★Ife★

🇳🇬 (ee-FEH) Born in ‘08 ☾The voice has many uses. Singing was predestined for mine☽

[1f3inity]

Omg! Who’s this sexy person reading this??? Welcome to my page! Stay a while why don’t you?(PLEASE)

My full first name’s Ifedolapo, but you can call me ‘Ife’ for short! (pronunciation in bio!)

You tryna here me yap about my interests (always) or be thirsty asf for no reason (definitely) then grab some popcorn and enjoy!!

—————————————

⚠️WARNING!!⚠️

Dni if:

-You’re racist (Bc if you can't already tell, I'm black asf and I don't play like that)

-You’re a keyboard warrior

-You’re anything or align with any affiliation that is Big, Bad or Unholy in this world

————————————

Things I enjoy:

-Singing

-Romance Club (Raphael is my man fr)

-K-pop (Especially TXT and Chungha)

-Megan Thee Stallion (Woman crush fr)

-Being a cutie patootie

-My natural hair

————————————

☾Socials!☽

TikTok: do1apora_

Ig: do1apora_

BandLab: do1apora_

————————————

And if you don't like my posts, that’s fine too. Thanks for giving me a chance and it’d be greatly appreciated if you just ignore me instead of attacking me :)

☾Note: You can check out my other socials if you’d like☽

Anyway, I’ll stfu now. Have fun!

[1f3inity]

So, I'm a boss

I'm so much of a boss that I came out the womb not even shedding a tear. Face STONY. Queen never cry type shit. I eventually cried after my own MOTHER gave the nurses permission to spank my ass. They'll all feel it dw

So then how is it possible that me, a hard-headed thug, Ife, the baddest bitch on the block, and a seasoned cold-blooded gangster has been reduced to nothing but a girl with a very irregulated nervous system over a fucking romance book? My emotions are genuinely fabricated by AI.

As such, here's my list of moments in different Romance Club books that elicited emotions from me that no human has ever successfully made me feel in my 18 alleged years of living. Y'all know I'm dramatic asf so some of the moments on this list, it's possible you might find them trivial or not worth it enough to crash over but it DO MATTER. IT MATTERS TO ME

And speaking of eliciting emotions no humans have ever, MY FIRST-CHOICE UNIVERSITY HAS OFFICIALLY CONFIRMED MY PLACE. I’M SO HAPPYYYY YAAAA. I’m crying tears of joy rn

⚠️SPOILERS!! HEED THIS WARNING OR DIE!!!⚠️

Without further ado, let us proceed!!

1. Ending of Soulless Season 1

Threxio and Xantheia. Both of you watch tf out.

And as I was reading it, it was the first day of my cycle, I had my pink Little Mermaid PJs on, I had one of my mom’s sweat-activating curly wigs on my head because I was detangling it and trying to make it look good as new earlier in the day(and to hide my pitiful mini twists because they looked like they wanted to undergo space exploration 🫩💔), I was fucking up 5 dark chocolate-covered Digestives, and it was a massive heatwave. Based on this description, does it look like I was built for this shit? Or built at all?

I was all in my feels empathising like HELL with Vyx, missing home along with her as an immigrant Nigerian living in the UK and that fucking incubus that I hate had to do some bullshit. I WILL BREAK. HIS. FUCKING. FACE💥💥💥💥

Worse, I had SOME faith in Threxio. I didn't expect him to go that low despite how much I hate the nigga’s guts??? And he had the NERVE to fix those thin ass lips of his to say some bullshit like “I’m doing this for your own good. Demons aren't supposed to have sentiments”. I will leave a long-lasting sentiment on your face in the shape of my handprint, you horny bitch.

The TEARS that were shed for Vyxaria oml. I love her so so much. That’s my irl homegirl. And just when I thought she could still make lemonade out of ruined lemons, Xantheia snuck up and squeezed them into my eyes. YOU WILL PAY. THEY BOTH WILL PAY

2. Audrey’s death in Astrea’s Broken Heart

Oh, I'm not hungry

I was so naive that I genuinely saw a happy ending for the book during the last parts of Season 3. Or maybe it was because I had just cracked Raphael and it went to my head and I stopped retaining the book’s lore 💀

And I was genuinely starting to fuck with Somnus too. Inviting him to cookouts and shit 💔. Another reminder to NEVER trust men. And the dialogue Audrey had before she finally passed??? ELENA MAKE IT STOP PLEASEEEE!!!! I’M NOT YOUR STRONGEST READER 💔💔💔

And the aftermath, whew shit. Raph having just lost his sight and then the focus on his infinite darkness now shifts to the drop in temp as they are transported to Snowy Valley. He scans everyone’s energies and doesn't feel the one of the woman he finds easiest to memorise, same as it was easy to love her. I’M SICK(Yes, I used to publish Wattpad books in my youth. You want a full scene, innit 😛)

I love Audrey so much, man.

3. Eleonor going batshit crazy and Liren attempting to calm her down

Look at Liren’s smile omgggg 🥹

El’s backstory was the only one that moved me as a Rael romancer sorry

I was in my FEELS during that scene where she ingested a mix of Rael and Liren’s blood and she almost attempted. And then her backstory in between with her and the boy she adopted. “Mother…” I sobbed 🫩

And Liren empathising with her struggle and suffering another injury to subdue El?? I cried into my lunch. Anastasia, you will feel it for that a-man-will-fix-her, inherently misogynistic towards lesbians trope you’ve given El. If I could feel that much buzz as an aromantic heterosexual(non-passing to my peers apparently. Everyone thinks I'm either bisexual or lesbian 😭) taking her platonic route, what went down in the romantic rendition of this scene???

