Childhood dreams I have yet to outgrow.
“I’m going to marry you!” The young boy shouted, the boy short black hair and black eyes that reflected the night-sky was absolutely smitten for the boy in-front of him.
Till paused in-front of Ivan his eyes widening and a harsh blush filling his face. His eyes started to looked around before speaking up, “Me..?” Till knew there was no one else around but he couldn’t believe what he was hearing come out of Ivan’s mouth. Ivan nodded quickly before running up to Till and grabbing his cheeks the pulling them.
“S-Stop it you bastard” Till whined putting his hands on Ivan’s wrists pulling on them trying to loosen Ivan’s grip. In return Ivan wrapped his free hand around Tills waist and pulled him closer “who else would I have been talking to. I will never stop this either it’s way too fun” Ivan laughed finding Tills reaction to be more than amusing.
If only things had stayed as simple as that with the passing of time. Such a simple memory from Ivan’s childhood that stuck out.
‘If only we could’ve stayed 5 forever’ Ivan thought to himself. He stood behind a tree watching Till closely wondering what he was doing. Then watching Till turn towards him and outstretch his hand made Ivan’s heart skip a beat. Ivan grabbed Tills hand and intertwined their fingers together, he studied Tills face carefully when doing this wanting to savor every moment he had with Till.
Ivan watching as Tills short white hair moved against the wind, how his teal eyes widened as Ivan held his hand. All Ivan wanted was to make Till his, he felt nothing but pure adoration and desire for Till. A soft smile started to form on Ivan’s face as he watched Till look at Ivan with confusion then annoyance.
“Why do you always watch me, you know you could just walk up to me” Till stated in an annoyed voice as he retracted his hand away from Ivan. Ivan then pinched Tills cheek “Because I love you” Ivan said muttering under his breath, a solemn look spreading across his face.
“Huh?”
“Nothing” Ivan then took his hand off Till, stepping back he looked around for a moment wondering what he could possibly say to make this situation more interesting. As Ivan was lost deep in thought he just had a look of endearment as he happened to be staring at Till.
“Why are you staring at me like that? It’s weird.” Despite Ivan being this way since they were kids Till couldn’t help but find it odd. Till has always been blissfully unaware of the fact Ivan still had feelings for him 12 years later.
Till has always been considered to be sensitive and timid by the people he knew but in Ivan’s eyes Till was a creative and hotheaded person. This was quite the contrast in how Till was seen which too many others would think the thought of Till being hotheaded was impossible.
Ivan finally snapped back to reality and his look of endearment turned into one of confusion “What do you mean? I wasn’t staring at you but… if you want me to I can” Ivan got closer to Till and leaned towards him. Till put his hand on Ivan’s face and pushed him away.
Ivan let out a overdramatic groan and grabbed Tills wrist pulling Tills hand off his face and to the side. “You know you can be real mean to me sometimes.” Ivan stated in a plain voice as he pulled his body away from Till.
Till looked away from Ivan that annoyed look on his face having yet to change. The feeling of Ivan grabbing Tills wrists made him flustered. Ivan took immediate notice of Tills flustered face and grinned. Ivan then squeezed Tills wrist a little making Till jump.
“What are you doing? Let go of me.” Tills voice became agitated, it was clear he was getting more and more tired of Ivan’s teasing behavior.
“What if I don’t want to?” Ivan said in a singsong like voice, he took great pleasure in teasing Till even if it was just to get a reaction out of him. Sure it wasn’t the nicest thing to do but they’ve known each other for years so surely it’s not that bad.
“Ivan seriously I need to work this isn’t funny.” Till whined once more pull his wrists away from Ivan which in turn made Ivan tighten his grip around Tills wrists. Ivan’s face dropped from being happy to an almost flat expression but there was still the faintest smile on Ivan’s face. Ivan’s voice became strident as he spoke “and? I want to spend time with you. Work is unimportant.” Ivan then pushed Till onto the ground, hovering above him, his face only a few inches away from Tills as he placed his hands on each side of Tills body.
