[bad-habits-come-at-a-cost]

[depresseddisneyprincess]

“i don’t get it, i was happy and laughing just an hour ago and now i’m crying and can’t think of a reason to stay one more day”

— (k.c)

[its--provocative-blog]

[hoidiza]

[guitarplayermrs]

[duhtrinity]

I'm just so tired of being here

(These are my poems, my dms and ask are always open)

[s-e-c-r-e-t-t-s]

Until you can’t breathe, until you can’t move, until it ends you…

[can-i-give-up-now-please]

It hits you again from nowhere

That heavy hopelesness

The sinking in the pit of your stomach

One moment you’re afloat

And the next you’re being drowned, the water crashing over you without any time to breathe

You’d choose to drown if you could, just to get it over with

But you’re not in control of the water

24.05.19

[volcanicpoetry]

han hyland

[booksandcows]

[4-01pm]

Sometimes I think I don’t do any of the work I need to get done as an act of subconscious self sabotage,

...

But another part of me knows that’s a lie and I’m just a failure.

-935pm

[4-01pm]

Turn up the frequency,

To drown out the noise.

Turn up your heart rate,

To make sure it’s still beating.

If you don’t, you might dissolve.

Into the stars,

Into the sea,

Into the dirt.

-855pm

[4-01pm]

The stolen years

The years that we’re supposed to be spent growing and learning, laughing and falling in love, were stolen from me.

I spent my time forcing hunger on myself, in isolation, and hurting myself because I hurt inside. I spent time feeling everything all at once and then nothing in an instant. I wondered why I was broken.

I think about the classmates that will tell people high school was alright for them and feel my heart break with envy. I would do anything to live the life they did even though I know it was probably far from perfect. My suffering did not “make me stronger” or make me a better person. They made me bitter and push away the people I loved. the scars that I will carry with me for life are not “beautiful battle scars,” I know exactly what they are. My scars are ugly and painful and that is something that I have to live with. I’d give anything to trade it all away, but I can’t.

I was trapped in a haze of misery and self loathing for my teenage years, I can’t even remember half of it. Thinking about they years that were stolen from me is devastating.

-741pm

[Anyways, that’s my rant for the night. Mental illness is a bitch ain’t it?]

[4-01pm]

I wish desperately to be anyone but myself

And yet not a shooting star in the galaxy

Would be able to save me from my own self crafted prison

-132am

[4-01pm]

To my younger self

I’m so sorry I couldn’t be the person you hoped to be

I’m just as disappointed as you are

-135am

[4-01pm]

**TW

I cannot believe I couldn’t even kill my self right

I literally couldn’t even commit suicide correctly

And now I’m stuck with all of the consequences...

[4-01pm]

It’s like;

Your whole life, even when you were a kid, there’s this little voice inside your head.

“You’re a bad person”

“You’re pathetic”

“Everyone hates you”

And you hear it everyday until you loathe yourself with every single cell in your body.

But sometimes something else creeps in

“Hey maybe you aren’t so bad”

“Maybe you deserve happiness and love”

And the stupidest goddamn part of you holds onto that small piece of hope.

Everything is looking up for a while,

Until,

you find out it’s true...

Everyone leaves you.

And I mean everyone.

You find out that they left because that you’re a bad person, you actually hear them say it.

And everything falls apart...

You’re left with nothing

But that overwhelming self hatred.

It’s so deafening that you can’t even think.

So maybe it does get better

But do I really deserve for things to get better?

-721pm