Falling in love is one of the sweetest thing a person can experience over his lifetime, yet just as how sweet it is like chocolates, it can also be as bitter as liquor. Why is that? How can sweet and bitter taste be produced by one fruit? When does it happen? Those are the questions that seldom asked. And when they do, answers are usually overlooked and ignored. When i was still a child, I was despised and rejected by my own father, been called names (ugly, salakot, aeta, etc.), bullied by classmates, one boy even said that even i was the only woman left, he would still not choose me. You can say I've been brutally bruised mentally and spiritually. Growing up in an environment where people around you seems not to care who you are has been a daily routine and i got used to it , learned to accept myself as the way they see me. Worthless and Ugly. Suicidal Inclination has been a regular thought to me then, wondering what kind of death would hurt my father and make him realize that he love me. God has been introduced to me when i was like 9 years old, a Baptist Missionary Family came to our province and settled there. I attended their Saturday school and VBS where they teach stories of Old Testament and Christ' story in New Testament. But I admit that i only attend for some reasons not becos of the stories that will be taught to us. April 30 of 2003, I was 14 years old. We had a camp retreat at Word of Life Calauan Laguna. That is where i first encountered Jesus. It was a memory i wouldnt like to be erased. I understood "salvation" the first time. Truely acknowledged what Jesus did on the Cross. It was 360° life changing situation. Knowing who Jesus is was not enough, i dont have this intimate relationship with Him yet and wounds of the past came to haunt me, i moved to Manila, i dont have church to attend, no parents to guide me and men are starting to notice me, they introduce feelings new to me. I became playful, aggressive and rebelled even to government and society. For the past 8 years since i encountered Jesus, so many things had happened, i backslided and had fellowship with the world, enjoyed what the world has offered, bathed in sin and shame. But moment by moment, God shows to bring light and aide to me but after some time, i again turned my back on Him to dance with the world. It was 2012 when God decided to take me back, redeemed and covered me completely. He made me walk to straight polished path then to thorny rocky road that leads to slippery slope. I am 25 now, still taking the dark wilderness, but i know that God is molding me into something that will bring Him great delight in the near future. God is now dealing with my past wounds, opening it up and pouring medicines that creates pain in me but that medicine will only offer complete healing on the end. LOVE. Love that was not offered by my father, not given by my past relationships with men who though loved me, but in a different way. A love that only brings bitterness. LOVE and ACCEPTANCE, i didnt ask those to God but He freely gave, how priveleged i am to have Jesus in my life is beyond comprehension. He has shown His great mercy, grace and compassion to me since i was a child, He never took away His sight on me and watched me grow. Me still breathing is the ultimate proof of His Faithfulness. It's a kind of Love that is sweetier than any chocolates. I no longer believe on fairy tales, but i do hope and trust on God's written love story, Everything God has made through His Word and Breath was perfect and good. And as a lady who is patiently waiting for God's unique love story for me. I wait... cause I'm not ready yet, I wait... cause God is still molding me. I wait... cause God wants me to be the Ms. Right of my Mr. Right. And while im waiting, ill let God do the painful re-breaking and alligning bones that results into complete healing. He is the great physician anyway. No worries. No fears. Only a leap of faith. Want to experience true love that you dont have to wait? Experience Jesus. True Love can only be found in the name of JESUS. ~ ADDRIENE A. CUA 06/16/14 (3:41 AM) Monday 2nd Blog
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