Zits & Wrinkles

On life in London after seven years in NYC, on owning a cat, on being married, on having a baby, on the West End and on Broadway. On Tumblr, where I'm old enough to be someone's grandma, on Earth, where I'm 33.

[zitsandwrinkles]

Ready for action! 

This morning we have already had a staring contest with Hop-On (the three legged neighbour cat who appears in the garden), but as there was no screaming, growling, or hissing, I'm starting to think Bear's finally gotten the hang of living in a world where other cats exist. She still doesn’t have to actually socialise with them, don’t worry. But they’re there, which is new enough for her.

Also I had my mom bring me three of these horrendously ugly scratchy catnip mats from the States this week (where they’re literally half the price that they are in the UK), because I tried one for her right when we moved and she loves it. My second dearly departed childhood kitty, Oreo, spent quality time in her golden years curled up on one of these bad boys (on the landing of a stairwell conveniently) at my parents’ house, so I thought Bear might appreciate their magic, and I am pleased that she does. So now we’ve got one on every floor of the house, and when we’re doing too much walking around (or really just... not sitting on the sofa where she can sit next to us, and not in bed where she can snorgle down between us) she pops a cat squat on this thing and chills out. She is so cute I can’t stand it.

[zitsandwrinkles]

Hamilton is finally coming to London

Broadway musical Hamilton is finally coming to London’s West End next year. The Pulitzer Prize-winning play created by and starring Lin-Manuel Miranda will open at the Victoria Palace Theatre in October 2017.

What a great first birthday present for my presently unborn child.

[zitsandwrinkles]

The Summer Of Annoying Logistics That Won’t Go As Planned

I can’t get my UK drivers license this summer as planned because even the PROVISIONAL license requires me to mail them my passport for a month, which I did not know, because the goddamn British government internet parts are so confusing. I got bullied into a long weekend in Amsterdam by all of the important dudes in my life (SUCH A FUN PLACE TO BE AT 5.5 MONTHS PREGNANT YIPPEE HOORAY) over July 4, and then I leave for fucking ever on July 19, so now I can’t even BEGIN MY DRIVING COURSE until we are back, I have mailed off my passport, and I am then JUST ABOUT 8 FUCKING MONTHS PREGNANT so that’ll be a fun exercise in HOW FAST CAN WE DO THIS.

This means the thing I kind of HAVE to do now, this summer, before we go away, is the goddamn nursery. Furniture and a registry. All the baby shit I didn’t want to do until we were back, I have to do now. On top of the REST OF THE HOUSE shit (like where the FUCK do we put our linens, shoes, dressers we don’t really need, whatever else is in the handful of junk boxes we haven’t unpacked) that I have to do, I now need to do goddamn nursery, which I dread, because I JUST DON’T KNOW. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT IN THERE AND I AM NOT NESTING YET, IT DOES NOT APPEAL. Also it’s not like I can just move this stuff around by myself, because I’M FIVE MONTHS PREGNANT and my back hurts BASICALLY AT THE DROP OF A HAT, so my box-hauling days of moving weekend are OVER. I paid the price. Also, may I remind you that THIS IS ENGLAND, so any furniture we DO purchase from anywhere but Ikea will absolutely take 6-8 weeks to arrive and will PROBABLY be wrong the first time they deliver it, because there is no such thing as customer service here.

I saved a bunch of money in January by booking a round trip “to” the UK based in the US, the first leg of which was my return from Chicago in May, the second is LHR - ATL before Christmas. After I booked said flights, I got pregnant! And now the lovely people at British Airways are telling me 1) that I can’t actually book an infant-in-arms until the infant has been born, which YES, I understand that, but 2) they CANNOT just go ahead and move me to the two AVAILABLE bassinet-adjacent seats in my cabin, but I should call back every month in case they release those and CAN book me, but also 3) they CANNOT tell me what happens if other people whose babies already exist go ahead and buy those seats before my baby is born and I can. They will probably make me change flights, and they will probably make me PAY to change flights, because it’s MY FAULT AS A WOMAN THAT MY BABY WAS CONCEIVED AND BORN JUST UNDER THE WIRES BETWEEN BUYING THIS TICKET AND ACTUALLY GETTING ON THE PLANE, WHAT A DUMB WOMAN THING TO DO, I SHOULD DEFINITELY HAVE TO PAY CHANGE FEES SO I CAN FLY LEGALLY WITH THE BABY I CAN’T BUY A “TICKET” FOR UNTIL SOMETHING LIKE ONE MONTH BEFORE THE FLIGHT. Also, needless to say, Charlie has not booked his flights yet, but this will either mean that we BOTH get to pay exorbitant BA change fees OR the person with the fun bags flies alone for the first time with a newborn so YES HOORAY AGAIN.

Not to mention the fact that I have to get the baby a(n emergency) passport and probably have to do it BEFORE we can book him/her as an infant-in-arms. A thing I am already otherwise stressed out about.

