Hi! I want to fully commit to using diapers and living as someone who is incontinent. What advice do you have for managing the emotional and psychological adjustment? How can I build routines that help me feel secure and confident in this lifestyle? Also do you have a rough idea of how long it takes to get used or not notice as much the feeling of wetting?
These are some recurring important tips from untrainers and my own experience that have helped me tremendously:
1. Training for both bowel and bladder is ideal but not required, as you are able to practice being relaxed at all waking moments.
2. Never holding back: this doubly applies to times in between changes, when you’re airing out, or if you’re not feeling motivated. Whether you only have clothes on, naked, with friends, in class, or at work, about to leak, you have to relax and let go no matter what. The hardest moments of not holding back for me were either in social situations or during times of massive inconvenience, tiredness, and disinterest. It is precisely in those moments that remembering that you’re incontinent and focusing on the present and letting go, no matter when, where, with who, or what you’re feeling, is crucial to your mental and emotional progress. I think that in order to not enter the territory of being exhibitionist, you are ethically obligated to never hold it in as being truly incontinent means you don’t have any say of when you pee or poop. If you are still holding it in sometimes when it’s convenient for you in the moment, it means you are still primarily acting on a paraphilic fantasy as opposed to progressing toward your authentic self, which can lead to feelings of guilt and dysphoria(at least for me). I can’t overstate this enough. It will be embarrassing and painful if and when it happens, but you should reward yourself for getting through it. I promise it will get noticeably easier each time and won’t be as bad as you fear it will be.
3. Tell as many people as necessary: my college, family and work knows and I am expected to wear all the time. It would be concerning if I didn’t. If you notice a knee jerk aversive reaction to that prospect, quetion this aversion, it is that part of you that still thinks it’s continent. Remember, you’re not in control anymore, this is what you wanted, and everything will be okay. Write a default prompt explaining your incontinence that you can send if something happens such as if you’re out or are at work and you have an accident and have to excuse yourself unexpectedly. This happened to me at work and I just copy pasted the text and sent it as I had to leave really quickly and was emotionally overwhelmed. i don’t think anyone saw the stain going down my pants as I by then was already turning away, but before it happened it took a quick, conscious decision to set aside my continent mindset and desire to hold it in. I felt myself leaking, and I immediately excused myself and went home because i stupidly forgot a change of clothes and I was dripping pee down my leg and shoes. The important part is that I didn’t hold back, even though I wanted to in the moment. I was depressed for a day, but I turned out okay and I was glad I committed and it was a learning experience. I feel more careful now and it reinforced my need to be well protected and prepared.
This and #2 has been biggest thing for me, and it will help tremendously in being confident and getting use to always being relaxed and internalizing the belief and eventual fact that you are incontinent. As I stated it gets easier with each time, and it also helped me in overcoming the urge to “take breaks” due to laziness, unmotivation, when I’m not “feeling like it” or during inconvenient times. I always wear at least a pull up even at home when airing out.
- If you live with roommates, this commitment and principle will apply even more.
4. As @kalikalahansa advises, practice using your diapers outside(especially for messing), in regular clothes, in public, as well as protecting your home furniture to make life easier. Take initiative by protecting your seats, mattress, and carpet to make clean up easier. This will help with anxiety and ease your mind, and helps for when you may find yourself slipping or re entering the “purge” cycle in which you won’t want to or forget to wear, It is precisely in these moments that you will have the opportunity to grow, experience, and affirm your identity of being incontinent.
Some more practical tips:
- for bowel incontinence training, use vynl gloves for changing and consider taking flatulence medication, it can be rude and embarrassing to be farting frequently and unexpectedly in public.
- wear pull ups for when you’re airing out.
-have extra blankets, towels, and pillows next to your bed. If you leak in the middle of the night or if you aren’t wearing and have the urge to pee, just let go. Then use the extra blanket and towel to go back to sleep. Clean up in the morning.
-internal deodorant: get a 30 day pill separator and make taking chlorophyll and psyllium husk powder pills everyday easier and routine.
- throw away all underwear
- have a month worth of diapers at minimum
- have all necessary supplies: onesie, plastic pants, proper skin care easily accessible and organized as a part of your daily wardrobe, along with a ready to go diaper bag and changing kit.
- every night, lay out your diapers clothes, onesie, plastic pants, diaper bag ready for the next day.
- vacuum pack diapers for compactness, I got the idea form @ind247
- shave a little everyday, wax or laser if you can afford it. I get waxed every so often.
- get a scrubber
- hydrate, as a coffee drinker I’m peeing a lot throughout the day, and it helps as the frequency of urges is increased.
- accountability buddy: reach out as you have been doing, connect with munches in your local area, it’s easier to have support. Dm me if you need someone, I am based in the eastern USA (New York)
- for working out, either use pull ups or training pants and dark clothes. Never hold back.
- keep a journal: celebrate small wins, update others and the internet on your progress, and help others reach their goals. If you can document your journey and it helps others on their untraining you are providing value and meaning to the world.
- imagine your life when you’ve reached it.
- Most importantly, never give up. Some of us are able to commit and untrain without the binge purge cycle, and others take longer to commit and that’s okay as long as you keep trying and do better than the last attempt. It doesn’t matter how many times you fall off the wagon, just get back on as soon as you remember. If it’s worth doing it’s worth doing badly. That means letting go of your need to hold your bladder or bowel at any time even if it means peeing yourself on the way home after a month of swearing off diapers and consequently being wet for an hour, theres no excuse. The journey is not linear, and the time between milestones can be wildly different. Identify these milestones and keep track of it in your journal.
Milestone examples:
Feeling diapers are normal for you and anxious when not wearing
Not having to think about wetting
Instinctually letting go with or without a diaper on.
Not being bothered/getting used to messy changes.
100 day streak of not using the toilet for any reason.
Not noticing leaks
Bed wetting for x number of days
Not feeling stressed out about wearing to work or school
After a few years of true untraining, test yourself.
Perseverance and consistency is key as it is for most things in life. Believe in yourself, be kind to yourself. It is commendable that you reached out. I hope this helped, and I believe in you. Good luck!
