Sad Hours
Sometimes I feel alone. The type of alone that you feel when your around a bunch of people. The type of alone that makes you want to disappear… forever. Sometimes I just wished my mother had me. And more-so because she even said that if she had the choice to not have me, she wouldn’t. Sometimes I self harm as a way of coping. I’ve been doing it more lately and it’s probably my second day straight not doing it so I hope that counts for something. I really hate how selfish our world can be. And the people. I also hate how people make me feel selfish when I distance myself. Especially because I’m so caring all the time. Literally a phone call or text away. At any time. And little do they know that when I disappear it’s because I am thinking about disappearing forever. I just feel like I don’t belong. Like I’m not loved. I never knew real love. Only toxic love. From parents, to relationships to friends. I’ve never had positive love for a consistent amount of time. If I did, the died already. So I guess I’m just a mess and I just don’t know…