Stay
Genre: Angsty with a fluff ending
Word count: 2.4k
A/N: I rise from the dead to post something for our boy Bammie. This was obviously rushed and unedited lmao. Hope you enjoy still!! Happy Birthday Bambam!
You thought you were over him.
No, scratch that.
You were sure you were over him. You haven't thought of him for months, the simplest of things didn't remind you of him anymore, you could do and try things that didn't make you think 'he'd surely like this' before becoming despondent for the remainder of the day.
You were over him. Supposed to be over him.
And yet, here you were, laying on your bed and staring at the ceiling as you felt the familiar sting of tears forming behind your eyes as everything came crashing down on you.
You missed him, every fiber of your being missed him. His cheeky grin, his jokes, how he never passes an opportunity to make a double entendre should the chance arise, his harmless pranks, his eyes that bore his sole, his mood swings - god you can have all day and you still wouldn't be able to finish listing out what you miss about him. Because you miss every fucking thing about him.
Your depressing line of thoughts were disrupted by the vibration of your phone, notifying you of a text message. The very same phone who's at fault as to why you're having a breakdown literally a minute just after you woke up.
…Maybe that wasn't fair to say to an inanimate object. After all, it was ultimately your fault for forgetting to delete it.
Still, looking at your phone to check if you woke up too late only to see the words 'Bambam's birthday!!! ♡' on your notification wasn't exactly the wake up call you wanted to have.
Not when you two were over.
Choosing to ignore it, you turned off your phone, pushing it aside. It was probably from work - you'll handle it later. You'll just call in sick. Might as well since you felt sick. How can someone who you haven't seen in 8 whole months still have this kind of effect on you?
You closed your eyes, a tear or two slipping down as you forced yourself back to sleep. Maybe you'd feel better after, maybe the emotions wouldn't be as raw as it felt now and would be easier to manage with later. But most of all you just want to stop feeling for a moment.
♤♡◇♧
It was noon by the time you woke up. While how you felt didn't improve like you hope it would, you did finally begrudgingly accept that perhaps you still have lingering feelings for your ex. For Bambam.
Your body felt heavy and sluggish as you hauled your ass off of bed, hoping you'd be able to do something productive while at home - it was the most you can make yourself do for missing a work day because of something so painfully pathetic.
The first thing you did was to inform and apologize to your office for missing work out of the blue, claiming it was because of a rather nasty case of stomach flu since you figured they wouldn't appreciate it if you told them it was because you suddenly missed your ex.
Next was to make a decent meal for yourself. Or maybe just order take out. Anything as long as you feed yourself.
Then… then everything was a blur after.
For some masochistic reason, you ordered Tom Yum Goong, Bambam's favourite food. You weren't quite sure what had come over you when you did.
Maybe it was an act of defiance - denial that you didn't miss him as much as you felt. Maybe you really were craving Thai food.
Whatever it was, it just made your state worse. It was when the blur started.
You ate the food in silence, punctuated only by sniffs either from bursting out randomly into tears or because of the spiciness of what you were consuming. Then came the junk food and binging of romantic dramas, tears streaming on and off in random intervals as you went through your whole pantry of guilty pleasures in order to bury the thoughts about Bambam. Thoughts of him that attempted to penetrate your mind over and over, relentless like a storm.
Next thing you knew it was 6pm, your life felt like it had spiraled out of control in the mere span of hours, you didn't even do anything remotely productive like you hoped you would apart from constantly re-hydrating yourself - no thanks to the tears that won't stop spilling for good. You have resigned yourself to grief, not bothering anymore. Everyone breaks down once in a while, you told yourself. It's just one of those days.
But tomorrow… tomorrow, you'll be better.
Knock knock.
You paused your show and whipped your head back to the direction of your door which was to the right of the couch you're curled up on.
There was a tap, wasn't there? Someone knocked, right? It was the sound knuckles rapping softly on your door, soft enough that the noise of the television almost drowned it but you heard it. Or had you been imagining things?
You counted a whole five seconds before your impatience got the best of you. Apprehensive as you were, the door tugged at you - calling you to open it. Ridiculous at it seemed, you know you'd come to regret it if you don't act upon it. Before you can stop yourself, your body moves on it's own, approaching the door. Another wave of hesitation crashed on you but you ignored it, reaching for the doorknob. Inhaling a deep breath to ready yourself, you swung the door open before you lost courage altogether.
There, behind the door, stood the person that has been entering your thoughts without permission. The person who was to be blamed on why you wasted an entire day crying on and off like a deranged person. It was a miracle you didn’t break down in tears right then and there. The world couldn’t be that cruel, right? Either it was or you were hallucinating big time.
Your chest tightened at the sight of him, memories flooding back with intensity that was tenfold of what you’ve been going through the whole day. Flashbacks of the past that were filled with happiness if not bittersweet ones - memories that made you wonder what happened to you two. Why weren’t you together anymore? You can’t even remember what you two last fought about that became the undoing of your relationship. There were shouting and crying, that much you recall, but what had sparked it eluded you like you were the plague.
Eyes wide, jaw agape, you stared at him. Bambam looked just as surprised to see you as he mirrored your expression. Bambam who donned his usual fashionable clothes but lacked the confidence he so often exuded. No, he looked dejected and unsure by your doorstep, falling in a silent stupor from seeing you. He didn’t seem drunk but his eyes were wild, anxious - attempting to look at anywhere but you yet failing miserably.
It was he who first broke the heavy, awkward, shock-shelled silence that engulfed you both with a voice that was hoarse and a timorous tone that didn’t fit his image.
“Y-you weren’t supposed to be here.” It was evident that it took a herculean effort to utter those words.