4. Astrea’s death

Man I feel too much sometimes…

Unpopular opinion, I LOVE Astrea. I genuinely didn't understand why a lot of the fandom hates her. Honestly, I get it and she conceived the LITERAL spawn of a powerful demon but c'mon she’s my friend guys ☹️

Maybe it's because I empathise with her backstory. Imagine having such love to someone that you want to share everything with them, even the scars on your back. And after you show them, their first instinct is to stab you in those very places you revealed to them. Should Astrea have revealed herself to the humans that she was a firstborn angel? No. But do I fault her for it? Also no. To me, how the humans treated her afterwards will NEVER be her fault.

Her death broke my heart but I was so happy to finally see her stop suffering and living with that guilt, even as the death Malek granted her was very merciful. I want to give Astrea the biggest hug

Please be kind to her guys. For me? ☹️

5. Felonia going to see her family

And after putting belt to ass on Somnus too. I just HAD to stan. Even Furius calls her daddy

You guys can’t even COMPREHEND the tears I shed for Fel when she went to visit her fam. The niggas in heaven genuinely ain't shit. How do you promise her the safety of her family and the assurance she won't face the gallows if she helps you subdue the beast and then turn around and put her family’s wings on sticks like kebabs outside their home and send them down to earth where they lose their memory(her dad has PTSD and he doesn't even know WHY. That is sick) and they all eventually went their separate ways, making it harder for Fel to track them down???? I was HOT

And my dumbass on my first play snitched on her to Mikael. I swear on my first play I was operating like Patrick Star. I’ve never wanted time travel to be a thing so bad. I’m so glad Fel never held it against Audrey because I would have 💀

6. Shen rejecting Nova after he found out she betrayed the group

When he told her to go away, I genuinely broke down. Swear on my life

Imagine this being the first ever book I read when I joined the app last year December, I'm still growing accustomed to the formula of Russian romance games as a girl that grew up on American ones(Choices, Episode, Tabou, etc. I should have been supervised lmao. I was playing EVERYTHING 💀), my dad came over for the holidays(since he works and lives in Nigeria while the rest of my nuclear fam live in the UK), my entire nuclear family is in the living room chatting and I'm in my room wasting my life away and ignoring everyone like the fat fucking chud I am because socialisation burns the black off my skin. When that scene came on, suddenly I felt the Christmas Spirit descend on me tenfold.

As a baby RC player at the time, I genuinely thought the relationship was DONE. I didn't touch it for 3 fucking days after. I needed to be sedated(And possibly checked into a hospital because of the extent of my crash out lmao 💀). See, I'd never do that to Shen and it was so much more devastating because that man makes a woman WORK for his penis and I did allat for nothing. NOVA WHYYYYYUHHHH. DO YOU WANT THIS SEXY TRAUMATISED CHINESE MAN OR NAH??? IF YES LOCK IN, IF NOT PASS THE BALL

8. Final Battle in W: Time Catcher

THIS CG HAD ME SO HYPED

DO YOU SEE HOW EVERYONE’S STANCED UP AROUND NOVA??? EVEN ONYX AND TALLIS LOOK HARD ASF IN THEIR ANIMAL FORMS. THIS WAS PRESSUREEEEE. The aura this CG exudes makes me shed tears. IT’S JUST SO PEAK 💔💔💔💔

If only this scene was animated. It NEEDED the ‘HONORABLE’ trend on TikTok. I would genuinely lose my mind. Perhaps cardiac arrest

I was also content with my outcome of this battle. I ended up on the Others ending with Shen still alive. The concept of me letting my nigga die. I didn't even know it was possible he could die during his battle with Petar Grigorov until I played the book a second time(because I was consistently on the low status path during my first playthrough. I didn't even know there were walkthroughs until MARCH of this year. I choke even in romance games 💀💔)

9. Sailen and Ashriel jumping Liren

Whew, those tears were ANGRY

Angry as fuck for Liren because she has to put her life in the hands of these bitchass men.

Ashriel was expected. Sailen however??? Lowkey my heart broke a lil. It's really like THAT? I thought we were cool bro 💔💔💔

And Ashriel had the NERVE to act as if Liren was overreacting??? She should have killed him with her anomaly. I will ALWAYS take Liren’s side when it comes to these men. I don’t care.

My heart shattered when she talked about how much she trusts them even against her better judgment. KILL ‘EM NOW. I GOT A HUNDRED THOUSAND

10. Heaven’s Secret in its fucking entirety

So well…oh well…mmm…

This book was pure ragebait.

I rue the day I took Sociology as one of my GCSEs and Social and Cultural Anthropology as one of my IB subjects. As much as these subjects contributed to making me woke and are one of the many reasons I officially became agnostic at the start of this year, they ruined a lot of media for me because I can’t not see things from sociological/anthropological perspectives now. ESPECIALLY Heaven’s Secret 🫩

A lot of the bullshit wouldn't have happened if SHEPHA DIDN’T EXIST!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS BITCH???? I HATE THIS NIGGA SO MUCH??? WHAT THE FUCK??!!

Shit was so bad that he and this fuckass book were ALSO another reason as to why I became agnostic 💀. At some point while I was reading, I genuinely checked out because rationalising everyone’s decisions was HELL.

