consent post got me on one hell of a tangent.
if your partner(s) tells you something that even vaguely suggests they're not into whatever is happening, that is your sign to stop and check on them. consent should be always be given explicitly, whether prior or during whatever. and if they safeword or give you any code that means "i need you to stop" for you, you stop. if they express genuine discomfort or arent sure or are nervous, stop.
and its so, so important to understand that you can change your mind during play or sex or whatever. you consenting initially doesnt mean you cant say "hey actually i need to stop." doesnt matter if youre a bottom or a top or whatever. youre always allowed to change your mind.
never ignore what youre feeling and what you need just to please your partner(s), that only hurts all of those involved. expressing and being receptive to boundaries is so so important during sex, and especially in kink.
expressing a boundary isnt a "turn off" and anyone who says that it is, is a piece of shit. if you need something to stop, communicate that. i get nervous communicating boundaries sometimes because i tend to sometimes worry about ruining the mood or something, but ive started getting more comfortable with it because i know that consent is not optional. if im not okay with something that is happening, i need to communicate that. and because of that, i have never let myself go without expressing a boundary, which is why im getting more comfortable with it.
a good partner will never put you down for that. a good partner will hear you out, respect your boundaries, and make sure youre enjoying whats happening too. if your partner doesnt do any of those things, they dont deserve to be your partner!!
i am, by no means, an expert in kink. i am an 18 year old virgin on tumblr who is still new to kink. im sure i left some examples and other things out. but i get so. passionate, i guess, about the importance of always communicating boundaries. i really think everyone should be, really. not just with sex and kink, too.
the bit about struggling with communicating boundaries is an important topic to me too. i struggle with it because of trauma ive endured, but im working on it because, as i said, i know consent is not optional, neither are my boundaries, and i need to communicate when im uncomfortable or need something to stop. not just for my sake, but also for ehoever im playing with. and it makes me mad when i see a lot of people call that struggle "inherently toxic" or whatever, because it isnt inherently toxic. it can be, but just struggling isnt. if youre working through it, whether on your own, with your partner(s), or both; youre not being toxic. youre making progress and youre doing good. sometimes working through that takes time, especially depending on the root of the struggle, but working on it is always a step in the right direction.
idk if this was coherent i just started thinking about it a lot and some of the stuff ive gone through and i need to ramble about it. meow
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