living vicariously through the internet

I'm not here

[pacific-rimbaud]

Neither enemies to lovers nor slow burn but a secret third thing called Schrödinger's intimacy. We are in love and we are not in love do NOT open that lid I swear to God.

[134340years]

got my heart broken so bad I had to come back to Tumblr

[stitchthisfiona]

Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later

[cleolinda]

[cleolinda]

[lotus0kid]

[lotus0kid]

[pomme-poire-peche]

[lotus0kid]

[sashaforthewin]

[jack-of-no-cows]

[ghirahimbo]

[134340years]

hey girl i just wanted to send you some love. i happened to cross through the post about your father and began to bawl my eyes out. Every sentence. I went through the exact same thing. Its like i was reading something i wrote but forgot, but i could not encapsulate it as beautifully as you did. I just want you to know that from somewhere in this world you are heard and you are loved. sending lots of prayers and strength you're way 🥺❤️🙏

you're so kind, thank you so much for letting me know you relate to what I wrote. I'm really sorry you went through something like that as well, but I hope you're in a better place now. I'm sending you the warmest hug, it will get better.

[killyridols]

praised and confused by grace lee, 2023, oil on linen, 8 × 9.75 inches

[tethered-heartstrings]

"stress" by yoan capote - made of bronze and concrete

[tethered-heartstrings]

[boxheadpaint]

had a bad low blood pressure moment last night and messily asked my partner for saltines and water before realizing i should probably ask for the Blood Pressure Medication I Need To Take. while they went to go grab it though i still had water and crackers so in a daze i took a swig of water but didnt swallow and then tried to cram 2 saltines in my mouth. full of water. in bed. with mouth full of water

[boxheadpaint]

[spidermanifested]

Boxhead Devouring Two Saltines, 2024

[boxheadpaint]

Oh My God Damn

[nataliehall]

Super tired till spring 👍

[loish]

Happy Halloween 🎃 Everyone knows that black cats are the ultimate halloween mascot, so I had to draw them for this year’s spooky season. Contrary to popular belief, they’re not bad luck - unless you refuse to give them a treat or cuddle them, in which case they will seek revenge!

I drew these for last month’s drawing challenge on drawing expressive cat studies! If you like monthly drawing challenges, sign up to the flame tier on my Patreon and join us ~ we are about to get started on the November challenge! 💖

[134340years]

first father's day without my dad. it's hitting me like a ton of bricks.

[134340years]

[yoongikook]

you are my pain, divine

[dog-teeth]

badweird feelings

[chronicbrainfag]

not to be a communist on main but these are literally the modes of alienation under capitalism that marx described

[dog-teeth]

PLEASE be a communist on my posts its literally capitalism thats making me feel this way

[134340years]

there's not a single day that I don't remember I'm a fatherless girl.

there's not a single day where I don't think of the last conversation we had and how weak you looked like.

I think about how a machine breathed for you in your last moments and how even after you died that machine made me think you were still here.

I try to remember your happy face but I only see decay and how you were slowly deteriorating and how you left the house one last time knowing you were not gonna come back.

I replay in my head every second of that day and how I was still hoping for good news and how they called me on the speakers and I knew you were dead.

I see myself sitting in that hallway waiting for them to let me see you one last time, crying and screaming and hyperventilating and how nurses and doctors walked past me and no one bated an eye.

every day it's a fucking battle and my life it's forever changed since you left because despite all you were my dad and I was your little girl and I can't be in my house that's no longer a home because everything reminds me of you.

at the same time I try to ignore everything that makes me think of you, I cry because I'm slowly forgetting how you sounded like, how you smelled and how our routine was like.

I dedicated the last 7 years of my life to take care of you and it's hard for me to move on and try to live my life because for now I don't want to think I can live without you and I'm scared that if I try I will forget you.

I hate being the girl that only talks about her dead father but our relationship was so complicated that so many things were left unsaid and I now carry this heavy pain that I don't know how to deal with and I only want to talk about you but at the same time I want to just go back to normality.

but there's no normality. there never was, there never will.

there's a hole in my heart shaped like you and it may scar but it will never close.

[134340years]

Hey--I don't know you or anything about you--but I saw your question for Neil Gaiman, and I genuinely hope this doesn't come across as pretentious or crossing a personal boundary of yours. I came here to say that I'm sorry for your loss and that I can only imagine what it's like to lose a parent you love. I think one of the things that helped when I dealt with some of my most crushing grief was hearing that we don't get past it or forget about it. It doesn't hurt less because it shrinks but because we grow around it. We get bigger. It doesn't take away the pain at all, and I can only imagine your own process, but I hope you know that you aren't alone in your grief and that people support you.

I appreciate your message, I really do. I feel so grateful for Neil Gaiman because no only he replied to me with words of courage, but also because he led people to message me and help me feel this grief a little less burdening. thank you <3

[neil-gaiman]

Mr. Gaiman, how do you process grief? sorry I come here and ask this out of nowhere, but somehow I feel like you're the only person who can explain it to me. lost my dad two months ago and I feel like it's only gotten worse.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You process grief slowly, at your own pace and in your own way.

Time will heal, or at least scab over the wound. And in the meantime, you keep on going because the world will keep on going.

It's okay to cry, okay not to cry. When my father died I didn't cry for him for months, until one day I was reading a story by a friend and someone died in the story I'd only met a few pages earlier and I found myself weeping like a baby. And then I started to surface from the numbness and the pain.

Don't let anyone tell you what they think you should be feeling. And if they do tell you, ignore them.

There isn't a schedule for this stuff. There's just grief and time.

[134340years]

thank you. you have no idea how much you've helped me.

[134340years]

I miss my dad so much. life without him is so painful