My TL;DR after reading HS is: Shepha’s a bitch and the immortals love their oppressive system. That’s it 💀

11. Cain getting his wings ripped off by Abel in Heaven’s Secret: Requiem

Can I just say, if Abel has no haters, I’m dead as a chile

This scene specifically made me tweak out for Cain. I’ve said this before but he’s a particular male love interest that I don't romance but don’t play about(besides Walter in Soulless. HE’S SO CUTE 💔💔💔)

Genuinely. Don’t look at this man funny. Don’t cough near this man funny. Don’t BREATH near this man funny. I will punch you in yo shit. I’m a boy mom for Cain

The symbolism in this CG alone is gut-wrenching. I can never understand how Cain became somewhat cool with Abel after everything that has happened between them. He better than me. My mom always tells me not to carry my anger today into tomorrow and let things go because it's not good to have that type of shit sitting in your chest. Me? With the anger I have towards different people even years later, there won't be enough room in my chest. Shit will go all the way into my ass. Maybe then I’ll get a fat ass

12. Edmund comforting Ro in her cursed form

This reverse Beauty and the Beast plate. I’ll kill myself rn 🥹🥹🥹

This alone solidified my decision to tell Abraham to go fuck himself with a cheese grater and romance Edmund instead

There’s something so intimate in a person loving you despite seeing the full wrath of you at your worst and still being there. I’M SOO LONELYYYY. WHEN IS IT MY TURN 💔💔💔💔

I was moved. HEAVILY. Roxanne is me. I am Roxanne. I HATE how much I see myself in the MCs in these RC books 💀

I thought yearners like Edmund died within the last century. Now we have nice-guys-finish-last niggas and mfs that chant “male-loneliness epidemic” as if women are obligated to providing men with their company 💀

13. Ending of Te Amo Vol 2

No guys, you don't understand. My heart was full and warm at this ending. I LOVED Volume 2 sm.

It's so domestic. Just a couple of childhood friends meeting each other by VERY abnormal circumstances and revisiting the past. I’m a sucker for shit like this. I’m just a feeler you know 💔💔💔

I almost lost my shit when they went to see Liz in the hospital and she momentarily forgot her memory. I was about ready to roll on the floor the way Mama Ojo did in that one meme(SamSpedy reference. Tell me at least ONE of you caught it. If not, I might be the only Nigerian RC player out there 💔💔). I’m glad I passed the stat check because I would NOT be able to deal with all of them having to reintroduce themselves to Liz and tell recount their shenanigans again. Like this was MY book. I SOBBED 🥹🥹🥹

——————————————————————————

Aaand that’s the list!

Again, some of these reasons might be too small for a person to cry over and that’s okay. I just have empathy for the stupidest of shit 💀. If I haven't included anything that made you personally feel strongly, it’s either it didn't bring out such a strong emotion in me or I haven't read the book yet or I lack context to understand.

And also, feel free to share what exactly made you feel a type of way when reading some of these books. I LOVE hearing from you guys sm 🥹. Don’t leave me drier than my coochie when I see Malek’s ugly ass. Until next time!

Toodles!

[1f3inity]

MY FORBIDDEN ROMANCE PLATE FAWKKKMMKMMM

WHAT DO YOU MEAN STARLING WITCHES LOSE THEIR POWERS WHEN FUCKING WITH DEMONS WHYYYYYYYY 💔💔💔

THIS PUSH AND PULL IS KILLING ME. THERE’S SO MUCH TENSION BETWEEN VYX AND VINCENT. CAN I JUST TONGUE THIS MAN AND FORGET EVERYTHING ELSE OML 🫩💔

That first kiss is going to hit like straight CRACK. And it better be a “fuck it” scenario with some Chase Atlantic in the back. WALK WITH MEEEEEEE

I’m full as fuck asf. I’m tweaking out so much for this book I'm considering using my diamonds to continue reading after DR ends 💀

[1f3inity]

So I just finished Season 1 of Soulless

WHAT. THE. FUCK????

And I thought I was talking allat shit about hating Threxio’s bitchass given I have no context. Turns out I was RIGHT. I’m never wrong just early. That was fucked up what he did. And during her moment of WEAKNESS???? MEN!!! NEVER PUT YOUR TRUST IN A NIGGA PLEASE!!!!

I CRIED like a baby alone in my room in my pink Little Mermaid PJs with a stiff ass curly wig on my head on the first day of my period. I’m not built for this shit bro. Vyxaria my lovely it’s not your fault ☹️💔💔. I HATE how much I see myself in her in terms of feeling out of place in a new world(As someone who left Nigeria to live in the UK 4 years ago) and just being vulnerable. I’m MOVED. My heart is BLEEDING. PLEASE SHE’S MY FRIEND

AND THE ENDING???? Imagine me depressed as fuck and there’s finally some good shit happening after the hell Vyx went through the last episode(That nigga blaming her for the fact he cheating??? Why was it after the deed that he got clarity??? Pussy ass bitch. Genuinely upsetting that there’s women in the sex work industry that have had similar encounters) and instead of some low cortisol shit, I get tickled with a knife. Genuinely nobody’s hearing from me again after this

Aside from the depression, can I also just talk about how stinkin’ CUTE Walter is??? Holy shit. The concept of me getting cuteness aggression because of a man??? Even when he stopped talking to Vyx I COULDN'T STAY MAD AT HIM OML 💔💔💔. He’s such a sweetie. I love him SO so much bro. His world is just sunshine and rainbows it’s giving me type 2 diabetes.

Also Vincent, I have your tea 👀. You not slick, bookie. You be talking allat shit towards Vyx but when she starts flirting, you’re mute?? Okay bottom.

I knew I was gone when he screamed at Vyx to shut the fuck up after he found she killed those people to save Ava and I giggled like a loser. He’s so romantic ugh 😩. I hate that I love this man so much. Like my face lights up when I see his sprite and I start smiling I’M SO PATHETIC 💔💔💔💔. It's THAT BAD. Can y'all tell I've never dated in my 18 years of living 🫩💔

Okay, long ass rant. Wow. I’m so sorry y'all. I just had to get this off my chest because I’m enjoying this book so much and it might be up there in terms of my personal favs. I’m not even halfway done and I've already cried. It's going to be a long playthrough💀. PLEASE tell me it gets better in Season 2 and tell me if it’s possible to castrate Threxio and sell his balls on eBay because I’m about ready to pull up on him beat his ass.

