• mr normal. but also like... not. but he is. like he does things so normally that it makes him not normal
• always dresses like its easter sunday/church. hes got like 20 variations of this exact fit (maybe not exactly but my real ones know)
• on a bowling team. does that pose where he crosses one leg behind the other when he throws the ball. like really good at it too lmao
• talks really loud naturally. like this mf cannot whisper. he be in ur ear like 🗣 NICE WEATHER WE’RE HAVING ‼️‼️‼️. it scares ppl
• if he sees his neighbor across the street outside he’ll have an entire conversation with them without leaving his lawn. surprised when he finds out the whole neighborhood knows his business
• cyclist on weekends. its just for fun but hes got the whole biking fit. gloves and everything. says “hey hows it going” to everyone he passes but doesnt stop so they can answer.
• only has like rlly small benign problems. his life is plagued by minor inconveniences. like the dry patch on his lawn. or the fact that he can only grow 1 chest hair.
• his snores wake him up at night
• sometimes when the tv is on and hes passing through the room he’ll stop and watch it for a “minute” but ends up standing there for hours.
• whenever he does sit down to watch it he’ll fall asleep. like arms and legs crossed while laying in his recliner. always insists that hes just resting his eyes
• this fool is a midwesterner for sure. ive literally seen him at culvers
• listens to like, 50s/60s music idk. taps his thumb on the steering wheel while listening and sings along like “shooby dooby” or sumn 💀💀💀💀
• walks around home depot like its the mall. mostly just browses tho bc hes not actually very handy LMFAO
• always giving his opinion to random ppl. like in the garden section of home depot if he sees u pick out a flower he likes he’ll tell u.
• owns a red convertible. not a single hair comes out a place when he puts the top down tho 💅 also wears sunglasses when he drives its kinda sexy 😳🤤
• conny is the one telling the jokes. the second he learned abt them he told sasha and they laughed for like an hour
• sasha then came up with the idea to tell as many ppl as they could
• the first person conny got was jean. it made him really mad tho and he got yelled at for like twenty minutes— not bc he didnt like it but bc he didnt understand why it was so funny and conny wouldnt tell him anything other than “it just is”
• tells armin next. except he was in the middle of explaining something to someone so he kinda just stopped and stared at him like 😐 before continuing what he was doing
• reiner doesnt get it. bertholdt lets a chuckle slip like HA before he realizes reiner doesnt think its funny and shuts tfu
• erwin fake laughs and tells him it was a good joke even tho he has no idea what it means. asks levi later. triggers his mid life crisis
• the final person he gets is eren. followed by a flash of lightning. its the last joke conny ever makes
🥁 eren is the lead singer and songwriter. hes so angsty and his voice must be pretty strong to be yelling as much as he does. has a lot of stage presence too. perfect for an emo/punk band. lots of range but prolly prefers to sing deeper and gets nasally when singing higher. thirstiest stannies on the planet.
🥁 jean would be fine af as a drummer dont play with me 🗿 hed wear muscle tees and stuff and maybe like eyeliner or something girl omg. does some backing vocals for eren. a fan favorite but hes humble abt it. rlly nice and goes outside to sign stuff if theres ppl waiting.
🥁 conny on the guitar 🤭 flirty af with the fans. always sticks his tongue out for pictures. probably has a blue guitar or something idk— like royal blue. does the most backing vocals. him and jeans voices compliment each other well. actually come to think of it those two probably interact a lot on stage and ppl would ship them bcz of it 💀
🥁 armin the bassist babey ‼️ ok hes not as popular bcz hes more low key and doesnt have as much stage presence sorry LMFAO hes more interested in playing. holds his bass low. gets rlly focused. his stannies are also thirsty af and he probably blocks them on twitter when they @ him saying something outta pocket LMFAOO
🥁 mikasa is the bands photographer. except she only takes pictures of eren. the only content the other band members get is being in the background of those pictures. and the camera is focused on eren so theyre probably blurred out too 😭😭
⭐️ EREN: aries rising, taurus sun, aries moon, aries mercury, cancer venus, sagittarius mars — stubbornly passionate and assertive, especially so when it comes to the wellbeing of others and loved ones. has a habit of developing tunnel vision and speaking/acting without thinking. most likely has a lot of 9h and 11h influence. emotional to a fault, even in times it is not outwardly expressed.
