#12.06.13

[2tiedships2]

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[2tiedships2]

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[2tiedships2]

Ok, but Niall?

[musingsdiary]

Honestly I don’t even know why I have friends. I’m much better off alone and I’m just going to stop trying. Everything I do is shit.

[nessoralice]

I'm a secret?

You say that it's not a big deal.. It's been a year and you won't tell your mother. Or anyone. Anyone you know about us.... You say you're not ashamed but you are. .... Don't worry, I'll be a good secret. I'll cut myself down into tiny little pieces, and then it will be like I'm not even here, I don't exist. .... What's really sad is... You matter more than the world to me. And I mean nothing to you. ...

[abbystransitions]

The Mundane Things - Dec 06 2013

THEME: The Mundane Things I had an Epiphany on the way to work...

  While I was driving into work on Friday, (Dec 6, 2013) I was listening to KLove Music Station and a woman came on asking a question about something that the morning show crew had said earlier.

She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that even the little things that we do are just as important to God as bringing someone to Christ.

She who proclaims to be a devout Christian of 25 years had never heard that EVERYTHING you do (ex. House work, Yard work, Spouses helping each other with problems at work, Working at your job, Feeding your kids, Talking with friends, etc...) is important to God.

I called my Uncle Greg, who is a pastor at Abundant Joy Church, and he said that this is a very common thing among Christians. They don't realize that your everyday duties are not just duties; they are crucial in cultivating a relationship with God.

Needless to say I am stunned, and downright dumbfounded. I had no idea that people didn't know that. I thought that was Christianity 101. But apparently, there are a lot of people that have completely skipped that part in their walk with God.

Now I have a fire lit right under my rear, so I need to gather some more information on the matter, and share what I have found.  At least I believe that is what I am supposed to do anyways...

With all this talk about world news and the Christians being massively persecuted by being thrown in jail, churches being burned to the ground, USA economy going to hell in a handbag, Christmas is coming don’t forget to get all your loved ones really beyond expensive things this holiday season, and so on and so forth; I find the woman’s question very essential to what is going on today.

Yes, what is happening in the world, the “Big things” in essence are important to God most assuredly. But what we don’t realize is that all the small things we chose to do in our lives affect the world and are just as important to God.

Weather you cleaned out your room, cleaned up your house, made dinner, all these things are very important to God. Because if you do everything to the best of your abilities, even the small things; you are in fact worshiping God.

And that is something Christians don’t readily understand. That all the things that make them who they are, all the little things they do actually determine if they are “Christ Like”. This is extremely important to God; that is how you have a genuine relationship with God, through the little things.

Just as the little things cultivate your relationship with others how could they not be part of your relationship with God?!

So let’s look at an example for doing your very best and then giving it to God. It is football season so I would like to go ahead and use the movie “Facing the Giants” as an example here. Once Grant, the football coach for Shiloh Eagles in the movie, got his act together, he realized that EVERYTHING that his team does or doesn’t do, believe or doesn’t believe effects not just them personally, and not just the team, but their relationship with God. When you do your very best and give it to God. There is NOTHING more important than that.

So Grant is talking at practice and he sees that Brock, one of his team members is walking around defeated, and so thus the rest of the team is walking around defeated. He goes and blind folds the Brock and has him crawl on his fingers and feet only with a 140 lb man hanging on to his back and see how far he can go. Brock ended up trying his hardest,, thinking that he would only make it to the fifty yard line, but ended up carrying that man all the way to the ENDZONE! That is over 100 yards ladies and gentlemen, and these kids are in high school! But he gave it everything he had and gave the rest to God and look at what happened.

What I find great is that not only did Grant prove a point that there is nothing that you can’t do through God, even the little things, but Brock also surprised grant finding out that the team mate that was on Brocks back was actally 160 lbs. THAT’S 20 LBS MORE! Only through God, and only because God finds that these little things; even a football team, is important in his great plan.

So let us put this in perspective, if your wife is putting in a very long day at work and you get home and start supper for the two of you and do the dishes for when she comes home so she has less to do when she gets home; then that is very important to God. You did something little, and you did your best at it, andif you give that to God it’s worship, its building the relationship of not only God and you, but Your Wife and you as well!

And if your kids see that you do these things for your wife out of just love and reverence for her and the Lord, does that not lead them to act the same way in their future relationship’s?

