Transitions...

"This is a Blog about Change, Experiences, Advice, & How I am at least handling it…" -Ab This is a project by Abu Da Monkii (Aka. Ab Senpai, Abby, HyperSnyper88) that takes place in life, in the mind, and in the heart of humans, monkeys, and any other life forms that would prove to be interesting. It's purpose is to act as a chronicle to life lessons that we think should be repeated and viewed for all to see, lest history repeats itself.

[abbystransitions]

Warframe, What is it good for?

This game may possibly be the thing that kills me, or at least causes me to be left with a permanent twitch…

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12:03 PM (It’s Lunch time!)

I am finding I that the feelings I have about Dark Souls, Demon Souls, and Blooborne, are similar to my feelings about the online game Warframe.

Masochistic feelings. I can’t help but love Warframe, but I also realize that I hate it.

Now, please realize that Dark Souls, Demon Souls and Bloodborne, are freaking amazing games with intense storyline, and awesome gothic, beautifully disturbing graphics.  AND all those games are beyond challenging (There is a reason that the punch line for these games is “prepare to die”).

However, when you end up dying as least 40 times with in 15 minutes to a half hour because the game is so difficult… You end up hating it… a lot… BUT you keep playing it.

Warframe cannot even think of touching Dark Souls or Demon Souls as far as story, graphics, or in difficulty.  But warframe can still make you hate it just as much and yet you keep playing.

The main story line to this game starts off letting you know that the galaxy we currently all live in (Milky Way), has broken up into massive warring factions. And now you, a warframe operator have been awakened to defend the universe once more.

Sounds pretty legit, and who wouldn’t want to be a bad ass space ninja machine?

You end up having to up on walls, shoot things with all different kind of guns, kunai, bows and arrows, swords, and even hammers!

Here is where it gets you though… Nothing is really balanced.

You may LOVE the bows, but you can’t really use them if you have a hope of actually causing damage.  If you want to survive, you are almost forced to use either a rifle or a shotgun.

That’s when you say, OH WAIT! If I can’t snipe things with my bow and arrows that have massive poison damage and even blow up… Then I will snipe things with the sniper-rifles!

WRONG .

Sniper-rifles in the game are not at all useful.  They do not cause near enough damage, and the scope is generally slow to focus, and at times very unreliable.

You will end up dying or failing your missions so often you just want to throw your controller at something.

BUT you still play, because for being such and unbalanced, glitchy, frustrating and (lack of a better description) a trash game, its tons of fun. And when you finally accomplish something, you feel like what you actually did in game matters in everyday life. (In reality, it does not. Sorry to disappoint)

Because of all this, I am very tempted to start blogging a series that I will call, “Diary of a Tenno”.  At the very least, it will make people laugh. (I hope)

Well, got to go! ~Ab-Senpai

[abbystransitions]

Just Questions

Just Questions…


Is it me… or does it really not make any sense?

Talking with your significant other about serious life choices is normal right?

Ok… so while you are talking with them about life choices… are you supposed to get annoyed with them to the point of migraines?

I am trying to be patient, and I am trying to respond with thought out and insightful answers, but it just feels like no matter what I do, he gets in a bad mood and I get a really huge headache…

I love him, but dear lord… make up your mind.

Chose something and stick with it?

Does no one work like that anymore? Am I just being unrealistic? I mean it wouldn’t surprise me if I am being a little crazy for thinking that way… for not putting years of thought into something...

Why do we have to think about things so much?

If you aren’t sure about something after a month or more then… you are not going to be sure about it….right?


I am not sure about much… but I am sure that I need to sleep.


Night~Ab-Senpai

[abbystransitions]

Talking Myself out of Writer’s Block

Talking myself out of Writer's Block

Venting about writing and coming to terms with small things really can move proverbial mountains...

Writing is something that I love to do. It's something that I would like to spend the rest of my life doing. However, just like almost every other writer I have ever heard of or met I admittedly suffer from intense writers block.

This is something that I have mentioned before, something that I have mentioned many a times actually. Right now my mind is full of feelings and frustration that is happening in my personal life. Most people would tell me to "write about it" and I would agree with them. Nothing is better than emotional heart felt content.

