I’ll follow you if you reblog this.
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@5-21-1994
I’ll follow you if you reblog this.
This girl who has your heart in her fist, she's really rather fortunate. Because you, even with your faults, are nothing short of wonderful. I hope she realizes soon how much better her life could be being yours. But I hope, even more than that, that she doesn't dare break your heart.
Thank you so much. She's wonderful herself. <3
I need to get a couple things off my chest.
She's perfect. Seriously, she's just fucking perfect. She's gorgeous, she has the prettiest smile, she makes ME smile, she's got a sense of humor, she knows how to have fun, she's got a hot body, she's sweet, she's adorable, ugh, goddammit. I want her to be mine. I can't stand the fact of her being able to flirt with other guys, or do other things with other people since we aren't dating. Like, I dunno. I'm attached enough to the point where the littlest things could upset me. I'm glad they haven't yet. But I know now, that I have to watch the fuck out. The things she says sometimes just make me smile so big.... and just the thought of kissing her again and holding her makes my heart drop to my toes. Just picturing myself with her again fucking makes the hairs on my arms stand up. What the hell is she doing to me? The last thing I need is more bullshit in my life and I don't need to get hurt again. I'm scared. The only way I'll be calm about this shit is if I make her mine, but she told me that she wants to wait since she got out of a relationship recently. I don't care. I have to do this for my own wellbeing. Fuck, I dunno what I'm gonna do with myself. I've blown off 3 other girls, turned down a couple others, and yet there's more and more that won't leave me alone and I'm doing this just for her. Fuck, I just want to be at rest already.
is your url your birthday? because then that's my half birthday! :D
It is!
You wanna know what fucking love is?
I'll tell you what love is. Love is the most dangerous drug on the planet. Love is uncontrollable. Love can kill you. Love is the reason you wake up earlier in the morning, to make sure you look better for her. Love is getting nervous when she takes too long to text back. Love is lying in bed and pretending she's there. Love is thinking to yourself how you're going to kiss her. Love is planning out what you're going to say to her. Love is going to the gym so you look better for her. Love is being better than yourself just so you can impress her again the next time you see her. Love is asking yourself "Does she think of me as I think of her?". Love is the reason you trim your stubble and cut your fingernails short. Love is the reason you get those extra hours of sleep so you're awake for her.Love is the shivers down your spine when she kisses you Love is wearing the nicer clothes in your wardrobe for her. Love is staying up because you can't stop thinking about her. Love is worrying every damn fucking second of the day if she's thinking about you. Love is being jealous of those who get to see her everyday. Love is the reason she thinks you're too clingy. Love is the reason you text her the same text message twice if she doesn't reply. Love is the reason you beat yourself up over and over again, night after night. Love is the reason you cry when you see things going downhill. Love is the cold sweat you get when she doesn't smile back. Love is the constant fear of there being someone else. Love is reason your stomach turns when she gives you that one look. Love is the reason there's balconies at hotel rooms. Love is the reason people jump off them.
That's what love is.
This fucking girl.
She has me wrapped around her finger.
SEXUAL FRUSTRATION.
ASLKSFDJG;DSKHSDL;HGSJDLKGJSLD;KFHGL
Holy fuck she's beautiful.
Thoughts: 8.28.2011;12:14 AM
Enraged. To the point where I can't put it to words. It just comes to that point where I can't hold it all in anymore. After all that's fucking happened in my life, after her, after moving here. This is bullshit. I can't even think straight from all the thoughts shooting through my mind right now. I literally wanna get up and completely disfigure something. I currently feel the desire to corrupt something beautiful, to just take something that someone loves the most and rip it to shreds. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but I like this feeling. I feel powerful, I feel the adrenaline, I feel my fists and teeth clench tightly. I feel the desire of my limbs to just writhe in the air, to yell at the top of my lungs. I don't know why. Fuck.
any new love interest?
Nope.
do you still have feelings for alix?
Nope.
you have a new girlfriend now?
Nope.
Thoughts: 8.21.2011;12:37 AM
Goddammit, why? Why is it that every time I make some sort of plan with someone who's of interest to me that everything gets fucked up? I don't mean to exaggerate, but it's EVERY damn time. I have a short temper enough as it is, and a very short patience, and it's all been killing me lately both with my loved ones and friends. Am I changing? Am I going crazy? I don't know what's going on half the time anymore. I don't know who likes me and who doesn't, who's a friend and who's not, what's real and what's not. Fuck.
