I promised myself I would no longer post here. That after that āone switchā, Iād move on and forget how I chose sadness just by pouring my hearts out here.
But today, you pushed me to do this. This is my only connection to you. Your Facebook wall is now hogged by questions, āWhy too soon?" I only ask for one thing, āIs this really our goodbye?ā.
Theyāre talking about how nice and thoughtful you were. Now, using past tense hurts more than the news i heard this morning. Theyāre talking about that this is all some stupid joke and that theyāre all waiting to hear the punchline. No matter how wrong it my seem, a bad joke is better than admitting that youāre gone.
But here I am, trying to find you in our little basements. I know few of your friends knew about this account and Iām fortunate enough to see this side of youā¦ the side you choose to come home to after a long day of concealing our certain sadness.
This used to be our lifeline. Or sad movies. Or our book genre. Our team and our best boss in the world. Or that one thing that binds usā our sadness.
I havenāt cried. Yet. Because that would be admitting that itās true. I just lay there, asking God to wake me up. Then I turned cold and Iām still cold now. Then I thought, I can drink coffee or pull a blanket to feel warm. But what about you? Can I still keep you warm?
You were a superb friend, no doubt. You never gave up on trying to call that mini reunion. Walang palya and I could use a lesson or two on how to be a kind of friend that you areā were. Your Ates were supposed to meet tomorrow but we all bailed and here you are, trying to bring us together anyway. You were a great teammate and supporter. You were a lot of things and Iām a witness to your amazing strength. I pray that no one ever sees this basement. This is and will always be our connection.
So, Iām looking back one more time. Maybe this is our goodbye.
gummygunk
gracieabrams
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
stormborns
yousharknotpass