Till found Ivan’s behavior to be incredulous, this wasn’t something Ivan usually would do. Till knew all of Ivan’s odd behaviors such as watching him, having no concept of personal space, and being overly protective of him but this? This was new. Till let out a small gasp as his body hit the floor, he grabbed onto Ivan’s shirt sleeve and pulled on it.
“What the fuck are you doing!?” Till basically screamed at Ivan, he didn’t appreciate the fact Ivan did this at all. Ivan’s pushiness had always been something that annoyed Till but it had never been this bad.
“What do you think? If you can’t move then I get to stay with you.” Ivan’s voice became more rough as he held Till down. Ivan was desperate for Tills attention due to Till being preoccupied the past couple of days.
“Are you seriously that desperate right now? This is ridiculous Ivan. I need to finish my composition by tomorrow. I’ve been cramming the past couple days for this. Can you just let go of me?” Till got visibly angry by this point, his eyes darting around to find some way to get Ivan off him.
“Make a deal with me? I get to stay with you and then you get to work. How about that?” Ivan’s voice became less harsh and more clear as he spoke. He slowly got off Till.
“Fine” Till sighed defeatedly, he knew that saying no would just worsen the situation and Till would’ve still been trapped between Ivan’s arms if he disagreed.
Time had passed after that interaction and they were at Tills house. Ivan had been sitting across the room watching Till strum away on his guitar trying to make some sort of melody that didn’t sound like a disaster.
Ivan was lost in thought as he watched Till. He couldn’t help but think of old times between them. Every moment that Ivan was with Till he felt his heartbeat stronger and stronger as of his chest was about to burst open.
Ivan wanted Till so much but knowing it was unlikely Till felt the same way especially since that fateful night so many years ago.
Reminiscing on the night when Ivan and Till decided to run away from their so called home as children. Remembering the way Tills eyes lit up under the night sky as the meteors fell into the atmosphere and burned up. These memories filled Ivan’s heart with love even though it was so long ago. Yet at the same time he couldn’t help but feel heartbroken remembering the same fateful night.
The memory of Tills hand slipping from Ivan’s as they ran through the field, the look of doubt and worry that has filled Tills face in that moment as he turned and ran back not wanting to leave the girl he had a crush on as child behind.
Ever since then Ivan hasn’t tried to tell his feelings to Till, all could do was hope that one day Till would notice Ivan’s feelings on his own accord.
Ivan hadn’t notice that he had started crying due to how he was so lost in thought that the world around him had might aswell not been there at all. Till noticed thought he looked up from his guitar with worry that clouded his face.
“Ivan… are you okay?” Till spoke in a gentle tone as if he was comforting a child even though he didn’t view Ivan as a child seeing him cry did remind him of one. Till hasn’t often seen Ivan cry so it did take him by surprise. Till stretched out his hand and put on Ivan’s shoulder.
Ivan looked up at Till not noticing he was still crying he put his hand on his cheek feeling his dampened face. Ivan was particularly sad but did know that if he pushed a bit he could probably get Tills affection. “I’m fine I guess I was just thinking too hard about some things.” Ivan’s voice was quiet and solemn. He smiled a tiny bit as he looked into Tills eyes.
“Oh what were you thinking about?”
“It’s nothing but may I sit next to you?”
“Sure.”
Ivan stood up and then sat on the bed next to Till, he leaned over and placed his head on Tills shoulder as a couple more tears fell down his face. Till just smiled softly as he felt a strange warmth in his chest for the first time in his life.
Till went back to silently strumming away on his guitar and occasionally looking at Ivan to make sure he was okay. Ivan had closed his eyes as he slumped a bit more against Tills body, for Ivan being this close to Till meant the world to him.
He could only hope a moment like this would last forever.
“I still want to marry you” Ivan whispered as he fell asleep next to Till.
Till heard his words and felt his body go haywire, he just stopped everything he was doing and looked at Ivan, his eyes widening and a blush completely covering his face. All Till could manage to do was like out the faintest ‘huh’
Even 12 years later Ivan wanted to marry Till. Till remembered how since they were 5 all the way until they were 8 about how Ivan would go on and on about how he wanted to marry Till.
‘How could I forget that?’ Till thought to himself as he placed his guitar beside him and wrapped his arms around Ivan in a warm embrace.
“Goodnight Ivan…”