I know shit isn't supposed to be easy, but when you see it for what it really is, it's a huge shithole. Look,
You're born, you go to school for 12 years and learn shit that you don't need to know, learn shit that you'll forget in a couple months, and learn shit that will be outdated in the next 5 to 10 years. Then, you have to go to college for 4 years in order to make a financially stable income. And by financially stable, I mean, minor debt, a small house, shit car, shit job, shit everything. Why's it all this unfair? We're just born into this shit just to become another number on the list, another sheep in the pasture. Those who stand out are usually somehow constricted by the others through conformity, making the small minority the "weirdo" in the whole group, and just because they're different, they're something wrong with him. Those few great minds let loose on planet earth are often thrown in the hole, given medicine that is toxic and produces the very symptoms the dudes in the white lab suits wanna cure. You're labeled into the bullshit groups, categorized and stereotyped by what other people want to see in you and not by who or what you are on the inside. I'm telling you, there's any better place than today's shitstorm of a society. I'm pissed off. At myself, for not being who I want to be [yet], at the world for being the biggest clusterfuck to date, and every single human being just for being human and being part of all this. I can't--
I don't know. There are other things troubling me. Loneliness, my arrogance, my rage for everything, ugh. I'm not made for this. I'm not made to spend the rest of my life pouring my boss coffee, answering phonecalls and stapling papers, washing people's toilets, begging my superiors for a raise, worrying about rent or what my last balance in my savings account was. I wasn't made for something like this. I have a dream, and as arrogant as you or anyone may wanna call me, I will fucking live that dream. I don't give a fuck who or what you are, if you step in between what I want, I will either make my way around you, or expunge you from my life and mind. I can't deal with distractions. There's something I need to do, and I will do it. No exceptions.
Thoughts: 8.21.2011;12:26 AM
School starts in 6 hours. I can't really say that I'm excited or baffled or any emotion of the sort. I feel rather indifferent about the entire situation. Right now, I'm held captive to my own mind. I feel like I'm my own limit, but in a bad way. I feel like I'm holding myself down so hard in a way, but I don't know why. I'm listening to some Underoath right now, and I feel odd. It's one of those feelings I haven't had in a while. It begins to remind me of my days back in MA with the band and all, playing shows. I dunno, but it's mostly as if I'm disappointed in myself. I don't know why. I need to figure out what I'm not satisfied with. It's fucked up, I've never really felt this way before. It's so funny how I feel like I see things so clear all the time, but at night, my mind becomes a battlefield. Thoughts rage on and they never seem to let me sleep. From daydreams to worries, I just can't fall asleep. It's horrid. One thing that's been troubling me however, is how sexually inactive I've been in a while. Second thing that's been bugging me, is how incomplete I feel. I feel as if there's something missing in my life (no, it's not the sex.) But I feel like I'm dreaming half the time I'm awake. I don't feel as real as I used to, but I feel clearer and purer in a way. I feel more like I believe I should feel, if that makes any sense? I don't know. I have such a long way to go.
I feel like I'm letting go of my friends. I feel like I've restricted myself. I dunno, maybe it's because I haven't seen many people in so long. I feel like I'm beginning to distance myself from everyone and go back to that state I was in when I first moved here. Alone. I need someone to keep me company before I go insane. My last relationship was a total disaster due to all the stress and worry that was going through my mind with the band and my family as well as my own persona. The person I am is nowhere near who I used to be a year ago. For the best? I hope so. I don't know. The uncertainty of everything around me is killing me. Doubt has me by the throat and I'm literally questioning everything and everyone, even myself. I just hope everything turns out alright. I think I'm just stressed that school's starting in a couple hours, is all.
Fuck, there I go again. Denial. A defense mechanism used by the mind to dissociate from what's actually going on and learning to accept yourself into a stressful environment. It's happening. Stress is taking over, and I can tell it is myself by the way that I'm phrasing my sentences. It's not me. Distorted emotions are holding me back, and I can't tell what's really my imagination from what's real.
Help me.
At this point, I can only go to sleep if I take sleeping pills.
There's something wrong with me.
i <3 your blog C:your thoughts are pretty interesting :)
Thank you. :)
So what type of girls are you into ? :]
I dunno, lots :P