Splitting @400dollarsintherapy - Tumblr Blog

misgenderisms-deactivated202010

emotional self-harm exists and is fucking horrible

misgenderisms-deactivated202010

going back to an ex you KNOW will hurt you? consuming media you KNOW that triggers you? isolating yourself when you KNOW you need help? that’s a form of self-harm and needs to be acknowledged first to get help.

misgenderisms-deactivated202010

to be clear; this isn’t a callout. this is recognizing that emotional self-harm is a form of harm.

take this as a gentle reminder that your pain is real, that you are heard, and, most of all, to reach out for help.

jojaloo

Can I just add? Specifically denying yourself fun or pleasure?

misgenderisms-deactivated202010

Yeah that too

growingupnike

Open a Tangerine account with my Orange Key 45703610S1 and get a $50 bonus!

Better Interest, better service and you don't got account fees.

wildbpd-deactivated20200301

can i uh.... have a new brain please

400dollarsintherapy

All I want for Christmas is...

cryier

the saddest parts of the recovery process from a mental disorder?

when you’ve been feeling quite ok for a long time, and suddenly it all just drops again. and since you were so sick for such a long time before getting help, the bad feelings are so familiar to you, it kind of feels like home, in a very scary way. you feel safe and worried at the same time, not knowing what’s coming next.

when you’ve gone to therapy for years and sometimes still feel like you havent made any progress at all. deep down you know you’re in a better place now and are stronger than ever, but still feel guilty for “not doing enough”. it’s been five years, multiple types of meds tested, you might feel hopeless. you compare yourself to other people your age a lot, and feel left behind. you are well informed of many different methods to fight against your triggers, you keep going.

venting to yourself of your own problems and having endless imaginary conversations in your head, all the time. maybe hoping to some day have a deep conversation with someone about your difficulties. you wish to find someone with similar problems. you havent found anyone. you keep talking to yourself over and over again.

sillygoosiyavia-deactivated2023

Person: but you’re not fat!!!!! stop starving yourself!!!!

me, wanting to tell them that it’s my coping mechanism for the overwhelming suicidal thoughts i have on a daily but gonna let them think it’s something that shallow:

400dollarsintherapy

Airbnb is the best way to discover places to stay and things to do.

starvinq

Not depressed.

I’m not depressed, just lazy. I am reminded of this everyday. I arrive home, after a long and exhausting day of trying to balance good grades and my diminishing health. I feel tired, and weak, so i take a nap. I’m not depressed, just lazy. My mother does not fail to remind me this, but that’s all right I suppose. She asks why I don’t do anything, apparently “I’m tired” isn’t a valuable answer. Apparently I have no reason to be tired, as my day is no where near as exhausting as hers, But alas, I’m not depressed, just lazy.

400dollarsintherapy

Depression? In an African household?

We don't know her

wantssstobeskinny-deactivated20

things I almost forgot I do/happen to me when I starve myself

1. I pee….a lot…. it’s the huge amounts of coffee water and diet soda

2. Being genuinely afraid to break my fast early/eat something that’s not in my diet plan at the exact time I planned it

3. Throwing away food or hiding it or even flushing it down the toilet, anything to avoid eating

4. Making a shitload of excuses to friends

5. Saying “I’m fine” if my mom says I have to eat, and telling her all these reasons I can’t eat and that I’ll eat later

6. Lying about calorie intake

7. Telling parents I ate with friends and friends I ate with parents

8. Almost crying when someone makes you eat

9. SO. MUCH. ANXIETY that someone will notice or make you eat or anything like that

feel free to add more

wantssstobeskinny-deactivated20

me: I’m going to eat healthy and lose weight in a good way

my ED: haha ok buddy

400dollarsintherapy

I'm pretty sure I warned people that I don't know how to exercise healthily, but here I am.

Things are extremes for me. I either don't do it at all or I work out twice a day till I throw up and skip meals/fill in water to feel like I'm doing it right.

Noone ever listens.

want2bthinner

Personal thinspo

honesty one of my biggest motivators for losing weight right now is my boyfriend. And don’t worry, never calls me fat or anything. He always says I’m beautiful and hates it when I call myself fat. But I just love him so much and he doesn’t deserve a fat girlfriend. He is literally so amazing and perfect. He deserves a girlfriend that is thin and pretty, a girlfriend that he can be proud to show off. I want to be that for myself but also for him.

400dollarsintherapy

This^ but for her. I could never bring myself to do it for him.

starvingcitrouille

anyone who has an ed and is 160 + pls reblog/like so i can stop feeling alone

wantssstobeskinny-deactivated20

I AM A FAT GIRL WITH AN EATING DISORDER

I am overweight with an eating disorder.

Weight does not define if you have an eating disorder or not. I grew up in a household where I was never told “you’re perfect the way you are” but instead was constantly urged to diet, no matter what my weight was. When I was 11 started to starve and lost weight rapidly, and after that my weight yo-yo’d for about a year because of starving and binging. I had the same thoughts. I ALWAYS WANTED to starve myself, but I couldn’t always do that. It’s the wanting to do it, the thought patterns, that make an eating disorder. My eating disorder has been getting worse because I’ve always been told to lose weight, and no matter how I lose the weight, even if it’s too fast, I’m congratulated, because a fat girl could never have an eating disorder, right?

An eating disorder is the believing you’re fat at any weight you’ve ever been, low or high. Even if you were never a low weight, it’s the aiming for an underweight goal weight. It’s spending most of your day looking at thinspo, meanspo, journaling about food, thinking about food, and starving yourself for as long as you can. It’s fantasizing about skinniness, having a whole page dedicated to your eating disorder thoughts because you NEED to get them out. It’s constantly looking for ways to hide your food, avoid binging, find things to do other than eat, ways to encourage yourself to keep starving, loving the feeling of dizziness, emptiness, and almost fainting because it makes you feel clean and like you’re making progress. It’s the not caring about all of the side effects because you WANT TO BE SKINNY. It’s all of these unhealthy thinking patterns that we all don’t care are unhealthy, or if we do, our eating disorder covers it up.

My mom knows I have eating disorder behaviors but she says I don’t have a real eating disorder. I know why. It’s cause I’m fat and have never dropped too drastic amounts of weight. It’s because she can’t see into my thoughts and how much of a hell it is. Even when I tell her them, she doesn’t get me help, she just makes me eat and lets it go if I convince her I have. That’s what happens when you’re a fat girl with an eating disorder. If you were to say you had one, you’d get laughed at. People don’t notice that you drink Diet Coke and skip meals. They’re actually proud of you, if anything. They encourage you to diet, even if they notice unhealthy behaviors. When you say you’re not eating they don’t stop you, they don’t care.

I am a fat girl with an eating disorder, and I am valid. So are you, if you are overweight and struggle. Thanks for reading

400dollarsintherapy

.... How sick do I have to get to be taken seriously?

So what if my heart is giving in?

It doesn't matter that my bones are more brittle than they've ever been

I'm bruising more easily than normal? Must be a fluke.

All because my BMI is within a "normal" range.

If I drop to under I guarantee there will be no saving me but 🤷🏾‍♀️