Yet here I am trying to get something accomplished in this book that I am writing and my life problems have nothing to with the story line. So how does "writing about it" help me?

Let's just face it... it doesn't.

So what do I do to get these creative juices flowing when it comes to my book? There are a couple things that I could do, like get out and explore outside and take in some inspiration in from that. I would read some other books that I own that were written by my favorite authors, and try to take in their creative thoughts. I could not think so hard on it and let inspiration hit on its own, which admittedly is what I always end up doing.

So with all these possibilities... how do I know what is really going to help? I would like to get this book finished this year.

Well, instead of complaining about writers block, I will take my writers block and turn it into something useful. So far I have cleaned out a decent amount of pictures and posted them which I have been meaning to for a long time, and I have begun to catch up on my journal-ing.

I believe that I just need to be patient, and when inspiration strikes, stop what I am doing whatever it may be and write it down. If I want to finish this project I have to commit all the way to it right? That is the only way that anything is going to get accomplished.

So it's settled.

And now that I am done ranting I think I actually know what is going to happen next in the book.

HAAAZAHHH

[abbystransitions]

White Wine, Music and Snacks

White Wine, Music and Snacks Listening to Pentatonix and drinking Mosquito and having small revelations…

Listening to some new music, for me at least and I remember what it was like to run around the house dancing and singing along with my mother’s tapes. I used to be so inventive; I used to make every word sung in a song part of a story while I danced it out on the floor, the steps, even my bunk beds. The feeling when you are in that creative mode; and the notes move you, the words are nothing but an interpretation of the feeling in the notes, its blood y freaking beautiful!

I love that feeling. It’s the only time that someone can truly feel free. The only time that the world and everything in it is not there to confuse or trap you, it’s there to dance, to sing with you. Recently I have yearning for that feeling again.

Sadly I had come to the deluded conclusion that that feeling only came to you when you are young and childish. Then all the sudden, that very amazing feeling came back to me. It was then that I realized that it has nothing to do with age but rather it has everything to do with taking time to love life, to love what you are doing, and purposely not a damn care in the world.

So I want to say the lesson for today is to be serious when life calls for it, but the rest of the time, enjoy it. You are only has happy and relaxed as you let yourself be.

  Tootles ~Ab-Senpai

[abbystransitions]

The Mundane Things - Dec 06 2013

THEME: The Mundane Things I had an Epiphany on the way to work...

  While I was driving into work on Friday, (Dec 6, 2013) I was listening to KLove Music Station and a woman came on asking a question about something that the morning show crew had said earlier.

She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that even the little things that we do are just as important to God as bringing someone to Christ.

She who proclaims to be a devout Christian of 25 years had never heard that EVERYTHING you do (ex. House work, Yard work, Spouses helping each other with problems at work, Working at your job, Feeding your kids, Talking with friends, etc...) is important to God.

I called my Uncle Greg, who is a pastor at Abundant Joy Church, and he said that this is a very common thing among Christians. They don't realize that your everyday duties are not just duties; they are crucial in cultivating a relationship with God.

Needless to say I am stunned, and downright dumbfounded. I had no idea that people didn't know that. I thought that was Christianity 101. But apparently, there are a lot of people that have completely skipped that part in their walk with God.

Now I have a fire lit right under my rear, so I need to gather some more information on the matter, and share what I have found.  At least I believe that is what I am supposed to do anyways...

With all this talk about world news and the Christians being massively persecuted by being thrown in jail, churches being burned to the ground, USA economy going to hell in a handbag, Christmas is coming don’t forget to get all your loved ones really beyond expensive things this holiday season, and so on and so forth; I find the woman’s question very essential to what is going on today.

Yes, what is happening in the world, the “Big things” in essence are important to God most assuredly. But what we don’t realize is that all the small things we chose to do in our lives affect the world and are just as important to God.

Weather you cleaned out your room, cleaned up your house, made dinner, all these things are very important to God. Because if you do everything to the best of your abilities, even the small things; you are in fact worshiping God.

And that is something Christians don’t readily understand. That all the things that make them who they are, all the little things they do actually determine if they are “Christ Like”. This is extremely important to God; that is how you have a genuine relationship with God, through the little things.

Just as the little things cultivate your relationship with others how could they not be part of your relationship with God?!

