23 days till 40: My memory for meaningless moments is pretty good. If someone tells me something that bothers them or if something happened that I thought was funny I tend not to forget. Through my 40 years, I had some embarrassing moments or just did some plain stupid things. I’ll keep this list PG so most of the embarrassing/stupid things won’t appear. These are things that come to the top of my mind in no particular order. I’ll continue update as a remember more:
1. In kindergarten, I peed my pants during class and then came up with a brilliant idea. At recess bury myself in the sandbox from the waist down, have the sand absorb the pee, and no one will ever know. Well I found out sand also sticks to wet.
2. When I was 8 my older brothers took me to toilet paper a house. In preparation I got decked out in camouflage. The great news was the home owner wasn’t home. The bad news is he came home as we were destroying his house. Good thing I had that camo on so I was able to just lay on his lawn and he couldn’t even see me….until he saw me :(
3. In 6th grade my grades were at their worst. Rather than just owning it, I decided to have someone forge my fathers name. Turns out Michael is spelled different than Michelle.
4. Around the age of 18, rather than my friend and I split the cost for a motel room the perfect solution was to sleep on a bus stop….in Tijuana.
5. In my 20’s seemed like a lot of people were coloring their hair either bleach blond or black. I went for black and ended up with black with a lot of blue and was to broke to pay for the needed material to fix.
6. In elementary school (I think 3rd grade) junior Olympics I won 1st place for the distance throw. That is the girls 1st place (see pic and name and you’ll understand). With that said, we had some killer female athletes in school so this to me is actually an accomplishment and not embarrassment.
7. In college, I had a really bad farmers tan. So when I went to the beach I put sun block on only the pale portion to avoid burning that part.
8. I was a huuuuuuuggggggeeee WWF (now WWE) fan. Not saying I did but I may have played wrestling in jr. High at lunch. Good thing I did not have the much desire macho mans glasses, ultimate warriors arm bands, and big boss mans club.
9. In college, I helped someone move some recliners. If you have a truck you tend to help a lot of people move. Well recliners are so heavy you don’t need to strap them down even when driving in the freeway. Please learn from me that air is very strong and can lift extremely heavy items straight up in the air and shatter them. Thankfully no one was directly behind me. to this day I still think what if someone was behind me.
10. Several times throughout my youth parents told me I was no longer allowed to play with their kids. Funny how naive parents are about their own kids! Look at your kids now, you parents owe me an apology!
11. Once I worked at a carnival and noticed the game I was running was not level. Well I was such a good employee I took some rocks to level it out. Later I was pulled into the merchandise room and yelled at for the unusually high amount of prizes I distributed to the all the winners!
12. In elementary school I tried out for a talent show. To this day I can’t understand what was wrong with my character trying to sell cigarettes and cigars. People were so PC even back then.
13. At 16, I took my car to Vegas and played some video poker. Beginners luck I was dealt a straight flush with the first 5 cards on the dollar machine…..chaaaaaaschiiiiiinnnng!!! Wait you have to hold the cards before hitting deal/draw?
14. In junior high some of the days I’d ride a motorcycle to school. When you’re like 4 feet tall and about 25lbs it’s kind of obvious you are not street legal. Good thing I was lucky and the police officer actually cut me a deal. He’d let me off if I walked the motorcycle home. Bad thing, I was lazy, walked one block, started riding again only to have Mr. Officer spot me in block 2.
15. Speaking of Vegas and Jr. High. At a young age I was fascinated with gambling so much in order to actually gamble at a table I purchased a gray wig and beard to look like an old 4 foot tall biker. Well, the casino must have heard about my skills and were worried about losing since it was only a few steps out the elevator before I was surrounded by security.
16. In my younger years, I thought I was going on a job interview. Only to be essentially kidnapped (driven by the “interviewer” about 30 miles) and told to go door to door and collect “donations” for a charity. Thankfully one homeowner recognized the man and called the police.
17. Prior to 16, maybe even much prior to 16 my friends and I would borrow a car of someone that was probably 25. The car has some special features….like interesting ways to stop the car. With that said, Learning how to drive a car that required the emergency brake to stop taught me how to drive well. And not just any emergency brake, for this car you tied a string to the emergency brake and pulled the sting to go and then pressed said brake to stop.
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