doomboy

dump?

[hddudjcnsnejfcnend]

Your favourite colour is orange. Your favourite time of day is dusk. Your favourite person isn’t me.

[valtsv]

oh and that gap in my resume is when i was digging my own grave

[valtsv]

the dirt under my nails is - yeah. it won't wash out. although that's actually from when i dug myself out again. i suppose success and defeat can look the same in a mirror.

[alonesomes]

“The first poem I wrote that wasn’t about you was in all capital letters like it was trying to compensate for your absence. It was about a world far away from this one where all of the plants were terrifying but had healing powers if you had the guts to touch them. The first poem I wrote that wasn’t about you puffed up its throat like a bullfrog and begged to be kissed. Its my favorite poem because I hate it so much. I read it at least once a day and think:So this is what I’m capable of without you. Go figure. There is a hole in everything and I find you there smiling like you don’t have anywhere else to be. The first poem I wrote that wasn’t about you might one day be regarded as a masterpiece. People will come from all over the world to run their fingers over the print and marvel at how empty it is of you. They will not recognize your scent clinging silently to their fingers. Because if you walk into a room and notice what is missing from it it is still there isn’t it? The first poem I wrote that wasn’t about you was still about you. Damn it. Always.”

— a letter to love | Caitlyn Siehl

[alonesomes]

“You watch me when I put my lipstick on, say you can tell how I’m going to say that I love you by the color I choose. Pink is all hands. Plum is marks on your neck and a poem. Red is straight back and a steady voice. For a brief moment, I wonder if it should be this easy. If people are allowed to know each other from the lipstick they wear down to the way their fingers twitch when they’re about to cry. I can’t remember ever not loving you. I try, but all I feel is cold tile under my hands, and then your back. I think about how strong humans are, yet, if I fall on my spine the wrong way, I’ll never feel your hands on me ever again. Today, my mouth is your favorite fruit. I am writing you this poem to tell you that I asked my sister if she broke her teeth when she fell in love. I asked her if it was okay that it didn’t happen that way, for me. I did not fall in love with you, I was born on the floor. Everything else was just remembering.”

— Remembering | Caitlyn Siehl

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

You love someone so much you make them your whole life.

You love someone so much they ruin your whole life.

You love someone so much you let them ruin your whole life.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

You love someone so much you make them your whole life.

You love someone so much they ruin your whole life.

You love someone so much you let them ruin your whole life.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

does this greed to be loved ever end?

please love me please please please just once only for a moment please just just come back home

for i have none without you

[proseinpetrichor]

i'm so thankful for my friends who never made me regret opening up my heart, who never hurt me, who always made me feel safe. you made me realize that loving can be safe, unconditional, and can also lead to finding home.

among everyone who comes and goes, they'll stay, and i promise you, you'll find them.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

For Youth by BTS

Translation credit: doolsetbangtan

[inanotherunivrse]

in another universe, (i hope) everything went exactly the same. we’ll still be where we are now. in another universe, 2024 is approaching and, all the same, i will have not heard your voice in 5 years.

except — in another universe — (i hope) i told you i loved you, when i meant it.

i hope it wouldn’t have changed anything.

(please. please, i can’t bear to think that if i just said it, it could have gone better.

please tell me this is how it was always going to end so i can finally pull out the knife)

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

In another universe, (I hope) I never took you back. (I hope) I refused to take you back the first time all those 5 years ago. In another universe, (I hope) I didn't leave and hurt everybody who even as much as tried to love me, for you. In another universe, (I hope) I forgot you very very soon. In another universe, (I hope) knowing you or remembering you or even loving you doesn't feel like a curse. In another universe, (I hope) you didn't abandon me. In another universe, (I hope) you loved me back.

[inanotherunivrse]

in another universe, (i hope) everything went exactly the same. we’ll still be where we are now. in another universe, 2024 is approaching and, all the same, i will have not heard your voice in 5 years.

except — in another universe — (i hope) i told you i loved you, when i meant it.

i hope it wouldn’t have changed anything.

(please. please, i can’t bear to think that if i just said it, it could have gone better.

please tell me this is how it was always going to end so i can finally pull out the knife)

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

In another universe, (I hope) I never took you back. (I hope) I refused to take you back the first time all those 5 years ago. In another universe, (I hope) I didn't leave and hurt everybody who even as much as tried to love me, for you. In another universe, (I hope) I forgot you very very soon. In another universe, (I hope) knowing you or remembering you or even loving you doesn't feel like a curse. In another universe, (I hope) you didn't abandon me. In another universe, (I hope) you loved me back.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

