The Smallest Universe @2pmpoet - Tumblr Blog

spellboundlove

2pmpoet

BECAUSE OF YOU

inferior

I’ll try to make this better but I can’t promise that cause you’re never here

I’m still apologizing for how you treated me.

And I don’t think you’ll ever take full responsibility.

But I’m willing to teach you,

If you’re ready to learn.

If these walls could talk,

I’m scared of what they might say.

They see and know if things incapable to the human mind,

Some great, others not so kind.

If these walls could walk,

I think they’d run away.

Money, drugs, sex, and blood.

If they could cry their eyes would flood.

Who would we be if we had the knowledge of the walls?

Would we stand tall or would we just fall?

Maybe it’s blessing our brains are so minimal.

Is it us, or are these walls subliminal?

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Her words speak volumes to me.

I desperately want to make her believe. Not only in me, or us; but in herself. She’s too good for this era in time. Shes pure, genuine, kind. It’s hard to for me believe that she could ever be anything other than herself.

And I love that.

She’s an honest being. She holds the truth and the answers to the questions she hasn’t even asked herself yet because they don’t need to be asked. She holds the keys to the doors that don’t need to be opened.

I try to pry them open and I don’t even realize I’m doing it. I try to beg, and I cry, for the answers and the keys that she doesn’t hold. I try to read her book to educate on myself.

Tonight she held up a mirror. I watched as the reflections of my actions withered her away. I watched as my eyes saddened to hers. I tried to shatter the mirror until I realized I had already broke her.

As time goes on I will glue back every piece that hit the wall. But I will work to downgrade my glue until the mirror can hold up on its own.

That way, next time, we can look in the mirror together, and smile at the reflection we are looking at. I want to unlock the doors together and enter a new era.

My head will NOT STOP screaming.

I’ve tried all my healthy go to coping mechanisms, and I’ve been fighting of my bad habits with the intense laziness and lack of motivation my depression is causing. But then that’s stopping me from getting simple things done and there’s so much I need to get done so I can get out of this hole I’ve sunk into. I just need to get ooooouuutt of my head but it’s so fucking loud. I can hardly get my own thoughts through.