Incorrect Spiderman: Homecoming Quotes

Look, that movie was 2 hours long. Who's to say these weren't said at some point?

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Happy: So, Tony, you ever wanna be a father someday?

Tony: Someday? I’m a father right now.

Happy: Peter is your mentee Tony.

Tony: He is my BLOOD.

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Tony: Why are you two here?

Happy: I'm here to help!

Peter: I'm here to make things worse!

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Peter: Ah yes, my train of thought.

Peter: Or as i like to call it, the anxiety express.

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Tony: If Peter thinks he can just bat his cute little eyes at me and get whatever he wants, he is absolutely right.

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Ned: You don’t like to admit it but if anyone else was mean to Peter, you’d beat them up.

MJ: Psh, no-

Peter: [coming into the room with a pout on his face] Flash said he’s gonna kick my ass.

MJ: [standing up] Not if I kick his first.

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Peter: Can we talk? One Tony Stark stan to another?

Happy: I don’t see why not.

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Peter,crying: talk shit ‘bout Mr. Stark and you finna catch these webs fam

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Peter: Why do I think it’s doubtful Michelle will like me? Uh, she has threatened me constantly, uh, she is very aggressive, she’s very surly, she doesn’t smile a lot unless someone - mainly me - is in crisis, uh… I’ve only seen her punch people in the face… uh… I mean- Ned: Has she punched you in the face yet? Peter: Give her time. Ned: I think she likes you.

[incorrecthocoquotes]

Peter: [Stands outside MJ’s house with a sign that says “Prom?”]

Ned: OH MY GOD YES!!

Peter: No, tell MJ!

Ned: MJ! I’M GOING TO PROM WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND!

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Tony: Would you please not look dramatically off into the middle distance when you say that? It makes me feel worse.

Peter, looking dramatically off into the distance: I don't know what you're talking about.

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Peter: [trips on nothing]

MJ: Haha, you're so clumsy.

5 minutes later:

MJ: [punching the air] what's your fucking problem, huh?! What did he ever do to you!?

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Peter: Please tell me I’m imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.

MJ: I would, but then I’d be lying to the King of All Ducks.

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Ned: Hey, what time is it?

Peter: I don’t know, pass me the recorder.

Peter: [plays recorder loudly]

May: whO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE RECORDER AT 2 AM?

Peter: It’s 2 am.

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Peter: Do you know what I’ve realised?

Tony: That some thoughts are better left unexpressed?

Peter: Nice try.

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Peter: I intend to get as far away from this place as possible.

MJ: Oh, Santa got my letter

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MJ: I’m gonna take you out.

Peter: Great, it’s a date!

MJ: I meant that as a threat.

Peter: See you at six!

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Burglar: If you want to live give me all you’re money.

Peter: Bold of you to assume I want to live and that I have money.