triserratops

One mother - tavern wench and drunkard. Possible father - thief and desperado. One brother - accountant. 18+ Content I'm in my 30s and tired. If you ruin the vibe, I'll block you.

[willowcrowned]

if you're feeling powerless right now—and god knows I am—here's a reminder you can donate to the National Network of Abortion Funds, the Trans Law Center, Gaza Soup Kitchen, the Palestine Children's Relief Fund, and hundreds of other charities that will work to mitigate the damage that has been and will continue to be inflicted

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[perlukafarinn]

love the open relationship au. i think the sex has got to be a huge part of why Shane stays with jerk boyfriend Brian.

it's not that their sex together is mind-blowing exactly, but it is good and this is his first and only partner and Shane LOVES gay sex, he is so into it, it feels so incredible!! I think he wouldn't consider that he could get that feeling any other way or with anyone else UNTIL Brian pushes an open relationship.

100%

Shane is very set in his thinking (which is something I relate to very much) so if something is working, even if it's not as good as it could be or even good for him at all ("working" is not the same as "healthy"), it's gonna take a lot for him to consider an alternative.

This is what makes it so impossible for Ilya to come between them before Brian makes the open relationship suggestion. As for after.... well, as we've seen in canon, the sex with Ilya is mindblowing.

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[perlukafarinn]

i love that asshole boyfriend is called brian cause i know multiple evil brians so it feels on brand 🫶

i'll be so real, i gave it zero thought. i just started writing with the intention of slapping some placeholder name in there but as soon as i'd written down brian i was like,,, that fits! that is the name of an asshole boyfriend!

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[perlukafarinn]

I’m obsessed with the open relationship au! And I need a full on BREAK DOWN from Shane when it finally hits him that his and Brian’s relationship is not healthy. Like this is his first everything and has been going on for years at this point. There’s going to be so many emotions and it going to hit Shane’s repressed lil ass like a truck. But he gets Ilya cuddles so it’s all worth it

thank youuu 🥰🥰

shane's definitely got some major revelations coming and it's gonna be rough! compartmentalization and denial will only get you so far, king.

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[perlukafarinn]

first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets.

2013

They've been texting.

Not about Hollander's useless boyfriend, which kind of defeats the purpose of why Ilya gave him his number in the first place, but Ilya is in no hurry to remind him of that. He likes what they've got going right now, texting each other inane details about their everyday lives.

It started with Hollander asking about his glute routine, which Ilya took to mean he's been staring at his ass. When he replied to Hollander, saying as much, Hollander sent back an angry emoji and Ilya couldn't hold back a grin, picturing him blushing at his phone.

It gets to a point where they're texting almost daily. It's almost like they're friends, which is what gives Ilya the courage to suggest they hang out after a game again.

Hollander accepts. They play video games and talk shit, and it's fun, even though it's not what Ilya's been chasing Hollander for since they did that CCM commercial. At one point Ilya brings up Hollander's boyfriend, only to get roundly shut down, and well. Message received.

They make arrangements to meet up again after their next game in Boston. Ilya considers cancelling their plans when Sveta texts him, telling him she'll be in town, but he finds he doesn't really want to. So he doesn't.

No need to examine that further.

Sveta still comes to the game and sits in Ilya's seat, looking model gorgeous in his jersey. This is gonna start some rumors, Ilya knows, but he doesn't give a shit. There are worse things to be accused of than dating a beautiful woman.

He reconsiders his stance when Hollander scores and Sveta leaps to her feet cheering. He'd think she was doing it just to annoy him but then, he knows Hollander is her second favorite player. Or her favorite, depending on how recently Ilya pissed her off.

Still, not a great look for Ilya. It banishes any lingering guilt he has for blowing her off, at least.

After the game, he shoots off a quick text to Hollander with his address and be there in 30. He watches in bafflement as the typing dots appear and reappear four times before Hollander replies with a simple thumbs up.

Weird.

That tiny mystery gets solved when Hollander shows up at his place and his first words are, "I thought you'd be hanging out with your girlfriend tonight."

Ilya leans against the door frame, smirking. "You mean Sveta? She's not my girlfriend."

