Rabbit Hole Of A Chaotic Mind

*chronic depression has vomited all over this blog* I’m an artsy introvert with issues. Here’s my mental vomit

[3rdplanetkid]

Bippity boppity boop

[clubmiami]

"After the Carnival" in Rio de Janeiro, photograph by Alain Draeger, 1983

[3rdplanetkid]

When you feel like there is something pulling at you. I feel like my hoodoo voodoo books have been calling out to me. I’ve been so low I haven’t been reading but it feels weird not to learn more about that side. It’s like i belong there. I need to take it more seriously

[3rdplanetkid]

I’d like to wake up one day and FEEL like living. It’s been the opposite for so long I just feel numb and empty. I don’t know when I’ll find my peace. I just want to live life and have a good quality life. Not waking up to tears and misery. I’m a mother and at times I just feel like nothing even matters…..and that’s when it gets dangerous for me. I’m feeling this way more and more recently and I don’t know what to do about it. My therapist is just a fucking ear to hear my complaints at this point bc she’s not very helpful. I feel like killing that woman 😑

[micahulrichdraws]

Concept art from Lacuna Coil’s “Black Anima”.

[3rdplanetkid]

Fucking beautiful

[3rdplanetkid]

The fact that I spilled my heart out to my sperm donor and he just blows me off breaks my fucking heart. Fuck it though. If that’s what it is, that’s what it is. No more tears for a dead beat to like 12 kids. May his soul never find peace because he sees nothing wrong with what he is doing . Making babies and abandoning them. Choosing only certain children to talk to. I wish I was further into my roots study so I can work some ju ju😑

[3rdplanetkid]

The cliques at my job are blatant and annoying

[3rdplanetkid]

Newish job at a smoke shop and it’s a bit liberating making my own money (no matter how minimal 🥲). The bosses are younger than I am and they are best friends. So there are definite cliques and favoritism. I’ve even been a target of one of the bosses talking about me behind my back😑…..so I calmly and professionally asked her about it and she of course acted like noooothing could ever have happened like that🙄. I just laugh and mind my business now I’m not trying to make friends or even acquaintances. I’ve seen two dedicated workers quit since I started a few months ago. Both quit because of the pettiness! They act sugar sweet to mme now, but I know it’s fake. Chile I wasn’t born yesterday, I am not that gullible.

[3rdplanetkid]

The aesthetic I strive for

[3rdplanetkid]

[3rdplanetkid]

I’m In a state of constant self soothing.......

[3rdplanetkid]

Until there is darkness, light serves no purpose

[3rdplanetkid]

[depresslife22]

[3rdplanetkid]

I think we are getting there slowly but surely

[depression-and-literature-deact]

The saddest moment is going to self harm and realising you have to look for clean skin to cut...

[waaytoopoor]

I just want to leave like I never existed.

I don’t want anyone to remember me,

I don’t want to hurt anyone.

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

[3rdplanetkid]

I have never related so much to a meme. I literally cannot wait to take my nightly meds to just shut my fucking brain up! Being lucid hurts. opening my eyes in the mornings is a struggle, sometimes I immediately cry because I know what my existence is like already and I want out.....I’ve wanted out for so fucking long