It's Monday, he is playing the piano. He misses a key and smiles cheekily. His dimples pop. I love you. It's Tuesday, he cooks the most delicious meal. He waits for me to take the first bite and is super happy when I tell him how tasty it is. I love you. It's Wednesday, he peels a tangerine for me without asking. He doesn't ask me to take it, he brings it to my mouth instead. I open my mouth and eat it. I love you. It's Thursday, he knows I'm tired after work and hugs me tight. He sends flowers at work the next day with a note saying he is proud of me. I love you. It's Friday, it's raining hard and he hands me a heating pack and an umbrella as I leave the house. "Don't catch a cold.", he says. I love you. It's Saturday, we are slow dancing to a jazz song in the kitchen light. I love you. It's Sunday, he has the happiest smile on his face while eating the chicken his brother sent. It's his favourite but he shares it with me despite knowing he doesn't need to. I love you.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

It's Monday, he takes you to his brother's concert. He is so happy to see his baby brother perform. By the time the show ends he had tears of pride in his eyes. I love you. It's Tuesday, he doesn't wanna leave the bed so you both play video games all day long. You are bad at playing so you keep losing but he lets you win sometimes. He praises you when you do. I love you. It's Wednesday, you are working from home and he brings you snacks and water in between and keeps checking up on you. He makes you the most delicious meals and makes sure you take breaks in between too. I love you. It's Thursday, he teaches you a tiktok dance as you both giggle and laugh throughout the practice. He kisses your forehead out of adoration. I love you. It's Friday, you both go to the beach. You are walking down the shore. He never lets go of your hand. I love you. It's Saturday, you both are painting and he splashes some paint on you and you both paint fight. He then sits you down and makes beautiful purple flowers on your thighs. I love you. It's Sunday, he takes you for a ride on his motorbike. You see a tattoo parlour nearby. You both get each other's initials tattooed. I love you.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

How do you speak of a love that's the most tender thing in the planet but also leaves your throat burnt?

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

It's Monday, he is playing the piano. He misses a key and smiles cheekily. His dimples pop. I love you. It's Tuesday, he cooks the most delicious meal. He waits for me to take the first bite and is super happy when I tell him how tasty it is. I love you. It's Wednesday, he peels a tangerine for me without asking. He doesn't ask me to take it, he brings it to my mouth instead. I open my mouth and eat it. I love you. It's Thursday, he knows I'm tired after work and hugs me tight. He sends flowers at work the next day with a note saying he is proud of me. I love you. It's Friday, it's raining hard and he hands me a heating pack and an umbrella as I leave the house. "Don't catch a cold.", he says. I love you. It's Saturday, we are slow dancing to a jazz song in the kitchen light. I love you. It's Sunday, he has the happiest smile on his face while eating the chicken his brother sent. It's his favourite but he shares it with me despite knowing he doesn't need to. I love you.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

You spend years building all those walls around you and making yourself strong. And then your angry father screams at you and all those walls and strength crumble down to bits and pieces. And you're that little girl in the corner of the room crying, barely breathing and hugging herself. All over again.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

I turn 22 in a few hours. For the last 3 years i have no idea why I survived. I just did. Was surviving the best choice? What am I supposed to do now that i survived?

I have been so lost and lonely it feels like i should have died a long time back, but i didn't. But i didn't. I didn't and now I just go through everyday.

But is this what I survived for? Just to be breathing? And not to feel any breath taken? Is this why i held on to life? Just to hold on to life and not to live?

I don't know what's living like. I haven't known for such a long time that even if I found the way living feels I would not recognise it.

With every passing day I'm getting older. With every passing day life is passing by. And with every passing day I'm passing away a little too.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

Suddenly reminded of the quote by Robert Brault that said "eventually soulmates meet, for they have the same hiding place" and it made me think so much of BTS and ARMY and like the relationship of both individually as well as one team like we were truly made to find each other. Like if you think about it, you were born in the same lifetime as them and they love us the most and like we aren't even BTS or ARMY. We are one, like true soulmates. And the seven were destined to be in the same group and we were destined to find them. And all of it was fate. Like how a lot of us say BTS found us without us knowing, or how it all felt like a coincidence and so natural and effortless. Most of us can't even explain what we felt and you really need to experience it to know it. And there's just so so so much mutual love and respect. <7

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

It's Monday, he is playing the piano. He misses a key and smiles cheekily. His dimples pop. I love you. It's Tuesday, he cooks the most delicious meal. He waits for me to take the first bite and is super happy when I tell him how tasty it is. I love you. It's Wednesday, he peels a tangerine for me without asking. He doesn't ask me to take it, he brings it to my mouth instead. I open my mouth and eat it. I love you. It's Thursday, he knows I'm tired after work and hugs me tight. He sends flowers at work the next day with a note saying he is proud of me. I love you. It's Friday, it's raining hard and he hands me a heating pack and an umbrella as I leave the house. "Don't catch a cold.", he says. I love you. It's Saturday, we are slow dancing to a jazz song in the kitchen light. I love you. It's Sunday, he has the happiest smile on his face while eating the chicken his brother sent. It's his favourite but he shares it with me despite knowing he doesn't need to. I love you.