Toodles!

[1f3inity]

I have never cackled this hard because of ANY Romance Club update. And I didn't expect it to be because of HEAVEN'S SECRET 3 of all books.

Imagine the hottest mess of a book with numerous plot holes, storylines that don't mesh properly, love interests/characters with little to no lore relevance and the ones that DID have it in the past has become unsubstantial in this book, AND an ending that none of its readers can predict being the reason I'm gasping for air. Recession indicators all-round, my people.

As such, here are the list of moments that gave me a belly laugh so bad I got abs

⚠️IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE HS3 UPDATE, DO NOT ENGAGE!! REPEAT, DO NOT ENGAGE!!! THIS WHOLE LIST IS SPOILERS GALORE!!! TAKE CAUTION AND HEED THIS WARNING!!!⚠️

Let us proceed!

1. The Incubus that wanted to fuck Mikael

Girl the way I CACKLED. And Mikael’s face after was priceless. He was not fucking with it at ALL 😭

Shit, if he doesn't wanna play, he can pass the ball to ME.

I imagine Mikael gets this ALOT. How could he not?? That man is PRETTY. He was the first Astrean I wanted to romance because he was so pretty(And because I want to use his hair as my next blonde lace front wig install) What can I say? I love pretty men 🤷🏾‍♀️

Lowkey a flex that both men and women are down to fuck him. Type of greed the Bible talks about.

2. The Succubus wanting to touch Mikael's wings

What was her name again? Layla, I think. She was so shy too. I love her sm 😭😭😭

Mikael’s genuinely the exhausted parent among the Astreans with a VERY very irregulated nervous system. Everyone keeps testing him and he’s so OVER IT. It makes me giggle. He offed his brother and shit just has not been working out for him at ALL

The smile on the Succubus’s face when he caved was GORGEOUS. And the way she couldn't stop looking at the angel duo(Babe, I know my nigga Raph is fine asf but back tf up 🌚). See, he still has some humanity left in him

3. Malek's ugly ass emote when the sandworm appeared

I’m giggling as I attempt to fish out this screenshot from my camera roll. HE’S SO UGLY 💀💀💀

Even just a pixel of this image is enough to put me in a laughing fit 💀

Malek romancers, this ya man? He looks like the face I make when I’m trying to pass a spiky shit while I'm simultaneously watching TikToks on my toilet 😭. Just laughing through the pain I can’t BREATHE 😭😭😭

I know the skin around his face fizzled and popped as he tried to smile. WHO MAKES THIS EXPRESSION WHEN THEY SEE SOMETHING THAT COULD POTENTIALLY KILL YOU IM WEAK ASF 😭

See this would have given me the ick. Idk how y'all do it. I had to pause and laugh for about 5 minutes before I had the mind to continue the scene 💀. That’s that payback for him putting emphasis on Raph being blind when using him to spread ‘Malum propaganda. I said “Oh, I’m sure” 😛🤏🏾

4. Malbonte serving face while Abel was electrocuting him

OKAY FACEEEE 🤏🏾🤏🏾🤏🏾

Now THAT’S how you clear a bitch. Get bro a modelling gig STAT.

The Squad may have won the fight but Malbonte won the mog off. Even I was gagged, I fear

I might be the only one that giggled at the absurdity of this scene. Everyone on Reddit is stroking Malbonte’s dick because they think this is hot. I just CAN’T bro 😭. I might genuinely have ijbolitis 💀. It's hard to take this book seriously when it’s a walking mess already.

5. Siire tweaking out on the Astreans

He REALLY loves his siblings, innit? 💀

That brief moment when Malek took Audrey to The Pit while the Astreans fought the sandworm, I know he was about ready to fucking dissipate from RAGE. This smoke nigga dusts me 💀

And Cass saying that his ears were about ready to fall off? Siire RELAX bro. Jesus 😭

And the way it was revealed that that was what David had to do in exchange for resurrecting Audrey and taking the Astreans to Snowy Mountain??? I was GAGGED. You know what? I hear it.

6. Hunger and Vicky fucking on Donnie's bed while he’s been held captive by the Squad

I’ve already made a post about this but I cannot get over how CRAZY this shit is 💀

And then have the nerve to ask him if he can get her pregnant after. Baby, with the amount of NUT that’s probably been projectiled onto Donnie’s bed, you’ll have no problem. Matter of fact, since his sheets are already fucked, might as well spread your spoochie onnat bed too 💀. WHY are you thinking about children at a time like THIS??? Do they not have clinics up in heaven????

Dino might die because of his own stupidity, Eragon’s being a bitch as per usual, you haven't seen Donnie in a while and you went to his room searching for answers. Given the circumstances HOW are you still able to get horny???? And you couldn't even WAIT until after you left the nigga’s room??? 💀

You can have sex ANYWHERE else. The hallway, the kitchen, Eragon’s fucking office. Maybe in front of Eragon himself since he wants to be a cuck and meddle in everyone’s business. I promise he won't mind. Still, you take your ass to get your back blown out in MY room?? MY SPACE?? MY SCENT??? WHERE’S THE RESPECT??? It’s too much 😭

I couldn't stop laughing because of the absurdity. In what world did Alice think Hunger romancers would ENJOY this(and if you did, then baby you’ve outfreaked me 💀. How is that possible????)? Why do I have to get pink eye because your man nutted on my pillow???? I’m so immature 😭😭😭

7. Yan unintentionally becoming a daddy to Kira

Kira was just being plain temperamental and standoffish and Yan was chill asf just watching her as if she was talking to a wall. Literally that one Lion and Monkey meme 😭. It was so stinkin’ CUTE.

