[74es]

#74es:    an   independent   blog   for   peeta   mellark   of   the   hunger   games.   written   by   blythe,   23,   mst,   she/her.   book   &   movie   based.   please   read   my   rules   before   interacting.   AN  IMPORTANT  NOTICE  CAN  BE  FOUND  HERE.

navigation:   rules.   promo.   interest   tracker. also   found   at:   @worthfuls,   @715am,   @apiemaker,   @gilberblythe,   @arithmeticals,   @frauser,   @defendes​.

[74es]

introducing   .   .   .        @74es.

[mellarking-about-old]

[mulderscully]

Spinning Out — “Two for $40” (2020)

[74es]

crestazul​,   annie   cresta.

“  my  brother,  ”    she says after a quiet moment,    “  adrián.  ”    it almost hurts to say his name, to roll it around on this tongue full of knots.  he had been her protector, her anchor in the years since mami passed.  then, the arena.  how could she expect him to love a memory?  to love this shell left empty by the girl who lived, once, and now does not?

annie stares silently as the stone sends ripples out across still water.  she used to believe that waves had the power to bring people closer, to deliver them to one another.  she does not know what she believes now.    “  we  don’t  understand  each  other  like  we  used  to.  ”

he   never   had   that   level   of   understanding   with   anyone,   not   until   katniss.   no,   he   was   always   seen   as   somewhat   of   a   disappointment.   the   youngest,   interested   in   useless   things   like   baking   and   painting,   as   his   mother   liked   to   remind   him.    “   have   you   tried   to   reach   out   to   him?   ”    peeta   asks,   eyes   remaining   trained   on   the   rippling   water.    “   now   that   all   this   has   happened   .   .   .   i   wonder   if   he’d   be   more   understanding   now.   ”

[sethkate]

EVAN RODERICK via instagram

[trashmemes]

SET YOURSELF ON FIRE SENTENCE STARTERS  —   lyrics pulled from the 2004 album by stars. feel free to make alterations.

god, that was strange to see you again.

yes, i think we’ve met before.

all of that time you thought i was sad, i was trying to remember your name.

i chose to feel it and you couldn’t choose.

live through this and you won’t look back.

there’s one thing i want to say, so i’ll be brave.

you were what i wanted.

i’m not sorry i met you.

i’m not sorry it’s over.

your face is all that hasn’t changed.

all i want is one more chance.

all i want is one more chance to show you you were right for me.

you were right for me.

i had six too many drinks last night.

i always wanted you.

you said you didn’t understand me.

let’s leave them all behind.

they hated us with everything they had, and we hated them in kind.

how could you do it?

yes, i am a ghost.

i loved you the most.

did i build you a prison?

please don’t let me go.

you can’t walk away from me.

i know a place where it’s warm and it’s dry, dear.

let me take you there.

don’t pretend that you don’t feel the pull.

i am trying to say what i want to say without having to say “i love you.”

i love you and it’s impossible to say.

take me like that, ruin it all.

please, my love, please.

i’ll kill who you hate.

take off that dress, you won’t freeze.

the end should be a good one.

outside, it was pouring and we were drunk as shit.

there is nothing like bare mattresses underneath the stairs.

i’ve got to ask you one more thing.

keep doing that forever.

i know, i feel the same way as you.

everyday, it’s changed since then.

in every way, i’ve changed since then.

what gives you the right to fuck with our lives?

keep watching your back.

tomorrow, it’s you and me.

we are here to save your life.

it terrifies you, but it’s real.

if i don’t come back, then i won’t look behind me.

all of the things that i thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day.

stay alive.

i dreamed i was dying.

i can’t live forever.

i’m alive.

[elenas]

THE HUNGER GAMES · Book Quotes » Peeta Mellark

[74es]

pyrrhk​,   katniss   everdeen.

that’s exactly what i wanted him to say and i suddenly worry if i’ve manipulated this answer from his lips. it’s not that i think peeta is any more excited about these memorial services than i am, standing on the ground that was once an arena, the ground still soaked with the blood of twenty-three children - - - but he’s said so because of me. my boots are tied and it’s going to look suspicious if i undo them again, even though i’m pretty sure peeta recognizes that i’m stalling with something stolen from finnick’s hands and bits of rope and twine. so i don’t. instead i look up at him and brush my hair out of my face and wonder where else we could be.

there’s no illusion that the rebellion wouldn’t have happened without me. there would have been an uprising of some sort even without my SPARK to ignite the powder-keg that was panem, maybe it would have been crushed or maybe it would have worked. but where would peeta be? where would gale be? where would prim be? i scrub my hands back through my hair and let out a long breath that i didn’t realize i was holding until my chest started to ache.

