HUMOR ARCHIEVE

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[unaverage-confessions]

Passing my dissertation defense

[psydoctorgeekery]

[theprideful-deactivated20251201]

I like to play this game called "which disorder does this symptom belong to?"

[my-middle-name-is-anxiety]

[adventures-in-therapy]

When people ask me about what I learned in grad school, I’m like:

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[just-shower-thoughts]

Whoever said insanity is repeating an action expecting a different result clearly never owned a cheap lighter.

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Smart twitter bios

I am a sample size of one, not statistically significant, nor representative.

I’m not on Facebook. This is all you are ever going to get.

I’m so much cooler online. Aren’t we all?

Insert pretentious crap about myself here.

You can follow me if you feel like it. You can also put peanut butter in your butthole, if you feel like it.

I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook.

Spreading smiles like they’re herpes

I am not on Twitter. Go do something useful.

I have friends in spite of myself.

I’m very choosy. I’m also very suspicious, very irrational and I have a very short temper. I’m also extremely jealous and slow to forgive. Just so you know.

When I tweet, I tweet to kill.

So you want to hear a couple of general and useless tweets?

I used to love my old twitter account, then everyone from work found me. This is my new account

Like blunt people? Well, here you go:

No bio

I used to act. I also belly dance and eat Jolly Ranchers – not always at the same time though.

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I am joking.

Living vicariously through myself

Do not judge me before u know me, but just to inform u, you won’t like me

If I could sum up my life in one line I would die of embarrassment

Don’t think for a second that I actually care what you have to say

Aggressively unfancy

I like to think I like to think.

My preferred pronoun is ‘your majesty’

I’ve learned I don’t know anything. Have also learned that people will pay for what I know. Life is good.

Was a tree…now not deal with it.

The only thing stopping me from being pure white trash is my lack of motivation.Good morning.

 I behave decently to everyone without any expectation of rewards or punishment after I’m dead.

Born at a very young age.

The only person on Twitter who doesn’t claim to be a social media guru.

I apologize in advance.

Naturally and artificially flavored

Like all 80s kids, I was so busy being told how special I was I didn’t get that that went for everybody else, too. Now I’m sad that I’m not more important.Hello my cute armadillo. I’ll follow back esp. if you’re Irish

“My bio is vague because this Twitter handle belongs to my internet alter-ego; I don’t exist offline. You heard it here first.”

This is a parody account that half of you morons think is real.”

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[academicssay]

[jigglypuffsvevo]

sees cat being naughty and scoops him up: This is a disciplinary hug. Do not derive joy from it.

naughty cat: purrs loudly

[just-shower-thoughts]

When you hold down an app to delete it, the other apps shake because they’re scared they’re next to be tossed into the endless void of where deleted things go

[justablueumbrella]

“Your best and your most exciting days are all ahead of you.”

— the episode of How I Met Your Mother I’m watching right now

[terefah]

i’m saving my brain for special occasions. if i use it every day it’ll get dirty