And it's the way Kira got sad because she wanted to see Yan again when the Squad were going to meet Eragon. I said, “yep, that’s his daughter now”. And he didn't even have to do much either. He onnat nonchalant shit. I see you Yannnnn 😛🤞🏾. Could neva work on me tho. Y'all stay safe.

Bro already has a crow, an Abomination and now a half-breed teenage immortal girl.

Father of the Year fr

8. Donnie being a cute tsundere to the Squad while he was captured

He was giving all those Wattpad books where Y/N gets captured by the mafia boss 💀.

“Hmph! I’m not eating anything from you! It's probably poisoned!” He whined, shaking his head in disgust as Lane offered him food to eat before his fatass eventually caved as he realised he wasn’t built for this shit. I said, “Oh, 2019 Wattpad was on the moodboard, wasn't it?” 💀

Obviously, I understand why he was that way. It was just funny asf to witness 😭

9. Donnie's reaction when the Order didn't wanna fuck with him no more

Noooo I felt so bad for him but the way he instantly checked out and accepted his new situation threw me 💀

I know he cried into that bowl Donovan offered him. Bless his sweet lil heart 😭❤️

There was even nothing to go back to honestly. Imagine him finding out that Hunger and Vicky had sex in his bed. Matter of fact, chilling with the Squad ain’t half bad. Let me embrace the Stockholm syndrome

10. The Eragon vs Donovan standoff

This was when I knew that the book was well and truly COOKED 💀

It was giving those Gacha Life angel vs devil videos. “Don’t mess with my gang or you’ll be VERY sorry 😡💥🫵🏾”. One of your readers is THE most immature person you’ll ever meet who needs their lips(BOTH lips aha 😛) gorilla glued shut. PLEASE don’t play rn 💀

And it's the fact that there are some readers that thought this scene had phonetics and prose that rivals Shakespeare. GUYS. My fifth grade self could have easily written this 💀

The fact that Dmitry was able to somehow turn Malbonte loose when he’s the TIGHTEST immortal in that bitch was crazy too. Since when had the power dynamics shifted???

I genuinely just had to laugh. The only thing I COULD do 💀

11. The jumpscare of the voice over of the Love Interests in the middle of them stroking the MCs kitty cats

I’m so happy that I was unfortunate enough to hear the voice-over with Hunger while he and Vicky were FUCKING ON DONNIE’S BED(No, I won’t shut up about it) and not when Raph mistook my kitty cat for that damn harp. I fear I would have gotten the biggest ick and I can't lose my status as the Big Sister General of the Raphael fan club 🤞🏾

When I tell you, my entire body SHRIVELLED up like a prune. The Hunger voice sounded like a BURP. Worse, my mom was nearby(yes, I’m that brave. Being Nigerian conditions you to cultivate skills in maintaining composure while doing some stupid shit in front of your parents 🫡) so I had to TRY and act normal 😭. I went into my settings and turned that shit off IMMEDIATELY. Didn’t turn it back on until after I cracked Raphael.

WHO among the RC club team suggested this? Better question is anyone on the team under the age of 21??? I know the babes that listen to boyfriend ASMR were feeling weak in the knees hearing the voices. HELL NO

12. The Astreans' reactions to having to dress like whores

All their fits were tea too. Felonia’s ESPECIALLY. Whew 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨. Audrey really is the princess of the group. They’ll tolerate the most absurd request as long as its from her 😭

Cassiel’s grumbling was my fav 😭. Now you know you look good asf. Stop pretending you don’t like it 🙄. I’m also very certain that David checked himself out in the mirror before coming back out. And he shook his ahh to see if it moved like jelly in his whore fit. He KNEW he ate the house DEOWN

——————————————————————————

And that's it! Feel free to share other moments in this update(or any other parts of the book) that made you lol more than it made you serious. Until next time.

Toodles!

[1f3inity]

WASSUP YOUTUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBEEEEEEEE

It’s your girl Ife, back with anotha list, serving you shits(heavy on shits) and giggles and absolute tomfuckery because this fandom too damn serious with all these discussions(which are valid). No need to thank me 🫡🫡🫡

This time we got a list of male RC characters I’d HATE to have as my baby daddy(If I wanted kids and didn't plan on tying my tubes in the future. See, I’m on the ace spectrum and I prefer someone else’s child seeing me as their mother figure lmao 💀)

Again, if your faves are in here, my bad. This is SATIRE(somewhat). At the end of the day, I don't control y’all’s coochies. I can’t control what comes out of it and I don't control what goes in 🤷🏾‍♀️. If you’d push out a synchronised swim team for any of the characters on this list, by my guest. If you like it, I love it. I won’t judge you, mama(much 👀)

⚠️HEED!!! SPOILERS!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!⚠️

Anyway, let’s begin!

1. Malbonte- Heaven’s Secret Universe

This man would NOT be a good father, please 💀

This man TWITCHES at the mere mention of Shephamalum. Worse, bro’s still licking Malbonte’s earlobe to coax him into joining his side again. And let’s not forget the HUNDREDS of years of torture he underwent because of ‘Malum. Straight WWE finishing moves on adolescent Malbonte. “🤬🤬🤬💥💥” on his ass.