“do you want to go?” if he says yes, i’ll go. i’ll hold his hand and try not to let my mind slip from my body until it’s over. i’ll listen to a list of names and look at the plaque and try to look like THE MOCKINGJAY, even if the mockingjay is a treasonous murderer. why do they even want me at these things? it’s sheer luck and memory of things i had done that kept me from being in a cell, or dead, or - - - who knows what. maybe it’s peeta they want, brave peeta who warned district thirteen about the bombing through clenched teeth and exhausted eyes, and they know we’re a package deal. “we can. if you want to.”

he   doesn’t   want   to   go.   he   doesn’t   want   to   see   these   arenas,   each   one   containing   survivors   like   himself   and   katniss   (   some   without,   now.   that   damn   quarter   quell.   the   rebellion,   too.   the   images   of   finnick,   mags,   even   brutus   flicker   through   his   mind   ).   places   that   terrorized   and   traumatized,   places   that   appear   to   be   so   hauntingly   beautiful   that   you   might   not   guess   the   blood   of   the   victors   watered   the   fields   of   those   arenas.   no,   he’ll   be   okay   not   going.   he’ll   stay   here,   with   her.

“   i’ll   stay   here.   ”   he   has   a   feeling   she   won’t   go   without   him,   and   it’s   not   like   he   minds.   peeta   likes   her   company.   he   likes   her   calming   presence,   one   that   always   knew   what   to   do,   one   that   seemed   invincible.   perhaps   that’s   why   everyone   loved   them   so.   katniss,   so   resilient,   and   he,   so   brave.   it   always   felt   like   an   act   on   his   part,   but   she   .   .   .   oh,   she   was   good   at   playing   that   role.   even   if   she   didn’t   feel   it,   she   was   good   at   portraying   it.    “   i   don’t   want   to   see   it   again.   i   don’t   want   to   see   what   everyone   before   us   had   to   see.   i   don’t   .   .   .   ”    his   gaze   falls   to   his   lap,   eyes   closing   in   an   attempt   to   keep   himself   from   crying.   at   first,   he   plays   with   his   hands,   but   instead   he   reaches   out   and   takes   hers,   very   sheepishly,   very   hesitantly.   he   wonders   if   she   still   sees   the   capitol   drone   that   spoke   out   against   her,   that   attacked   her,   that   didn’t   recognize   her.   he   hoped   she   didn’t.   he   wished   he   could   remember   everything   from   before.   he   wished   he   could   have   the   old   peeta   back,   rather   than   being   forced   to   put   the   pieces   together   again.

[movie-gifs]

There’s nothing behind my eyes.

SYLVIA (2003) dir. Christine Jeffs

[74es]

should   i   set   up   a   queue   for   peeta....

[worthfulsa]

just   a   baby   announcement,   my   activity   will   be   dropping   greatly   because   i   start   a   new   job   tomorrow!

[74es]

70th​,   annie   cresta.

          she hums, bare feet making hardly a sound as she moves into the sitting room at a careful pace.      ❝    well, i can’t make any promises. especially to someone with your skill.   ❞      sitting in her hands is a cake, decorated modestly in swirls of blues, oranges and pinks : sunset over the sea. annie places it upon the table, brushing her fingers affectionately across her son’s cheek as he squeals, before she perches upon the arm of the couch.      ❝    ok, you can look.    ❞

eyes   pop   open   at   her   okay   ——   and   a   big   smile   follows.   all   this,   just   for   him?   he’s   flattered.   the   cake   itself   is   beautiful,   one   that   he   might   even   buy   were   he   not   gifted   it.   eyes   brighten   as   he   looks   at   the   swirls   of   color,   then   back   up   at   annie.    “   this   is   beautiful,   annie.   thank   you.   ”

[gencva]

evan roderick as justin davis in spinning out 1x01

[74es]

odairing​,   finnick   odair.

