The time I realised that I was a loner.
Okay, so this might get a little boring and all. I’m sorry but this is the time I realised that I was a loner. So, my “bestie” transferred to a new school, I made new friends at school who supported me but also were very self centred. I was rarely given a chance to speak when I’m with them and even if I speak they just say stuff like, “I don’t care” or “Lol nevermind”. They rarely cared about what I did and what I stand for. This post is not for self pity or whatever people call it nowadays but yeah I’m really very greatful for tumblr to give us a platform to share our thoughts with the world and discover likeminded people.
Anyways. Ever since I was young I didn’t have proper friends and all the close friends I had were either bitchy or were transferred to a new state/country. The last close friend I had was a combination of those two but that is a story for another day. I have trust issues, I don’t easily trust people. Yes, throughout my life I made many acquaintances and many of them I still talk to, but acquaintances are called acquaintances for a reason. You talk to them for like 30 seconds per day maximum. I have like a group of friends who I made this year who are nice but sometimes bitchy and yeah they don’t give a fuck at all about me or what’s about me. One of the girls is like so disgusted to even see me. Or maybe it’s just my thoughts saying that she’s disgusted to see me.
Anwyays, with no friends to talk to or no people to comfort me (expect my mum, I love her) I turned to social media sites like tumblr and all. I started using tumblr since 2015, but was not a regular user. Wattpad is my biggest stress relieve at the end of a very long and painful day. I can live in that fantasy world. All those nice things will never happen to me in real life so I derive pleasure from other’s comforts. Weird, I know.
Music is one of my biggest support systems. I listen to different kinds of bands and I’m open to new music which is outside my music genre (so feel free to suggest some songs, the lyrics should be meaningful though.)
Anyways, I am kind of an outcast at school but not like the bad outcast. Trust me I only saw people drinking or smoking on tv and books and not irl. It’s really very difficult for me to make new friends as many people in my school don’t read novels or Wattpad! My favourite bands are very underrated. I do not handle criticism well. I overthink a lot, Like a lot, I look for a hidden meaning in what you say even though there’s no hidden meaning and it’s straight to the point. My voice is very low when I speak so you can’t even listen to me speak and my voice is usually not heard. I have a stuttering problem while on stage or talking to people who I’m afraid of?
I don’t usually find people like me in school. They’re too concerned with the way they look and they are judgy as hell. Me, on the other hand, I love looking at make up tutorials for the transformation, I’m not even allowed to use make up, and I don’t even apply it.
My stupid lifestyles and thoughts is what made me different from the rest of my idiotic school and even though I’m a loner, I’m proud to be one.
vaporwave
stormborns
romaincrisis
turnnoffyourmind