So let’s look at an example for doing your very best and then giving it to God. It is football season so I would like to go ahead and use the movie “Facing the Giants” as an example here. Once Grant, the football coach for Shiloh Eagles in the movie, got his act together, he realized that EVERYTHING that his team does or doesn’t do, believe or doesn’t believe effects not just them personally, and not just the team, but their relationship with God. When you do your very best and give it to God. There is NOTHING more important than that.

So Grant is talking at practice and he sees that Brock, one of his team members is walking around defeated, and so thus the rest of the team is walking around defeated. He goes and blind folds the Brock and has him crawl on his fingers and feet only with a 140 lb man hanging on to his back and see how far he can go. Brock ended up trying his hardest,, thinking that he would only make it to the fifty yard line, but ended up carrying that man all the way to the ENDZONE! That is over 100 yards ladies and gentlemen, and these kids are in high school! But he gave it everything he had and gave the rest to God and look at what happened.

What I find great is that not only did Grant prove a point that there is nothing that you can’t do through God, even the little things, but Brock also surprised grant finding out that the team mate that was on Brocks back was actally 160 lbs. THAT’S 20 LBS MORE! Only through God, and only because God finds that these little things; even a football team, is important in his great plan.

So let us put this in perspective, if your wife is putting in a very long day at work and you get home and start supper for the two of you and do the dishes for when she comes home so she has less to do when she gets home; then that is very important to God. You did something little, and you did your best at it, andif you give that to God it’s worship, its building the relationship of not only God and you, but Your Wife and you as well!

And if your kids see that you do these things for your wife out of just love and reverence for her and the Lord, does that not lead them to act the same way in their future relationship’s?

All of that out of a little mundane task!

So how could that not be important to God? How can that choice not affect the world? So yes even doing the everyday things like putting your shoes away so no one trips on them, playing with the dog so that she is not as crazy at night when everyone in the house needs sleep, brushing your teeth even! That way no one will wince at your breath thus not listening to what you are trying to tell them; is very important.

GOD IS IN EVERYTHING! So how can everything not be important to Him?

~Ab-Senpai

[abbystransitions]

Can't Keep Running from Debt - Nov 21 2013

Can’t Keep Running from Debt Money Handling… I am not good at it

Money is truly the root of all evil, and misery.

After finding out that I had paid my one of my monthly bills twice, I find that doing that completely overdrew my account and I didn’t find out about it until almost a week after it happened. So the bank charged me for every day that I had that negative balance. Not a good way to start off your morning.

Needless to say, I called in some favors and asked about money that some of my friends owed me and I paid it. But as a result of that, I have my very budget oriented mother trying to help me set up a plan that can get me out of this hole that I have dug myself into long before this most recent money debacle.

I know that she is only trying to help and has no intention of insulting me or agitating me in any sense, but I can’t help but be annoyed and well… insulted. (But realize that she is right, I do need help and I am big girl enough to recognize when to swallow my pride.)

SO, as it turns out I, of course, am not the only one who is in debt. My friend are going through the same things, the only thing different is that they have had a handle on their debt longer, most of them anyway. I need to learn to get a handle on my fear of money and money handling. Just because I do not like to do it, does not mean that I can just avoid it.

Dear lord do I hate money.

Thank You for Reading, ~Ab-Senpai

[abbystransitions]

Choices & Consequences - Nov 12 2013

Choices & Consequences Everything that we do is a choice, it’s how you learn from these choices that makes you who you are today…

When one decides that they need a change in life style, notice that they have to decide to do it themselves. No one else can make the decision for them, nor could anyone ever force them to make such a decision. This type of change can only be truly made by whom the change will happen.

Not too many people realize the value of change and the choice that goes into the action. Change is only brought to action by choice, and choice is the only thing that starts and ends a change.

That being said, I had talked to a very interesting man I want to say last month sometime and he brought up how if some of his friends and relatives never listen to him and they are always making the same mistakes leaving him to clean up their messes. Trying to vent to me he went into detail about his one friend who was in a very destructive relationship with man that they were seeing.