⭐️ JEAN: sagittarius rising, aries sun, taurus moon, aries mercury, pisces venus, taurus mars — similar to eren (more 4th and 7th house vibes from jean though) yet different enough for them to butt heads. while jean is more rational, he can still come off strong— can also seem like a know-it-all. he might not realize hes a slight hopeless romantic. very protective of the ones he cares about.
⭐️ BERTHOLDT: virgo rising, capricorn sun, gemini moon, aquarius mercury, scorpio venus, virgo mars — strategy and secrecy comes easily to him. naturally quiet and reserved, probably speaks more in his head rather than out loud. doesn’t express emotion often, probably seen by others as awkward.
⭐️ REINER: taurus rising, taurus sun, scorpio moon, scorpio mercury, pisces venus, cancer mars — prefers to keep his vulnerable side to himself when around those he doesnt have much trust in. those that he does opt to confide in are like gold to him (but forcing it out of him only results in resentment). takes a while to truly warm up to people.
⭐️ CONNY: aries rising, aquarius sun, cancer moon, pisces mercury, sagittarius venus, sagittarius mars — easily motivated by things that are fun. keeps the atmosphere around him lighthearted if he can help it. comes off as dumb sometimes, possibly because he has a hard time putting his thoughts into words.
⭐️ SASHA: gemini rising, taurus sun, cancer moon, aries mercury, cancer venus, taurus mars — often driven by self indulgence. although not selfish per se; shes willing to share but expect to get the smaller of the two halves. yearns for comfort and dislikes change. can be loud and scatter-brained.
⭐️ ERWIN: capricorn rising, capricorn sun, libra moon, aquarius mercury, scorpio venus, capricorn mars — his collected exterior is seldom shaken. rarely affectionate and when he is it can be so subtle you might miss it. same with emotions, he tends to save them for things hes passionate about, but theyre more noticeable when they show compared to his low-key doting side. devoted to whatever task he may be faced with and always plans to see it through.
⭐️ LEVI: virgo rising, scorpio sun, taurus moon, scorpio mercury, virgo venus, cancer mars — cares more than he lets on. sometimes this slips out with or without him knowing in things that pertain to the health, safety, or wellbeing of those he cares about— and one doesnt have to be particularly close to him to be added to the list of people he watches over. keeps a level head when others cannot. endlessly trustworthy and loyal.
⭐️ MIKASA: scorpio rising, capricorn sun, cancer moon, sagittarius mercury, pisces venus, pisces mars — has given nearly her entire life to eren. adores him regardless of the decisions he makes or ways he presents himself, having put him on a pedestal and is too blinded by her infatuation to take him down. maintains her cool until it comes to him, then she can think recklessly and impulsively. aims to please and protect.
⭐️ ARMIN: gemini rising, virgo sun, pisces moon, leo mercury, scorpio venus, libra mars — sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others, which more often than not gives him an advantage over them. uses this empathy to manipulate and bend their feelings to get the kind of reaction he wants— but only does so in the name of what he believes is right.
🏖 after begging EVERYONE, erwin was the only person eren could convince to play frisbee with him. they dont rlly play frisbee TOGETHER tho, its more of erwin just throwing it so eren can catch it. he gets way too into it too— anybody in between him and that frisbee will be plowed into the sand like a freight train. that being said, he once saw jean making a sand castle during his chase, and even tho he wasnt sitting in the line of danger, eren took a detour to purposefully trample the castle. (bonus: he also runs so hard he kicks himself in the butt so he gets that lil boost 💨)
🏖 after jeans sand castle gets destroyed, armin builds him a life size sand mansion with a sand mercedes parked in the sand garage as compensation 🫂💪🏻
🏖 sasha and conny:
🏖 reiner takes every precaution possible to not get sunburnt, if that uv index is higher than 3 hes out ✌🏻. UNLESS he was made the chauffeur for the day, then he’ll endure the mercilessness of the suns rays for the sake of his friends. WILL start sizzling if he dares put even a pinky toe outside of the shade of his umbrella. although he understands the suffering of a sunburn like no other, hes a little weirded out when bertholdt asks for his help to put his sunscreen on— even in the places where he can definitely reach himself.
