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I am a simple artist with big dreams in the sky, like everyone else, I want to fly~
I have a man now and he loves me and will whoop anybody who fucked with me.. love my nigga.. Ramos fuck around find out!! Lol
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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I am a simple artist with big dreams in the sky, like everyone else, I want to fly~
I have a man now and he loves me and will whoop anybody who fucked with me.. love my nigga.. Ramos fuck around find out!! Lol
BD>7
Has it really been this long? I always thought that drawing and painting were my greatest escape, but it seems that the dreams I looked for were hidden in different areas. My writing has always been fun but my blocks maybe came from the fact that i never really wrote what i felt in my heart. The fact that i wanted to keep my world pretty when it just was not. My world has been beautiful and cruel. My hope has wavered, but stayed with me. Now its time, maybe that i allow myself to express the darkest secrets so i can finally feel a sense of peace. Truly and Honestly.
At first I didn’t know that there were things i was supposed to question or look for. It seems like the idea of standing up, defending, and questioning those “above” you were all new to me. I always just followed what I was told was acceptable or not. Its my family’s and my fault, for allowing my mind to become submissive and for me not realizing what was going on. Child or not, when do you become aware that people are different? When you suddenly become different? When the thoughts and voices in your head are wrong and who you have become is not right?
I am not naive. I am not Innocent. I see the aberrations that a human soul can create, and the hope it sustains. I am a heart that has felt rips of pain I am a heart that has felt the healing of tears Confession 1
5 Years Old
The first time I ever saw a penis was when i was waking up from the strangest sensation that someone was hovering over me. My eyes gently opened but my head quickly went blank. In front of me was a penis being flashed in my face. I could see the wrinkly and thick fingers grasped around it, swinging it around like a toy. I look up to see my Uncle Tito, (”Tio Tito”) laughing like it was a big joke. He just stood there as he made eye contact and continued to chuckle. Continued to smile as I watched in frozen fear as he adjusted himself quickly to get it back behind his zipper. He fixed his pants and walked away with a satisfied laugh back to the living room. I never understood what had happened but I remember the shock, fear and confusion. My little mind had no idea what to do and I had no idea what was wrong. Why did it feel like something really awful just happened, yet I didn’t even know what that was.
I didn’t begin to go over all the sexual abuse until i was in high school, 11th grade, when I also began therapy. I started to realize that my behavior in the past didn’t match up to my classmates. I was never as cheerful and my humor was skewed. It seemed like academics, friends, and being social was the first priority. I never resonated with that. I knew that sex and pleasure existed and for me, that was a priority. However it was a dark, dirty secret and all my feelings were dirty as well. I hated myself for how I felt. I never understood why I thought the way I did and why my body seemed to react to images or sounds of sex so strongly.
I didn’t remember this incident until a few years into therapy after high school, and once i recalled that being sexually molested or exposed started at the age of 5, it was honestly as if a veil had been removed from my eyes. All the self loathing, all the self infliction of pain, all my strange sexual desires. I no longer felt like I was a freak of nature. I no longer felt that something was wrong with ME and all the strange feelings didn’t magically appear. I had been terrified for years that myself as an individual was just sick and I would have to live with my atrocious thoughts forever. I was terrified that my mind was broken and eventually when people find out how twisted it was, I would be thrown into a loony bin. It had been a fear that lived with the moment my uncle decided to walk into the room. Remembering what happened though allowed me to realize that all my hurt had a root and It was my first real understanding of what had happened and to who I was. A better understanding.
Since I was exposed to feelings and concepts that I didn’t understand at such a young age, my idea of what a healthy relationship between a man and a woman should be like was ruined. What is appropriate and what is not, and it was such a mind fuck to realize that what i was feeling isn’t WRONG. This is how I have had to adapt to losing an innocence we all wish we could protect. This is the first but unfortunately not the last. This was the beginning of a long psychological battle, a long broken road, and a harder path to rediscovering what its like to be human.