From the very beginning this man had shown signs of deep depression and mental instability. This interesting man that I was speaking to explained how his friend’s relationship with this unstable fellow started to change her. She began to turn her lifestyle into the same lifestyle as the man she was dating. She became oversensitive, moody and unstable too. Not only that but she started drinking and cutting because she thought her life was terrible because of how her man acted, how he treated her, how she couldn’t help him, and she would constantly say that she was a failure that she wasn’t able to fix this man she thought that she loved.

This gentleman began to tell me that he begged her to leave that man. He begged her to see what he was doing to her, how much she had changed because [in his mind] the man that she was dating forced her to feel this way. He was bad news and she needed to get away from it.

At this point I had decided to speak my mind to him, and I said, “First off, it is not he who is forcing her to be depressed and negative. That is your friends own choice to be that way. Second off, the only person that can choose to change their lifestyle and make changes is you. Same thing for your friend; only she can make the change in herself to become better than what she is. And not to mention it is not your job to make sure that she does. The only thing you can do while she is making bad decisions is to be there to help her up when she falls.”

Completely taken aback by my bluntness, I got a wide eyed expression from him. The only thing he could get out was, “But that’s the thing Abb’s. I don’t want her to fall. I don’t like seeing her in pain, confused and out of sorts. It hurts me.”

“But sometimes hun, the only way that people can learn to walk is to fall.” And as he was thinking about my response, I couldn’t help but wonder, WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM? I mean I whole heartedly agree with my statement, but I couldn’t even begin to believe the confidence in my voice as I spoke to this man. It almost sounded like I knew what I was talking about; meanwhile I have self-confidence of about the size of a mustard seed if not smaller.

Then I realized that I had been in the same exact position that he is in! I have had friends not listening to my advice; not wanting them to fall; and cleaning up their messes. And what did it ever get me? More stress than I ever needed to bear and a whole lot of mental and emotional problems that I am still working on. I made my choice, and that is what happened, but not because they had forced me to change, but because I had chosen to change. I was just telling him what the truth of the matter was. That we all have a choice and what we choose, will always have a reaction and a consequence to it.

I don’t know if that had helped him or not. I do not know if he just listened to what I said but didn’t actually hear. But here is hoping that my experience might have given someone else that is going through all that, some sort of closure.

Thanks for reading, ~Ab-Senpai

[abbystransitions]

The Sitting Problem - Nov 05 2013

The Sitting Problem What happens after a day and a half of driving and a five movie marathon does to your butt…

SO (long dramatic pause) … I had a very interesting weekend that resulted in a pinched sciatica and an unwanted week off. First off let’s talk about the fact that at work I have been sitting with the maintenance engineers when all of my work duties and extras are done. One of the engineers had recently left for a better job at a different location within the same company.

Which leaves me with the other engineer when I am done with my jobs, which usually wouldn’t be a problem, but the one that is left here with me frustrates me to no end because he always tries to put all his work on other people and still get paid for that work.

This last Friday he was getting under my skin more than usual. He had this extremely defeated attitude and it was suffocating. He kept on trying to have me help him with things, interrupting my writing to complain to me and the like. I ended up leaving early so that I could go get my best friend from school 2 hours away, and I left in a very sour mood which meant that I had really decided to use my lead foot. While driving I ended up breaking the GPS 40 miles before my destination and ended up destroying my cigarette lighter in my car as well. All the while sitting and driving.

I started swearing and screaming out to the world my frustrations, then when I finally reached my destination, my best friend tells me that their sibling just got arrested, since obviously they were very upset by this and it was already dark out I had decided to listen and stay up there and sleep on the couch, yes there was a bed that I could have slept on, but I didn’t feel like getting comfy in a bed and not getting up early the next morning.

We leave and get home just about as I was out of gas for my car then to find out that I went all the way up there for my best friend not to spend the rest of the day with me.

By now I am highly annoyed, and decided to hang out with my parents and our friends for the rest of the night. Then the next day I decided to have a Star Trek Movie Marathon with my dog cuddling with me the entire time.

Sounds like a good end to a rather stressful couple days right? Well, I end up going to work yesterday and just as I get out of the car my legs buckle and I am unable to stand without massive amounts of pain. I ended up going home early and going to the doctors to find out through all this sitting I end up with a pinched sciatica nerve. Now I am not allowed to go to work for the rest of this week. (head desk)

So the Life Lessons here are quite a few actually…

·         Don’t recline for an excessive amount of time; it throws your back out of alignment.

