So I think I go in circles when I deal with my mental health. Long post.
(I talk about my own issues a lot so please skip if not your thing)
I’m fine during the day, but at night I become this trauma vampire because I think about how people treated me over and over and over, trying to make sense of it all. And in reality, there is nothing to make sense of. People either were shitty to me to get attention or to cover up their abusive mistakes. I have been gaslight to not name people directly and manipulated to think people would think I was worse that what was perceived, but in reality, I was hiding their own behavior.
I can’t do it anymore, this weight has been on my mind far too long and has made my life just less bearable every single day. At night I want to die. At night I feel broken enough to be rushed to ER. I know I’ll feel better in the morning, but it’s been like this for 4 years. I tried to work it out privately, but I was recorded, I was gossiped about, and ultimately the mess most of them made was left unkempt because *they* were worried about their public image. Lies were used to justify poor treatment of me by so many others. I should have been more vocal, so now I will..
Fuck Michael Boggs, desperate for attention by any means necessary, even to tear and lie about others. You let other people influence you enough so directly that you *continue* to use it to justify what you did in your head, but the reality is that you were feed lies by toxic people. You never had a bad experience with me, but you pretended you did to fit in with your peers, then used their attitude to justify your behavior. You did a horrible thing that you can never run from, never escape, and can never blame on anyone else but you. The truth is you did it for the attention. You have only yourself to blame. You are a coward, a child, and try to use people with fame to feel like you might be worth something. You will *never* be worth anything. You were never worth my time, not worth anything to the people you hurt. You do not earn my forgiveness, you never will. I hope what you did haunts you every single day.
Fuck Lost Narrator, you lied to me about your involvement with an anonymous Twitter that harassed me every, single day *to my face* to cover your own awful behavior. You justified the behavior of yourself and a child, but in reality, you’re just insecure and desperate to tear others down to feel good about yourself. You could have talked to me. You didn’t. When I was so physically sick, you chose to deny me critical information to stop direct harassment. When caught, you chose to blame other people than take responsibility. Your directly told me *don’t be the monster everyone thinks you are*, not only blaming the victim for their abuse but encouraging them to keep quiet about your actions. You gossiped about me and called me terrible things to justify your actions and guilt. Grow the fuck up. You’re a liar, a snake–a general piece of shit. You don’t deserve my silence anymore. Fuck. You.
Fuck MagPie Pony, who not only shielded Lost for further consequence, but defended the behavior of a child and his identity running a harassment campaign when it could have had incredibly dangerous consequences. When I sought out peace, you recorded me without my permission or consent and were planning to *leak* this recording if I ever spoke out. I only found out about this because you were stupid enough to be gossiping about it. Not only is that how adults *not* fix issues, but you directly broke my trust, and also did something *illegal*. You have no right to any more of my time, or my respect. We are not equals. You *allegedly* planned on suicide when your girlfriend said she needed space. You do not know how that really feels, you only use it as a tool for attention. It sounds like your relationship is incredibly toxic, which makes sense for two people as broken as you.
I’m done keeping this silent. You are an adult. Deal with the cost of your actions.
(Please do not harass anyone).