A  LOOK  OF  ATTENTIVENESS  CROSSES FINNICK’S  FACE,  observing peeta  for  a  moment  before disregarding  the  thought. there  is  no  real  room  for  hesitation. if  peeta  says  he  is  fine,  finnick will  take  that.  moving  slowly is  better  than  not  at  all,  and  there  is  still  no  sign  of  water.    

“  I  suppose it  is.  stop  us  if  it  feels  like  your  heart  is  about  to  stop  again, then.  no  promises I  can  pull  that  trick  twice.  ”

“   yeah,   yeah.   ”    he   waves   his   hand,   standing   from   where   he   sat,   getting   ready   to   move   again.   his   heart   races   in   his   chest,   his   vision   still   blurs.   is   he   here?   am   i   here?    “   hopefully,   i   won’t   be   stopping   us   again.   ”

[pyrrhk]

“i don’t want to go.” it comes from my mouth without my willing it to and my hands freeze from where i was fiddling with my boot laces. the words taste ashen and chalky on my tongue and a familiar swell of GUILT floods me ; it’s constant, it’s always there, waiting to wash me out to sea. i untie and retie the laces, yanking them tighter. it’s something to do - somewhere to try and direct the buzzing and electric uncomfortable energy that shudders through my shoulders and down my arms. it’s also something that makes it so i don’t have to look at him while i talk.

it’s not that it’s peeta. IT REALLY ISN’T. at this point i’m fairly certain he’s one of the few people i don’t have to worry about UNDERSTANDING, but it’s just … it’s easier to talk if i don’t have to look in his eyes. it’s not because it’s peeta, it’s because admitting i don’t want to go to the unveiling of another arena memorial feels like a terrible thing to say. they seem to be CONSTANT and i just - my fingers stutter in untying the boot again and i shake my head, glad that my hair is down so it hangs down around either side of my face and hides the furrow of my brow and the twist of my lips.

is that horrible of me? MY NAME COULD SO EASILY BE ON THAT PLAQUE. it’s not our arena - not either of them - but looking at a list of names, a list of ages all too young - my head throbs even thinking about it. it’s still weeks away and the invitation lays on the table and i don’t look at it, don’t look at him, don’t look at anything but my fingers tightening laces and tying them again. “i just - i want to sit this one out.”

@74es​

[74es]

he   still   feels   numb.   everything   is   supposed   to   be   resolved   now.   the   games   are   over.   he   survived.   he   doesn’t   feel   like   he   survived.   sure,   katniss   sits   beside   him   now.   the   most   important   person   in   the   world   to   him   survived.   but   at   what   cost?   at   the   cost   of   finnick’s   life?   at   the   cost   of   prim’s   life?   at   the   cost   of   half   of   district   thirteen’s   lives?   or   the   lives   of   those   who   belonged   to   his   district?   perhaps   he   should   be   gone   too.   maybe,   if   the   rebellion   hadn’t   worked   so   hard   to   save   him,   things   would   be   different.

“   so   do   i.   ”    but   he   can’t.   he   knows   that.   president   snow   and   president   coin   aren’t   pulling   their   strings   anymore,   but   it   feels   like   their   influence   still   remained   ——   why   did   they   have   to   go   and   clean   this   all   up?   peeta   understood   why   she   was   chosen   ——   katniss   everdeen,   a   beacon   of   hope.   but   why   him?   he’s   certain   those   they   could   see   will   see   him   as   a   traitor.   a   capitol   supporter.   no,   he’s   not   here   for   them.   maybe   he’s   here   for   her.

eyes   flicker   towards   the   plaques   in   front   of   them,   too   many   names   carved   into   each   one.   how   were   there   so   many   of   them?   he’s   afraid   to   look   at   the   plaque   and   hologram   arena   dedicated   to   their   games.   he’s   afraid   to   confront   them   again.   his   wooden   leg   feels   heavy   at   the   thought.    “   we   can   stay   here,   if   you   want.   we   can   leave   too.   ”

[74es]

me:   yeah   im   book   based.

also   me:   what   if   i   watch   the   first   movie   today.