·         When watching a Star Trek 5 Movie marathon with your dog, don’t let her pin all 63 lbs on top of you so you can’t move even an inch for 11 hours.

·         When sitting in a car for five hours, do not sit and lay on a cheap couch directly afterword’s for the rest of the night only to get back in the car and drive the next morning.

·         When going to work, try and keep the weight of purses, file totes, and briefcases to a minimum. After all the sitting during the past several days you are bound to get a pinched nerve.

All together I think Karma just wasn’t pleased with me so it thought it was time for me to have a messed up week.

Well I am off to get some food in my stomach and do nothing but lay here… Usually would be happy just laying here. This is an exception.

Thank you for reading my venting story. Tootles ~Ab Senpai

[abbystransitions]

Learning to Cope - Sept 04 2013

Learning to Cope When life throws you a curve ball, all you can do is learn from it and move on.

Wow, I haven’t written one of these in a while. Needless to say; Hello! I hope that any who had been reading while I was on Wordpress followed me here and liked the way Tumblr is set up. I know I do. I am still working out how I want this part of my Transitions Blog to look so please bear with me a little while longer.

Well as far as what has been new with me…. Hrmmmmmm… let’s see:

1)      As of about May-ish I have moved back in with my parents and my boyfriend of four years and I broke up. There were many reasons to go with why we split but the crux of it all was that our communication was terrible. I am happier and less stressed for it, and I have moved on with my life happily. But that is not to say that it wasn’t the most painful experience, and choice of my life.

2)      I have left the stamp job that I had gotten for a cleaning job that will turn into an office job where I can have the opportunity to travel around. I work cleaning a lab and the people I work with are the most entertaining and sweet lot I have ever met. I love my job; however it does wear me out massively. Very long hours that spans many different buildings. So I am exhausted.

3)      I have begun playing Guild Wars every second I can spare to be with friends again that I kind of left behind when I moved in with my Ex-Boyfriend. I actually am getting better at the game and enjoying it more than before. There have been a lot of changes to the system and the storage of the game but I won’t get into detail on this particular blog.

4)      I ended up with a new boyfriend already. Kind of fast right? Well to be honest we were really trying to go slow but it just ended up that we were on a rocket ship. He and I have been talking as friends for a while, but then we expressed an interest in each other so he came down to see me. (He lives a while away from me) asked me to be his girlfriend, and has been taking me out on a couple dates. I am seriously the luckiest woman alive to have caught this man. He is handsome, brilliant, funny, and a total geek like me. But he actually plays games with me AND he lifts weights, runs, and likes to get into shape. My family loves him, my friends love him and are jealous of me. All in all… it feels like a fairy –tail and that I am going to wake up any minute to find out that it was a dream. It hasn’t yet but it feels like it. I am the happiest I have ever been with him.

Yeah, that has pretty much summed everything up. I have gone through some ridiculous changes and they all happened so quickly in about a months’ time. It had my head spinning and for a little while there I was so stressed from the changes that I had hives.  NOT FUN!  NOT AT ALL!

But I have my body mostly under control right now. I haven’t had any hives in weeks and I have gotten used to my job and living with my parents again.

I don’t know if I had let you know in a previous entry or not, but over the summer last year we had gotten a puppy. Her name is Sofie and she is half lab, half Catahoula Leopard Dog. She is the sweetest thing ever and I love her tons. First one of our dogs to actually bond with me first before Mom and Dad; and needless to say I am beyond excited about it. I finally got a dog to love me more than Daddy! HA HA!

She has grown pretty dang big in the year we have had her. She is now 57lbs and all of that is muscle, I swear she is worse than a bull in a china shop. But hey, that’s my baby girl, always wrecking everything and being a super klutz.. Exactly like me. Sofie loves my boyfriend more than me when he is here…. Typical that EVEN THE DOG LOVES HIM!

Now I have been working on a new story. I really like what I have done so far but I get writters block and then I get distracted. And I don’t make progress in it. Eh, as is my life I suppose.