I have FOURTEEN hours of choir this week. If you count the fact that it takes me an hour to get there and back on the train, it makes it 22 hours of choir. I am losing my mind. This is too much choir. OH and for our concert on Saturday, I have to BAKE. I mean, I don’t HAVE TO, but like, nobody wants to pay a pound for a grocery store cookie. So for some goddamn reason, I am making LEMON SQUARES. Do you know why? Because I ALSO HAVE TO MAKE THEM for our neighborhood picnic on Sunday. We moved in 2 weeks ago and we need to go meet people and be nice to people, and you’re supposed to bring something to share, so I am doing that. Actually Charlie might do this part. Stay tuned.

And when (this week of) choir is over, on Sunday, my parents show up. For two weeks. I love my parents! But they are staying in “town” for the first 9 nights, and then with us after that. So in preparation for their being at my house, I will spend over a week not at home at all, but hanging out with them in town. See above re: linens/shoes/unpacked boxes, which need to be sorted out... I don’t know, BETWEEN THE LIFETIME OF CHOIR PRACTICE I HAVE? Also on Sunday, there’s the aforementioned neighborhood picnic AND another friend coming to town and staying for the night on her way elsewhere. Guess I should call and make that dinner reservation now.

And I don’t even need to go into detail regarding the guy who has to come do electrical safety tests on our appliances, the Amazon deliveries of stuff we need for storage, the urine sample I have to provide to complete my GP registration, the 20-week ultrasound, scheduling the movers to come pick up boxes, meeting the potential cat sitter, meeting potential doulas, and throwing a barbeque, all of which is happening before June 25.

So yes, hi, hello, I am losing it.

[zitsandwrinkles]

Needless to say, I shall again be finicky-Slingboxing @thetonyawards in the wee small hours of Monday morning from afar, this time with @mckenziemroman and mayyyybe @cwaiting in the house, if we are lucky. There will be shouty tweets, but probably fewer of them will be about Kelli this year. Also I feel like I spent like 90% of my shouty @hamiltonmusical tweet allowance like a year ago ("SERIOUSLY YALL, JUST YOU WAIT, I PROMISE, REALLY") so this year, these'll probably be about @cynthiaerivo, with the requisite dash of @daveeddiggs. #nerdprom #dayoftheshowyall #probablycrying

[fyeahbroadway]

Rebel Wilson performing ‘Poor Unfortunate Souls’ at the Hollywood Bowl’s concert production of The Little Mermaid.

[zitsandwrinkles]

True Facts: 

This is my favourite Disney song, period

This is, in my opinion, the best-lyricked (not a word) song ever written

Howard Ashman was basically the greatest word-related gift ever given to humanity, and his death contributes at least 75% to my general hated of the Reagans.

Anyway, our gal Reb here starts a little rough and has probably been more vocally accurate in her lifetime, but I love this. A-. 

[zitsandwrinkles]

The 2016 Tony Awards Telecast Will Broadcast on Four Continents!

The Tony Awards® will broadcast on four continents this year thanks to The Fremantle Corporation and the official international broadcast partners for the 70th Annual Tony Awards. The telecast will air on the following networks - scheduled as listed - across the globe:

OH THIS IS FUCKING HILARIOUS.

BECAUSE A RADIO HIGHLIGHT REEL FIVE DAYS LATER IS EXACTLY WHAT ENGLAND THINKS IS A REASONABLE “BROADCAST” OF THE TONY AWARDS.

Stab me in the goddamn face, honestly. This country sometimes. Honestly.

And you, @broadwayworld, thanks for the misleading headline, you bag of actual dicks.

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“All Mirrors Are Broken” (today’s Seth Godin blog, which like most of them, applies waaaay beyond marketing)

“It's impossible to see yourself as others do.

Not merely because the medium is imperfect, but, when it comes to ourselves, we process what we see differently than everyone else in the world does.

We make this mistake with physical mirrors as well as the now ubiquitous mirror of what people are saying about us behind our back on social media. We misunderstand how we look on that video or how we come across in that note.

When we see a group photo, we instantly look at ourselves first. When we pass a mirror on the wall, we check to see if there's parsley stuck on our teeth, yet fail to notice how horrible that camel's hair jacket we love actually looks on us. When someone posts a review of something we've built, or responds/reacts to something we've written online, we dissect it, looking for the germ of truth that will finally help us see ourselves as others do.

No one understands your self-narrative, no one cares that much about you, no one truly gets what it's like to be you. That germ of truth you're seeking isn't there, no matter how hard you look in the mirror.

You're not as bad (or as good) as you think you are.”

via Seth’s Blog, emPHAsis mine.

[zitsandwrinkles]

In My Living Room

(The only place I can connect to the “free” wifi from our former provider before our contract expires and before the new people show up to install)

Every hour, two different clocks chime in my neighbour’s living room, about 20 seconds apart, about 2 minutes after the hour. They also chime once on the half. 

