brain is loud, i can't stay quiet.

eveline's thought bubble

[12to4am]

i met someone again. i don't know if i can say i love him yet. i like him a lot. he's got a bit of magic in him. he makes me want to write again. and makes me want to run rampant through the Lowell city streets.

[12to4am]

i'm in college now and there seem to be so many people burning out and breaking down around me. COVID-19 has affected the mentality of my peers to an extreme. humans that have tasted freedom were never meant to be boxed up and kissed through screens and sterilizing their lives into laboratories.

i hope we are all staying safe but happy.

[12to4am]

09/25/2020

i recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. i don't know when i fell out of love, exactly. i don't know what the point was the point when i found it hard to return his "i love you"s. in the end, i guess i felt that we grew apart during quarantine. maybe my growth rate changed. or perhaps our goals parted ways. i don't quite it understand, myself. i thought i had love figured out.

he was always on time for dates. he did so much for me. he gave me an example of what sweet love tasted like. i never had that before. he was the first warm thing. i loved him. i grew up. i changed. i still love him. just maybe not in the same way.

maybe not in the "i want to kiss you and live with you forever" love but i definitely still love him and know he will always have a piece of me. i'm stuck looking for love again.

but if i'm not looking for him, what am i looking for? i wonder what kind of love i'm searching for.

[12to4am]

11:46PM. 11/15/2017

when i type up love poems, i wish i could post them in hopes that my lover will see on social media but that is cowardly and i wish to be brave so i must send them to him myself.