"She was at the game, wearing your jersey" Hollander says. His cheeks have gone faintly pink. He brushes past Ilya, pausing in the entryway to take off his shoes. "I just figured."

"Jealous?"

"Kind of," Hollander says, but before Ilya can feel too satisfied about that, he adds, "I mean, Brian doesn't really like hockey but. It'd be nice to have the option to invite him."

Not even remotely what Ilya meant.

Then Hollander's statement sinks in.

"Doesn't like hockey?" he repeats incredulously. Is the man aware that he's dating Shane Hollander? "What do you even talk about, then?"

"Fuck you, I like things that aren't hockey."

"Name one."

Hollander glares at him. "I'm not entertaining that."

Which gives Ilya an excellent opening to keep poking fun, but he's more interested in another line of query. "What does your boyfriend like, then? Fucking," he waves his hand, "stocks, or whatever?"

"Not really." Hollander settles on the couch, knees pulled up to his chest. "He's in finance because he's good at it, not because he's passionate about it. He likes baseball, though."

"Ah. So he's boring, this is what you have in common."

Hollander straightens one leg, kicking Ilya in the side. "Did you invite me here just to chirp me?"

"Yes," Ilya says, catching Hollander's foot when he predictably tries to kick him again. He squeezes it once before letting go. "You should be honored, I gave up a guaranteed chance of getting laid for this."

Hollander freezes. "But - you said she's not your girlfriend."

"She is just a friend," Ilya confirms. "But we fuck sometimes. I don't really do relationships."

"I've noticed."

"You've been stalking me in the tabloids?"

The comment is said quietly, and it takes Ilya a moment to parse what it means. He grins.

"Fuck off, no I haven't." Hollander clears his throat, looking off. "Hockey players like to gossip, it's impossible to avoid hearing about you."

Ilya hums, not sure if he believes him.

"Would you want to be in a relationship?" Hollander asks, surprising him. "If you met the right person?"

Ilya shrugs, uncomfortable. "Maybe. I haven't met them yet, so is hard to say."

He looks at Hollander across the couch to find him already staring back. Hollander flushes, caught, but doesn't look away.

It feels like a lie, even if it's not meant to be. Ilya can't picture himself in a relationship, can't picture a partner at least, but thinking about it sparks an ache deep in his chest.

The silence stretched between them, and for once in his life Ilya has no desire to fill it.

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[perlukafarinn]

first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippet. just a short little scene this time, takes place shortly after the previous part and probably won't make sense without reading it first. assume all the dialogue is in russian, please.

2012

Sveta is in Boston for the weekend. They don't fuck on Friday because she has a boyfriend; by Saturday morning, this is no longer the case.

"He was pissing me off," Sveta says, sipping on her coffee. "Texting me every forty fucking minutes to make sure I wasn't cheating on him with you."

"It is only natural to be jealous of me," Ilya says humbly.

Sveta gives him an unamused look. "He was being insecure. I don't put up with insecure men."

"There is a lot you don't put up with," Ilya remarks.

"I know my worth."

It was her third short-lived relationship of the year. Sveta suffers from an unfortunate combination of high standards and terrible taste in men. It makes Ilya think of Hollander, who has the same trash taste but none of Sveta's good judgment.

Maybe Ilya could use her advice.

"I have a..." Ilya struggles to find the next word. Colleague? Rival? He settles on, "Friend. Jane. Who has a terrible boyfriend. But she refuses to see it."

"Terrible how?" Sveta asks, leaning in. Always eager for gossip, much as she tries to deny it. "Tell me."

Ilya does. It feels a little bit wrong, sharing Hollander's secret with someone who is a stranger to him, but it's not like Sveta is going to put the pieces together. None of the ones Ilya has handed to her fit.

By the time Ilya has told her everything, Sveta's expression has turned stormy.

"What do you think?" Ilya asks.

Sveta purses her lips. "I think I need to hunt Jane's boyfriend for sport."

Vindication! "I told you he was terrible."

"But," Sveta says, "if she doesn't want to see it, she won't."

"How do I make her see it?"

