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@1youarenotalone1
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eating disorders need to be handled differently. Im going off, sorry in advance.
In high school, i was sat down with the rest of my health class, instructed by our gym teacher. This is where i had my “education” about eating disorders, though i was dealing with one secretly.
He talked about them as if they were a crime. He told us how to know if someone has an ed (they’ll wear baggy dark clothing, they’ll avoid food), and to tell on them. He told us it’s for women only. We made jokes about it. We had to watch a movie where a girl dies while having an ed and her best friend lives on feeling horrible about being her ed buddy while she was alive.
This movie was full of tips on how to hide an ed that i remember 7 years later. He must not have interpreted it that way.
I learned to be a better liar and i learned that people will hate me and pity me and find me revolting and call me ignorant and force feed me with a tube in a hospital if they ever found out.
So i kept quiet.
When i was 16 and my family found out i was purging, they sat me down intervention style and SCREAMED at me. My uncle, my aunt, and my grandmother all sat at a table and yelled at me about my biggest secret. They called me gross, immature, and compared me to my birth mother who struggled with the same thing.
They made me feel some of the most intense shame i’d ever felt. I felt stripped naked.
They took away my coping mechanisms (internet, tumblr account, certain TV shows, scale). They didn’t allow me to heal by choice or leave my coping mechanisms behind on my own because they thought my ed was a silly girl thing that I could quit whenever. But it wasn’t ever that simple.
Without my coping mechanisms, I turned to self harming.
To this day, the memory makes me shudder and reminds me to distrust them. They handled it horribly.
PEOPLE NEED TO STOP HANDLING THIS HORRIBLY. NOW.
The only thing that ended up helping was when i was forced to go to therapy. I was resistant at first. But my therapist was educated on the topic, took me seriously, and helped me handle my ed safely to slowly and comfortably to recover rather than shame me to shreds so i could stop being a nuisance.
Recovering took YEARS. It was not a simple decision like everyone told me it should be. But even with my current relapse, I know how to be safe about this and how to avoid hurting myself.
Here’s what i wished they told me in high school.
Eating disorders are treatable. You are not too far gone to try to get better.
Someones weight is not an indicator of whether or not they have an eating disorder. Anyone, regardless of size or shape or weight, can be dealing with an ed.
NEVER lower your goal weight.
Eating disorders will manipulate you. They are not funny, they are not cute, they are not just for girls: they can affect anyone and they want to hurt you. Eating disorders are not your friend, even though it will sometimes feel like it.
Bottom line: at the end of the day, there aren’t many endings to this aside from recovery or death.
Eating disorders can stem from other problems in a person’s life possibly regarding a lack of control, mental health issues, or other personal struggles that aren’t really centered around the way one looks. It is putting one “controllable” thing (your body) into your own hands and making it the center of your life so that the other uncontrollable problems don’t take up as much space in your head.
In other words, an eating disorder is typically a SYMPTOM of something else. Trying to “fix” someone by focusing on the eating disorder alone can just make the person turn to something else to cope (alcohol, drugs, impulsive buying, sex, anything addictive.) I turned to self harming.
Focusing on the ED alone is the equivalent of pulling weeds out, but leaving the roots.
You don’t have to drop your ED all at once! It can be slow. You may have relapses. But you can do it at a comfortable pace. As long as you recognize that you have to try eventually.
Having an eating disorder shouldn’t be such a shameful thing. No wonder people rarely try to get help on their own when it’s framed as a joke or when people can handle it so horribly.
It needs to stop.
We need knowledgeable people in schools teaching students these things so we can create more understanding eventual adults and overall, a less stigmatized culture.
UPDATE: i am not pro ana, so:
please stop asking me in the comments what the name of the movie was. I am just going to delete the comments asking and delete comments that mention the name of the movie. I don’t mean to be rude and i hope it doesn’t come off that way, I’m just doing the same thing i’d do if someone came into my inbox asking for ana tips. Even if that wasn’t the intention of the people who asked, i could see someone using the movie in that way and I’d hate to have enabled that.
