Not all cis kpop fans fall under that umbrella. A lot do unfortunately but it's unfair to say that all don't support trans people. That's not the case. I understand where you're coming from and I don't blame you. It's disgusting the kind of ignorance and hatred that is thrown around. But to say someone is like that just because they do in fact identity with the gender they were born with is a little hurtful. There are some out there who genuinely love and support everyone regardless.
re: this post about trans headcanons and misgendering
so i almost didnāt respond to this at all because to be quite frank this is the sort of response from cis people that deeply annoys me Ā
but iām going to assume youāre writing in good faith and so iām going to respond in good faith and explain to you why your message is gross in the hopes that you will learn and grow and change and become a better ally to trans peopleĀ
because iām going to assume that thatās what you ultimately want: to be a better ally to trans people.Ā since you implied that you support trans people.Ā
(btw trans people are not obligated to explain things like this to cis people , sinceĀ
cis people should just be listening and learning on their own
it requires emotional labor and time from trans people, which is draining on top of also dealing with microaggressions and violence as a trans person
but i am choosing to do this because i want to, in this instance)
so anyway letās get startedĀ
okay, so right off the bat, theĀ ānot all [xyz privileged group]ā response is typically pretty much about derailing marginalized people calling privileged people out. it changes the conversation from the marginalized person saying,Ā āhey people who are privileged in this area in which i am marginalized: listen up and do betterā into the privileged people saying that their feelings are hurt because they donāt all deserve to be spoken about in this way. which then prioritizes the feelings of the privileged person over the marginalized person. (which is literallyā¦oppressive behavior, but anyway.) Ā
look: if youāre privileged in a certain area, you are more likely to be casually oppressive and it is something you need to actively watch out for, especially since your privilege literally depends on the oppression of others, which means You Benefit From Other People Being Oppressed In Areas In Which You Are Privileged.Ā
human nature being what it is, it is very easy for people with certain privileges to do little to nothing to challenge the systems and people that privilege them and oppress others. this passively perpetuates the ongoing oppressive system. of course, people with certain privileges can also actively perpetuate oppression, either casually / unintentionally, or maliciously.Ā
why is it so easy? because the system benefits them. because privilege is comfy. because itās the status quo. because unlearning and actively challenging systems of oppression is hard work that takes time and energy and emotional labor.Ā
because it means having to say to yourself,Ā āeven though i think of myself as a good person, i sometimes do things that hurt marginalized people, either individually or collectively.āĀ
this is not a thought or feeling that people generally like to explore. a lot of us like to think of ourselves as basically good and decent people. those oppressive people that marginalized people talk about must be Those Bad People Over There Who Are Definitely Not Us.Ā
the uncomfortable reality is that we are all complicated as human beings, capable of doing very good or very harmful things, sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. there arenāt any purely Good People. everyone has done harmful oppressive shit. also, basically everyone faces some combination of privilege and marginalization in their lives, so itās not like there are two monolithic groups, with the Totally Privileged on one side, and the Totally Marginalized on the other. but if you are privileged in an area in which someone else is marginalized, and they are telling you how to be a better person in that area, you really need to sit down and listen, instead of derailing the conversation into how youāre not the bad guy.Ā
the reality is that you donāt have to be The Bad Guy to be oppressive to people. you donāt have to be malicious. you can be overall a pretty decent thoughtful human being and still perpetuate oppression, by casually or unintentionally doing things that harm marginalized people, and by not challenging systems and people that harm marginalized people.Ā
this is really common. i also do this sometimes in areas in which i am privileged. it is a reality to be aware of and work against.Ā
so if a trans person says:Ā āhey cis people! stop doing this thing!ā and a cis person saysĀ ānot all cis people do that thing and itās hurtful that you would say thatā then it means that the cis person isnāt all that concerned withĀ
making sure that they arenāt doing the thing in question
challenging other people who do
providing other forms of support to trans people hurt by this thingĀ
it means theyāre mostly just concerned with making sure that their reputation as a Good Cis Allyā¢ isnāt harmed, and with making sure that they donāt have to deal with any stray uncomfortable thoughts about their responsibilities as an ally with privilege. it means theyāre more concerned about their feelings than about the harm done to trans people. which is literally oppressive behavior, as i said before.Ā
if everyone who saidĀ ānot all cisā spent that energy fighting anti-trans violence and oppression, trans peopleās problems would be significantly alleviated. and they also wouldnāt have to spend emotional energy processing and/or responding to the ānot all cisā messages. so before you send such a message, consider that you are putting more of a burden on trans people while also not doing anything in that moment to fight anti-trans oppression.Ā
tl;dr: donāt send ānot all cisā messages. Ā
now: iāve written this entire response assuming youāre a cis person, because your entire message is written like a cis person. however, if on the off chance you happen to not be cis, please stop talking like a cis person. youāve internalized some harmful cis messages and you are actively hurting yourself and other trans people by spending time policing trans people in this way. donāt waste your time defending the reputations and feelings of cis people every time a trans person criticizes a thing cis people tend to do. cis people donāt need your defenses. they have the comfort of their privilege to insulate them. they need to be made uncomfortable so that they will (hopefully) change as people.Ā
but if you are a cis person, please donāt say stuff likeĀ āi understand where youāre coming from.ā because if youāre cis, you honestlyā¦really donāt. you could be a really great thoughtful ally who works hard to be supportive to trans people and youāre still not going to know what it really feels like to not be cis.Ā
anyway! i hope this message was helpful and that you take it in the spirit in which it was meant: aka, a gentle prodding for you to rethink the mindset that prompted you to send me this message in the first place. i think everyone is capable of unlearning toxic and oppressive ideas and i believe in your ability to do so as well.Ā
