[aannaviktoriaa]

16/03-18

Tack till dig, vad jag tror jag kan kalla vän, och dina ord du sa till mig i helgen. Tack för att du sa orden jag faktiskt för en gångs skull behövde höra. 

[styleminimal]

[catarinehancock]

i used to be one of those people that didn’t really understand triggers and how the simplest of things could send you tumbling down a rabbit hole back into that memory. i never understood how something like a word or making breakfast or the way somebody says a sentence could cause your stomach to heave and your mouth to go dry and your fists to clench so tightly that you think your palms are bleeding. i never understood any of that. i never got how somebody’s mind could be wired to such give such tiny, irrelevant things such big meanings, how a syllable could become the equivalent to a landmine, how a gesture could become the same thing as a trip wire, and then you happened. and i got it. i got it too well. i understood because then suddenly, somebody reaching over to rub my back would make me go still. too still. and for a few seconds, i wouldn’t be able to move because it wasn’t my friend, it was you. suddenly, somebody is singing a song you used to sing and i have to leave the room because i can feel my heart trying to claw its way out of my throat. it took me over a year to let somebody call me ‘angel’ again because that was what you called me and every time i thought i was ready to be over all the stupid minuscule bullshit parts of us i just wasn’t. i’m still just not. you commented on one of my photos a few months back and it ruined my entire day. i could not let it go. i can’t let it go. and maybe this isn’t what having a trigger is like, but it sure feels like there are landmines peppered everywhere i go and tripwires all around me for other people to get tangled up in so they can watch me run, or cry, or do absolutely nothing at all. maybe this is the remnants of the heartbreak i never realized was happening until it was too late to fix it. maybe it’s just that, and maybe i’m not as fucked up as i think i am. but it feels like i stepped off of one battlefield just to get caught up in another. it feels like you’re not gone no matter how much i wish you were, but i can’t bring myself to block you because that would mean you’re definitely gone, and i don’t think i want that, yet. or at all. is this what abuse does to people? this back and forth, this tiptoeing around? is this what an aftermath is like? because i want to go back to not knowing how this feels. i want to go back to not getting it and not understanding how small things could rip you to shreds within seconds. i’m so tired of being scared to walk around. i just want the mines and wires to disappear. i just want to stop being afraid of being detonated.

landmine -c.h. // instagram: @evanescent.love (via @poeticaffinity)

[aannaviktoriaa]

tio dagar senare

du rörde vid mitt hår som förr och nu är det det enda jag känner och ser, fan, jag ser bara dig - hela tiden

hela jag fattas dig och jag behöver dig här, kan du inte se det?  

fan att du stack, fan att jag älskar dig min bästavän  

[uneventfulness]

[wordsnquotes]

Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.

Paulo Coelho (via wordsnquotes)

[jennyharmander]

Han har makten att göra mig hel i en värld där jag för det mesta känt mig trasig

(via jennyharmander)

[aannaviktoriaa]

95

Visa vad du känner, jag är öppen för förslag Vill du vara vågad för jag vill inte vara svag Jag minns när det var vi o jag minns vår sista dag Ditt hjärta ville stanna men din själ behövde dra

Du ville bort från allt som fanns, betydde även bort från mig

[natvibezz]

If your girl is in the passenger seat while you drive and your hand isn't gripping on her thigh you aren't doing it right.

[luvbey]

once you find that one person that makes you happy in a way that no one else can, don’t ever let them go & never ever take them for granted.

[aannaviktoriaa]

Jag ringde han förut idag med behovet att höra hans röst och han hörde på en gång att något var fel och jag svarade med att det bara varit en dålig dag. 

Responsen jag fick var att “Anna, du har aldrig bara en dålig dag när du mår såhär, vad har hänt”, förstår ni hur bra han känner mig, vad skulle jag ens göra utan honom

[datingenigma-blog]

[wiaves]

[nihilistic-bitch]

that bpd feeling when you get the urge to isolate yourself to see how long it takes for anyone to give a shit about your absence

[bey]

do you ever listen to a song and remember exactly what life was like when you first heard it

[cvstleofglass]

Sky Ferreira // Love In Stereo

[snallabliminigen]

//

[caloriq]

late night showers late night conversations late night adventures late night snacks late night memories

everythings better at night