Thanks.
✨recover please..✨
TW: The day I destroyed myself
I wanted to try something new today.
Can I go a day without eating?
Calories and fat, all that matters.
How come that thing I used to love,
Is now the thing I hate the most.
I don‘t really hate it do I?
Fat and calories is the only thing that matters.
Ana is the center of my life.
Ana is my friend, she helps me to control my life.
My mom is crying, my sister is scared, my brothers don‘t understand,
And my dad doesn‘t care.
But I am in control,
Ana may not be my friend anymore.
Ana is jealous and won’t let me go out anymore.
I can’t think, I can’t stand.
I can’t live like this anymore.
I fell to my knees, and now I don‘t remember a thing.
I am hurting my family, but I will not to stop.
I went to the hospital, the doctor told me I could die.
But at least I would die skinny.
I knew that, but Ana is more important to me.
Little girl, you‘re eating too much,
Make yourself sick,
Lose all that weight.
Fingers in your throat, the food will disappear.
Blood in my mouth and pale skin on my bones.
My body is starting to shut down.
Fainting and collapsing,
Making myself sick.
How messed up am I to let Ana ruin my life.
Day after day, the sicker I get.
This slow form of suicide,
Can it just be over already.
Ana is not a girl, Ana is a demon.
Ana is crazy, she is not my friend.
I was never in control was I?
Before I knew, I am in the hospital again.
TW: Daddy why?
Dear daddy, I am happy.
But daddy, you made me sick.
Daddy I blame you but it’s not your fault.
Why did an eight year old girl worry about not being good enough?
Because I wasn’t good enough.
Never good enough for you.
I starved myself.
I cut myself.
I hated myself for years, I was hurt all my childhood.
Daddy, I miss you.
Daddy, I wish I could love you.
Daddy why did you bring me into this world if you didn’t plan to be in it?
Day after day I feel happy,
But one day I feel hatred.
Skipping meals and skipping school,
Mom and my friends see what I am doing.
Dear family, I never mean to hurt you,
But somehow, some day I always do.
Daddy do you know I am starving myself?
Your sister did it too, she is an inspiration.
Daddy do you even care?
My friend Ana comes and visits from time to time,
Some days I can’t argue with her,
I let her take over, but I am in control.
Maybe I make myself sick from time to time,
But not many times a day like before.
I like the feeling of the control I get from it.
Daddy, I don’t miss you anymore,
I don’t need you.
Dear daddy, I can’t love you,
You don’t love me back.
I am stronger without you,
You are weaker without me.
Daddy, I tried to be the perfect little girl,
It wasn’t enough, because I wasn’t.
Daddy do you miss me?
I want to be perfect, I want to be loved,
Everyone wants to be loved,
Why should I be different?
I can’t trust people anymore,
I am scared that they will leave.
Isn’t that sad daddy?
Why did you do that to me?
Mommy, so strong she is.
Wish I could take away the pain,
That she has to bear.
Mommy I love you, mommy
I couldn’t do this without you
Daddy, why do I not deserve your love?
There is always a good side of the story. It just takes time to find it.
Im still struggling…
This goes for everything... Recovery, getting help etc. It’s never too late nor early.
Happy easter everyone❤️
If your country is anything like mine, you have lots of food. I didn’t count yesterday. For the first time in 4 years. I felt guilty yesterday and felt out of control. After I finished the last bite I remember thinking “I want to die”. Today I am happy, I did it. I ate on easter day. I’m not perfect, you are not perfect, nobody is perfect. We are all human. We don’t have to feel guilty for enjoying ourselves.
There are days when I miss my eating disorder, and that is okay. Totally okay. But it is also important to remember that it is hell. That dizziness, the lying, the destroying yourself, everything is hell.. but it is like a drug. At least for me. I was addicted to being dizzy, lying to my loved ones. Like drugs, this destroy’s you.