Sveta shrugs helplessly and Ilya groans, slumping against the kitchen counter.

"What the hell did I tell you all this for, then?" he grouses.

"Is he another player?" Sveta asks and for one terrifying moment, Ilya thinks she means Jane. But of course, she doesn't. "If he is, you could break his jaw next time you play. He needs it wired shut, can't eat her out for a few weeks, Jane becomes sexually frustrated and you swoop in and seduce her."

"You are joking," Ilya says flatly. "This is a joke to you?"

Sveta frowns, looking genuinely insulted. "Well, sexual chemistry is important in a relationship!" She takes a long sip of her coffee. "Whatever. You should break his jaw anyway."

Ilya can't argue with that.

+

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[perlukafarinn]

first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets.

2012

Something is wrong with Hollander.

He's not quite off his game but he's moving with a restless energy, something troubled in the twist of his lips. He doesn't respond to Ilya's chirping during their face off, not even a roll of his eyes.

It bothers Ilya. He hates being ignored.

He feels a little bit better after they beat Montreal 3-2 but it keeps nagging at him. The flat expression on Hollander's face, the look in his eyes like he was somewhere far away.

Ilya's still thinking about it when he's heading down to the arena parking garage and spots Hollander standing by himself in the hallway, staring down at his phone with a frown on his face.

"Cheer the fuck up," Ilya calls, grinning when Hollander startles at his voice. "You should be used to losing to me by now."

"Which one of us won the Calder, again?" Hollander asks, pocketing his phone.

Ilya's grin widens. He thinks he must be one of the only people in the world who knows what a bitch Shane Hollander can be. What a privilege.

"Let me buy you a drink," he offers. "Drown your sorrows, yes?"

"Oh, I don't think... you're not going out with your team?"

Ilya wraps his arm around Hollander's shoulder, tugging him along. "I can do that any time. Tonight, I want to hang out with second best hockey player in the league. Maybe hear why he looked like sad puppy even before he got his ass kicked today."

Hollander glares at him, mouth opening and closing like he can't decide which part of that statement to disagree with first. "Fine," he finally snaps. "But I'm not drinking."

Ilya blows a raspberry.

"And we're going someplace private. I don't need the extra attention tonight."

"Private," Ilya repeats, nodding. "Alright, I will take you to most private place in town."

"I don't know if I'd call your apartment 'the most private place in town'," Hollander comments dryly.

Despite the sarcasm his eyes dart around as he enters Ilya's apartment, earnestly curious. Ilya feels a little thrill as he watches Hollander toe off his shoes by the door, making himself just a little bit at home in Ilya's space.

"What do you mean?" Ilya asks, sitting down on the couch. Hollander sits next to him, a seat away. Too far, in Ilya's opinion.

"Just with the amount of people you must have brought back here, it must technically count as a public space."

"Wow," Ilya says, delighted. "This is what I get, opening my home to you?"

Hollander rolls his eyes. Then he narrows them at Ilya. "Wait, you didn't bring me back here to...?"

"You are so paranoid, Hollander." Ilya sits up straighter, as it occurs to him just why Hollander might have been acting so off. "Unless that old boyfriend of yours is, ah... out of the picture?"

"No," Hollander says. He looks off, shoulder slumping. "I mean, I don't think so. Fuck, maybe?"

Those last words are muffled, as Hollander rubs his hand over his face. Ilya thinks they should make him happy to hear, considering how long he's been waiting for these kinds of cracks to show, but he can't be. Not with how miserable Hollander looks.

"We had a fight last week," he finally admits. "He hasn't been replying to my texts since. I went to his place but he didn't answer, and I don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to apologize if he won't let me. I don't even know what I did wrong in the first place. And he always fucking does this. He gets pissed at me about something and just ignores me until he feels like it and I never know how long that's gonna be."

Ilya blinks. "Wow."

"Sorry," Hollander says, blushing. "I didn't mean to - I don't really have anyone to talk to about this."

"Not anyone?"

"No." Hollander shrugs, looking down at his lap. "No one else even knows I'm into guys. I'd be fucked if it got out, so."

"Not your parents?" Ilya asks.

