rip harry potter, you would’ve definitely won the hunger games. and i don’t just mean because he can go ages without food due to the dursleys’ starvation.
you’re polyjuiced as a muscular, scary wizard running through the ministry? lean into the intimidation and act like a pureblood supremacist and threaten everyone to get them to comply as you get the muggle-borns out.
you need to free a house-elf whose being poorly treated? wrap your sock over the diary knowing lucius will throw to the side towards dobby and hence free him.
you need your shitty relatives to sign the permission slip? tease them about revealing your horridly abnormal identity as a wizard to the guests coming over.
you need to get your shitty relatives to let you go to the quidditch cup? tell them your godfather is a murderer and that you write to him and intentionally leave out the part that he’s innocent.
you need to manoeuvre a literal dragon to get the egg? fly in circles to make it dizzy and back and forth so it can’t blow fire and high up so it’ll eventually move up so you can zip down and snatch the egg.
you’re trapped in the department of mysteries with your friends? get you and your friends to topple all the shelves and make a run for it.
need to eavesdrop on snape and karkaroff’s conversation? intentionally spill your potion and pretend that you’re innocently just cleaning up.
you need to get back to hogwarts after enduring the cruciatus curse and then duelling voldemort? run at full speed, while dodging spells, with an injured leg and the weight of cedric’s body to the portkey and successfully get away.
your friend needs a confidence boost? successfully gaslight him and everyone else into thinking you added a lucky potion.
the new minister of magic is insinuating that you should be more involved with the ministry and use it to become an auror? actually, no, what he’s actually doing is trying to milk my fame to control public opinion into thinking i support them so that they’ll support them.
oh dobby, you say that malfoy always goes up to the seventh floor with other students? actually what’s happening is that draco flinched in the robes shop be cause he didn’t want the person to see his dark mark, and he went behind the desk in borgin and burkes to show the mark in his left arm. oh, and the reason he’s on the seventh floor is because he’s going to the room of requirements which is also why it isn’t showing on the marauder’s map. oh and hermione, that girl who dropped the brass scales, that was crabbe or goyle polyjuiced to watch the door and alert malfoy if the coast was clear as well as the girls who were following malfoy and the one who dropped the toadspawn.
dumbledore wants me to get information out of slughorn? refill the wine bottle so he drinks more to make him susceptible, reminisce about my mother who was his favourite student and guilt trip this member of authority by mentioning his reluctance to help defeat the wizard who killed lily evans who gave her life to save me and emotionally manipulate him by saying he should be brave like my mother and tell him how noble he’d be for doing it.
a true icon.

















