don't tell me i'm fine @-jjong - Tumblr Blog

Thank you, Jonghyun, for the joy you brought me in high school. Your music carried me through difficult times, and because of you I was able to make so many new friends at school and online. You helped me feel like I belonged, like I was a part of something when I really needed it. I was so happy when I saw SHINee in concert on my birthday four years ago, I was screaming your name the whole time. And now, I finally made it to Seoul-- I worked hard in high school, got into a good college, and received funding to study abroad. I’m visiting Seoul for the first time. Because I was your fan, I started having an interest in Korean music and pop culture. It’s been surreal to finally arrive here, and then to find out the news hours later.

You never knew me and I never actually knew you-- only what I could gather from videos, pictures, and information online. I knew the you that you presented to the public. Nonetheless, your presence continues to be so meaningful to me, and your music still moves me. I cried when you cried and laughed so hard when you were up to your silly antics with others. I want to hear your music and your voice, I haven’t for a while, but I don’t think I can bare to do so yet. Thank you for bringing happiness, purpose, and belonging to countless people like me. I’m sorry for all of the pain you faced alone. I’m sorry that you sought help to no avail. You tried to bear your pain while also relieving the pain of your fans. You always tried to be positive and radiant. Thank you for everything you’ve given to those who knew and loved you. I’ll never forget how much you impacted my life.

fyjjong

esquire korea ♡ may ‘17 issue translation: sullaem (source) are you happy? this is duo interview’s last question. jonghyun: i’m going to be happy. (*) for the past six months, i’ve thought about this the most. about happiness. my disposition in and of itself tends to torment me. for people like me, it isn’t easy to be happy. though on the other hand, it is possible to grow. so, now, you want to grow but also be happy, too. jonghyun: a few years ago, i was crying and whining at my mom and my sister. when i was really drunk. i asked my mom and sister …, it wasn’t long after we’d moved. i asked them if they were happy. after i’d been drinking, i woke up my entire family who’d already gone to bed, like some ahjussi. it had been my number one goal in life, you know, to make my mom and sister happy. they both woke up and told me they were happy. but i was so jealous at the fact that they were able to reply that they were, indeed, happy. because it wasn’t like that for me. i told them while sobbing, i want to be happy too. then i felt like i’d done my mom and sister wrong. but ever since then, i started contemplating about happiness. for about six months, i pondered specifically over what i would need to do in order to become happy. i think that time of transformation has come. i think i need to become happy, now. i must become happy. i am going to be happy. (*) [translator’s note: the full nuance of “행복하려고요” is a little hard to translate directly. it’s kind of like saying “i am going to try to be happy”, like he’s telling himself he will be happy no matter what, and he will do all he can to ensure his happiness from now on.