Your astonishment was replaced with perplexity at his words, brows furrowing in an unsure frown. Why did he seem so surprised at seeing you in your apartment?
“Where would I be?” You asked, inwardly surprised that your voice sounded steady and whole.
Bambam ran a hand through his hair in exasperation that wasn’t quite directed at her but more at himself, effectively giving him an unkempt hairstyle that undeniably looked good on him. “No I mean - you shouldn’t be home from work yet, usually. Right? I mean back then -” His babbling seized when he got a proper look at you. You in all of your disheveled, tear streaked face glory.
His gaze softens with worry then, making a tentative step toward you. “What happened? What’s wrong?” His voice was almost like a whisper - low, soothing and hypnotizing that it made you want to run back to his arms and bury yourself against his chest like you often did when you were still together.
Still you stayed strong, ignoring his queries as you shot him back with your own question. “Why are you here, Bam?” You shuddered at how foreign his name now sounded from your lips.
Reluctance flooded Bambam’s features again, unsure how to answer. You decide to press more when he still didn’t respond after a minute. “It’s your birthday. Shouldn’t you be out with the boys?”
“I am - I mean, I was. But - “ He paused again in a way that was slowly grating your patience.
“But what?” You encourage, trying hard not to sound irate. Bambam bit down on his full lower lip in thought, weighing out his options on how to proceed. Then, he locked gazes with you, resignation crossing his features before a wistful smile graced his lips.
“But I miss you.”
You froze. He what?
Now that he admitted it outloud, the action opened a floodgate of confession that was just itching to spill given the right amount of push.
“I miss you everyday but today was the worst. I went out with the boys, like usual. It was great, they had this whole party for me but you weren’t there.” A laugh escaped his lips but there wasn’t any humor behind it. “I can’t believe my birthday was the one that made me realize just how much I miss you. Not Christmas, not New years, not even Valentines.”
Then he looked at you with so much earnestness that you almost forgot how to breathe. But it was what he said next that dealt the final blow.
“Why aren’t we together again? Why did we break up, love? I thought we were happy?” His eyes turned dewy, making yours water as well in response.
“We were,” You breathed out. “We were happy.”
“Then why? I can’t even remember what we fought about.” There was a tinge of guilt in his voice but that didn’t matter because you couldn’t either. The topic of the argument was apparently so trivial that both of you couldn’t even recall. But you did remember what transpired just minutes before the argument ended. Through hot tears you remember his panicked and pained expression as you screamed in frustration at him - that you didn’t want to see him - before walking out indefinitely from his apartment where you once stayed. And -
“You didn’t chase me.” You whispered finally, choking out the words as you tried to fight down the sobs you felt coming. “You didn’t ask me to stay.”
Bambam looked at you, eyes wide and confused. “What?”
“You didn’t chase me -” You repeated, “I walked out and you didn’t chase me or tried contacting me after.” You could feel your voice cracking as you go but you pressed on, determined. If this would be the last time you can talk to him before you went on with separate paths again then you might as well say everything you had to say.
“I mean, I know I told you that I didn’t want to see you again and honestly I couldn’t find any courage to face you again after that.” Tears were now streaming down your cheeks for the umpteenth time of the day and you did little to wipe it away, wanting to get this over with. “So when I also didn’t hear from you, I figured you were done with me. I don’t blame you - I mean, how could I when I was the one who -”
You stopped when you heard footsteps incoming from the stairs of the building. It seemed Bambam heard it too and ushered you inside, entering as well, before closing the door behind him. He then turned to you, his eyes full of understanding.
He cupped your cheeks and gently wiped your tears away, “Oh no. Baby, no, I wasn’t done with you. I thought you were done with me."
You leaned into his touch, unable to pull away. "I know, I'm sorry Bammie." It was pathetic to think how your break up was ultimately because of a misunderstanding because of your outburst. But it was and you can't take it back anymore.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." You mumbled continuously like a mantra. Bambam shushed you, pulling you finally into his embrace, rubbing comforting circles on you back as he held you close while your body writhed with sobs you couldn't contain anymore.
You two stayed in the position for a few minutes, enjoying it more than you cared to admit before he finally pulled away much to your dismay.
Bambam straightened your hair a little before placing both of his hands on either shoulder, looking you in the eye. "Is it too late?"
You blinked owlishly, confused. "Too late for what?"
"To ask you to stay. Will you refuse if I ask you now?" You opened your lips to protest, to ask if he was joking. But the sincere look in his eyes washed any doubts that threatened to bubble.
You've fantasized about this for the first few days you walked out, and now, 8 months later, he's finally here asking you. You already let him out of your grasp the first time - you weren't going to make the same mistake again.
"Are you sure?" You managed to ask, not wanting to seem eager and accept immediately.
A chuckle. A chuckle that you had missed so much it warmed you. "Are you kidding? Of course I'm sure."
"Really?"
"Really, really."
"Are you?"
He whined, pouting. "I'm sure, babe! Would I be here if I weren't? I already planned to ask you back even if you didn't tell me all of that."
You purse your lips as if thinking about it before nodding. "All right."
A wide grin graced his handsome face before going down in one knee as if proposing. "Then, will you please do me the honor of moving in again with me and staying this time?”
You mirrored his grin, pulling him up as you nodded. “Yes!”
Bambam leaned in to kiss you, pressing his lips softly against yours like he did so many times before. His arms wrapped around your waist, tugging you closer to him. “I love you.” He mumbled against your lips before pulling away with a grin.
“I love you, too.” You told him as you hooked your arms around his neck, a goofy smile on your lips. “Happy birthday, Bammie. I’m sorry I don’t have a present.”
He scoffed. “You’re the best present there is, babe.”