Hollander shakes his head. "Some of Brian's friends know about him, but not about us. That's it. Except you know everything, I guess."

Ilya lets out a strangled sound. His chest feels tight, imagining Hollander carrying this all alone for so many years. With this huge secret on his shoulders and his piece of shit boyfriend just adding to the weight.

He's had no one to tell him that this Brian guy sounds like a fucking asshole.

No one except Ilya, who's not gonna waste any fucking time. "This Brian guy sounds like a fucking asshole."

Hollander goes stiff and shit, maybe Ilya could have worded that more gently.

"He's not," Hollander says. "I know I made him sound pretty bad but it's just - we got into an argument, that's all. Couples fight."

"But then ignoring you for days? That's not an argument, Hollander, he is punishing you."

Hollander's cheeks have gone pink, and it's only then that Ilya realizes he might feel embarrassed. Like Ilya is judging him for his poor taste in men, or for allowing himself to be treated badly. As if Ilya doesn't respect him more than the rest of the MHL put together.

"He needs space after we fight. If anything, I'm the asshole for pushing him to make up."

Okay, so Ilya fucked this up. He doesn't know how to fix it; the right words seem impossible to find in this stupid language.

"Alright, if you say," he says, holding his hands up in surrender. "I do not know this man." Then, unable to resist, he adds, "Just that he likes fucking teenagers."

Hollander huffs. "Okay, fuck you."

He makes to get up and Ilya grabs his arm, sick at the thought that Hollander might leave feeling worse. That Ilya would have made him feel worse.

"I'm sorry, I'll stop. Don't leave."

Hollander glares at him but allows Ilya to pull him back down, slumping into the couch.

"You don't know him," Hollander says, as if daring Ilya to repeat himself.

"I don't," Ilya agrees instead.

"He's good to me most of the time."

"I'm sure he is," Ilya lies through his teeth.

Hollander's glare finally softens. "I just - I don't want you to think I'm putting up with something I shouldn't."

A pang goes through Ilya's chest. He hesitates for a moment before agreeing this time. "I don't."

Hollander nods, satisfied.

Well.

This was a disaster. Ilya thinks he may be woefully unequipped to deal with this kind of situation. If he didn't think Hollander would bolt like a scared rabbit he might try to seduce him away from his awful boyfriend but as is, Ilya is up a creek without a paddle.

"Thanks for listening," Hollander awkwardly offers. "Or sorry about ruining your night, I guess."

"You ruined nothing," Ilya assures him. He straightens as something occurs to him. "Give me your phone."

Hollander reaches into his pocket, the movement seemingly automatic because he freezes just as he's about to hand the phone over. "Why?"

Ilya grabs it, and punches in his number. "In case you get into another argument and need to complain. I promise I will be less shitty about it next time, okay?"

Hollander eyes him suspiciously. "Why are you being so nice?"

"I am very nice, everyone knows this."

"You were voted third most punchable in the league last year," Hollander reminds him.

Fair enough. "I am nice to people who deserve it. You may be slow fucking hockey player with a weak backhand-"

"A weak backhand?"

"-but you are a decent person. You deserve to be treated nicely."

Ilya thinks maybe he pushed it too far with that last statement when Hollander looks away, blinking rapidly. He turns his head, pretending to be very interested in some lint on his pants while Hollander pulls himself together.

"Thanks," Hollander eventually says. "You, uh. You too."

Ilya swallows past the sudden lump in his throat and says nothing. He's not a decent person. A decent person would have found a way to actually make Hollander feel better.

At least, Ilya thinks grimly, he's better than fucking Brian.

+

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[perlukafarinn]

So about Brian... did he really not know about Shane's age, and had a genuine freak out (at least in the beginning), or did he know, and decided (more or less consciously) to get in early with the manipulation?

He thought Shane looked too young to be at the party but didn't let himself take that train of thought any further because he wanted to sleep with him.

By the time he finds out Shane's age he's kind of fooled himself into thinking he always thought he looked eighteen, which lets him genuinely freak out and be mad at Shane, and not think of himself as the creep.

