honestly? so what if to others I am just someone replaceable, someone easy to discard? even if it is true, so what? will I change myself to win their affection? most likely not.

if so, why would I need to know? 

back then, knowing that I matter makes me feel competent. makes me feel humane. makes me feel wholesome, confident, loved.

now I just let go of all expectations. of others. from others. only my own matter. truly.

people come and go. emotions change all the time. in the end, we are all by ourselves. in the end, we are all stardust.

[zinhkale]

Akanishi Jin

.

'When you grow up, your heart dies.'

not that I believe so, wholly.

but it is true that the coming-of-age years can be such a fucking mess: we feel lost and struggle financially, or emotionally, or physically, or worse, in all aspects; we wonder when this period will end, when we will come to terms with our own identity and the life we live.

I am now 22 going on 23. technically an adult. meaning that the coming-of-age phase should have ended some time ago. but I am still struggling now, more so than ever. in relationships with others. in finding peace with myself. in defining my path. in pursuing happiness. all are very hard, mostly because there are so my options yet none is the absolute one. and it is not even the chance that I may fuck up that makes me struggle the most, but the prior confusion and hesitation: of all those things I can choose, what do I truly want?

[zinhkale]

Yoo Seung Ho

.

emotion is a tricky bitch. just because you try hard to get it does not mean it will stay. just because you are tired of it does not mean it will go away.

[zinhkale]

DBSK's Yun Ho & Lee Yeon Hee

.

'Hurt me, love me, our destiny You can cuss at me all you want but don’t go Hurt me, love me, but don’t you say goodbye I’m swaying like this But at the end of my words, it’s sharp as a knife At the tip of our hands, there are tears again

Am I the crazy one? Are you the crazy one? Am I the crazy one for not being able to leave the crazy you?'

[msmemaaaa]

It’s Eric’s month! The adorkable 4D Eric / part 1.

[zinhkale]

Yamashita Tomohisa

.

bare words. unclothed thoughts. naked souls.

the two of us, together.

all stripped; no glamor.

only then can I know,

we are together, not for show.

[zinhkale]

Big Bang's T.O.P

.

'and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.'

sometimes in relationships with others I feel as though I have been trapped in a game without knowing the rules. when emotions need to be concealed, I turn into a piece of litmus paper, easy to decipher. yet when affection is called for, apparently I am not sincere enough, not genuine enough, not caring enough. so I am dubbed a selfish brat. or maybe I really am. maybe in the end I just love my own self.

[zinhkale]

NEWS' Yamashita Tomohisa

.

there are times in life I feel as though I am an outcast. unfit for this world.

[zinhkale]

Big Bang's T.O.P

.

there are things that were once so simple. now they are all fucked up.

[zinhkale]

Lee Soo Hyuk

.

there are times it would become so clear to me: I would certainly end up in hell.

no matter how suffocated I am being on the receiving end of others' overflowing affection, I just cannot justify my blunt to the verge of cruel behaviors towards those who treasure me with all their heart.

do I even deserve that?

there are times I just see myself become a monster.

[zinhkale]

Big Bang's T.O.P

.

at the end of the day, no one stays. just me on the ground, sober in mind, bitter at heart.