The best way I find to cope with all these changes and challenges is to sit back, pull yourself out of the fray and look upon the chaos with a critical eye. Find where you can get rid of things in your mind and in your heart that are only causing you trouble, and obviously get rid of them. Then take what is left that you have and find out what the problem is and see if it is something that you have to fix yourself or if you can ask someone for help. Then focus on the solid and good things that haven’t been touched by the chaos of your life, and just remember what those moment, those people have made and will continue to make you feel like.

That is how I am going at it anyways.

Thank you for reading this update and what not. I hope that you have a great rest of your day. Remember , change happens. How we handle change is what makes us who we are.

Once again, Thank you. ~Ab-Senpai

[abbystransitions]

Free Online Writing Classes - March 05 2013

Free Online Writing Classes I mean should I? …

I have put a lot of thought into this… but I think that it would be better for me to actually take some sort of free writing course or two. I hate getting stuck on  my stories and then leaving them there to just sit and die off in my imagination.

The problem I am having right now is that I am not sure which sites are scams and which are genuine. There are not many things in life that are free. But maybe that is me just finding an excuse to not change. Even though this kind of change is good.

But I am sorry that I haven’t posted anything in a while. I have had a lot on my mind and haven’t really been inspired to learn anything as of late. So all I can do is move on a get inspired again. The key is you just got to keep going. And don’t give in to that feeling of failure.

So short and sweet, I am learning not to give in.

Eh… It’s a start.

Till the next entry! ~Ab-Senpai

[abbystransitions]

Willing Myself to Write - Jan 26 2013

Willing Myself to Write I will become a better writer so help me God…

Well, It has been a while. Time has gone so fast recently, and I don’t even know where to begin. Last I looked I was having writers block, and all I could do was complain and wish that I didn’t have it. What I really needed to do was do something about it.

I have been working, very very slowly mind you, on a couple short stories and a book. I have been having a hard time getting past one part of the transition in the book and I quickly lose interest in the short stories. Here I am trying to better myself as a writer and I can’t even keep a commitment to myself to finish these projects; so I am now really trying to do something about them.

Writers block or no, I am taking on a challenge with myself to go through my finished chapters in my book, re-word them a little, and get a feel to where I left off and write in it AT LEAST once a day. Forcing myself into the thought process of writing, I have added on to the challenge, I am going to type up my short story that I am currently working on, and write at least a paragraph a day. I have to get somewhere with my writing, it’s what makes me happy and I know that I can be better. I am just going to have to get past the blockage by sheer force of will. (Plus there is the fact that I am writing now and feel no real blockage… so that tells me that I can do it.)

So moral of the story is, no matter what I am feeling, if I want something bad enough, I will push through and prevail over my short comings. Just because I am under a delusion that I am useless and that the things that I want will never get done, does not make it true. By not acting upon my desires and aspirations, I sabotage myself. I need to learn to not do that. I want to be a better writer. So here I am “Going For It”.

  Thanks for reading! See you in the Next Entry! ~Abby~

[abbystransitions]

Creating Writing Habits - Jan 21 2013

Creating Writing Habits My seemingly endless fight with writers block…

It’s getting harder to write at this moment in time, but I am trying to “transition” through it and get into a habit of writing. Needless to say, it’s a challenge.

Writers block is my absolute nemesis. But right now, I don’t want to combat it, I want to steer away from it, and more towards the reason I have been having this block. I then realize, I am slightly homesick.

Now please realize that I love my new home that my boyfriend and I have made together. But the problem is that I have spent most of my life thus far in my parent’s house. I didn’t realize that I would still be getting these feelings over a month after the move. It’s always in small ways to. Example, I really miss having recliners. REALLY MISS THEM! I have been off my gamer mojo without them. (insert sad face) The endless supply of pop, snacks out the wazooh… to name a few. Not to mention, actual chairs at the kitchen table, not benches that give your ass splinters and ruin your new pajama bottoms, and bigger sink to do the dishes in. And the list goes on, and all of it is little things.

The big things that hurt are I miss my dog, and my parents. But I couldn’t live without my boyfriend now, I have become to attached with living in the same house as him, coming home to him, him coming home to me.

So all in all, its worth losing all those little things. Because I am learning what is important. And that is the point of this all, right?

So maybe, my writers block is just telling me that I need to admit my feelings a little bit there and use them to create something other than a long complaint written or typed on paper. To write something that helps me grow, or just to grow…

I don’t know. Its food for thought.