But he knew. He just doesn't want to admit it to himself. And then he goes on to date that confirmed sixteen year old anyway, so really what were all those mental gymnastics even for bro?

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[perlukafarinn]

first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets. no ilya in this part (he'll be in the next one, dw) but i wanted to dive into how shane and brian first meet and get involved.

2007

Shane first meets Brian Smith at a college party.

Shane's never been to a college party before but some of his older teammates on his U18 team insisted he come along. They want to teach him how to loosen up, and Shane's not sure if they mean it as a favor or if they want to see him embarrass himself.

The party is loud and uncomfortable, and everyone keeps insisting that Shane drink. Brian finds him there, alone in the crowd, lost and a little bit miserable, teammates scattered around in the wind.

He drags Shane outside, tells him it looked like he could use the fresh air. He hands Shane a cup of water and fills the awkward silence between them with small talk while Shane drinks and tries to catch his bearings.

Maybe Shane is a little bit drunk, because he can't stop noticing how handsome Brian is. He's a couple of inches taller than Shane, lean but clearly fit underneath his white shirt. His brown hair is artfully tousled, like someone's been running their fingers through it.

Then he places his hand on Shane's shoulder. "I think we should get you home, yeah?"

Shane nods. His mouth feels dry.

Brian leads him to his car, parked at the far end of a darkened lot.

He opens the backseat, which seems odd to Shane but he doesn't want to come across as ungrateful by pointing that out. He climbs inside, and his heart jumps into his throat when Brian follows.

"Wait," Shane says, voice weak.

Brian waits. He looks Shane over, gives him a nervous smile. "Oh. Sorry, I thought - please don't punch me."

Shane blinks, bewildered. "I'm not gonna punch you."

"It's just, the way you were looking at me," Brian says. "I thought there was something there. I'm sorry if I misunderstood."

Shane's heart won't stop racing. He feels like he might be dying. "The way I was looking at you?"

He didn't think Brian would notice. Shane didn't even notice that he was looking at him any differently than he would any other guy, not until this moment, and he feels so stupid for it.

"Yeah, you..." Brian trails off. Something in his expression shifts. He reaches out his hand, cupping Shane's cheek. "Fuck, you're cute. This doesn't have to mean anything, okay?"

Shane doesn't know what to do. He just nods mutely, and lets Brian kiss him.

He's kissed a couple of girls before but it didn't feel anything like this. This feels good, Brian's body big and solid against his own. Shane returns the kiss, feeling clumsy in his inexperience, but Brian moans and parts his lips, tongue licking its way into Shane's mouth.

He pushes Shane onto his back, presses his thigh between his legs. Shane's head has gone fuzzy. They're in a parked car in the middle of a parking lot, anyone could see them. He should tell Brian to stop. Part of him wants to.

He doesn't.

Afterwards, Brian drives him home. He asks for Shane's number, then kisses him one more time before he gets out of the car.

"I'll text you," he says. "We should definitely do that again sometime."

"It was good, then?" Shane asks.

He feels like a little kid, vying for validation, and it's embarrassing but worth it for the way Brian smiles and says, "Very good."

Shane grabs the door handle, then hesitates. "And you won't, uh, tell anyone?"

"It's our secret," Brian promises.

+

Brian does text him. In the light of day the whole thing feels kind of like a fever dream, but one Shane thinks he wants to repeat.

They exchange messages for a little while. It's going good, Shane thinks. It's just casual conversation but there's an undercurrent of they'll do it again sometime that has Shane's heart racing every time he sees Brian's name on the screen.

Then one day, Brian stops responding.

It takes Shane two days and five unanswered messages to realize it, and it hits like a punch to the gut. He scrolls back on their thread but can't spot where he went wrong, what he did to drive Brian off.

A week later, Brian calls.

Shane picks up on the second ring, stomach tight with nerves. "Hey?"

"Hey," Brian says. His voice sounds cold over the phone. "You could have told me you were sixteen. You know, instead of having me find out from some dumb article my friend shared on Facebook."

Oh.

Shane had been so focused on the whole Brian being a guy of it all, it hadn't occurred to him that his age might be an issue. He'd kind of figured Brian already knew. Maybe not that he was sixteen - he's pretty big for his age, thanks to hockey - but definitely that he's not in college yet.