All of that out of a little mundane task!

So how could that not be important to God? How can that choice not affect the world? So yes even doing the everyday things like putting your shoes away so no one trips on them, playing with the dog so that she is not as crazy at night when everyone in the house needs sleep, brushing your teeth even! That way no one will wince at your breath thus not listening to what you are trying to tell them; is very important.

GOD IS IN EVERYTHING! So how can everything not be important to Him?

~Ab-Senpai

[ahnandahn]

what is this amazing day?!?!?!?!??!?!?

so where do i even begin with this day?

i went to Spanish lecture for the last time and it was chill with just presentations. i really loved the professor and so i almost cried when i realized it would be my last time in the class with her. she gave a really heartfelt mini speech as she was handing out papers about how she loved our class and wished the best for us and how she knew we would do amazing things.

then i went to my last philosophy discussion with my fave GSI so far, Austin.

then i got back to the dorms and i showered and got ready for my last linguistics lecture. i thought about whether possible dan would come or not, and i preferred to think that he wouldn't come because that way i wouldn't be disappointed. anyway, what was the likelihood that he would go to Friday lecture when he even missed Wednesday lecture? Cassidy did say that he would probably be there because it was the last lecture but i didn't know. i dressed semi-nicely (Mickey Mouse sweater, black converse, jeans, and black vest) and wore my green underwear (which i have now dubbed as my lucky underwear), and ignored all of my normal habits by telling myself to be a different, new, more confident person, that maybe this would help me. i noticed that he wasn't walking in at the same time as i was so i figured that he didn't and wasn't going to come. then i got into class and i saw that he was in class. i got really excited because that meant i still had a chance. today would be my last chance at talking to him most likely, although i did think that there would be a high chance that he would go to Monday review. i liked to think that this was the absolute last chance. the scenario was perfect as if i were supposed to talk to him. he was in the third row, edge seat, probably because there was a girl in the row that he normally sits in, although she was one seat to the right of the edge seat. so i sat beside her in the edge seat of the fourth row, behind him. i noticed that he got a haircut which was cute with his hair a bit shaped weirdly, probably from the way he slept or something. he looked back at the people who spoke behind him and maybe he noticed i was there? then i obviously couldn't focus on the lecture because i was planning all different possible scenarios of how i could initiate talking to him and which one would be the best and what i would say in the different responses he could give me. i also had to take into consideration that i had to turn in my extra credit sheet. i even thought maybe i could give up my extra credit for a chance to talk to him if needed but i figured i could work something out. so i decided on a plan. and all of it worked perfectly. i took into consideration that the girl next to me would probably want to leave quickly so i would have to get out of the way but it would be weird for me to go ahead to his row and stand by him and ask him to walk back together or to just wait there till he gets up. lecture was coming to an end and he started packing up so i started packing up too. he stood up to leave and so i stood up and when he turned around, i asked him, "hey, if you're walking back to the dorms, do you want to go together?" and he said with maybe a bit of hesitation, "uh, sure." so i said, "hold on" or "give me a second." and i ran up to the professor and gave him my extra credit sheet and exclaimed (probably in excitement of finally getting my plan to succeed), "THANK YOU SO MUCH." i meant it as a thank you for all the opportunities. omg. it was a thank you for everything, the extra credit opportunity, the wonderful class, for being a wonderful teacher, for letting me meet possible dan, for making all of these things happen. then i skipped back, weaving through all the people, and reached him as he waited a bit ahead. he was waiting for me oh my god just thinking about it makes my heart feel weird. then we got out of class and we started walking back to the dorms together.