BD>6
No matter how tight my fingers clench my skin The pain is nothing compared to that underneath it The moment where all my muscles shred but my heart continues to flow It flows all the scalding aftertaste of heartbreak through the entirety of my body Cracking and scaling, my veins are failing Breathing is like fire making my tears boil and Every shot of steam scatters my burnt pieces like a statue exploding Its in my head though Because if it was not then I would be dead but instead It feels like my arms are constantly itchy Holding myself just simply is not enough I just simply cant see it
Business Wear Action Poses (Various Unknown Sources)
Good drawing reference (best keep it under the belt) ^-^
Theres Always 2 of Us a light and a dark even if one is greater than the latter its not completely dark the spaces in between and shadows the sink within its always light its always dark
I never thought the darkness of my past Would help me reveal the colors of my future
BD>5
From my own fire of destruction Ive been burned to the ground My ashes blew upwards with the wind and my emotions cant be held in They push and pull inside every edge of me and i lash out without noticing There is a hidden pain with sugar coated smiles From where does it stem How long have you been sitting there? How long have you been still? How long have you been waiting? There is no light in your eyes where is it you stare blankly and empty to? Did you burn out too quickly from your fabulous flames?
BD>4
Ill watch the days go by The colors always changing and Stars blinking like a movie in the sky Watching them calms me the way an ocean does The push and pull of the waves are long and everlasting The roaring and strikes on the ground lashing against itself Taking everything in its way throwing mist in my face Cool and refreshing its like new life being breathed In
BD>3
I want to continue to believe, as hard as I can. When it all seems so bleak and the world has proven too much I hope to still have my imagination The places where no one can reach me Places that I have a thousand names for and a thousand places with no names The sky is the sea within the world of connection Millions and millions of bright sporadic lights Flying on invisible lines This is my place, inside my head Where i have tea with my demons and death fights with my angels I can swim within space and reality has no meaning I can fly under the ground and along the clouds wings My mind is my area, free of any plagues and insecurities My mind is where i can unfold the world, see the right, the wrong, and the gray My Human Mind
Every Time
BD>2
I can’t help but wonder how my thoughts have changed I slowly and painfully came out of my own bubble The bubble that had been placed over me The bubble that i helped foster until i broke my psyche The colors really were brighter and my emotions were as real and physical as the fingers and toes on my body The burst from my bubble went in all directions From every minute nerve and cell in my body to the leaves on the trees and the dirt under the lake There was no place safe from my mind Analyzing every bit of life that came to Analyzing all the sounds and colors like it was new I learned how to love deeper and fuller I learned how to love myself when all i did was hate and wallow My road to emotional freedom and inner acceptance has been exhausting and lengthy I still have further to go, but now knowing I am stronger than any catastrophe
BD>1
Is there an idea that the world runs on love? How physical and real is that energy?
Can it carve out the hate and sorrow? The love that I have seen, I cant tell if its real When i look into peoples eyes, where is this light Ive heard about?
When i see people hold hands and watch each other Is that what it is? The electricity and fire that seems to be unstoppable Is that what the world sees? Acceptance Peace Joy Love Passion Heat and Serendipity Entangled in my confusion of Love and Hatred
BD>L>S>D>1
I miss the Intensity, the way it tingled down my spine In the middle of my back holding me prison in my mind I’m taking the ride into my brain and my memories are for the picking My heart expands and my ears get lost in the clicking The sight of the music is right in front of me Hundreds of colors and lines pulsating through the roots like a tree Thousands of voices and sounds are lost in the shapes The symmetry in the words, line and open space I let the beat of the waves take my Center I let go of the reality tether Suddenly, i can see past my own confines
These are the clones I’m looking for 🖤
#witchyartchallenge Thank you Claudia :)
IuNoI
I will sit in the darkness, until i can unravel my mind my hair and skin will wither, from lack of sunshine my joints get stiffer with each movement and growth I am trying to turn towards the window light with a ghost My stomach curdles and my icy breath reaches me and my fingers clutch to a chest and nothing escapes me
June 18
Leave me here In my entanglement of Love, hatred, and confusion As my mind wanders again I just need to be alone Give me time to heal It never comes in a straight line It's painful and stays as a reminder Of what I'm leaving behind