h u h

[0raizin0]

:)

[bitsby]

Visit Original Link

Consider this a very short fanfic with supplementary audio. Imagine, if you will, a post-S15 scene:

“Donut, I told you for the last fucking time, I can’t even sing! And even if I could, I wouldn’t! And why the hell did you have to pick this song? It doesn’t even–”

A lightish-red-armored finger waggled in front of Simmons’ visor, ceasing his frantic denial to participate in Donut’s musical.

“Oh, Simmons, don’t say that! All you need to do is get your head deep inside… a good mindset! And then you won’t have any performance issues!”

Donut swiped across the datapad in his hands with grandeur, as if portraying his absolute confidence in Simmons to nail this stupid fucking song. And God, he couldn’t emphasize how stupid it really was. Grif wasn’t a– well, he was a hero; he somehow managed to come back and rescue them, rescue him, but Donut’s song choice was making his perspective out to be some completely over-romanticized bullshit! Of course he missed Grif, and it was great that he was back– but it wasn’t like that and he would never shout about how Grif was a hero, especially in the form of a fucking musical and he’d never say something like that anyway to Grif ever because that’s not how their system worked and this was all total bullshit and–

Music began to stream to the maroon helmet before Simmons could stop his anxiety from telling him to actually start singing.

[cut to the song: Simmons singing, unenthused]

Donut, you can’t actually make– oh, God… I need a hero… I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night. He’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be fast, And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight. I need a hero– Yeah, one that actually does that shit! You sure the lyrics weren’t supposed to be, “he’s gotta be fat”? He’s gotta be sure, and it’s gotta be soon, And he’s gotta be larger than life– Well, at least he fits the bill for that line…

(i love the thought that donut can just like hotspot someone’s helmet and start streaming 80s songs without any warning)

[giffingrvb]

before or after the temple? if it’s before it’s gonna get NSFW real quick. (x)

[webscene-remade]

answered a scam call today and had the most bizarre conversation

[webscene-remade]

scam caller: hello, how are you today?

me: great!

scam caller: good. I’m calling because your IP address has been compromised. I’ll just need you to get in front of your computer so we can get your account fixed up.

me: okay! there is one thing I’m wondering, though

scam caller: what?

me: you really couldn’t think of a better lie?

scam caller:

me: like, my “IP address has been compromised.” How, exactly, does an IP address become “compromised”?

scam caller:

me: I was just wondering, is all

scam caller: why did you answer?

me:

me: what?

scam caller: if you knew this wasn’t a legitimate call, then why did you answer?

me: oh, I just though I would have some fun at your expense.

scam caller: what expense? talking is no expense to me.

me: well, you’re currently not accomplishing your goal

scam caller: my goal?

me: your goal of scamming my elderly grandmother. You’re not accomplishing that. I’d call that an expense.

scam caller: well, can I scam you?

me:

me: did you- did you ask if you can scam me?

scam caller: yes. can I scam you?

me, baffled: sure, you can try

scam caller: you need to get in front of your computer

me: yeah, that’s still a problem. I’m eating tater tots right now and I really don’t feel like getting up.

scam caller: okay. I will call you tomorrow morning, then.

me: I might not answer. My grandma definitely won’t.

scam caller: You answered today.

me: …touché?

scam caller: I will call you tomorrow. Have a good day.

[marioyuri-moved-to-transkaito]

Enemies to lovers, slow burn, 500K

[sugarglider-s]

Virgil, holding a fat frog up to Logan’s face: Name Him. Name Your Son.

Logan: Bongwater

Virgil: and so has he been baptized before the lord, 𝘽𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙒𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧

[skyscrapersanddandelions]

anlKJGSLGLDSGAFKN;L J;KLSTOP IT I’BE BEEN LAIGHINF AT THIS OFR FIVE MINUTES

[mallowbees]

the quality of these doodles is atrocious but i had to do this immediately

[sugarglider-s]

BDJEHJDJDISKSNS THIS ART IS TOO GOOD FOR MY STUPID ASS SHITPOST, BUT TY A LOT MY DUDE

[unsocialchapeau-deactivated2020]

ALL HAIL BONGWATER

[the-wheatley-sphere]

meteor shower by cavetown is such a Wheatley song yknow

[kingsdodecahedron]

WHEAT MAN

[incorrect-chelley-quotes]

Source: Tumblr

Chell: “Hello, Wheatley, my boyfriend who I love very much.”