me: sooooo, i only got to know your name, which i believee is Isaiah? him: yeah. what's your name again? me: jeannie. he may or may not have repeated my name. me: so are you a freshman (too)? him: yeah. (i can't remember if he asked me back some questions but he did for the most part. and he didn't really initiate any questions.) him: what's your major? me: i'm still undeclared. what about you? him: yeah, me too. (these may not be his exact words but they get the point across.) me: what classes are you taking? him: cs, physics, this class. me: omg, you're taking cs? him: yeah i think i might major in cs. me: whaaat. (i stumbled with my words dammit). i heard cs is so hard here. him: but i like cs so i think it'll be okay. me: how did you find out that you wanted to major in cs? him: i took cs in high school and i liked it. me: oh that's cool. okay so what else are you taking? him: a freshman seminar. me: oh, which freshman seminar? him: espm. me: oh, are you taking it with..... oh what's his name..... (it took me a while to remember his last name.) at this point we cross the road at a point that i had never gone before and i had never seen him go this route either. he was walking in a weird direction so in my head, i was just like what? where are we going? but i just followed his direction. we crossed straight across Kroeber Hall. me: (finally remembered the professor's name) oh! Chapela. is it professor Chapela? him: yeah. me: oh, i'm taking his actual espm class. so you guys had the microcosm project too? him: yeah. me: what'd you do? him: i actually didn't do it because it was optional for our class. me: ohh, lucky. him: what'd you do? me: i grew mold, which was pretty gross but i mean, it worked out since something grew. him: mm me: what classes are you taking next semester? him: cs, math 54, german r5b. me: i heard math 54 is intense. i was going to take german r5b. how did you get in?! him: i had an early phase i. like november 23. i don't know if he can't walk straight or if i can't walk straight or something else but we kept bumping our arms against each other and i was screaming in my head. me: wow. i can't remember mine. lucky. him: what are you taking? me: (i can never remember my schedule and of course not this time either.) another linguistics class. him: with professor Johnson? me: no, it's some other professor. i just heard this class is really easy and it covers the AC and a breadth requirement so yeah. and i'm taking a physics class. but it's with music. him: oh, like acoustics? me: uh, yeah i guess. anddd, i'm taking historical arts since i couldn't get into german r5b. and i'm on the wait list for econ, but i'm like a 106th so i don't know. maybe he asked me about how large the class is? him: my cs class has 1000 students. me: what?! i didn't know there could be that many in one class. him: yeah, it's the largest in (i forget what something Berkeley cs?) history. somehow the conversation got to him saying... him: yeah, in wheeler. and i said something that didn't make sense. and he replied like jokingly mean like actual friends speak and i was like omg this is amazing. him: because i'm in the class right now! me: ohhh, i thought you meant for your next semester cs class. him: no, the one i'm in right now. me: ohh, i see. i haven't been in wheeler yet so i don't know how big the classes are. then i don't know how we transitioned, but i asked him.. me: so where are you from? him: L.A. me: oh, i'm an hour away from L.A. in Irvine. him: which high school? me: Beckman. do you know it? him: no. (omg so dumb.) me: which high school did you go to then? him: LACES me: where? him: LACES (i don't even know if that's right still). me: don't know it. which area of L.A. are you from? him: k-town. me: oh, i figured. so you are Korean? him: yeah. i don't think i told him i was Korean. i told him i interned at SBS broadcasting. me: do you like it here? him: (maybe a bit hesitant) yeah. do you? me: yeah, i do. was it your first choice? him: no. me: then where? him: i actually wanted to go to M.I.T. i got deferred in early action and then i got rejected. me: oh, i'm sorry.... err, at least you like it here. him: was this your first choice? me: i honestly didn't think i was going to get in, but i did and so i just decided to come. we were going to cross the street but the streetlight changed so we just awkwardly turned and kept walking on the same sidewalk. it was silent for a bit because we ran out of things to talk about. we crossed the street on the same side again. me: so are you going to the yule ball? (it was that night.) him: no, i don't think so. my roommates aren't going and do you know ___? me: no. him: oh, well he's (some descriptive thing sounds important) RA and he lives on my floor and he said that he'd only stay for 30 minutes and leave so it sounds like it won't be that great. me: aha, that sounds pretty valid. him: are you. me: no, i don't think so either. my roommate isn't going so i probably won't either. at this point we were reaching his leaving point. he turned to walk down the path and he maybe was going to say bye but i'm not sure, but i called out and basically made him turn back to face me. me: hey, ...do you want to get dinner sometime? (i still can't believe i did this.) him: (i honestly can't remember what he said. but it must have been along the lines of a hesitant yeah or sure. he just wanted to be polite, just like why he agreed to walk back with me in the first place.) i didn't know what to do because i had never ever done this before in my entire life. i don't know how you get people's numbers????? and after a short pause (that felt a lot longer than a pause), i took out my phone from my vest pocket and turned to the contacts page and gave it to him. he took it and punched in his number. then i said something along the lines of thanks, i'll text you or something? i don't know. and then he waved bye maybe? and maybe he said see you later? and i said bye and i walked away. and i was smiling from ear to ear, grasping onto my phone. i got back to the dorms and i got into the room and i fell onto the floor and i screamed and called Rayna and told her the story.