I also hear the teenager in the house on the other side thundering up and down their steps. Because fancy renovations or no, this is a Victorian terrace house. 

Or, in other words, this house has a late 19th-century skeleton and early 21st-century organs and skin.

[zitsandwrinkles]

May 31st.

Feels like 51.

Wind at 17mph.

In case you are wondering why I have the heat on and am under a blanket, cat, and laptop.

[zitsandwrinkles]

Rockin the Suburbs

Oh hi hello. We have relocated to Southwest London, out of the area termed “Central London” and into the area termed “Greater London,” which means we mostly will take commuter trains to get to “town,” and there are MANY LARGE RETAIL ESTABLISHMENTS a short distance from us. Including but not limited to COSTCO, where we went yesterday, with the help of some very gracious friends. We do not have a car. I will get a UK drivers license this summer. Pray for me.

There is so much to say about moving: how many plain oven-thawed bagels we ate in the first 24 hours because they were the only semi-real food we had access to (like, five), how we own a stupid number of shoes but can’t actually get rid of any of them, what happened when Bear faced off through the glass door against a three-legged neighbourhood cat who showed up in our back garden the other morning (just, you know, feline screaming), how much catnip actually chilled her out for the day that followed (a lot), how much Domino’s we ate over the course of the second 24 hours (two whole large pizzas, a side of cheesy knots, some chicken products), how many times we’ve thought we’ve been done with the kitchen only to find more kitchen stuff in other boxes and/or have gone to Costco and had to find kitchen places for a lot of stuff (like, three), etc.

But here we are. Thanks to my efforts this morning/the internet not working, there are no more boxes labelled BOOKS in our living room, but we own an embarrassingly small number of books because I’ve had a Kindle for like 9 years and Charlie doesn’t like keeping stuff and, frankly, I’ve moved into increasing smaller spaces until now for those same past 9 years--downsizing from my own big 1br in Chicago to a very shared 3br in New York, then a tiny 2br, then a 1br with Charlie, then our first London flat was a little smaller than that... the second was smaller than THAT... and now we live in a goddamn house. It is a lot of house, and despite the low number of books, we have a lot of stuff, and the task is now just finding homes for all the stuff. And acquiring the right furniture where needed, which is borderline EVERY SINGLE ROOM (full size sofa, 4(?) bedside tables, kitchen chairs, storage trunks, various storage units), and again, I Haven’t Even Begun to Wrap My Head Around a Nursery Yet.

Also, the weather was lovely and sunny all weekend, and this morning has been a damn hurricane. I think it stopped raining, so I suppose I shall make some lunch, get dressed, and walk to the next town over to go to the big grocery store. These are the days, y’all. 

[zitsandwrinkles]

Actually the Thing I’m Most Anxious About Regarding This Move

Is the fact that once we get there and get settled, I have to actually DO THE BABY STUFF. Figure out the nursery. Test strollers. I can no longer just put it off for some future lifetime.

[zitsandwrinkles]

The reason to pay other people pack for you is that it just took two dudes four hours (including a lunch break) to do our entire flat. I can’t tell you how many boxes this is because they’re like, stacked deep to the wall in some rooms. And the flats of frames are another story entirely. But it’s all done, and they’ll be back at 9am tomorrow to haul us out. I will be gone by then, with the cat and all of her accessories, to hide her away in an upstairs bathroom for the day, where at least she won’t feel like she’s gonna be trampled on.

[zitsandwrinkles]

@shorterexcerpts we are not having them unpack, but most movers who pack can also unpack. I sort of feel obligated to do one or the other (for crap-culling purposes), and since we have NO idea where basically any of our stuff is going to specifically GO in the new place (we are going from 2br flat to 4br house, from Many Dressers to Many Closets), we can’t really decide on the spot where to unpack everything. So that’ll just a slow and painful task for the coming weeks, for yours truly.

[zitsandwrinkles]

The reason to pay other people pack for you is that it just took two dudes four hours (including a lunch break) to do our entire flat. I can’t tell you how many boxes this is because they’re like, stacked deep to the wall in some rooms. And the flats of frames are another story entirely. But it’s all done, and they’ll be back at 9am tomorrow to haul us out. I will be gone by then, with the cat and all of her accessories, to hide her away in an upstairs bathroom for the day, where at least she won’t feel like she’s gonna be trampled on.

[zitsandwrinkles]

Moving Day #1

Oh god

Oh god

Oh god

we own so much stuff in this tiny apartment, how is it even possible.

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Among the better combinations of words I've ever seen, on an ad on the tube. CC @picturesoftext #england #tootingneverisntfunny

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Please, tiny baby Jesus, let this be the last thing I cry at today.

[zitsandwrinkles]

(via Buzzfeed)