He doesn't need a child, he needs a THERAPIST 😭

He’d be the most emotionally unavailable dad ever. And I imagine he’d be HELLA uncomfy with kids because they present emotions that were skinned out of him from a young age, and since he wasn't given appropriate comfort to combat them, he’d have NO idea how to manage those emotions in a child. And this nigga doesn't even speak half the time so the only comfort they’ll get is Malbonte’s fuckass smoulder and ellipses combo 💀

It might take him a hundred more years for him to unlearn all that hatred that ‘Malum conditioned him to have. So yeah, as long as the happenings of HS3 continue, Vicky needs to take it up her butt for now 💀

2. Ozar- And The Haze Will Take Us

Girl, this is a cheating ass baby daddy. I’m so mad because he’s so FINE

Anything female and human, Ozar’s OVERLY going bro. This man is a WHORE 💀. Season 1 Ozar was on somethin’ ridiculous.

His evil Dominican counterpart is literally Sincere from Love Island USA Season 8. How did it take two girls touching up on you, stroking more than your ego to realise you liked Lada???? Utterly TRIFLING. That’s what he is.

Before y'all crucify me, yes, I am aware that he changes when you lock in with him in ATHWTU, but with that logic, if I’m notorious for cutting men’s dicks and then I find a man I really like to the point I don't consider cutting his off, does that take away my past history of cutting men’s dicks? Exactly(Your answer better be no 🌚)

He’ll be a good dad, but a shitty partner, methinks.

3. Shepha- Heaven’s Secret Universe

He doesn't have kids. He has VICTIMS 💀

The first-born angels, Lucifer(the very first angel Shepha created), Malbonte, RAPHAEL, LITERALLY ANY ANGEL THAT IS UNFORTUNATE TO BE IN HIS LINE OF SITE.

This nigga wins the deadbeat dad of the year award by a LANDSLIDE. How are every single one of your creations just depressed and have some kind of PTSD??? And the way everyone’s somewhat happier after he died 😭. All the people asked of you is to do your mf job as the literal embodiment of light. DO YOUR FUCKING JOB???

4. Shephamalum- Heaven’s Secret Universe

Ou…

The concept of ANYONE conceiving the god of darkness’s children 💀

He gon’ beat my children up the way he did Malbonte and Audrey. My pussy lips are clenching just thinking about it 😭

5. Boris Romanov- Heaven’s Secret Universe

Could you imagine?

This man knocked you tf up and then just dies and becomes a phantom daddy 💀💔. Not only that, you’re the only one who can kind of see him(and can somehow fuck him still???) and you have to convince your kids that he’s more than just a memory. That psych ward is calling your name, henniiiii

I don’t know how Boris romancers do it. Honestly, respect to y'all 🫡🫡🫡🫡. Loving is letting tf go and bro’s BEEN gone. That man can’t parent from hell, now can he?

Man said: 🫥✌️🏻

6. Threxio- Soulless

(Picture quality of an 8-bit indie horror game. I’m so sorry y'all 💀🙏🏾)

He’s the type of nigga that’ll say “Imma get you pregnant” and think that coochie is DRIPPING. Does he know? 💀

And I'm CERTAIN that the concept of contraception is foreign to him. Baby, you’ll be having one kid a year until you reach menopause. Do you REALLY think I’d want more of his DNA around me? SAFE GUARD YOUR WOMB FROM THIS MAN

I just KNOW he has multiple baby mamas too. There’s NO advantage to being with this man. Just salt, vinegar and everything sinister with him 💀

I fear even him looking at me for too long will get my ass pregnant. This man just wants to fuck SOMETHING. I’m scared 😭😭😭

If you’re a Threxio romancer, you better have your house near a clinic. You’re going to be a regular customer 💀

7. Astaroth- Heaven’s Secret Universe

You couldn't PAY me to make the conscious decision of fucking this man and giving birth to his child despite the possibility that the baby will look just like him and that child will be the string that keeps me bound to this man for the rest of my life while he has a fine ass twin brother that I’d push out a basketball team for with no question even if my reward after was a dirty ass Krabby Patty with mystery meat in it that was used to clean the barnacles off of Mr Krabs’ asshole 💀

Don’t play.

8. Abraham- Shakespeare’s Code

Baby, he has a whip…

And he’s a witch hunter.

And I’m black.

And that means our children will be half-black

AND we’re in the SHAKESPEAREAN ERA????

…

Yeah, ‘nuff said 💀

9. Odin- The Missing

HELL NAH

This man is SCARY. I haven’t played his romance path and I don't plan to. Ever.

This man is the literal embodiment of the word sinister. And in every picture I've seen of him he’s doing some crazy shit or is holding a knife. Will I be safe with him as my baby daddy???? 😭

He look like he’ll gut me in the throat if I ask him to change the baby’s diaper in the softest tone possible. I’ve watched TOO many Tyler Perry films(especially the Madea franchise. Stereotypical but hood classics nonetheless🤞🏾) and he’s literally how Perry depicts the abusers in his storylines oml 🫩💔. I will NOT be another statistic. Thank you and good fucking night.

10. Set- Song of The Crimson Nile

So my kids can inherit that strong ass chin and jaw of his? You must have lost your damn mind. His face is LITERALLY shaped like an inverted triangle 💀

Anubis is his literal nephew and look how he treats bro. Do NOT give this man the privilege of a child calling him “dada” PLEASE.

You looked at this man choke out Eva just because he thought in his head that he would defy her and you think to yourself “Oh yeah, my eggs want to be fertilised 😩”???

…😨

Is there a particular AO3 tag you fancy? I won’t judge. I swear on YOUR life.

11. Malek- Heaven’s Secret Universe

“He’s one of the weird grown-ups”- Klee about Diluc, Genshin Impact

(He looks so fugly in this screenshot I took of him while playing the HS3 update. I burst out laughing 😭. I’m even laughing as I type this 😭. This update was pure GOLD for my immature ahh 💀)

The immortal children of Somnus Island are canonically SCARED of this man. His aura is MALEVOLENT. Imagine having to explain the Abaddon shadow that looms over Malek to your 3-year-old in a way that won’t make their heart stop. Even looking at his ugly ass face makes me want to kill myself.

