[virginiaisforhaters]

he really did just call him up and say she’s gonna fuck the fishman didnt he 

[wildbayou]

[pandioncristatus]

FOR LARRY WALTERS, WHO DREAMED SINCE HE WAS A CHILD OF USING BALLOONS TO FLY; WHO IN 1982 SPEND FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS OF HIS TRUCK-DRIVING DELIVERYMAN SALARY TO BUY SUPPLIES, INCLUDING ONE LAWN CHAIR, FORTY-TWO BALLOONS, AND A HELIUM TANK, WHICH HE USED TO INFLATE THE BALLOONS, ARRANGING THEM IN A RING AROUND THE LAWN CHAIR, A STURDY ALUMINUM TYPE FROM SEARS, IN WHICH HE LAUNCHED HIMSELF ALONG WITH HIS PELLET GUN AND WATER JUGS A THOUSAND FEET A MINUTE INTO THE CALIFORNIA SKY, WITH THE GOAL OF CLEARING THE SAN GABRIEL MOUNTAINS TO REACH THE MOJAVE; WHO AGAINST ALL ODDS FLEW, FROM A BACKYARD IN SAN PEDRO TO LONG BEACH, AN IMPERFECT MAN ON AN IMPERFECT FLIGHT PATH, WHO BROUGHT HIS CAMERA BUT DIDN’T USE IT; WHO, UPON HIS ARREST BY THE LONG BEACH POLICE, WAS QUOTED AS SAYING A MAN CAN’T JUST SIT AROUND…..

FUCK YES LARRY YOU DID IT BABY

Amelia Gray - FOR LARRY

[duskianfae-deactivated20210319]

I just saw these news that this brazilian 15 years old boy made a fake profile pretending to be a 14 years old girl

And with this profile, he baited a creepy old dude

And so they agree to meet at a nearby park during the night.

And the old dude goes there, expecting to find some naive girl to be preyed upon

only to find the 15 years old boy

dressed as SPIDER-MAN

AND DRESSED AS SPIDER-MAN

THE BOY KICKED THE DUDE’S ASS. LIKE. LEGIT KICK HIS ASS

HE HAD BRASS KNUCKLES

Of course, the creep wasn’t happy with it, and called the police on the spiderman kid. And when the police found the kid, you know what he did?

He said “that guys a pedo lol” and gave them a drive with all the evidence he collected thru the profile

Thank you, Spider-man. Thank you for your service.

[summery-captain]

YOU GO FELLOW BRAZILIAN SPIDERMAN

“Teenager dressed as spiderman beats up a suspect of pedophilia in Joaçaba”

“With great powers come great responsibilities”

[thicctails]

Im pretty sure this is the legit Spiderman of our dimension

[hajsndskskmsnxndn-deactivated20]

me and all my gay friends trying to sit together

[officialrung-deactivated2020010]

you should never date someone for the sake of dating someone. you should be good friends, if not best friends with your partner. if you cant go to your partner for personal advice, if youre afraid to call your partner out on something, if you cant laugh and have fun with your partner, or if your conversations are only ever performative affection, you don’t have a good relationship

[27323]

“this time i’ll fuck ya and i’ll keep on fuckin ya” are not the words that i thought would make me all tingly inside but sometimes you just gotta settle for a man who can make ya laugh and make ya cum in trying times like these

[havingcompassion-deactivated202]

Once you stop trying to entertain this imaginary audience and start living for yourself things should get a bit better

[orange-plum]

I was at the store today looking at lemonade and this old guy comes up to me, and initially I was expecting him to be a creep, but then he was like

“You look like someone who would appreciate this. Why do cows have hooves and not feet?” and I didn’t know, so he said “Because they lack toes (lactose)”

And I couldn’t help but laugh, and so he’s like “Hey if I can make someone laugh it’s worth it. What do you call a bear with no teeth?” and I slapped his arm and was like “A gummy bear!”

Then he asked “Why did the cowboy go to the petstore to buy a doxon terrier?” so I said I didn’t know and he was like “He wanted to get a long lil doggie.”

I told him I was gonna go home and tell my dad these jokes cuz he likes this kinda stuff, so before he left he started pulling out his wallet and was like “Hold on, I’m going to show you my pride and joy. I never get to and I show it off every chance I get.”

I assumed it was going to be his grandkids or something, but then he hands me this piece of paper that was cut out of an add for some kind of soda and it just says “Pride and Joy” on it.

The dude was super funny, so that was a good high light of my day. When we said goodbye I glanced down and saw he was holding a bottle of straight vodka. 

I think I just met Grunkle Stan.

[imtotallystoked]

Hey we don’t live anywhere near each other but a few weeks ago I had a VERY similar experience??? An old guy came into my work place, thought he was gonna be a creep, but he just started telling me jokes (different ones than yours, but I can’t remember them) and then SHOWED ME HIS PRIDE AND JOY. I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE A DOG (work at a pet store). Like is there just some national old man club where they make plans to go brighten people’s days???

[orange-plum]

#maybe it’s a cryptid#drawn to you when you’re down?#idk man

N a t i o n a l O l d M a n C l u b. Wow. Maybe you’re on to something

[nock-nock-nock]

Tom Kondrat

“iceland <5.5h”

[nerdsigh-deactivated20190414]

so is anyone secretly in love with me yet

[pemberlaey]

sir that’s my emotional support unmarried gentleman with 10,000 a year

[triassictriserratops]

Bingley whenever he brings Darcy to a party.

[almadeazucar-deactivated2019031]

“you have nice hands” means finger me like that’s it

[wordsthat-speak]

“She said, ‘I’m so afraid.’ And I said, ‘why?,’ and she said, ‘Because I’m so profoundly happy. Happiness like this is frightening.’ I asked her why and she said, ‘They only let you be this happy if they’re preparing to take something from you.”

— The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)

[feministism]

[luxwing]

Beauty and the Beast but they’re lesbians

[luxwing]

And the Beast is still this 8 foot tall hulking monster with horns and massive claws and fangs and when she turns back into human she’s still buff as shit and her girlfriend is small and they open a library together also the candle and the clock are gay

[betterbemeta]

C-3PO makes me laugh because you have to remember he was assembled by a child out of things from a scrap heap. Everything about him makes sense if you bear that in mind. Anakin wanted a droid who could help his mother, but the only AI package he could find was one somebody threw out for being too fussy. The combination of tweaking to give him a worried/caring personality makes him constantly anxious. A protocol droid comes with a fair amount of language packages, but why stop there? Somebody threw out like, three different galactic language dictionaries because they weren’t the recent edition. Just load ‘em all up. all of them, even the packs that contain things like ewok and a thousand variants of different manufacturers’ droid codecs. don’t add half the other requirements most legal protocol droids have included at the factory like emergency wipe protocols or shutdown failsafes, or programmed obsolescence. Build that sucker out of non-commercial materials that are already over a hundred years old and still good, tweak it to withstand tatooine of all places.

so now you have this droid that is over thirty years old and it could never be obsolete because it was never manufactured by anybody but a kid on a sand ball somewhere, it’s never running down because it was built to last on tatooine and there’s nothing programmed in to try and urge you to buy the latest model because there is no latest model. 3P0 is simultaneously totally useless yet hyper functional because he was not made according to any specs except “the best most toughest things possible to help my mom for a long long time on a hot desert planet”

[whoopsrobots]

Invincible multilingual anxiety bot here to wreck your capitalist droid ideals