Welcome To Wonderland

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

Excuse you some of us suck both

Alternatives To Sleeping in Coffins

An Illustrated Guide For Vampires

1. Privacy Tent

2. Antique Chinese Wedding Bed

3. Victorian Box Bed

4. Canopy Bed

5. Full Body Wearable Blanket + Novelty Halloween Mask of Choice

6. Hyperrealistic Black Bear Sleeping Bag (with built in ‘Do Not Disturb’ feature)

7. Tinfoil Bodysuit (For maximized UV protection)

8. Blackout Curtains You Fucking Vampiric Dumbass

in conclusion why in fuck’s name are you sleeping in coffins to begin with you utter shitmuppets

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

“it’s about the AESTHETIC” boo hoo and cry me a river of blood, if it was about the aesthetic then why are you shit-twits sleeping in boring moudly ass coffins & crypts when THESE babies exist

“it’s about the aesthetic” babe your aesthetic is crusty as hell, you’re just disoriented from banging your head every morning evening on your basic-as-fuck casket lid

I get my blackout blinds from Dunelm. Screw you, I like nice things.

If you’re extra paranoid get some black paper and stick it on your damn windows. If anyone asks, you work shifts.

I know a guy who unironically bought himself a double Snuggy Pod because he liked having the feeling of something other than the ceiling overhead but didn’t want to act like a fossil.

Seriously people. It’s not that hard. Yeesh.

#vampire life

neenarchive

ancient vampire characters who pursue teenagers like.... romantically... you are absolutely swagless. die

neenarchive

i don't care if she looks like your dead wife if she's worried about what she'll wear to prom and you personally remember the louisiana purchase what common ground could you possibly have i am going to stake you

neenarchive

seravph

What is wrong with all these pop culture dumbasses anyway, I’m not even that old and the thought of doing anything to a kid that age - well, apart from running the hell away from it - makes me fecking nauseous. They’re so LOUD and STUPID and hello, have you seen the so-called-fashion sense of the average seventeen year-old these days? NO THNX.

amygdalae

climbing into my computer to have hot nasty sex w the installation wizard

@6r1ns dis u?

I resent the implication that I’d need to climb into my computer to have sex with any part of it.

I was wondering why my keyboard felt sticky after you looked at my setup.

HEY! That’s on you - I don’t enjoy other people’s rigs without consent!

#not cool #so rude

amygdalae

climbing into my computer to have hot nasty sex w the installation wizard

@6r1ns dis u?

#yes i'm nasty #404 sorry not found

I resent the implication that I’d need to climb into my computer to have sex with any part of it.

Thinking of adopting one of the street cats I feed, but can’t decide which clan mate to name it after for lulz

If you said Max had crapped on your carpet I’d assume it was the two-legged asshole rather than a four-legged asshole which can only lead to hilarity.

But that’s the problem.

Now, calling a cat Dade on the other hand?

Nothing but love and respect for our Primogen here.

Feel like Dade’d just be jealous the cat can lick its own arse.

Elsie strikes me as more of the cat type.

Or if you got a really manky-looking moggy you could call it Mister Roth, I reckon he’d get a kick out of it ;)

If you pick the really dumb one you could name him Todd

I am not naming any animal I adopt after a Ventrue. Principle.

@fiadhnot if she picks the REALLY dumb one she should name it Matt -_-

…not that the boy deserves having anything named after him except possibly an exceptionally fake hole in the floor or something else pretending to have depth.

…if I have to cohabitate with it, I’d rather not go that route…

Oh my god 😂 I appreciate you so much

#the ex btw is trying to be all batman like #actual emotional depth of a teaspoon #toxic attempted-macho out the ying yang #like srsly our hot grumpy archon has more sense #earth to matt ya basic bitch

@fiadhnot

(at least when a cat acts like a total moron you just get ammo for Insta)

Thinking of adopting one of the street cats I feed, but can't decide which clan mate to name it after for lulz

If you said Max had crapped on your carpet I’d assume it was the two-legged asshole rather than a four-legged asshole which can only lead to hilarity.

But that’s the problem.

Now, calling a cat Dade on the other hand?

Nothing but love and respect for our Primogen here.

Feel like Dade’d just be jealous the cat can lick its own arse.

Elsie strikes me as more of the cat type.

Or if you got a really manky-looking moggy you could call it Mister Roth, I reckon he’d get a kick out of it ;)

If you pick the really dumb one you could name him Todd

I am not naming any animal I adopt after a Ventrue. Principle.