Not only that, this man’s daddy is Baal. That makes him my FATHER-IN-LAW. Literally death or ultra death 💀. I’m fried no matter what. It really be the dad’s side of the family 💀

12. Ashriel- Averris: The Riftborn

This man is psychologically FUCKED and I’m really really keen on breaking generational curses/traumas. It ends with ME ✊🏾. Can I get an amen, people? 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

And this man has a big issue with people having autonomy. Best believe you’re not going to put my child in a cage just because they threw a lil’ tantrum. You have me UTTERLY fucked up, white man.

Yeah, Alexa, go ahead and play Plan B by Megan Thee Stallion. STAT

13. Xander- Advent No 3

I’d sooner have a Titan squish me like a bug than give this man any impression that I’d EVER let that teeny weeny crispy shrimp tempura of his inside my divine feminine parts.

Fuck them kids and FUCK you too. Especially.

14. Literally anyone that has Doobay/Basu as their last name- Kali Series

Now I don’t play the Kali books, but I've heard horror stories about these two families from both those that read it and the romancers THEMSELVES.

The Terrible Trio 💀

Especially about Amrit and Doran.

See, I’m safe anyway because if I read the Kali books, my love interests will be Ratan and Ram(I HOPE. I haven't heard anything about him. Is he good the exception? 👀). Those two can have my babies ANY day 🫦

——————————————————————————

Aaaaand that’s the list! Give your thumb a cute lil peck because it's the reason you made it to the end. Do it now 🤬🤬🤬

As always, feel free to add or take from this list and agree or disagree with me. We can even agree to disagree 🤷🏾‍♀️. And again, BIRTH BABIES FOR WHO YOU WANNA!!! THE ONLY PERSON IN CONTROL OF YOUR WOMB IS YOU AND YOU ALONE 🫵🏾

Toodles!

[1f3inity]

Not they gave us the option to choose Dex’s appearance in Shadows of Saintfour 2 and both still being ugly asf I’m WEAK 😭😭😭

I said before and befive 💀🙏🏾

[1f3inity]

I really love when black people let their presence be known in any and all fandoms they’re in

Because why did I just see a TikTok skit of the LADS boys at a fucking cookout or all those fuckass videos of anime characters in traditional Nigerian attire 💀??

I genuinely love us bro 😭❤️

[laurathecunt]

promoting the unofficial rc awards

the romance club awards nominee form

to celebrate the moments that make rc rc this

This is form number 1

Romance club nominations form 2

the second form for the rc awards[PLEASE be specific on which book you are reffering to]

this is form number 2[cause i missed some nominations]

The forms will be up until the 30th of September

[1f3inity]

Fill the form GUYS!

[1f3inity]

Do we have a problem, Malek????

You have me utterly fucked up.

WHY was it necessary for you to inform them of the state of Raph’s visual wellness??? He said, VER-BA-TIM, “Even Shepha’s visually disabled angel slave/son supports this fucked up plan to have you join the darkness!” Is he intact upstairs 💀???

When I read it, I had to pause and think “Is this Raphael shade????” It in fact is.

And I just know he put so much emphasis on “blind”, as if the incubi/succubi can’t already SEE that for themselves. It doesn't even have ANYTHING to do with the situation 💀. He just wants to be messy for NO REASON. I’ll beat that smirk off your face. TRY ME 👊🏾💥

Eyebrows looking shaggy asf. My nigga, you need to TRIM YO SHIT. Raph isn't going to be the only one who can’t see if you don’t stop cosplaying Bigfoot’s cousin that wanted plastic surgery to look like Clavicular but they fucked up and made him look like Oli London. Do NOT speak on my man again.

Raphael better than me, because if I were him, the fact I can't see you doesn't exempt me from being able to have you catch these hands. I’m talking using the damned powers Shepha gave him to rain down holy ghost fire on him. Hallelujah. Malek, I don’t already fuck with you but singling out my man like that??? Oh, you NEED that.

If you’re gonna use Raphael to spread Shephamalum propaganda, be CORDIAL at least. You are NOT bigger than the program

[1f3inity]

Sometimes, I be wanting to send a confession to the RC confession page then I remember how fast ‘nigga’ slips out of my mouth and how poetic I get when cussing the characters 💀.

Only thing I can do is spectate and leave a comment 😭

[1f3inity]

Do y'all think immortals get horny when you stroke their wings?

[1f3inity]

I’d sooner have a nigga fuck me in my butt raw and dry with no lube or moisture than have my friend fuck her husband in my bed while i’m being held captive somewhere because I wanted to do a lil rendezvous to find my sister on a mission💀

Vicky might be the freakiest MC among her, Lane and Audrey because WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??? And she’s asking him after if it’s possible for him to impregnate her???? She wants to be BRED. Have that Plan B on HAND, my sister 💀

And mind you, Eragon was giving her shit moments prior, she came in with a mission and is leaving walking side to side. I’m weak as hell. YOUR OTHER FRIEND IS ACTIVELY DYING 😭🙏🏾

And they’re not even going to wash the SHEETS when they’re done??? The whole room now smells like fresh masturbation, pussy and sweat. Worse, they lying down in their own juices. PLEASE, y'all stink.