"Sorry," he says. "I, um. Sorry. I didn't think you were gonna kiss me."

"You've had time to tell me since," Brian says. He sounds angry, which Shane knows is fair, but it still hurts. "Jesus, Shane, you could get me in serious trouble."

Shane's heart stutters. "But no one knows, right? No one's gonna know. You said you wouldn't tell anyone."

"Obviously." Brian sighs. "It's just - I could get in so much trouble."

"So could I. If people knew I was - " Shane's voice falters, "if they knew I'd slept with a guy, my career would be over before it began."

Brian huffs out a laughter. "Right, the hockey thing. You know, you also could have told me you were famous."

"It's just a couple of stupid articles," Shane says, face burning. At least Brian doesn't sound mad at him anymore.

"They say you're good, though. Like you'll probably be drafted by the MHL."

"Probably," Shane acknowledges.

"I guess that's why you came across as older," Brian muses. "You don't seem sixteen. Being so focused on your career so early, it kind of makes you grow up faster, doesn't it?"

"Maybe, yeah."

Shane's not sure he agrees. His mom still packs his lunches, he doesn't feel grown up. But he can see why he'd seem it from the outside.

"...I'm sorry," he says again. "I really didn't mean to lie to you."

"It's okay," Brian says. "I mean, it's not, but it is what it is. I just wish I'd known before I started liking you so much."

Something in Shane's chest flutters. "You like me?"

Brian laughs again. The sound is warmer this time, fond. "I probably shouldn't, but yeah, I do."

"I like you, too," Shane admits shyly.

"Fuck," Brian mutters. Then, after a moment, "I want to see you again."

Shane's heart jumps. "You do?"

"I think I'd regret it if I didn't."

It's such a romantic sentiment. Shane is caught off-guard by how much he likes it, to have a boy say something like that to him. It makes the whole thing not seem like such a terrible idea.

"Fuck it. Yeah, let's meet up."

+

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[perlukafarinn]

read this post for context. i'm still not gonna make this a full fic but this scene popped into my head and i wanted to write it. tagging this verse as 'open relationship au' because i've got a couple more scenes i wanna write

All Stars 2011

Being invited to All Stars as a rookie is an honor. Ilya genuinely appreciates it but he'd be lying if he said most of his excitement for the game wasn't getting another chance to share the ice with Shane Hollander.

And it's a good game. Fun, in the way only Hollander can make it. Hollander seems to be having a great time, too, lips twitching every time Ilya looks his way like he can't quite keep himself from smiling.

It gives Ilya confidence to approach Hollander after the game, at the hotel bar where the players and other guests are mingling. He watches Hollander from the corner of his eye as he walks around the room, waits for him to inevitably tire from the social interactions and retreat to a secluded corner, far away from the crowd.

Ilya calmly takes a sip of his beer and makes his move.

Hollander looks faintly surprised to see him coming but quickly recovers. "Rozanov. Good game."

"The better team won, so yes," Ilya agrees.

Hollander rolls his eyes, much to Ilya's delight. "Yeah, whatever. I still beat you in the shots accuracy comp."

"Barely."

"It was by over a second."

It's Ilya's turn to roll his eyes. Enough of this beating around the bush, he decides. "So you are still with...?"

He lets the sentence hang between them unfinished. Hollander will catch on quickly; their last off-ice conversation about his secret boyfriend is still fresh in Ilya's memory despite the months that have passed. He has no doubt this is even more true for Hollander.

Sure enough, Hollander's eyes widen. He looks around, shoulders tensing, but Ilya's not stupid. The room is loud and there's no one close by to overhear. With their backs to the wall they have an easy vantage point to spot anyone approaching. This is as private a conversation as they're gonna get a chance to have.

Hollander seems to realize this, because his posture relaxes. "Yeah, still with. I hate to disappoint but we've been together since I was sixteen. We're trying to stick it out for the long run."

Damn. Ilya takes a sip of his beer to hide his disappointed frown.

He should take this as his cue to walk away. But he's curious.

"You are, ah, high school sweethearts?"

