Friendships | a Peachy perspective |
So this is a bit of a personal post where Iâll be discussing friendships and my general experience. I hope after reading this you can all take something away from this, but if nothing else, always keep this quote in mind:
âRespect yourself enough to walk away from anyone or anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happyâ
So, growing up in an Indian household somehow made me this really quiet, shy, non-confrontational person who gets walked over because Iâm too scared to stand up to anyone and speak my mind. I think from a young age I developed this mentality to be a polite, non-confrontational person who speaks only when theyâre spoken to⊠Sadly I think this is pretty standard in Indian culture.
But there are just so many times I wish I had enough confidence or self-esteem to just stand up for myself. Be confrontational and speak my mind. I donât believe this is an intentional Indian parent thing. Growing up, Iâve seen a lot of situations where Indian people get so angry with people and things others do, but they never confront that person, or talk things out. Ever. So following that mentality, what choice did I have to be anything other than what I had witnessed with everyone in my family/family friends?
I will forever look back on secondary school as the best and worst time of my life. Right from the beginning, I stuck around with the same group of friends. Now, Iâm going to be absolutely honest and tell you, I really didnât enjoy being friends with these people. Being in a group of three definitely has its problems, but when youâre younger its much more difficult I think.
I always felt like I was the only one that would ever be left out, and I didnât know why. Now, youâre probably reading this, shaking your head and saying âWell why did you stay?! You should have just made new friends!â
Hereâs the thing, homie. I was so scared of change and actually putting myself out there, despite clearly being so unhappy. I got stuck with the shy/quiet/fat girl title⊠for the rest of school. This title was hanging over my head like a sign pointing down at me, and I had no way to get rid of it. People had already made their assumptions about me, just by looking at me. I was chubby, brown and shy. A recipe for the first racist remark Iâve ever had and âfriendsâ holding me down because I was too held back to ever really make a move and find others who genuinely made me happy.
When I finally did, I made some great friendships (A lot of them I still have now! <3)
Things turned sour too. I went through my fair pile of crap with people, who I thought were my best friends, but they turned around and betrayed me in seconds, or they just left. I always felt like I wasnât good enough for these people. If any of you have ever felt like this before, or feel like this currently, you ARE good enough.
It takes time, patience and confidence to truly believe in yourself and not have to rely on anyone else 100% of the time, but you are always good enough and there is always room to make yourself into a better person. Never let other people dictate your lives. Relationships are supposed to be different forms of a support system, not the opposite and drag you down.
Sometimes long-term friends can turn on you suddenly⊠something I also went through a while ago. Now, we all know when you have aunties and youâre close friends with their kids, itâs awkward as f when you get into an argument/disagreement. You expect your family to take your side or stand up for you. All I will say is that I didnât have that experience. Everyone that could have was too scared to confront the people in question then and there.
But I donât want to be like that. If you donât either, then love yourself enough to want to stand up for yourself when no-one wants to stand up there with you! As well as being in healthy friendships, be your own best friend and donât let people walk over you. Donât be so heavily reliant on other people you canât fight your own battles.
Now hereâs the good part. Your true best friends will stick with you through thick and thin! Difficult times will reveal who your real friends are, so embrace whatever life throws your way, homie!
Yes, not all people are meant to be a part of your life for the long-run, but just think of those as a chapter in your story. Every day is a new chance; a new day to meet people, to make friends and strengthen all relationships in your life.
Stay tuned for my next topic⊠Iâll be discussing self-confidence and what itâs like being a brown girl who doesnât necessarily fit the social norm for Indian culture⊠Haha! Itâll be fun. Promise.
Until next time, homies! xo
P.S. âPeachy perspectiveâ because my homie-given name (hahaha.. Other words my nickname) is Peaches! Aka the red one. xo
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