Thoughts: 8.21.2011;12:37 AM
Goddammit, why? Why is it that every time I make some sort of plan with someone who's of interest to me that everything gets fucked up? I don't mean to exaggerate, but it's EVERY damn time. I have a short temper enough as it is, and a very short patience, and it's all been killing me lately both with my loved ones and friends. Am I changing? Am I going crazy? I don't know what's going on half the time anymore. I don't know who likes me and who doesn't, who's a friend and who's not, what's real and what's not. Fuck.
I know shit isn't supposed to be easy, but when you see it for what it really is, it's a huge shithole. Look,
You're born, you go to school for 12 years and learn shit that you don't need to know, learn shit that you'll forget in a couple months, and learn shit that will be outdated in the next 5 to 10 years. Then, you have to go to college for 4 years in order to make a financially stable income. And by financially stable, I mean, minor debt, a small house, shit car, shit job, shit everything. Why's it all this unfair? We're just born into this shit just to become another number on the list, another sheep in the pasture. Those who stand out are usually somehow constricted by the others through conformity, making the small minority the "weirdo" in the whole group, and just because they're different, they're something wrong with him. Those few great minds let loose on planet earth are often thrown in the hole, given medicine that is toxic and produces the very symptoms the dudes in the white lab suits wanna cure. You're labeled into the bullshit groups, categorized and stereotyped by what other people want to see in you and not by who or what you are on the inside. I'm telling you, there's any better place than today's shitstorm of a society. I'm pissed off. At myself, for not being who I want to be [yet], at the world for being the biggest clusterfuck to date, and every single human being just for being human and being part of all this. I can't--
I don't know. There are other things troubling me. Loneliness, my arrogance, my rage for everything, ugh. I'm not made for this. I'm not made to spend the rest of my life pouring my boss coffee, answering phonecalls and stapling papers, washing people's toilets, begging my superiors for a raise, worrying about rent or what my last balance in my savings account was. I wasn't made for something like this. I have a dream, and as arrogant as you or anyone may wanna call me, I will fucking live that dream. I don't give a fuck who or what you are, if you step in between what I want, I will either make my way around you, or expunge you from my life and mind. I can't deal with distractions. There's something I need to do, and I will do it. No exceptions.
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