i cannot believe i did all of this. i had planned and planned for months. it took me a month to talk to him after much persistent persuasion from Alyssa. then it took another month or two to ask him to walk back with me, which he replied with a rejection. then it took me another month to talk to him again and finally, all my delusional planning worked. at this point i had given myself this plan so many times that i just was able to somewhat pull through. the circumstances were just right. it was my last chance so i just decided, you know what. if i get rejected, that's fine because i probably won't ever see him again anyway. and if i don't get rejected, then hey, good for me, a friendship may bloom. i knew i would regret it for a good while if i didn't at least try because there was potential just lying there. and there was! i'm so glad i did it, even though it's horribly embarrassing now that i'm looking back on it. i talked to Rayna and Alyssa about it. Rayna told me, "i'm just pulling words out of my ass when i tell you to just go talk to him. i would never have been able to do that. never. wow, you're so brave. i'm so proud of you." Alyssa told me she would rather die than do what i did. i just talked to Kevin today (Saturday, the day after) and he told me that he can't believe i did that and that i'm embarrassing. he knows more than i do and he was like, "aw look at how much you've grown." and i said, "wow i don't want to hear that from you." but seriously, he was giving me tips, which were quite similar to what Alyssa told me so i mean, good job Kevin. and he told me what he thought about him after seeing his fb, which was pretty accurate so i mean, he's really on it. he said he looks like a jerk, LOL. i don't think he's a jerk, but he does give off a bit of a cold vibe. and that he's super popular, which he probably is.

that made me more intimidated because he's popular and now i know that other people definitely think he's good looking because Cassidy, Rayna, and Alyssa said that they thought he was pretty nice looking. i'm socially awkward. he probably doesn't want to talk to me. probably didn't want to walk back with me and definitely did not want to give me his number but had to because how could he reject this small little pathetic Asian girl who's desperately trying so hard. yeah, Rayna told me that he so knows that i'm into him. and maybe Alyssa said something similar to. someone also said that maybe that's better because guys or oblivious or something. i don't know. but even if i do never talk to him ever again, at least i finally accomplished something, i put myself out there, especially to someone i find intimidating, but i did it. i got his number and i am satisfied with that. Cassidy was also very happy for me.

i texted him like an hour later and he texted me back a half hour later. it was great. he used an exclamation point (i'm cry) and he uses apostrophes. i don't know what i should do next though. i realized i never planned anything else past getting his number. i joked about how i need another month to plan again, LOL. could be true. what do i do now? i think i'll text him about the Monday review session but i don't know. what if he doesn't want to talk to me? probably doesn't. i'm so awkward what do i do? dglhskdlfjdlgkshdlfkjglakhdflksjd;kfghadf

i was ecstatic the whole rest of the day. i couldn't wipe the smile off of my face.

Cassidy and i went on a walk through the drizzling rain and we visited Rasputin's cd/dvd store. i lost my ID card but realized it before i was too far from the store. we went back and to my luck, somebody had turned it in to the front desk. Cassidy had just lost her ID card a week ago.

then i went to bed early.

OH, AND IT WAS MOM AND DAD'S ANNIVERSARY SO IT WAS KIND OF CUTE THAT I FINALLY ACTUALLY HAD A CONVERSATION WITH HIM THAT LASTED PAST 30 SECONDS OH MY GOD. OH AND HE'S STILL SUPER CUTE SO YEAH. although his front view is definitely different from what i thought it used to be? or maybe it's not? i just don't get to see it enough i guess. but he's still cute. and he may have 2 moles on his left ear OH MY GOSH THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN IT ON HIS LOBES. YEAH I'VE NEVER SEEN THOSE OH MY GOSH HOW CUTE I'M GOING TO SCREAM. and he looked at me during the walk back. and i'd look at him. and it was cold and just very nice. wow i'm so happy just thinking about it and i've been thinking about it all day today and i just don't know where to go from here. i'm at a loss. but a very happy loss.

oh and Cassidy said that she saw a fire truck and that luck was for me. i guess it really was!

[jellfyish]

Honestly I don't even know why I have friends. I'm much better off alone and I'm just going to stop trying. Everything I do is shit.