#no i will not apologise #archie could prob do better burns maybe run it by him #toreador is basically shorthand for full time bitch so ya know #i'll stick to what i know

@fiadhnot if she picks the REALLY dumb one she should name it Matt -_-

...not that the boy deserves having anything named after him except possibly an exceptionally fake hole in the floor or something else pretending to have depth.

doctorfreak

this is absolutely sending me

harpyhormones

hell of a way to learn ur a vampire

#the trick is get a human who looks kinda like you (facial structure at least)#then a good photoshop artist #because outright faking photographs can be tricky #but a manip to make it be you is a piece of cake #the things i do for my friends #unexpected identity fraud challenges #or just use an evf camera if you're boring

When the local Lasombra doesn’t turn their brain on first XD

Thinking of adopting one of the street cats I feed, but can't decide which clan mate to name it after for lulz

If you said Max had crapped on your carpet I’d assume it was the two-legged asshole rather than a four-legged asshole which can only lead to hilarity.

But that’s the problem.

Now, calling a cat Dade on the other hand?

Nothing but love and respect for our Primogen here.

Feel like Dade’d just be jealous the cat can lick its own arse.

Elsie strikes me as more of the cat type.

Or if you got a really manky-looking moggy you could call it Mister Roth, I reckon he’d get a kick out of it ;)

Thinking of adopting one of the street cats I feed, but can't decide which clan mate to name it after for lulz

If you said Max had crapped on your carpet I’d assume it was the two-legged asshole rather than a four-legged asshole which can only lead to hilarity.

tbh I feel like this is one of the most valid ways for a bunch of nobles to go out

What is the point of me laying out all my mistakes if you don’t learn from them?

I told you I wouldn’t get kidnapped, and I didn’t. And I very specifically didn’t go alone!

…I also kind of thought the Ventrue had some sort of stabby thing on him so like that’s definitely a mistake I’m learning from.

oldmaninthedesert

Presuming a Ventrue is going to do anything useful is always a mistake, best to assume that they’re incapable of it, and then just occasionally you’ll be pleasantly, mildly surprised.

He was (or? Maybe still is? Idk) a Hound so I guess I just assumed 🤷🏻‍♀️ But lesson learned! Carry my own shit next time!

YOU DID WHAT

OH YEAH. Fiadh went to a mysterious meeting without telling anyone.

I only found out because she pinged me part way through.

IF MY HEART STILL BEAT I WOULD HAVE HAD A HEART ATTACK.

I told Lucas!

Hindsight being 20/20, I know I maybe shouldn’t have. But I’m fine, and I got the info I wanted. And some I didn’t, but still.

#neonates these days #a ventrue does not count as going equipped #you might as well take a picture of the Queen #like what's he gonna do #snob them to death #he spends most of his unlife apologising #and the rest of it blindly following orders #for the love of god you have my number

I can’t help feeling like telling/going somewhere with the teeny baby Ventrue idiot is possibly WORSE and somehow MORE irresponsible than flying solo... -_-

What is the point of me laying out all my mistakes if you don’t learn from them?

I told you I wouldn’t get kidnapped, and I didn’t. And I very specifically didn’t go alone!

…I also kind of thought the Ventrue had some sort of stabby thing on him so like that’s definitely a mistake I’m learning from.

oldmaninthedesert

Presuming a Ventrue is going to do anything useful is always a mistake, best to assume that they’re incapable of it, and then just occasionally you’ll be pleasantly, mildly surprised.

He was (or? Maybe still is? Idk) a Hound so I guess I just assumed 🤷🏻‍♀️ But lesson learned! Carry my own shit next time!

YOU DID WHAT

OH YEAH. Fiadh went to a mysterious meeting without telling anyone.

I only found out because she pinged me part way through.

IF MY HEART STILL BEAT I WOULD HAVE HAD A HEART ATTACK.

#whut #do kids these days have literally no sense of self preservation

What is the point of me laying out all my mistakes if you don’t learn from them?

I told you I wouldn’t get kidnapped, and I didn’t. And I very specifically didn’t go alone!

…I also kind of thought the Ventrue had some sort of stabby thing on him so like that’s definitely a mistake I’m learning from.

oldmaninthedesert

Presuming a Ventrue is going to do anything useful is always a mistake, best to assume that they’re incapable of it, and then just occasionally you’ll be pleasantly, mildly surprised.

He was (or? Maybe still is? Idk) a Hound so I guess I just assumed 🤷🏻‍♀️ But lesson learned! Carry my own shit next time!

YOU DID WHAT

#cable porn

esotericchorus

Your local Brujah on any given Friday night, really fucking pushing it with this Masquerade shit.

YOU GO BOWLING WHILST DRUNK ONE TIME!

duelpersonality

Laney just living her (un)life: *casually using potence to bowl:

Cammy assholes:

Apparently, it’s cheating to use Presence to make yourself better at karaoke.

Only if you get caught.

fuckthesememories