  Thank you for reading, and see you at the next entry, ~Abby~

[abbystransitions]

The Return of the "To Do" List... - Jan 13 2013

The Return of the “To Do” List… I wish I was my mother’s daughter in this case…

Well the weekend is here and all I want to do is lie about and be lazy. I want to say that it is a very common thing among the population today. But so far my list goes as such:

·         Do the laundry (I have let it go for about two weeks because I was busy)

·         Mop the dining and kitchen floors

·         Dust the first floor

·         Vacuum the drapes/couch/stairs/and living room floor

·         Clean off the dining room table from bills

·         Plant the mini Christmas tree

·         Dishes

·         Recycling

·         Have my parents over to help with a couple things with the house

·         Finish the three projects I have currently open

·         Start looking for another job and part time job

·         Schedule my next couple doctors’ appointments

·         Bring all the boxes and the things that we are not directly using at this moment, downstairs in the basement

·         Clean my car inside and out

·         Return some movies and video games

·         Help a co-worker out with her technology

So, for some people that would be that much to do. But for me that is a shit done that I cannot possibly get done in two days…

How does my mother do it?

I don’t know what she is made of but that woman is amazing, patient and determined. I wish that I was like her and looked at this list and was able to dissect it bit by bit with confidence that it will all get done this weekend…

I am trying, learning to pull apart the tasks before me so that they are more manageable. But my impatience kind of gets in the way all the time. I am sure someone can Identify with me.

Well I suppose I had better get started.

Thanks for reading my whining,

~Abby

[abbystransitions]

Money Monsters - Jan 08 2013

Money Monsters Poisonous paper it is…

Money… if there is one thing I absolutely hate in this God forsaken planet, its money. Not only do humans love it, worship it, and kill for it, but you freaking NEED it to survive in this day and age.

Every time I get paid, I delve into a deep depression because I know monthly bills and yearly taxes are around the corner. It makes my stomach bile rise and fall in a very uncomfortable fashion. Everything that you do requires money, even if you work to get money you get taxed for working in the first place. YOU CAN NEVER WIN!

At least it feels that way to me.

But what I have to learn is that I had put myself in this situation. I didn’t watch my spending and I was (kinda still am, let’s be completely honest here) so inherently lazy that I just put it all off and racked up some debt. Realize that I am not THAT deep mind you, it just really annoying to work so hard to for money for food, other things, (my other things would be tons of movies, video games, and mounds and mounds of books…) to finally get a check and then realize none of it is yours. It goes to the student loan, the car and health insurance, to taxes, heat, electricity, rent, and the list goes on until you have to still borrow money from someone just to pay back the money you already owe.

If I have learned one thing out of this, it is that there are necessities and those out-rank anything else that is just an extra comfort.

I am still learning and by no means am I someone who knows what she is doing in life. I am just trying, learning, and I am hoping that someday I will be able to live life to the fullest and not have to worry about where the next meal is going to be coming from, will I have enough to get gas, will I have the change to do laundry, and such and so forth.

Restraint…

Something we all desperately need in this economic death trap…

Thank you for reading & see you in the next entry!

~Abby

[abbystransitions]

Making Things Work is Work... - Jan 5 2013

Making things Work is Work… Who knew that I might be over thinking things…

Down stairs I hear the guys playing their games. My boyfriend is playing on his computer and one of our friends is playing Halo 4 over the internet with other people.

I sat down there and played for a bit, and I haven’t been complaining the past couple days, almost a week with them over almost every single day. But this entire, not being able to have the living room clean for a couple days thing is getting really old. On top of that I hate the fact that I cannot just roam around in the house without a care in the world. People are always found coming in and out of our house so forget walking around the house with the girls free and hanging.

I am a solitary creature. I enjoy my alone time and am very uncomfortable around large amounts of friends for long periods of time. (Strange? Yes… But am I going to change to the one who can’t be without someone always in the house? No, absolutely not.)

I do like hanging out and playing games with others, and I am honestly trying to be a bit more social. Even though it is harder than it seems. I have to think that being with someone in a relationship means we have to look at this differently.