"Kind of?" Hollander shrugs. "I mean, he wasn't in high school when we started dating."

This strikes Ilya as odd. "You are dating an old man?"

"Fuck off, he's only four years older than us."

Four years. So he was twenty to Hollander's sixteen when they started seeing each other. It's not such a terrible difference, Ilya supposes. He's known couples with much bigger age gaps, including his own parents.

It still feels wrong, somehow. Hollander seems naive even now. At sixteen he would still have been practically a child.

Still, it's not Ilya's place to judge.

"Hm. And this dinosaur has a name?"

Hollander glares at him. "Brian. And he's not a dinosaur, he's a post grad student." His voice turns warm, proud. It irritates Ilya to hear. "He's majoring in finance."

"Smart guy, then."

"Probably too smart to be dating a stupid hockey player, yeah."

The self-depreciating statement strikes another odd note for Ilya. Hollander is a rich, gorgeous superstar on his way to a historic rookie season, a generational talent matched only by Ilya himself. Why he would even joke about not being good enough in any way for his ugly old boyfriend is beyond Ilya.

Hollander looks off, posture gone stiff and awkward again. "We, uh, we should probably socialize some more. People will think it's weird if they notice how long we've been talking."

Sadly, Ilya can't really disagree. He gives Hollander a suitably macho pat on the shoulder, not quite able to resist the urge to let his hand linger. His fingers just barely brush the bare skin on the nape of Hollander's neck.

"Well, when this Brian dies of old age, you know where to find me."

"Fuck you, Rozanov," Hollander says, but he sounds amused.

Ilya grins. "Exactly."

[triassictriserratops]

Intro Post

Post 1

Post 2

Post 3

Post 4

Post 5

Ask Post 1

Ask Post 2

Ask Post 3

Ask Post 4

[clytemnestraaa]

if Hayden hadn’t outed them publicly how do you think they’d go about it after getting married ?

tastefully worded borderline ambiguous post on shane’s instagram featuring photos of them together on various scenic hikes standing at least 3 feet apart in every shot. followed by a tourist’s photo of them in ibiza with ilya with the worst sunburn of his life fully lobster red with both hands down the back of shane’s swim trunks grabbing his bare ass. followed by a tweet published on ilya’s twitter at 3:31am and deleted at 4:47am that reads YES I SUCK COCK YOUR MOTHER WAS GREAT TEACHER

[bellamysgriffin]

ULTIMATE SHIPS CHALLENGE - Speeches [5/5]

[manuciruja]

awww the like button turns into a rainbow when you press it! that's so cute...hey staff what's with all the trans women you keep nuking?

[manuciruja]

i think we should be ridiculing them more for this. you don't get to try and go all "queer website" when your staff likes to go on nuking sprees targeting the trans fem users

[smadsel]

would be remiss not to mention that the rainbow notably straight up just removed the trans flag colors from it. like they’re gone. it’s the progress flag minus the trans flag colors.

[smadsel]

that’s not the whole flag, now is it

[manuciruja]

hey staff what the fuck

[villainessbian]

hey staff don't you think you're being too on-the-nose

[shrodingers-catgirl]

HEY STAFF DONT YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING TOO ON-THE-NOSE

[lesbianrozanov]

toddler shane refusing to talk after his hockey team lose a game. yuna & david are trying to be encouraging like “bud!! you played so good!!” and shane is ignoring them while climbing into his car seat where he’s going to angrily drink his juice box and then chew on the straw.

[flyora]

Couldn't miss the chance

[sinmonger]

Hollanov + tweets (part 2)

[naturalpr3y]

I can always post worse

[naturalpr3y]

and more pervertedly

[cuppydogshane]

My Name is 8 PM. and I am always arriving when you atrent Looking

[the-disemvoweler]

M Nm s 8 PM. nd m lws rrvng whn y trnt Lkng

[consonant-remover]

8.y

I o a a i's ooa eo

[cuppydogshane]

if you two had a baby it would be a regular sentence. or perhaps silence.

[unyieldingsilence]

‎

[cuppydogshane]

Right.

[ominous-signs]

_