🏖 reiner hardly rubbed in bertholdts sunscreen so he has huge, pasty blobs all over him. they sit in silence under their umbrella for the rest of the day.
🏖 conny definitely bought a fake shark fin off amazon in preparation for the trip. it straps under his arms and sticks out of his back so its really awkward to make look convincing. he just kind of floats face down in the water. the only person he seems to trick is armin though. along with erwin who shouts, “nice one conny! you almost had me there!” encouragingly 💀 he cant take it off either so he just walks around with it on.
🏖 at the end of the day reiner is so sunburnt he can barely move. like literally walks like a jointless barbie doll. while theyre packing their things into the car, conny runs up behind him and smacks the sunburn on his back so hard he transforms into his titan (jk lol) but since reiners the driver the drive home is terrifying. he can barely turn the wheel bc hes in so much pain so theres a lot of, “reiner turn right. right. REINER TURN RIGHT!” and strained “IM TRYING”s while they ramp the median.
🌾 jean is a farmhand. carries bales and feed bags and stuff, tends to and moves the animals. gets sunburnt often and has a lot of wack tan lines (his feet are so white 😦 when he takes off his socks it’s like the scene in spongebob where neptune takes off his crown. dont even get me started on his buttcheeks ⬜️⬜️) sometimes helps armin pull weeds in the garden. hes the weed pulling champ bc he channels any pent up frustration he has to pull every weed out with roots intact. literally has never pulled a rootless weed. king.
🌾 vaquero conny 😌 doesnt do a lot of farm work, more of a horse boy. has one horse thats like his best friend and takes him everywhere. EVERYWHERE. his horse is bombproof bc of it and he’ll literally ride him around in tractor supply. spends most of his time at the creek. uses his horse as a diving board and does back flips off of him into the water. occasionally goes on trail rides with jean, but jean doesnt like to go much faster than a walk so he gets bored sometimes. keeps count of how many horse flies they swat and turns it into a competition.
🌾 u can always find reiner in the fields on his big green tractor 🚜 (with air conditioning on blast and big green tractor by jason aldean on repeat baby) or a harvester. handles most of the machinery even tho its a bit of a tight squeeze in the cab sometimes— theres permanent rub marks where his shoulders touch the windows cuz hes a 100% corn fed born and raised country boy. doesnt care much for the animals. chews alfalfa whenever he can.
🌾 annie is also a farmhand. wont help jean even tho he offers to help her sometimes. mostly works on her own end of the farm. put on cattle duty a lot and gets angry when cows wont go through the gate so she starts calling them names
🌾 bertholdt is the farmer’s daughter son. hes allergic to like absolutely everything (paper skin and glass bones) with one of the exceptions being lemons. so he doesnt work much but instead likes to make the workers lemonade when the days get hot, mostly bc hes got a crush on reiner 😳 but doesnt want to make it obvious so he makes some for everybody. has his own lemon trees, so all his lemonade is made with real lemons.
🌾 sasha grew up country but started disowning that side of herself when her non-country friends made fun of her for it smh 🙄 but she secretly still loves it. she likes to join conny at the creek on weekends. doesnt have her own steed but loves connys, highkey looks on craigslist every night for free horses. gets more scared when conny backflips off of his horse than the horse does 🗿 tries to catch minnows with her hands
🌾 armin is bertholdts friend from the suburbs that started coming over a little more than occasionally when he learned that jean works full time 😳 so when he also found out bertholdt makes them lemonade he just HAD to help. subtly tho. “oh. you make lemonade? for the farmhands? lemonade for the farmhands? like you walk over and hand them the glass? and they drink it?”. puts extra sugar in jeans and WILL kiss the entire rim of his glass so that when he drinks it they kiss indirectly (jean tries to ignore the chapstick stains). dies whenever hes helping pull weeds and jean sneaks up behind him to drop his hat on his head.
🌾 eren is literally the dog that guards the livestock. he sleeps with the goats. he wears one of those huge spiked collars that protects his throat from wolves. he tries to chew reiners tires when hes going out to the fields so he has to stop the tractor every 2 seconds. one time jean bought an inflatable pool for the summer and the second he put it up eren came running at light speed to bite a hole in it 😑👍🏻
🌾 erwin is the neighbor that lives in the country but isnt country. he side eyes the gang over his white picket fence and mumbles abt how theyre “some dirty mfs”
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