Imagine you’re Donnie and you manage to escape and the first thing you want to do is sleep. You fall into your bed, you turn over and you find out you narrowly missed landing on someone’s dried load. I’d be SICK. I’d have to burn my room with holy water 💀

I couldn't even stroke my shit to the intimate scene because I couldn't stop laughing at the setting 💀. I’m so fucking immature. This is genuinely the funniest thing to ever happen in HS3 😭

[1f3inity]

The way the first paragraph gagged a lot of y'all has me CRYING 😭😭😭. I didn't even think much of it as I was typing it out because this is literally how I talk irl and I was half-asleep while making the post 💀.

To all my innocent followers or the unfortunate fellows that stumbled upon this post on their feed expecting cutesy Romance Club content, I apologise 💀🙏🏾

[1f3inity]

And Hendriks, I'm still not going to fuck you.

Why are you jealous I kissed my cute intern Esteban when I've NEVER given you the impression in-game that I want you?? Quickly, because I'm irritated and the new facial expression that I unlocked witnessing firsthand his audacity made the black crack off my skin.

Since we're pulling feelings out of our ass, I'll bring up how constipated I got trying to push tf down how much I hated your ass since you vetoed Jules's residency application at Seacrest because you thought they wouldn't be able to 'handle it', put them on leave because they showed up to work 30 minutes late and then you further admonished them because their phone died on the way, and you keep meddling in their mental/emotional sanctity like a helicopter parent because it just so happened that their mom got admitted to your hospital and you contributed to her recovery. They're a GROWN ASS ADULT?????

I genuinely got so mad I had to stop playing the book for a couple of hours to calm myself and touch grass. You're not about to piss me off on my cellular device. Love Island does a lot of that already rn(Sincere, KC and Zach will feel it. These men are the hell welcome commitee 💀). Don't push it

Thank god Yim revealed it as a sort of bug, because I genuinely loathe this white man's existence. NOT today. Thanks

[1f3inity]

A lot of the fandom doesn't realise that when RC players play the books, subconsciously, the player begins to live vicariously through the MCs. Maybe not entirely because many players may see the MCs as their own people, but at times

Obviously, this isn't a problem, but I’ve seen a lot of players criticise others for not choosing red flag LIs or not engaging in morally wrong tropes with LIs and vise versa. The game’s system is set up to provide you with NUMEROUS ways for you to play it. And some of those ways may constitute dynamics/personality paths you wouldn't adopt in a real scenario or in real life. How the player does with these options provided is based on their own personal preference. And each one is VALID.

However, when admonishing players that play it safe (e.g romancing green flag LIs, taking morally “good” paths) you have to remember two things can be true at once. A person can live vicariously though their MCs BUT that doesn't also make them to obligated to completely abandon their moral compass just because the option for that is available in-game. The reason they may feel uncomfortable exploring controversial dynamics is because the brain innately treats it as something happening in reality. That is a feeling not everyone can control.

For example, when I played Heaven’s Secret: Requiem for the first time, I didn't like the idea of Lane abandoning her humanity or her emotions despite all the hardships she faced in her life, so I picked choices that gave me the Light Messiah pathway. Additionally, the apathy and cruelty with which Lane presented in the Devil’s Whisper path made me uncomfortable, so I chose the God’s Voice path. That’s how I chose to play my game. Someone could choose otherwise. MANY have chosen otherwise. And how they play the game doesn't affect me in any way, shape or form.

In terms of others admonishing players that choose to explore these controversial dynamics(e.g red flag LIs, morally grey MCs), again, players live vicariously through the MC and the options provided by the game gives them free reign to be bad to the motherfucking bone. They may not necessarily support what they are reading but they can still consume it regardless and form curiosities about it even as they are certain they’d never engage in real life. Just as long as it does not begin to affect their reality. All my love interest are green(ish)flags(Except Malbonte in Heaven’s Secret) and I have no desire to explore these controversial dynamics. That doesn't make me any better than other players that do.

And don't get it twisted. When I mean controversial dynamics, I mean cheating, lying, toxicity, etc. Not whatever the fuck is in Colleen Hoover’s books or allat dark romance shit or that Daddy’s Little Toy pedophilia book 💀. NONE of that. Do NOT misunderstand me on purpose.

The bottom line is, STOP PROJECTING YOUR IN-GAME EXPERIENCES AND PREFERENCES ONTO OTHER PLAYERS whether you play it safe or you don’t. All your game experiences/preferences are valid. I’m tired of this mf debate. Let me just play my game and stroke my shit to my Love Interests 🫩

Thank you and goodnight.

Toodles!

[1f3inity]

I’d sooner have a nigga fuck me in my butt raw and dry with no lube or moisture than have my friend fuck her husband in my bed while i’m being held captive somewhere because I wanted to do a lil rendezvous to find my sister on a mission💀

Vicky might be the freakiest MC among her, Lane and Audrey because WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??? And she’s asking him after if it’s possible for him to impregnate her???? She wants to be BRED. Have that Plan B on HAND, my sister 💀

And mind you, Eragon was giving her shit moments prior, she came in with a mission and is leaving walking side to side. I’m weak as hell. YOUR OTHER FRIEND IS ACTIVELY DYING 😭🙏🏾

And they’re not even going to wash the SHEETS when they’re done??? The whole room now smells like fresh masturbation, pussy and sweat. Worse, they lying down in their own juices. PLEASE, y'all stink.

Imagine you’re Donnie and you manage to escape and the first thing you want to do is sleep. You fall into your bed, you turn over and you find out you narrowly missed landing on someone’s dried load. I’d be SICK. I’d have to burn my room with holy water 💀

I couldn't even stroke my shit to the intimate scene because I couldn't stop laughing at the setting 💀. I’m so fucking immature. This is genuinely the funniest thing to ever happen in HS3 😭

[1f3inity]

Eragon’s Order = Trump’s America

I will not be elaborating further.