I know he loves having is friends over. But sometimes I am wondering if he loves me as much as he cares about his friends… (I know, girlish over thinking things type of drama)

What I am learning here is to trust that things will happen the way they are meant to and just because he wants to be with his friends, he always wants me to be with him with or without his friends. And you know what that will be enough for me. Just got to get used to it, you know.

Acceptance, learning that it is not all about me, myself, and I. Some girls still haven’t mastered this in a relationship, barely even scratched the surface it seems. But I want to learn more. I want to make this work. I want to make him happy. I want to be happy with him.

I guess it is time to get out of my box and learn to compromise.

  Thanks for reading! I will see you in the next entry!

~Abby~

[abbystransitions]

Compromises - Dec 23 2012

Compromises Christmas Traditions and Old Habits…

Christmas is coming. It is only about two days away, and like a lot of people in the United States my boyfriend likes to go shopping for presents on Christmas Eve. I don’t believe that he will have time to do that honestly, because we have a lot of family stuff to do and I personally think he shouldn’t have waited until the last minute.

Needless to say, I gave my opinion to him on the amount of visiting that we have to do this year and what came out of it is that he gets to skip out on one of the lunch-in(s) so he can go Christmas shopping. (Defeated look on face) I lost. But honestly, with the way things have been going with all these experiences that I am going through, new house, roommate (Boyfriend), as well as everything else… the debate went rather well and we compromised. He is still coming for everything else, he just wants to hold fast to some of his traditions, and I really am being unfair trying to make him adopt all of mine. If it were the other way around, I wouldn’t appreciate it, and things would be getting rather heated in the house.

So COMPROMISE is what I am trying to learn here. It sounds easy, almost like everybody wins. But it is really a lot of work. And both sides in any compromise have to give up something. For me though, giving up something that you have done for over twenty years is really hard to do. (Especially for me who is family orientated, and the “stuck in my ways”, “real stubborn creature of habit” type.)

While I write this, I am trying to think of better ways to describe my thoughts, and all I can think about is “I wonder if he actually took out the garbage and recycling? I hope he did because I am so tired of tripping over those bags and boxes and blah blah blah”. FOR GOODNESS SAKES IT’S CHRISTMAS! Or at least it will be… Stop being a chore Nazi and let him breathe for a day!! Sometimes I am so worried about the bills and keeping the place clean that I forget that he works hard and he is trying in his own way. Christmas is about being thankful and giving your time to your family and the people you love. Sitting with them, enjoying their presence and just relaxing, reflecting and eating!

I forget that sometimes. (Who doesn’t really though?)

But so far from the conversation today that I have had so far… I need to learn to compromise a little more. And maybe find some humility in these bones while I am at it.

So this attempt at bettering my writing might just open my eyes to the other things that I want fixed about myself. (Cheesey as that may sound…)

Thanks for reading, and see you in the next entry,

~Abby~

[abbystransitions]

Holiday Hangover - Dec 26 2012

Holiday Hangover I need a vacation to recover from my short vacation dang it…

  It’s the day after Christmas, and all through the house, all littered about are the remnants of spoiled children, and semi drunk adults…

In other words… It sounds like a good time. Right?

And you would be right. But how some people will still be trying to get over their holiday drinking binge or their ritual of over stuffing themselves, I just see a mess that I have to clean up and after not really getting a chance to rest.

So you can imagine me looking at the living room and seeing all the wrapping, opened presents, huge pile of dishes, disheveled floors, clutter covered table tops, and so on; you can see my face turn white faint. All I am thinking is I JUST FREAKING CLEANED! (What’s worse is the fact that we didn’t have the massive three family Christmas family thing at our house, but somehow it just exploded all over my house. -Left eye twitches-

I must say, (and yes this is a young daughter eating her words) I never gave my mother enough credit. Constantly cleaning up after everything that a family or friends messes up is almost like a third job. And just trust me, multiple jobs at the same time (yes very similar to multi-tasking) is extremely hard. Also something you generally don’t want to visit, let alone revisit. It takes patience.

Patience is one of Humanities attributes that are in very short supply (at lease most humans that I know). I know I have no patience. So thus this is proving to be a challenge.

I just have to think before I speak, and learn that being patient is the better course of action, rather than yelling at someone for having a good time.

Well that is it for now,

Until the next entry!

~Abby~