Wheatley: “Oh no...”

Chell: “Do you perchance remember this eve, when you were doing homework on my bed?”

Wheatley: “Perchance, yes.”

Chell: “And you said you were hungry, so you pulled a bag of cheese puffs out of your backpack? Then I looked over from my desk and said, ‘Whatcha got there?’.”

Wheatley: “And I said cheese puffs.”

Chell: “And you said cheese puffs! Right! Great, so you remember that. I wonder if you remember this next part... I said, ‘Just be careful you don’t get any crumbs on my bed.’ And you said, ‘Sure thing’. But lo, here I am, getting ready for bed. Freshly showered, clean pajamas, ready to get all comfy...”

Wheatley: “Oh no...”

Chell: “And I go to curl up in my covers...”

Wheatley: “Oh boy...”

Chell: “And what do I find~?”

Wheatley: “I’m going to take a wild guess.”

Chell: “Please do.”

Wheatley: “...Cheese puff crumbs?”

Chell: “CHEESE PUFF CRUMBS!!!!”

Wheatley: “HAHAHA, MY BAD!!”

[0raizin0]

This is great

[0raizin0]

I like plague doctors.

[ambigiousgelpens-deactivated202]

Also other Ego Dynamics

No one knows what to do with King. He’s like, really almost never there, a lot of egos just see him in passing but he often stops to steal peanut butter, say who/what he is, and continue on. ANy time it rains, though, he has to stay inside the manor and he sadly stares outside and talks about how they’re calling to him. 

Host is absolutely the one In Charge when Dark isn’t there, and 9 times outta 10, he shoots Bing’s stupid ideas down but occasionally. there’s one too dang funny. one he *THINKS* he can get away with. He almost never gets away with it. Dark has Host Stupidity sense.

Google and Bing get into the worst fights. 

Wilford insists on ‘Once a Week movie nights’, and ‘bonding time’. Game nights are every first saturday, the other saturdays are movie nights. 

Any time someone needs a question answered they shout ‘HEY GOOGLE’ and then question and no matter where he is in the house he hunts them down and tells them. By far the worst offender is Host. All those writing questions, man.

Dr. Iplier actually can and does tell Dark his mind whenever he wants. 

Once when Host was sick and Dark wanted him to keep working, Dr. Iplier stared him down with his arms crossed and stood his ground until Dark left Host alone to get better. Host hasn’t forgotten this, and sometimes writes him a particularly nice evening. 

Bim Trimmer loves being in charge of game night and Narrating it and of course always votes for Family Feud so he can be the asker. 

Illinois brings SO many injuries back to Dr. Iplier. So does Yancy, but there’s a difference between ‘I broke my leg falling off a cliff’ and ‘Got in a fight and got my nose busted again’. Both get Disappointment Stares tho.

Magnum is so bad with technology and can’t pronounce either Google or Bing, and so they both refuse to speak to him. 

Host has to mediate when Dark’s not around, which is most of the time, so a lot of fights get put on pause until Dark’s back. Which is bad for Dark bc he has to spend two hours sitting in a chair with King’s crown on deciding who gets to use the xbox first.

[incorrect-portal-quotes]

Test subject 18: Please, Nigel, just let me have ONE good day?

Nigel: Oh my god, you again? Give it a rest, buddy!

[the-wheatley-core]

Visit Original Link

((I love how Wheatley is aware of the philosophical principle of Occam’s Razor. Wherein the best solution to a problem is the easiest one that requires the least effort. And clearly stabbing people is easier than hacking their machinery.))

[0raizin0]

Host meeting chica remake.