No matter what people tell you, It is okay to feel down. To feel sad, to miss your eating disorder. And maybe it isn’t even right to say miss because it is always there, but you can rise above it. You are stronger than your disorder, and you are still strong if you have setbacks or relapses.
Eating disorders aren’t beautiful. No disorder is. No disorder is a trend or glamorous.
It’s okay. You will be okay. You can do it.
You are strong. You can let go.
Try to enjoy yourselves. Talk to someone. 💗
What people think anorexia is:
○ Eating nothing
○ Getting skinny in a matter of weeks if even that
○ Shyly drinking green tea
○ Glowing skin and looking gorgeous
○ Going on jogs and looking great as you do
○ Explaining that you don’t eat and people respecting it
○ Getting skinny fast and eating normally after that
○ Fasting all the time
○ Healthy sleep schedule
○ Cheat day is totally fine
○ Calrorie limit is about 1,500
○ Unaware of the consequences
○ Body positivity
○ Doing amazing academically
○ Having tons of friends who motivate you
○ Casually purging after a meal
○ Coming clean if caught
What it really is:
○ Eating nothing and then eating everything at 2 am
○ Getting skinnier in a matter of months
○ Only green tea, diet coke, and water
○ Tired eyes, unhealthy hair, and sometimes puffy cheeks from purging
○ Being too tired from lack of nourishment to exercise and being too self conscious to exercise in front of people
○ Keeping it a secret so no one tries to stop you
○ Reaching a goal weight and then gaining it all back again immediately
○ Saying you’ll fast and then never do
○ Spending hours looking at thinspo at night
○ Hating yourself for even looking at a muffin
○ Calorie limit is 200-600
○ Fully knowing the consequences of this and not caring if it’ll get you thin
○ Believing you will only be loved if you’re thin
○ Unable to think straight due to lack of everything and usually grades drop
○ Feels forced to isolate self from loved ones
○ Purging at night or when home alone (People hearing a cough from the bathroom and asking if you were throwing up)
○ Making excuses for everything (i.e., fainting, why you’re skipping a meal, why you were throwing up, how you’re loosing so much weight)
!
Be good to others!
Hi, I am doing a project in english about mental disorders. I would love to involve videos of people who have recovered, learned how to handle it better and/or gotten better. It can be mood disorders, psychosis, anxiety disorder, eating disorders and just any mental disorder. It can also be about surviving suicide attempt know someone who has and how it affects you, about your experience of self harm, if you have had alcohol and/or drug problems.
Please message me if you would like to send me a video. I want to break the stigma about mental disorders.
It would be well appreciated, and remember, you could be helping a person suffering.
I really like this ^
Recently I got to thinking. I almost ended up in a coma 4kg away from my goal weight, I used to be so mad! So little left! Wrong!
sadly nothing will ever be enough. My aunt has anorexia, she has been left untreated and has struggled with it for 18 years… It’s okay to get help. My aunt doesn’t have a great life, in fact she has a bad time, her nerves are wrecked and her teeth are rotten!
You may think this is something you control, I used to think that too! I didn’t listen to my doctors, I needed to get skinny! I couldn’t stop! I had to feed my addiction, till it almost killed me.
Every illness is valid enough to get help! Even though it is little at the moment, it will turn into something big! There is no sick enough, the sooner you get help, the better.
I know, some of you aren’t reading. But those who are, who are struggling with an eating disorder (or any kind of mental disorder) please, please try to get help. It may not seem worth it now, but it will. I found out my little nephew and nieces look up to me, my family cares, I am worth it, you are worth it. Everyone deserves love and happiness.
Please get help, even though it is just a hotline, hotline has saved me so many times. Hotlines often have chats on the internet which I found much better but everyone has their own opinions.
NEDA - National Eating Disorder Association
I recommend looking at their website, it helped me a lot!
If you have any questions or just want to talk about anything, please, feel free to message me!
And now, repeat after me: I am worth it, recovery is worth it! I deserve happiness not this hell, I can do this! I am strong and I will not let my mind destroy my body.
I love you guys, please be safe and I hope this post reached out to someone.💕