hey sue! i hope this message finds you well. i wanted to ask if you’ve ever gone through a breakup where you know it’s turned toxic and that there’s nothing left, or hardly anything left, but for some reason, neither of the people involved can let go of the relationship? no matter how hard i try she comes like a boomerang and i’m eager to catch it.
thank you, for now i’ll find comfort in your past works.
Hi my love, sometimes the more traumatic the relationship the more difficult it is to let go.
It is a combination of things - the breaking and healing process, the combination of stress and relief, it is all (mistaken for) love - or at least fosters a dependency. It is the thought that you have been through so much together - the knowledge that you have given so much of yourself - the worry that you’ll never recover or be the same way again or be able to love anybody else with the same love.
We all look back on bad relationships and wish we had left earlier. But the truth is, most of the time we only leave when we feel finally able to. To say “I spent too much time with them” is to deny the reality that, even where there is no good love left, there may still be love; there may still be familiarity or need. It is not human to be able to disentangle easily.
What I’m trying to say is, it won’t be easy - leaving never is. Breaking up never is. Don’t expect it to be! There will never come a day, no matter how exhausted you become, no matter how exasperated, where you will leave her happily. Not if part of you love(d) her. But that doesn’t mean you should stay. None of that is a good enough reason to stay.
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