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@1001peplums
Meet Melinda Gordon. Melinda is a lady who can see ghosts, but not her own reflection in a mirror. Apparently. Melinda likes to wear a mock turtleneck lace blouse under a tailored, yet somehow also bulky, denim blazer. Racy, yet unflattering. Feminine, but also off-putting. Overwrought, to a tee. That's Melinda for you. There's nobody like her.
Melinda's shop sells chandeliers, chapeaux, Chantilly lace, and that creepy sculpture on the top shelf of a baby being manhandled. Cast adrift in a style netherworld, cruelly cut off from both trends and classics, Melinda takes her fashion cues from a world overrun with demon spawn and tortured souls. Which helps explain that feather monstrosity. Don't blame Aisha Tyler. She just works here.
Melinda is just like you and me. Except, when she drinks coffee, she wears the top of her prom dress over jeans. This is so the ghosts know how to find her.
Ah. There it is. Presenting: the Proto-peplum. Or should I say, the Pilot Peplum. That is, the very first peplum-like piece poofing out from the tiny cardigan. Perhaps by cascading at an angle, this mere cloth will cause my hips to be perceived as smaller, it seems to plead.
Tiny sweater choking voluminous shell. Not a peplum, per se, and yet the booty-protection is strong here. The opposing forces tugging on the poor button of that 6x cardigan can only be quantified with astronomer's calculus. If it gives way, we may well have a disaster of biblical proportions. For yea, the eye shall not rest on demon hips. Only bosom wilt thine eyes seek, for the bosom is soothing to restless souls.
Mom! This cosplay prostitute saved me from the railroad tracks!
For every plunging neckline or inappropriate bellybutton, Melinda's ghoulish overlords force her to do penance. In those dark hours, she turns to Sackcloth by Stevie Nicks for the latest in shapeless blah-bags.
Just your standard deep-V, puffed sleeve, translucent, Swiss polka dot, empire-waist, pleated blouse with scalloped trim. Maybe over jeans? To offset the saccharine---------
-----okay, no. When Melinda runs errands, Melinda wears the wedding dress of a corpse bride.
Is it time to talk about the wigs yet? No, not yet, noble seeker. First we must talk about bitty baby cap sleeves and---what is that? A watch fob? A necklace? The 1910 collar? There is so much going on. This confuses and angers the spirit world.
And when the spirits are angered, they force Melinda to carry on conversations with bogeymen that only she can see, while in full regalia of the ghost whispering infantry.
It was not always thus. Once, Melinda was really into Dexy’s Midnight Runners and hanging out with her grandma.
Then, Grandma died and returned to haunt Melinda and curse her with seeing the dead and getting really involved in their family drama. Ever since, Melinda has had to fall back on her natural endowments to fend off the constant onslaught.
And, yes, her Grandma also cursed Melinda to crave the sheltering peplum. I believe this rare sighting of the Ghost Bedonkadonk lends us some understanding of Melinda's struggle.
Q: So, what you're saying is that through the preternatural ability to select a wardrobe consisting entirely of ultrafemmy, hyperornate, overtly boobtacular or bootycloaking (and, if possible, both) fashions---peppered with the odd, unpredictable appearance of an unflattering dress barn here and there---Melinda is able to consistently speak to dead people?
A: You have earned your first peplum. Your quest is true.
Q: Whu--but, this outfit looks really pretty. Sure, it's femmy and pink, but it's not boobtacular and-----
A: Patience, scholar. There is much yet to understand. Once again, as you can see, Melinda has deployed 14-yards-of-cloth.
Q: Oh.
A: And there's more...
Q: Oh, god. Is that----?
A: Yes. It is a cut-out that goes all the way around so that the dress buttons together like a toddler's romper. Vaguely porny with a whiff of the antebellum South, and an infantalizing chaser----the perfect witches brew to hex those ghosts back to the future.
Q: Is that why those two women are wearing head-to-toe floral pants suits? Have they been cursed too?
A: That's enough for today. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Q: We have been at this a while. What time is it?